Almost.
Thankfully, Tess was stronger than that.
“I would suggest you stay away from Sweet Creek for a while, because if I see you, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Jace ground out, lifting one clenched hand. “And as for your condo project, I doubt it will go through after I speak to the Chamber of Commerce and bring the concerns of the local community there.”
“You are coming very, very close to slander, son.”
Carson’s voice was silky, but Jace heard the imminent threat there.
“You don’t have to worry about me slandering your name. I prefer not to speak it. Ever again,” Jace ground out.
Anger roiled in his gut, and without another word, he spun around and strode out of his office, not even bothering to close the door behind him.
“Don’t walk away from me, Jace,” Carson called out, as Jace strode past the empty desks of the other employees. The competition. The ones who had also been vying for the position he’d hoped would someday be his.
They can have it, he thought, walking past his own office without a second glance.
“You’ll regret this,” Carson yelled as Jace headed to the stairs. He yanked the door open and charged down the stairs, venting his anger with each step he took.
He didn’t know how he got back to Sweet Creek—the drive was a blur. The entire time all he could think of was Tess.
And what he had lost.
He pulled up to the ranch house, and when he took his clenched hands off the steering wheel, they were trembling.
You’ve thrown it all away. For a moment, he felt a throb in his gut. He drew in a breath and another, calming himself.
No. Carson threw it all away. Jace had been a fool to have done Carson’s bidding for so many years.
Jace slammed his hand against the steering wheel. Tess had been hurt, damaged...violated by the man Jace had wanted to emulate.
How was he supposed to face her now? What could he possibly say to her after he left her alone? After he ran out on her?
She had run away from him before. Maybe she’d been right to do that. Maybe he couldn’t handle what she had to tell him.
Jace put the car back into gear and drove back to Tess’s apartment. He gathered his courage in the front.
Please, Lord, give me the right words, he prayed, looking up at her apartment. Give me the strength to be a support to her. To do the right thing. He stopped, wishing he knew what to do.
All he had to rely on were his deep feelings he still held for Tess and the hope she still felt something for him. If not, then he would simply have to be patient.
And if she doesn’t want you back? The thought choked him. Even during the six years she had kept her distance, a small part of him clung to a fragile possibility of them being together again.
“Thy will be done,” Jace prayed as he got out of the car. “I just want what’s best for Tess.”
He pulled open the door and walked up the stairs, his heart thumping in his chest. He stopped in front of her door, took a deep breath, and lifted his hand to knock.
The door opened before he could knock, and there was Tess.
She looked up and jumped.
“Sorry,” he said. “I was just going to knock.”
She stared at him, her hair loose, curled at the ends. She wore a navy cardigan over a white shirt that was tucked into neatly pressed blue jeans. Conservative, put together.
More like the old Tess than the new.
She lifted a trembling hand to her chest. “What do you want?”
Jace stared at her, taking in her eyes and her soft, lips.
“May I come in?”
“Um. I was just on my way to see my parents.”
“This won’t take long. Please.”
To his surprise, Tess stepped back, and he followed her into her apartment and closed the door behind them. They went directly to the living room.
He recalled her angry words the last time they were together. He understood so much better now where they had come from.
“Did you want something to drink? Some tea? Coffee?” she asked, laying her purse on the coffee table.
“No. I just need...to talk a minute.”
She lowered herself to her couch, and Jace sat down across from her. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and eyes on her.
How much had changed in the past twenty-four hours. Last night he was employed, moving up the corporate ladder, and confused about the woman who now sat across from him.
Now he was unemployed, but knew so much more about Tess.
“I came to say I’m sorry.” He clasped his hands, meeting her gaze. “I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did last night.”
Tess leaned back, folding her arms over her midriff. “I’m guessing you had no clue what I would say.”
“It blindsided me.” Jace hesitated, struggling to find his footing in this new place. He wanted to be sitting beside her. Touching her. Creating a connection between them....
But he had forfeited that right when he walked out on her last night. He stayed where he was.
“I want to say that I’m sorry for taking off on you when I should have been here. At your side, helping and supporting you. Trying to understand what happened.”
“My mom’s timing wasn’t the best,” Tess admitted. “She didn’t want the birthday cake to go stale.”
Her comment and the tiny lift of one corner of her mouth gave him a tiny flicker of hope.
“What you told me,” he continued, “I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for you.” He wished his words didn’t come out in such a rush, but he felt as if he had only a limited time to plead his case. “You meant so much to me. I had such high hopes for us. When you left, my world fell apart, but had I known what happened to you, I would have followed you and tried to help you through it all.”
She held his gaze and he could see pain in her eyes. Pain he longed to erase.
“For six years I wondered why you left,” he said, pitching his voice low as he tried to stay in control of his emotions. “I had speculated on all kinds of scenarios. Went over everything I had ever said or done to you. I talked to all your friends. I phoned your parents, bugged your sister. I almost broke into your apartment to see if I could find anything.”
