by S. Moose
All throughout lunch, I've been thinking about Lisa and checking my phone. No text message or a phone call. Nothing.
"So I'm thinking about leaving Nicholas and running away to become a singer. What do you think?"
"Sounds great, sweetheart. You'll be fine."
"Do you think I should try out for American Idol?"
"Huh?" What the hell is she talking about? "I'm sorry. You lost me."
"What's going on with you?" Karly reaches across the table and places her hand on top of mine. I need this connection with her. There's nothing romantic between us. She's an important person to me.
"I wish I knew what was going on. It's just this whole thing with Lisa and we're on different pages. It's a f-u-c-k-e-d up situation."
Karly leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. "You knew how Lisa is, though. I'm not trying to say I told you so. Lisa's great and I love her, but she's also way younger than you. You're both on different levels and want different things. I know I'm a b-i-t-c-h for telling you this, but I wouldn't be your best friend if I didn't."
There's not much to say after that. We finish our lunch and she invites me over tomorrow night for dinner. Walking back to the hospital, I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders. Getting on the elevator, I look at my phone again.
Nothing.
Hating the idea of spending another night in a quiet house, I send a text to Fallyn, asking her if she wants to grab dinner.
Fallyn: Sure thing. Wanna meet at my place?
Me: Sounds good. An hour good?
Fallyn: More like 10 min. LOL.
Jaw to the floor. I've never known a woman who can get ready in minutes. Usually, I'm waiting way over an hour.
Me: Okay, see you then.
Chapter 19
Fallyn
I’m doing everything I can to make time go slowly. Tonight, Jensen and I are going out to dinner and I’ve been thinking about any excuse I can not to go. I can’t believe I told him I’d be ready in ten minutes. Did that seem too desperate?
Pulling up my leggings and throwing on a gray tunic sweater, I walk back to the living room and look at Brody. Having his picture out here in the living room brings a peace that helps me relax. I like knowing he’s in almost each room of my house, watching me, listening to me, and protecting me.
"I've been thinking about something lately. So I know you told me to move on and be happy, but did you mean it?" Silence. "It's hard for me to wrap my head around that. You're the only person I've been with and we shared all of our firsts together. It's hard for me to think about being with someone else. I know I'm young and I have my whole life, but that was reserved for you and me. I would never replace you. You'll always be in my heart. I'm so confused, Brody." Silence.
I look up and stare at our pictures. He's so handsome, standing there with his arms around me and the biggest smile on his face. "You always made me smile whenever I was down." I sigh, twirling my blonde hair between my fingers. "So I'm going out tonight with Jensen. He's nice and I'm glad he's my friend, but is it okay?" No answer. I know he'll never answer me, but it brings me comfort knowing I can talk to him and, in my heart, I know he's listening. "Like I said, he's a friend. I like being around him. Just feel bad, ya know?" I take a seat on my couch and pull my knees up to my chest. "His girlfriend, Lisa, well, she seems kinda bitchy. You should have read the messages. I think you would have rolled your eyes and told him to get rid of her. I kinda wanted to, but it's not my place. Brody, do you think I should tell him to grow balls?" No answer again. I lean back and think about my own question. Jensen's a great guy, and Lisa seems like a bitch. Even though we've never met, and I know I'm passing judgment too quickly. I'm pretty good with reading people and seeing past their bullshit. I can definitely smell bullshit. Pulling out my phone, I send a text to Isaac.
Me: Need advice.
Isaac: Shoot.
Me: I have a friend who is awesome, but his girlfriend is a bitch! What should I do?
Isaac: Be there for him when he needs you and support his relationship. Can't interfere with love, sis.
Me: You're right.
Isaac: Now I need your advice.
Me: Shoot!
Isaac: So my friend Ian is in love with his ex. I guess they've been hanging out and doing things that they shouldn't be doing. Sis, she has a boyfriend and she's fucking Ian on the side. He's sure she's using him. Hell, even I know that. Wtf do I do?
