by S. Moose
"I do!" I stomp, staring at him. "I made a mistake, Jensen. I'm so sorry that I did that to you. Please, we can work this out."
"No, please leave. There's nothing for us to talk about."
Fallyn smirks at me and I almost lose it. Jensen notices my clenched fists and lets go of Fallyn. He walks over to me and places his hands on my shoulders, turning me around. "Leave, Lisa. I don't want to call Stephen to come get you."
"Fine." I don't turn around and look at him. "But this isn't over." I storm out of his house and head to Karly's. I need my best friends.
Running inside Karly's house and into her kitchen, I see Lexi, Larry, and Nicholas standing around.
"I really need you girls," I cry, sitting down at the island and taking Nicholas' beer.
"Lisa?" Lexi says, taking back the beer. "Okay, first, HI, and what the hell are you doing here? When did you get here?"
"Today. Just now. I went to Jensen's and met his fat girlfriend or whatever."
Nicholas and Larry look at each other and leave the kitchen. Neither Karly nor Lexi say anything and it's beginning to irritate me. I'm sitting here hurting and need my best friends. Why are they looking at me like I'm bothering them?
"Okay, can either of you say anything? I'm freaking a mess here."
"Lisa," Karly starts to say. "First, don't talk shit about Fallyn. She didn't do anything wrong and she's been there for Jensen after he found you cheating on him! I mean, my God, what the fuck were you thinking?"
"I wasn't okay!" I shout. "I mean, my fucking boyfriend never came to see me and I got lonely. It was really hard and I messed up."
"And did you learn?" Lexi asks.
I shrug. "Ian and I haven't talked. He's fun and I like him, but I love Jensen and know he can provide for me. He'll take care of me like he promised."
"I don't even know what to say." Karly throws her hands in the air. "Do you hear yourself? Do you even feel bad at all?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You're pissed because Jensen has a friend and you're sitting here with no emotions. You're not crying or anything. I mean, I don't know; you just seem like whatever. Do you even care you hurt him?"
"First," I get up, pushing the chair in, "I do care and I'm not you!" I shout again.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're the one who won't tell Emma the truth! You're having her think that Jensen's her uncle when he's her dad! You don't give a fucking shit about his feelings, so don't stand here and preach, bitch."
"Get out, Lisa," Nicholas says, coming around and pulling Karly to his side. Larry does the same to Lexi and all four of them look at me. "You're out of line and have no idea what you're talking about. Don't come into our home, disrespecting my wife and our friends and family."
"Hello! I'm your friend too! Did you all lose your fucking minds?"
"Leave, Lisa. Leave now. You are not welcome back into our home."
I look to Lexi for help, but she doesn't say anything. No one says anything. I pick up my purse and leave the house. There's nothing left for me in Wilmington. I've lost my friends, boyfriend, and I have no one. Stephen won't talk to me either and, since he's out of town, I can't go to him. So who do I have?
Chapter 24
Fallyn
I've been waking up at four in the morning every day so I can get to the gym and work out for a few hours before I go to work. The things Lisa said cut deep. I know I've never been skinny, but I know I'm not fat. I have curves, big boobs, and a big ass. I think I'm beautiful—a real woman—but her words are making me think otherwise.
Pushing myself on the treadmill, I reach the four-mile mark, get off, and go straight to the weights. I push my body to the limit and focus on my stomach and thighs. My muscles are aching. I've been working out twice a day and this is day five.
Placing the bar under my shoulders, I lift, squat, and lift myself back up. I focus on my breathing and look straight ahead. There's a mirror in front of me, capturing all of my imperfections. My rolls have rolls.
I push harder and continue squatting until I can't feel my legs. From squats, I complete core workouts and battle the voices in my head. I replace the venomous voices with mine. I'm screaming at myself to keep going and not give up.
Move it, fat ass.
Push harder!
Don't you want to be skinny?
