by M.A. Stacie
I smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. “Cape Cod. I miss the beach.”
Jonah stilled. “Your mom has a house on the beachfront? That takes some cash,” he gasped, but apologized right after. “Sorry, that was a bit out of line.”
“It’s okay.” I shrugged. “You’re not the first person to point that out. The house belonged to my grandparents, so Mom inherited it when they passed. I’ve lived there pretty much all of my life. I still wake up shocked when I can’t hear the sea. You?”
“Philadelphia.”
His face turned to me; his eyes wide with shock as he realized he’d spoken without thinking first. I was certain he hadn’t meant to let it slip, so I redirected the topic and pointed at the paper.
“That’s amazing.”
He grinned, linking his pinkie in mine and nodding at the paper. “Your turn.”
“There is no way I can do that!” I protested. “I suck at drawing. I was teasing you. I just wanted to see you draw.”
Jonah clicked his tongue, placed the pencil in my hand and held it firmly in his. Our joined hands began moving across the paper, Jonah’s gentle voice guiding me.
I leaned into him. I would have been happy to sit like that for the rest of the day.
“Have you had any more attacks?” I blurted out.
Jonah’s hand stopped. “You’re all about the killer questions today, aren’t you?”
“Sorry,” I winced. “I should have been a bit more tactful, I guess.”
“No,” he replied, cupping my face. “You’re unpredictable, and it’s perfect. Don’t change that.”
“Okay then, are you going to answer me?”
He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering longer than they needed to. My eyes fluttered closed.
“No more attacks. I’ve been taking my meds like a good boy.”
“That’s good, huh? It scares me to think of you suffering alone. Would you call me? If you did have one, I mean?”
He was silent for far longer than I’d have liked.
“You wouldn’t, would you? You would try to deal with it on your own. Oh, Jonah.”
He kissed my forehead again, and then the tip of my nose, followed by a lingering one on my lips. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, because you have more of me than anyone ever has. I just think there are some things you don’t need to be burdened with. I don’t want you to feel like you have to look after me.”
“I don’t,” I protested.
“Maybe not now but further down the line you might,” he paused. “I just want whatever time we spend together to be clean. Pure.”
I tilted my head, taken aback by his words. “You think your anxiety and depression are dirty? Jonah, you’ve been through a lot, and with no support system to help you.
Your meds don’t make me think any less of you.”
“You don’t know what I’ve been through, so don’t make excuses for me,” he retorted sharply.
He lowered his gaze; the shame he felt from whatever had happened to him coming between us once more. My feelings for him spilled over. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed a sigh of relief as he relaxed into me. He rested his chin on my shoulder, his breath tickling my neck.
“You’re too good to me,” he admitted, his arms tightening around my waist.
“Just remember that when I start asking for free drawing lessons,” I replied trying to lighten the mood.
He chuckled; his response making me laugh too.
“I don’t think sketching is your forte. Maybe you should stick to beautifying the internet.”
“Hmm, maybe.” I pulled away, grinning with glee.
“What? You look rather maniacal.”
“Do you have a website? Do you want me to beautify you?”
He pushed me onto my back, sprawling me across the floor, before prowling slowly up my body.
“There are plenty of things you can do for me.
Beautifying me is not one.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I drawled. “More of this ink would make you look even sexier.”
Jonah kissed my chin and flicked his tongue across my lower lip. “You like the tattoos?” He asked, his uncertainty coming across loud and clear.
His insecurities made my heart swell. He had no idea how to function in a loving relationship, and the fact that he was trying only made me soften more.
I nodded, licking my lips slowly, and watched his pupils dilate with arousal. “Were you thinking of getting more?”
He paled. I had to wrap my legs around his hips to stop him from retreating. I asked him to tell me what was wrong, peppering his face with the smallest of kisses until he finally gave in.
“The tattoos I have all mean something to me.
Maybe one day I’ll add to them.”