Me: Be there for him when he needs you and support his relationship. Can't interfere with love, sweetie.
Isaac: You can't give me my own advice! Fine, whatever. I'll shut up. But I feel bad for whoever her boyfriend is. She's demanding and rude. I'm going up in a few days, so I'll be sure to give you the play by play.
Me: Please do. I love drama. Haha jk. K, gotta run! Talk soon. Love ya!
Isaac: Love ya more, sis.
As I read Isaac's last text message, my doorbell rings. I get up from the couch and skip over to the door.
"Helllllo." I smile with my singsong voice, opening the door and leaning against the frame. I take in what he’s wearing – dark fitted jeans and a blue button-down. My eyes go wide. Jaw meet floor. Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Calm yourself, Fallyn. Down, girl!
"Hey! You ready?"
"Sure am!" I grab my clutch and meet Jensen on the porch. Getting a closer look at him, I rake his body with my wide eyes and devour each muscle line. As if he can feel me staring, he turns around and gives me a panty-dropping smile.
Fallyn! You are not a home wrecker. Stop staring at your FRIEND. Who cares if he's incredibly sexy and his muscles are delicious enough to lick. Who cares if his eyes remind you of the ocean, so calm and peaceful. And who cares if his smile is making you melt to the ground and your heart beating against your chest. He's your FRIEND. F-R-I-E-N-D!
"Ready to go?"
"Yep!" I hop down from the step and walk a little in front of him, needing some space to breathe so I'm not drooling all over him. He catches up to me and walks a little too close. My body registers how close he is and blows an alarm. Warning! Warning! Man next to you smells amazing! Oh, I'm so dead.
Jensen opens the passenger door for me and I comfortably get in, sitting on my hands to stop them from shaking. This is so bad. We’ve been out before and we work together, so why am I acting like this?
Needing to take my mind off him, I look at the interior of his Mustang. "I would love to drive your car one day!"
"She’s my baby. No one has driven her before."
"You don’t trust me?" I bat my lashes to him. I shoot him a mocking smile and turn in my seat to talk to him. "But we’re pretty good friends."
"You know how adorable you are when you try to negotiate?" He’s grinning, and I notice the grip around the steering wheel gets a bit tighter. "But no. I’m the only one who gets to drive my car."
"Oh come on," I say playfully. "This car is beautiful. Seriously, I could totally get off while driving her." My hands go to my mouth and I turn back in my seat. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I cannot believe I said that. Maybe he didn’t hear me. Peeking from the corner of my eye, I see there’s a wide grin on his face and he’s shaking his head.
I just want to die.
Chapter 20
Jensen
We get to a little Italian restaurant and are immediately seated in a booth. The dark corner is quiet and the atmosphere is nice. There are a few other tables around us. Since living here, I've never noticed this place.
"Do you come here often?"
"Oh yeah. I love this place. Me and Italian food are like this." She lifts her hand and crosses her index and middle fingers. "Brody got me to love Italian." She laughs, but quietly frowns and looks down. The smile on her face is gone and my heart beats wildly against my chest.
"Fallyn. You okay?"
Her eyes catch mine, gazing at me as she searches for an answer. I'm not sure what exactly she's looking for while looking at me. My smile grows, hoping to ease her tension and have her open up.
>
"No matter how much time passes, I'm always going to miss him. It's getting easier and I'm not sure why. It's like there's a weight lifted off my shoulders and, for the first time, I can breathe. I like knowing that I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I was a mess when Brody died. I didn't want to be around anyone." She pauses and takes a few deep breaths. "I think I have you to thank for my mood."
"Me?"
She nods. "Yeah, you. You've been a great friend and I love hanging out with you." Our hands rest within one another and we sit in silence. She's right. For the first time in a while, I feel different. I can't explain it as elegantly as she did, but it's something I understand and feel. I'm not sure what to think anymore.
"Any more luck with Lisa?"
"Same old."
"If I can be honest."
"Sure."