Completing my routine, I grab my water bottle and head to the locker room. Opening my locker, I take out my supplements and take two capsules with large gulps of water. Resting my head on the locker, I close my eyes and imagine myself with a tiny body with smaller boobs and a smaller ass.
Turning around, I look at myself in the mirror, lifting up my shirt, and instantly hating how I look. "I am fat," I whisper, touching my stomach and pinching the fat. "She's right. I'm fat. I'm not healthy." Tears fall from my eyes and I look away. I can't stand here and look at myself.
Heading to work, I walk inside and go straight to the nurses' station, check my patients' files, and start working.
"Morning." I turn and see Sheila sitting down next to me. "Oh my gosh, you have to try these muffins. So freaking good. It's like heaven in your mouth."
"No thank you," I mutter, keeping focus on the files.
"Oh, come on, Fallyn! It's so good. Just a taste."
Not wanting to get irritated and blow up on Sheila, I get up and smile. "No thank you. I'm going to check on Joey. I'll see you later."
* * * * *
I work through my lunch and take two more capsules. The pills are working and I haven't felt hungry or had any cravings. My energy is through the roof and I feel really good. Making my final rounds, I get my things, say bye to the other nurses, and head to the gym for my second session.
I haven't talked to Jensen today. He's been in meetings all day and said he'll talk to me tonight. I'm not sure if I want to talk to him or see him. If Lisa thinks I'm fat, then I don't want to know what Jensen thinks about me.
Before I'm able to get to my car, I hear my name being called. Oh no. Pretending like I don't hear him, I walk a little faster and press my car alarm to unlock my car.
"Fallyn! Wait up!" Turning around, I know it's too late. "Hey!"
"Hi." I smile.
"Why have you been avoiding me? Didn't you get my text about meeting for lunch today?"
"You had meetings and I was busy." I look everywhere but at him.
"Okay, that's understandable. What's wrong, though? Are you okay?"
"Yep. Fine. I need to head to the gym, so I'll talk to you later, okay?"
He eyes me for a few moments and then nods his head. "Sounds good." Leaning over, he gives me a quick hug and walks away. I'm panting. His smell hits my nose and I want to melt. I want to turn around and call out for him. I want him to come to the gym with me so he can see how hard I'm working to lose weight so maybe I'll look and feel better.
No one likes fat girls. And I'm a fat girl.
After a grueling few hours at the gym, I'm finally home, showered, and comfortable in bed. Lying down with my Kindle, I finish reading and start a new book. Reading takes me away to a new place. A place where I can swoon and smile because of the hot and sexy book boyfriends I meet.
As I finish chapter one of Redemption by Rebecca Brooke, my phone vibrates and I debate if I should answer it. Ignoring my phone, I start chapter two, but then my phone vibrates again. My curiosity gets the best of me and I look at my phone and see a few text messages.
Karly: Hey, girl! Drinks tomorrow night?
Lexi: Come out with us tomorrow night!
Jensen: Hey, just wanted to see what you're doing. Wanna take a walk on the beach?
I text Karly and Lexi and tell them I'll let them know about tomorrow night in the morning. I look at Jensen's text and wonder what I should say.
Me: Not tonight. I'm so tired from working out…Double sessions =(
Jensen: Why are you working out so much?
Is he serious?
Me: Be
cause I don't like the way I look…I'm fat and it sucks.
Jensen: Stop. Do NOT take what Lisa said to you seriously. She was pissed and took it out on you. You are NOT fat, Fallyn. You're absolutely beautiful and your sexy curves can make a man fall to his knees. I've seen how active you are and think you're incredibly sexy. You're not too girly at the gym and you push yourself. I admire a woman who takes care of her body and you do.
Tears fall from my eyes. I hate crying about this. I need to be strong. Crying is for the weak. Crying means you've given up and I'm not giving up.
Me: I appreciate you saying this to me, but you've never seen me naked. I hate how I look and I don't care about Lisa. I want to be skinny and I'll do what it takes, so don't sit there and tell me you think I'm beautiful and sexy because I'm not.