“Maybe one day you’ll tell me what they mean... ” I trailed off.
He was saved by the buzz of his cell, and within a few short minutes I was kissing him goodbye.
“Tomorrow? At Cellar?”
I agreed, kissing him one last time before he left me alone in the apartment with a wealth of new information to digest.
Jonah Quinn’s shell was finally cracking.
“So you haven’t had sex with him since the rooftop interlude?” J.J. asked, leaning back against my bedroom door.
“Will you be quiet? The window is open, and Jonah could still be home!”
She huffed, wafting her hand in dismissal before reaching over my vanity, picking up the lip gloss. “Is there a reason you guys have taken a major step back? You’re not teenagers you know.”
She was annoying me today; it was as if everything that came out of her mouth irritated me. I was trying my best to ignore it.
“You know why!” I shot back, checking my appearance in the mirror. “Jonah scared me that night, J.J.”
“So you think he’s unstable? Is that why?”
I met her gaze through the mirror, and even though she was grating on my nerves, her expression held sympathy. I exhaled, slumping onto the edge of my bed in defeat. J.J. came and sat next to me, placing her arm around my shoulder and waited for me to elaborate as I tried to keep myself from becoming too emotional.
“Maybe you should stop this before anything starts. Elle, don’t feel tied to him because you had some great sex a couple of times. I can understand you feeling gratitude because he saved you, though that’s no reason to make yourself sad. You don’t owe him.”
“You’ve got it all wrong,” I protested. “He’s not unstable. He just has a few problems.”
“And they are?”
“I don’t know,” I said in defeat. “I know his parents have something to do with it, but he won’t tel me; he says it’s too soon…he’s not ready.”
“Sounds like a cop out to me, but then what do I know? Only you can tell if he’s playing you.”
She hugged me, her perfume scratching at the back of my throat. I could see our reflection in the mirror and was startled to see just how sullen I appeared. I didn’t want Jonah to see me like this, and I certainly didn’t want him thinking it was his fault. I quickly hugged her back, and stood up, smiling and smoothing the creases out of the full skirt of my red dress.
“I know he isn’t messing with me. Whatever happened to him in his past is making it difficult for him to trust. He’ll tell me when he’s ready.”
“Why him?” She shot at me, her brows creased in confusion.
“What?”
“With any other guy I know you would have kicked him to the curb, but with him, you make excuses. You are waiting around, being patient. That’s why I’m asking what makes Jonah Quinn different?” The concern she felt was relayed in her words and again when she held my hand.
She wasn’t warning me off him; she was just being a good friend.
“J.J., I don’t know what it is. It’s like some crazy, cosmic pull toward him. And before you say it, it’s more than a need to help him.”
Her ice blue eyes thinned as
she analyzed me. I shrank under her scrutiny. “There’s something you’re not telling me. I can feel it. Why are you keeping secrets?”
I shook my head, trying to move around her. I had to get out of the room. She was delving far too deep. I didn’t like the idea of betraying Jonah, even though I could use a friend of my own to lean on at this point.
“I’m not hiding anything,” I denied. “If I could tell you exactly why he’s so different, I would. I find it as strange as you do.”
J.J. pursed her lips, her body going rigid underneath her skin tight purple dress. I could feel an argument brewing. I braced myself, ready for battle, when Eli knocked on the bedroom door.
“You guys ready?”
I put my hand on the door, ready to open it, and shout that we were just coming.
J.J. wasn’t done with me though. She tapped on my shoulder, pointing her finger at me and said, “This isn’t finished, Elle.”
I rolled my eyes and left her brooding, but I was torn. I wanted to be able to talk to J.J. about things having to do with Jonah, but if she knew about his medications, she’d flip out and have me running for the hills. She would blow it all out of proportion. I knew at that moment I needed answers and made a resolution. I wouldn’t put off looking the medications up on the internet any longer.