"You seem so unhappy. I don't like seeing you so upset. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
"You are." Her smile triggers my own smile and soon I find that our conversation is flowing nicely and we're talking about random things.
And I like it.
* * * * *
I wake up the next morning to several angry messages from Lisa.
Why aren't you answering my phone calls?
Jensen! How can you already be sleeping?
What are you doing?
Seriously, I need to talk to you!
Giving her a call, it goes straight to voicemail. I call her a few more times and get the same thing. Deciding to leave her a message, I apologize to her for missing her phone calls and hope that she's okay. I tell her to call me back as soon as she can.
How can we go from doing okay to this? The roller coaster of our relationship is coming to a stop and it's going to happen now. There's only so much I can take from her.
Getting ready for the day, I leave my house and check my phone. Still nothing from Lisa. I try calling her again and get her voicemail. "Fuck," I mumble.
Pulling into my parking spot, I call her again and leave her another message, asking her why her phone is off and to call my office phone. These are childish games and I know she's doing this on purpose. She's done it before and I'm not surprised she's doing it again.
My office door opens and Fallyn comes in. "Morning."
"Hey, Fallyn. What's going on?"
"Nothing. Just wanted to pop in and say hi and let you know that you're wearing the same tie…Again."
I look down at my blue tie, rubbing my eyes together. So I've been a mess these past few days. Everything was great until Lisa had one of her moments and screamed at me. I don't get her hot and cold attitude. . I know it's been a while since we've seen each other and I know she needs me. I can't stop what I'm doing to rush over to her. The trip isn't short and it's not like I can get in my car and be there in a few minutes. The way things are going with the hospital, I most likely won't see her until she's home for Thanksgiving. My mind is everywhere. "Things with Lisa are weird again." I stop typing an email and turn to face her. "I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I sent her flowers and a card with a teddy bear and nothing. It's like she and I don't exist. One day we'll be great and the next she turns into someone I don't fucking know. I can't keep up. What am I supposed to do?"
"Why don't you go visit her?"
"Did you hear what I said? The way the hospital is going, it's not easy for me to pick up and leave. I've been swamped here at the hospital. Every time I think I'm going to have some time off, something comes up. She says she understands, but I know she's upset. We're both busy, and I'm trying to get her to understand why I can't leave my position here at the hospital." I get up from my desk and pace my office. "I've worked so hard getting to this position. I'm the youngest medical director and look what I've done. Why can't she see that?"
I don't want to be that boyfriend who hounds his girlfriend and needs her attention all the time, but some would be nice.
"Go."
"What?"
She smiles. "Go! Here's a plane ticket to Rochester. Bethany is going to take care of your meetings and emails today. This is why you have an assistant director. You need to put Lisa first and just go! It leaves in a few hours." She hands me the tickets and pulls me away from my desk. I'm thoroughly confused.
Shocked isn't the word I'm looking for. "What?"
"You're not yourself and you need to get away this weekend. A few of the nurses and I got this for you. Plus, you've been in the worst mood ever. We're scared for our lives!"
So I admit I haven't been nice to be around and I've been yelling more. "Scared for your lives?" She nods. I get up and give Fallyn a hug. "Thank you."
In a few hours, I'll be with Lisa and, hopefully, when I come back, things will be back to normal.
* * * * *
Nervously standing at Lisa's door, I use my key and walk in. It's quiet inside. I know she should be home from clinical. I check the time and see it's almost six in the evening. Maybe she's out with her friends for dinner. Placing my bags down, I look around her apartment and notice a few things out of place. Our pictures aren't in the living room. I walk into the kitchen and see pictures of us in groups, but never side by side. Ignoring my thoughts, I grab a vase from one of the cabinets and place it on the island with her favorite pink roses.
On our first date, I brought her red roses and she quickly grabbed them from my hand and threw them in the trash. I stood there confused, but smiled.
"Rule one when dating me. Roses only can be pink. No red, yellow, white, orange. Just pink."
I take her hand in mine, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Okay. Only pink."