He doesn't respond as quickly as before. I wait a few more minutes and put my phone on silent. Turning back to my book, I find I'm totally into Josh and his story, falling in love with his words, and completely swooning.
Then there's a knock on the door.
Groaning, I put down my Kindle and head to see who is at the door. Without looking through the peephole, I open the door and see Jensen standing in front of me. He's wearing sweat pants and a black t-shirt. A t-shirt that hugs his body and shows his sexy muscles. Oh God, the images I have of him.
Realizing that I'm only wearing a tank top and booty shorts, I quickly turn away and walk to my room. He grabs my arm and spins me around. "Don't."
"What are you doing here?"
"Don't run from me, Fallyn. I know that you have these ideas about yourself and you're wrong." He pushes a strand of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "You're so beautiful. Why don't you see that?" I shrug and he places his hands on my shoulders. "You, Fallyn, are incredibly beautiful and sexy. I want you to see what I see and what other men with a pulse see. You have the most sexy bedroom eyes and your smile is intoxicating. You have an amazing body, a body that men dream about. You're funny and outgoing and you have the cutest laugh." I try to look away, but he stops me. "Don't turn away, please."
"Why not?"
"Because," he moves closer to me, "one day, I hope to see you naked." A wicked smirk comes on his face and all of my senses skyrocket. The ache between my thighs goes into hyper drive and I swear I think I'm panting.
"You can't say those things to me."
"Why not?" He strokes my cheek down to my arm. I shiver to his touch and flutter my eyes closed. "One day…" He leans in and lightly kisses my lips. "Come take a walk with me on the beach."
"Okay," I breathlessly answer.
When we get to the beach, Jensen and I walk in silence near the shore. It's dark out, almost nine in the evening, but it's nice to walk with him. Our hands are constantly brushing against one another and I love how it feels. I wish he would take my hand and entwine his fingers with mine. But I know it can't happen now. He needs time to mourn over his breakup. Yet I can't stop looking and admiring his body. He carries himself in such a confident way, and even though he's broken over Lisa, he doesn't let it show. The way he conducts himself, taking charge and opening himself up, knowing how strong he is, is just so sexy. Everything about him screams sex. Even his voice. It's deep, but not creeper deep; sort of like the sexy bedroom voice that you like to hear after making passionate love.
Thoughts about us making love nearly make me fall to my knees. I will myself to calm down and remind myself that Jensen won't go for a fat girl.
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing," I answer, keeping my eyes straight ahead. Even though I know he's looking at me, I keep my eyes forward. If I stop and look at him, I'll fall apart, and I don't want that.
"You know you can talk to me, Fallyn. What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
"Well, I think you're lying to me and I think you're letting the words of my ex get to you. She's nothing. What she said shouldn't touch you. Her venom is hers alone. Don't let it eat away at you."
"I'm really tired, Jensen. Can you take me home?" I don't want to stand here and hear more of his words. I know that I'm fat and I don't want to listen to him. I'll never be with a man like Jensen. I need to focus on my career and think about my life and make changes to ensure I'll lose weight and look and feel better.
Even though I really like Jensen.
Fuck.
Chapter 25
Jensen
Fallyn's been avoiding me since our walk on the beach. She's been dodging my texts and tells me she can't meet for lunch. Whenever I try to visit her on the floor, I'm told she's working the third shift. I get why she's staying away from me, but this ends today.
Finishing up the work in my office, I walk to my car, get in, and speed to her house. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, but whatever it is, she's going to listen and not say a word.
Pulling into her driveway, I see Isaac coming out of the house. "Hey, man!" He waves to me.
"Hey. Is Fallyn up?"
"Yeah, she's getting ready for work. Just go in." I smirk and tell him I'll talk to him later. Walking into her house, I quietly shut the door. I hear her singing and walk down the hall to her bedroom. She's wrapped in a towel, singing and dancing to "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. I lean against the doorframe and watch her dance, shaking her ass and raising her hands in the air. Damn, I hope that towel falls off.