The bar was smoky, noisy, and packed with people. Every person in there was excited to see Noir. It was exactly the same as the last time I’d been to this bar, however this time Jonah knew I was coming to watch him.
I checked my appearance in the reflection of the window. I was scared I’d gone overboard this time, but with so many people around me, I couldn’t focus for very long without being jostled around.
“You look beautiful.” I shivered at the low timbre of the words. They were spoken directly into my ear, lips stroking against my skin. A hand slipped around my waist. I leaned back, knowing exactly who it was. “Thank you for coming.”
His lips touched my ear again. I suppressed another shiver. “I decided to be bold and wear red.”
“Suits you.”
I turned slowly in his arms, circling my own around his neck. I grinned up at him, enjoying the happiness shining in his eyes. “I brought J.J. and Eli. I hope you don’t mind. Maybe I should have called.”
I didn’t finish. His mouth met mine in a delicate, gentle kiss. He didn’t try to inflame it further, just tilted his head to deepen it and hummed his approval.
“Are you guys going to be necking all night?” J.J.
snapped, then chuckled, “You’ll make all the groupies jealous.”
I reluctantly ended the kiss, taking the beer she handed me, as we walked over to the corner of the stage.
“Is she usually this crabby?” He questioned.
“Only when I think my friend needs protecting,” J.J.
interrupted smugly.
I winced, sending a look of apology over to Jonah.
It wasn’t enough to stop the building hostility.
“What are you getting at?” Jonah questioned J.J. in a low, angry voice.
I placed my palm flat against his chest, feeling the increase of his heartbeat. J.J. waved her hand, a mannerism I was used to, but I was sure it would annoy Jonah further.
“Elle is putting a lot of faith in someone who doesn’t seem to put any faith in her. All I’m saying is that she needs to be careful.”
I braced myself for the fury that was to come as I watched Jonah and J.J. glare at each other. The standoff ended as quickly as it had started with Elijah arriving and taking hold of J.J., swirling her around to the music. She tossed her head back, giggling and going along with his movements. Eli’s carefree nature was what she loved most about him, if love was really what she felt for him. Not that she’d admit to it.
I stood in front of Jonah, feeling the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he tried to calm down. “Just forget her,” I soothed. “She’s being somewhat overbearing. I’ll talk to her.”
“She’s right,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I ask too much of you, and you keep allowing it.”
“Do you really want to have this conversation here? Right now?”
He grunted and kicked at the edge of the stage, as a tall guy wearing a plaid shirt and a beanie hat tapped him on the shoulder.
“Damn! Look, I need to go backstage, but tonight you and I are going to talk. I need to give a little.”
I gawked at him but didn’t have a chance to respond. He kissed my nose, gave my pinkie a quick squeeze, and left. People had begun to stand closer to the stage, obviously realizing it was almost time for Noir to start their set. I took a long draw on my beer as J.J. came to stand beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers.
“You shouldn’t have been like that with him,” I chastised.
She shrugged, leaning back against Eli. My blood began to boil. Her nonchalance annoyed the hell out of me.
“You guys need to get yourselves on the same page.
Maybe this will help.”
It was quite possible that she had helped, although I hated to admit it. Thankfully, the band took the stage, eliciting shrieks and whoops from the crowd, all but stopping our conversation. I searched for Jonah, a huge smile spreading across my face when he came toward the mic. He winked at me as he adjusted the height and then pulled his guitar over his head.
For the next ninety minutes I was lost in his voice, and the heavy beat of the live music. The crowd loved the band, many of them singing along with the songs. The girls I’d met in the coffee shop were standing at the front of the stage, shooting Jonah adoring gazes, and I got a kick out of the fact that he wasn’t looking at either of them.
He was focused on me.
His husky lyrics floated across the crowd and beckoned me closer, making my nerve endings tingle in awareness. I inched closer, wanting to feel more. I heard the faint giggle of J.J. near me but didn’t want to break eye contact with Jonah. He’d saved Lightning Strikes for the last set. I thought of it as “our” song and let out a sigh when the final notes rang out.