Heading down the hall to Lisa's room, I hear soft noises coming from her room.
"Ahhh… harder. Ian! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!"
My heart falls and stops beating. Everything around me goes blank. I stand a few feet from her door, listening to her moans. I can't move or turn away. Lisa. The girl I love and want to spend my life with is cheating on me with someone else.
Her nails are digging in his back, with her legs wrapped around his waist. His thrusts grow faster and suddenly slow. Our eyes meet.
"Jensen! Jensen!" Pushing Ian off her, she runs to me, straightening her dress and looking at me. "I can explain." I don't say anything. I glance at Ian and he's putting on his clothes, staying the hell away from me. Her hands touch my face, turning it to face her. "Look at me," she cries. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The distance and stress got to me. I'm so confused, Jensen. So lost and scared. I love the both of you, but I need you to understand. I love you, Jensen."
I place my hands on top of hers, kiss her forehead, and walk out into the kitchen. There are no words needed for how I'm feeling. I can yell at her, make her cry, and beat the shit out of Ian. But what will that do for me? It won't change how I feel. It won't bring her back.
I grab my bag, reach inside, and place the small box on the island next to her pink roses.
Chapter 21
Fallyn
Things have been steady lately. I don't like steady. Steady means things are going on behind the scenes and change is going to happen soon.
For instance, Jensen's taking some time off and I'm not sure what's going on with him. He's not responding to my messages or calls and it's not like I can go over to his house and check on him. But the boundaries stopping me force me to take a step back. I remind myself he has a girlfriend and I shouldn't have feelings for him. But it's been a week since I last saw him. Something's wrong.
"Have you talked to him?" Lexi asks me and Karly. Both of us shake our heads no.
"He came to see Emma and spent time with her two days ago, but he didn't wanna talk. Have you talked to Lisa?"
Lexi shakes her head, playing with her food. "Nope. I tried texting her and she hasn't texted me back. Do you think they're fighting?"
"No idea. Lemme text him," Karly says, putting down her napkin and pulling out her phone.
I pull out my phone and text Jensen too, hoping he'll talk to me. This is the longest we'
ve gone without talking and I'm worried about him. I have a bad feeling the trip to see Lisa didn't end well.
Me: Hey, what's going on? Where are you? I'm worried about you. We haven't talked in a while.
Jensen: Sorry about that. I didn't mean to make you think I was ignoring you, but I'm fine. Going through a lot right now.
Me: Anything I can do?
Jensen: Can you turn back time?
Me: Nope. Sorry. I can bring smiles and hugs, though.
Jensen: Thanks. Not what I'm looking for.
Karly pouts. "So Stephen said that Jensen's isn't really talking to him. When I asked about Lisa, he ignored my question, so I think something bad happened."
"It's so weird," Lexi adds. "Let me text Lisa again."
So this goes on for a while. Karly talking to Stephen and Lexi talking to Lisa.
Me: Are you and Lisa okay?
Jensen: Why?
Oh boy.
Me: Jensen…I'm here if you need to talk.
Jensen: I caught her fucking some dude. The ticket you got me, yep, surprise. I was gonna propose to her, ya know? Make it official. I would have done anything for her. Moved mountains, crossed oceans…Anything.
Me: I'm really sorry. Have you tried talking to her?
Jensen: No.
Me: I'm not that experienced in the relationship field, but if you caught her cheating on you...You deserve to know why and what she was thinking. I feel awful this happened. I'm sorry we got you the ticket and made you go.
Jensen: You have nothing to be sorry about. I don't blame you and it's not even crossed my mind. I should thank you, actually. Things with Lisa started to get rocky and now I understand why.
I read his message a few times. I know it's not my fault, but part of me feels like it is. I'm the one who came up with the idea to get him a ticket so he could go see her. If that didn't happen, he wouldn't have caught her. But then again, I'm glad he did. I've never been cheated on, so I have no idea how that would feel. But I'm sure it's the one of the worst feelings—betrayal.