When she's done singing, I clap my hands together and see her body freeze. Walking into her room, I stand behind her, placing my hands on her bare shoulders. My lips softly brush the side of her head. A little gasp leaves her lips. My hands massage her tight shoulders and soon she's melting to my touch. Neither of us has said anything yet, and I'm not sure what to say. For the first time, my mind is blank. But the vision of her in this towel, dancing and singing, will stay with me for a long time. Just standing here behind her is taking everything in me not to rip off the towel and cherish every inch of her luscious body.
Yelling at myself to calm down, I slightly walk backwards and watch her turn around to face me.
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you," I tell her.
"For what?"
My eyes go to her lips and my desire to kiss her again consumes me. My mind reels with everything I want to say and do to her. But then I remember my recent break up with Lisa and figure kissing her again, even being in the room with her, might be too soon. I don't need her thinking she's a rebound. She's far from that. I'm falling for this incredibly sexy woman in front of me and I want her to know that. I also want to take my time so that there aren't any doubts between us.
"I want to know why you're avoiding me. I know I didn't do anything wrong and it's bothering me that we're not hanging out like we used to." I see her thinking. "Stop thinking and tell me what's going on in your head!"
Her hands go around the towel. She's holding on to it, afraid it'll fall off. "The kiss is bothering me! What Lisa said to me is bothering me. I know that I'm not skinny and, when I think of you and her, it makes me realize that she's right. Nothing makes sense to me right now. I'm so lost and confused. I don't know what to do."
"Then talk to me. I want to know what's going on in your pretty head."
Fallyn turns around and sits on the ledge by her window. Her leg bounces and she bites her nails. "There's a lot going through my head, especially what Lisa said.”
"What the fuck are you talking about?" The muscles in my arms flex and my eyes hold a cold stare. If I could have pushed Lisa out of my house that day, I would have. My pulse speeds and my body tenses. There's no way she can believe the vicious words from Lisa. "I know that you are not that stupid to believe her."
"Are you calling me stupid?"
"Only if you believe her," I fume. "If you're so dumb to believe that, then you're blind because you have no idea how people see you. I've told you this before how unbelievably sexy you are and, right now, all I want to do is rip that damn fucking towel off and throw you on your bed and spread you wide op
en so I can make you call out my name." She gasps and backs away from me. Good. Walking closer to her, I bring my hands to her face, caressing her, making her feel my desire for her. "I think I've made it clear that I want you. But I'm going to take my time because you need to realize that I'm falling for you and you are not a rebound."
"You have made it clear and it makes me happy to hear it, but I need to make sure that I'm not a rebound. I have so much going on and I need you to understand. Brody was the only man I've ever loved and been with. Moving on is hard and, even though I know he's not coming back, it still doesn't make it easy."
"I get it." I lean in and kiss her forehead. "I get it."
"It's hard," she whispers. "And I want to see where this can go between us, but we both have to be sure."
"I know. But do me a favor?"
"Yeah?"
"Stop killing yourself with these diets and working out. You're beautiful as you are. Being skinny doesn't mean you're instantly beautiful."
"Then you need to do me a favor," she quietly says.
"Of course."
"Don't rush me. Let me come to you."
I breathed a sigh. "I'll catch you when you're ready."
"So you're really falling for me?" I nod. "I am too." Her face blushes and it's the cutest thing I've seen.
"What happens now?"
"Well, now, I have to get ready for work, but I think maybe we can start taking it slow and get to know each other more."
"Sounds good." I kiss her forehead and bring her into my arms. I can be patient and wait until we're both ready. Fallyn's the type of woman you wait for. Her wholesome heart and caring personality, added to her beautiful soul, is something you don't find every day. The wait will be worth it and I'll treasure each moment until I can call her mine.
* * * * *