“Do you know Jonah, then?”
I blinked, a young blonde girl came into focus. I took note of her dry, over-bleached hair and her ability to use half a tube of mascara on her lashes. Her lips formed a sneer as she waited for my reply. I stammered, trying to calculate exactly how much information to part with. I didn’t know this girl nor did I have any idea whether Jonah did or not, but as I found my voice to speak Jonah rescued me once again. His arms circled my waist from behind, and he rested his chin on my shoulder, eying the blonde.
“Elle is with me. She’s my girlfriend, Tori.”
“I see,” she pouted. “You told me you weren’t up for anything other than sex. Looks like you lied.”
I stiffened. He’d slept with her?
“I didn’t lie,” Jonah replied, his voice cool. “I explained months ago that I wasn’t interested in you. I was waiting for Elle.”
His arms tightened around me as I gasped. I tried to turn, to look into his eyes and see the truth of his words, but he wasn’t allowing the movement. Was he scared that I’d run, thinking he’d had sex with her? I wasn’t stupid, he’d admitted to sleeping with people before me. Imagining him with Tori, however, clawed at my control.
“She was why you wouldn’t fuck me?”
I cringed at the aggression and heard Jonah’s teeth grind next to my ear. His arms were like steel bands around my middle. “Tori, I warn you, don’t mess with Elle. I don’t want you, and I never led you to believe any different.”
Tori huffed, muttering under her breath then turning, instantly swallowed by the crowd.
“Sorry about that,” Jonah sighed, turning me in his arms, not letting go.
“You were a bit harsh. She’s just a kid.”
“No,” he replied bluntly. “She caused so much trouble last year with Del and his girlfriend. Almost split them up.”
“Del?”
“Drummer,” he added, swaying to the music.
I smiled, starting to move with him. “Dancing? A talent I’m not aware of?”
Jonah wiggled his eyebrows, exaggerating the swing of his hips and nodding. “Oh, Red, there are so many of my talents that you’ve yet to see.”
I pushed at his chest. “Cocky much? I’m not sure I like this confident Jonah. I kind of like the blushing, blue eyed stranger.”
“I don’t believe you,” he smirked, hauling me as close to his body as he could.
I almost groaned as sparks zipped through my body from our connection. His excitement was evident as it pressed against my stomach, torturing us between our clothes as we danced. It was a continual battle between demanding a release only Jonah could give and taking it slow so he would open up before we went any further. I knew what we needed to do, but that didn’t stop the internal battle.
I raised my hand and stroked his cheek as we continued to sway, feeling the coarse stubble against my palm. His eyes were locked to mine. I had long since forgotten about J.J., Eli and Tori. We remained locked together for the rest of the night, neither of us in a hurry to part. Parting meant reality setting in as well as the confusion that came along with it.
At some point J.J. brought drinks over. I raised my head from Jonah’s chest to reluctantly accept it. I looked around, noticing how much the crowd had thinned.
“It’s almost time for last call. You guys were making everyone want to vomit anyway.”
I smiled at J.J., knowing she was only joking. It had amazed me just how quickly the evening had gone by.
“Eli and I are going to go home. I need a shower, sex, and sleep.”
“In that order?” Jonah asked, his voice low and unsure. At least the was trying to interact with my friend.
J.J. snorted, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
She winked, tapped me on the shoulder then waved goodbye. Eli was his usual childish self and shouted across the bar that we wouldn’t have to worry about disturbing the neighbors when we got home, given that we were neighbors. We didn’t stay in the bar long after they left. Jonah said his goodnights to his band mates, and we went outside to catch a cab back to our apartments. As soon as we were seated, Jonah brought his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest, forgetting everything else. I remained silent, soaking up the moment of bliss. Jonah kissed an caressed me all the way home.