Her gaze shifted to her hands, folded in front of her, but he sensed she was listening.
He continued, “I knew nothing, but I speculated about everything. When I was back in town the last time, you avoided me, so I figured it was something I did but couldn’t remember. Then, I’m back again, and I think, ‘Okay, I’ll eventually find out what happened.’ Last night, what you told me was so far from anything I had imagined during that six-year separation. I didn’t know where to put it.”
“And you didn’t think Carson was capable of something like that.” She looked up at him, as if daring him to deny what she said.
He couldn’t evade her direct statement, couldn’t hide behind any excuse.
“No. I didn’t. That’s what made me so confused, and I apologize for that.”
She looked away, and Jace felt a surge of frustration.
He ignored caution and moved to sit beside her. He gently caught her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. “You had pulled from under me the foundations of a life I had been building for six years, based on an admiration of a man I’d known far longer. A man who helped pay for my education, who had given me an opportunity that no one else had given me. He was like my own father.” He let out a long, shuddering breath. “And then, I find out this man, this mentor, had done this unspeakable thing to you—the woman I have always loved and always cared for. The woman who meant everything to me.”
Tess closed her eyes, as if unable to look at him anymore, but he persevered.
“It wasn’t a matter of choosing you over Carson, Tess, it was a matter of me figuring out how to put back together the pieces of my life that had been ripped ap
art by this man.” He loosened his grip, but stroked her arms with his hand, praying she would understand. “I love you so much, Tess. And to think that this happened to you, and I wasn’t able to help you—” He stopped, his emotions choking off coherent thought.
“I thought you didn’t believe me,” she whispered, her head still bent.
Jace took a chance and gently tilted her head up. He held her wounded gaze, then slowly lowered his mouth and kissed her. He drew back and cupped her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumb.
“I love you, and, if it wasn’t illegal, I would do some serious damage to Carson MacGregor, something far more serious than quitting my job.”
Tess’s shining eyes told him more than any words she could have spoken. When she pulled his head down to kiss him back, his heart sang with relief and with love.
“I thought you wouldn’t be able to stand being with me,” she said, her voice ragged. “I thought you would be disgusted because I wasn’t the same innocent, untouched girl I once was.”
“No, Tess. Never.” Jace’s heart broke at the anguish in her voice. He didn’t like seeing the strong, vivacious girl he respected come to this. “You’re still Tess. You’re still a child of God and you’re still loved by Him. And by me.”
Tess’s laugh held a note of irony. “You love me. Now.”
He smoothed a tendril of hair back from her face. “I think I always have. I just needed to find a way to express it.”
Tess shook her head, as if unable to comprehend what he was telling her. “You love me,” she said again, testing the words.
“I love you. And I admire you. You dealt with this on your own, you stayed strong. You carried on and created your own life—”
“Hardly a life.”
“When I see what you have done for so many members of this community, I am so proud of you,” Jace said, wishing, hoping he could encourage and build her up. “You are serving and interacting with people in so many beneficial ways. Ways that are probably more pleasing to God than many of the things I’ve done with my expensive education and golden opportunities.”
Tess swiped a stray tear off her cheek. “You’re just trying to make me feel good.”
“Do you think I’m doing that?”
She blinked, then slowly turned her head to him, a smile feathering her lips. “A bit.”
Jace cradled her shoulders with his hands. “You’ve become the person I wanted to be. Someone who helps other people without thinking about yourself. In spite of what happened to you—or maybe because of it—I see you as more determined to make your own way. To do what you want and not what other people expect.”
He drew her close, wrapping his arms around her. He was too late to protect her from what had happened, but as much as it was in his power, he would keep her safe. Keeping her close.
She laid her head against his shoulder and returned his embrace as she nestled against him. “I didn’t think this would ever happen,” she murmured. “I didn’t think I could be with you, after you knew.”
Jace held her even tighter to let her know how wrong she was.
He felt her draw in a trembling breath. Then another as a sniff.
“It’s okay, Tess. I’m here,” he said quietly, sensing what was coming. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not letting you go.”
The first trembling sob cut into his soul. Then came the next.
Then she was turning to him, her body wracked with sorrow, tears flowing from her eyes onto his shirt. She clung to him as sobs convulsed her body and leached out the pain and loss of the last six years. Jace closed his eyes, holding her tightly, his head pressed on hers, as his own tears flowed.
After a time, the storm slowly subsided and her sobs turned into broken breaths.
“I’m sorry, Tess. I’m so sorry.” Jace rocked her gently back and forth, holding her as close as he dared, wishing he could have protected her.
She lay against him, and her hand clutched his shoulder.
“I’m sorry I made your shirt wet.”
Through his own tears, Jace had to smile. “It will dry.”
Tess drew away, her hands pushing at her hair. “I must look a wreck.” She sniffed.
Her eyes were red and twin tracks of mascara ran down her cheeks. Her hair was disheveled. To Jace, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He got up, retrieved a box of tissues, and handed them to her. He placed one hand on her shoulder while she tidied up herself.
The digitized sound of a bird chirping, from the pocket of Tess’s jacket, broke the moment.
Jace hoped she would ignore it, but she wiped her eyes once more.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, digging into her pocket. “Probably my mom. I told her I would be right over.”
Jace kept his hand on her shoulder, however, anchoring a gentle calm to her.
Tess sniffed again, then answered the call. “Hey, Mom...yeah...I’ll be right there,” she said, then smiled tenderly at Jace. “Yes, I know I told you it was important but, well, I’m running late is all.” She pulled in a shuddering breath and then whispered her goodbyes. “I gotta tidy up,” she said to Jace. “Be right back.”
A few minutes later, she returned, and—except for her still-red eyes—looked freshened up. “Will I pass?”
Jace nodded as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek, wiping away a tiny smudge of mascara. “You were going to your folks’ place?”
Tess nodded, pressing her hands to her flushed cheeks. “Now that I’ve told you, it’s time I tell them, too.”
“You kept this quiet from everyone?”
“Like I said, I felt so ashamed, and I was scared of Carson. So I kept silent. Then one year became two, then three; and after a while, I thought maybe I could forget about it. Then you returned, and we started spending time together...you were such a reminder and it all came rushing back.”
“I’m sorry, Tess. I’m so sorry.” He hugged her quickly. “Can I come with you?”
“Really?”
“I don’t want you to do this on your own. I don’t want you to ever be on your own again.”
“That would be better than great,” she said. “I know they need to be told, but I’m so scared to tell them.”
“Of course you are. This is hard.”
“I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve spent the last two hours trying to figure out what to wear, what to say, and how to let them know why I’ve kept this from them for so long.”
“You don’t need to explain anything, Tess. Just tell them. I think that will be enough for now.” He stroked her face again.
“I’m still worried,” she said as she leaned into him.
Jace brushed a kiss over her head and sent up a prayer that her parents would understand.
Chapter 14
“He did what?” Her mother shot up from the couch, her hands clenched into fists.
“When did this happen?” Tess’s father spoke through gritted teeth.
Her parents’ shock was like a tidal wave battering her fragile defenses.
Tess was thankful for Jace’s presence beside her, for his arm around her shoulder, supporting and holding her up.
“All this time...” Her mother’s voice trembled, “All this time, and you never told us.”
Tess felt once again the shame and guilt that had been her constant companion since that horrible night.
“When you went to Europe, we thought it was because of stress, because of your work...” Her mother strode across the room, then turned as if seeing Tess for the first time.
Her father’s expression was twisted with anguish. “Honey, why didn’t you tell us?”
Her mother’s anger wasn’t a surprise, but the brokenness in her father’s voice was Tess’s undoing.
“I couldn’t, Daddy. I was so ashamed. I felt so...dirty.” Her voice wavered. She struggled to maintain control. Her head still ached from the gale of tears she had shed in her apartment. A storm that Jace had been there to hold her through.
Dan’s narrowed gaze zeroed in on Jace. “Did you know your boss did this?”
“I just found out on Saturday—”
“Tess, you couldn’t tell us? Your own parents?” Deborah’s voice cut through the dull, throbbing pain in Tess’s head. She knew this would be bad, she hadn’t expected so much anger from her mother. “How could you have held this back from us? This awful thing.” Deborah continued, her voice growing sharper. Behind the anger, Tess sensed something else.
“I think, right now, Tess needs your support more than your anger,” Jace said.
Tess sank against him in relief.
“Don’t presume to tell me how I should behave right now,” Deborah snapped. “My daughter was hurt in the most shameful, heinous way...only another woman could understand how humiliating it could be. And it was your boss that did it.”
Tess closed her eyes, trying to weather this storm, thankful for Jace’s arm around her, creating a sanctuary of understanding and support.
“Deborah, please come here and sit down,” Dan said. He spoke quietly, but there was a command in his words.
Tess heard footsteps, then the next thing she knew, she was being drawn to her feet. She opened her eyes and saw her father looking down at her, his own eyes filled with tears and his hands on her shoulder. Her mother stood beside him. “I’m sorry, honey,” her mother said. “I’m just so...so upset. So angry that this happened.”
Her mother gently patted her on the shoulder, then quickly withdrew her hand as if unsure if she should touch her.
“My baby girl. You carried this all alone, all this time. I’m so sorry.” Then she was being held close to her father’s chest, surrounded by her father’s love. He held her tight, as if trying to give her the protection he hadn’t been able to give all those years ago. He rocked her and—to her surprise and amazement—his tears dampened her hair. “I’m so sorry, so sorry.”
Her mother was stroking Tess’s head, her other hand clinging to Tess’s arm. “My girl,” she whispered in a broken voice. “My little girl.”
They stood thus for another moment as Tess recognized that the hurt she felt was now also her parents’.
As a father pities his children...
Close to His Heart Page 17
