by M.A. Stacie
He crawled up the bed, his hair flopping forward so much that it fell into his eyes. I lifted my hand, and as he settled himself in, I combed his hair back, arranging it as best I could.
“You think I should call them? Today?”
“Only if you want to.” I ran my hand down his face, cupping his neck. “It’s your choice; it always will be. I feel you all need to start healing, and one call will give you insight into how difficult it’s going to be. I’ll stay with you, if you want.”
“I don’t... I... ”
“Jonah, just tell me,” I demanded, keeping my voice as light as possible.
“I know it won’t be that difficult. Each time I call, my mom cries because she wants to see me. It has been me that’s been holding back, Red. Not my family.”
“And your brother?”
He cast his eyes down, placing a small kiss on my wrist and then spoke, “He asks to talk to me, but I refuse.”
“Guilt?”
Jonah nodded, loss rolling off him in waves. I wrapped my arms around him, peppering his neck with kisses, wanting nothing more than to see this man happy.
No matter what he had done in the past, he had paid for it in tears and isolation. I refused to let him live that way anymore, even if he never returned my feelings.
“Let’s eat, and then we’ll see how you feel, alright?”
He moved away, only so that he could bring the tray of food onto his lap. I sighed at the first taste of the salty bacon; my taste buds tingling. Jonah placed his arm over my shoulder. It lifted his T-shirt up, giving me a flash of a small tattoo on his hip bone. I lowered my hand, tracing the two circles, along with the line that bisected them. It was the same symbol I’d seen on the graphic novel I’d purchased.
“What does this mean?”
He looked down, as if he didn’t know what I was referring to and gave a short huff. “Nothing. Well, it’s sort of my initials.”
I bent down, trying to look closer. I didn’t understand what he meant. He began to explain, tracing his finger over the black ink. I still couldn’t see what he was explaining, but I didn’t stop him. The moment felt so intimate, more so than ever before. I surprised myself when I placed my lips on the tattoo and kissed it tenderly. His fingers delved into my hair. I thought he was about to pull me away, but he cupped the back of my head and held me close.
“Elle,” he sighed.
I shushed him, kissing his hip again, before skimming my fingers along the waistband of his sweats and heading for his other hip. When I tugged on the elastic, Jonah gasped.
“I wanted to see if you had one over here too,” I said innocently.
“There isn’t one,” he responded breathlessly.
Jonah shifted, moving his hips away from me. He appeared uncomfortable, yet kept his hand in my hair. “Elle, we shouldn’t-”
I sat back up, kissing his lips and smiling. “We’re not. I was just browsing.”
“Browsing? You make it sound like I’m an exhibit.”
“You kind of are, with all your fancy artwork. Not that I’m complaining, though.”
I was trying to lighten the mood, but Jonah grew solemn. He gazed across the room, out into the living room.
“Did you go on a date last night?”
I took a second to adjust to the change in topic and decided to be truthful with him. “Yes, except it was a bust from the start. The guy was a moron, and spending three hours with him was pure torture. J.J. set the damn thing up. She’ll feel my wrath later.”
“I bet she will,” he exhaled. “You looked beautiful.”
“You saw me?”
He nodded, hooking my pinkie in his and kissing my forehead. “Even when you were cross at me, I didn’t stop looking out for you.”
“Oh, Jonah.” I hugged him, his arms banding tightly around me.
“It’s eleven-thirty,” he murmured against my neck.
I said nothing, because it was obvious what he meant by that. He was pulling our talk back around to the phone call I thought he should make to his parents. I allowed him to take the lead. He clung to me a little while longer before pulling away with a weak smile.
“Will you stay with me?” He rasped.
“Yes. Whatever you need. Just take it slow, Jonah.”
His hand trembled as he cupped my neck.
“I’m... I’m scared, baby.”
The endearment slipped from his lips so naturally that I wasn’t sure he even knew what he’d said. My heart stopped, then swelled with excitement as my pulse kicked into overdrive. The small amounts of affection he showed me always had my body singing. Jonah brought me out of my thoughts as he moved off the bed, holding his hand out for me to take. He led us into my living room, standing next to the phone by my desk.
“I left my cell upstairs. Do you want me to go and get it, or can I call them from this?”
I flattened my palm on his chest, meeting his gaze before I replied. “Whatever you feel happiest doing. I’m here for you.”
Jonah took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he gathered his strength. I waited. In one fell swoop, he snatched the phone from its cradle and dialed a number. I held my breath, hoping I hadn’t just made this situation a hell of a lot worse. I stood behind him, gripping the sides of his T-shirt tightly as he lifted the receiver to his ear.
“Um, Mom, it’s me. It’s Ben... No, nothing’s wrong.
I’m fine. I... I called to talk... Oh. Mom, please don’t cry.”
I let go of his T-shirt and kissed the back of his neck. Jonah frowned, so I shook my head and stepped away, walking into my bedroom and closing the door.
Jonah needed to do this part alone.
The bedroom door opened two hours later, and Jonah slumped onto my bed in a complete breakdown. I folded my arms around him, letting him sob into my lap, as I rocked him gently and whispered soothing words.
My gut twisted in guilt. Though his opening lines to his mom had been encouraging, the situation could have easily taken a turn for the worse. I chastised myself for not staying with him; for not supporting him like I should have done. I’d promised him I would be by his side, yet I’d walked away because of my own worry of encroaching on his personal business. Had I done the wrong thing?
“Jonah... ” I soothed, stroking his hair.
He sniffled, looking up at me through watery eyes.
No man had ever laid himself open to me like this. I wanted to fight any way I could to make it better for him. I really did love him.
“Jonah, tell me. Was it bad?”
He licked his lower lip slowly, letting me wipe the tears from his face. “N-no... they w-want me to come home.”
Excitement zipped through my body, and I tried to keep my voice calm. “And... are you going?”
He nodded, prowling up my body and effectively forcing me onto my back. There was a shift in his stare; his eyes going from sad to.. .needy? The air stirred around us; the change so intense that I struggled to process it.
Jonah’s nose skimmed my jaw, his warm breath ghosting my neck and chest. I held onto his shoulders, frowning at him, and waiting for a response. “Tell me,” I repeated.
He lowered his head, kissing my chest lightly and muttering, “Not just yet. They want it all now, but I think we should take it slow. Like I’m doing with you right now.”
“When?”
He hummed, making my skin vibrate. I teased the hair at the back of his head.
“New Years. I’m going home for New Years.”
“Oh, Jonah! That’s wonderful! How do you feel?
Did you speak to your brother? Dad?”
“Elle,” he crooned. “Don’t want to talk. I need to feel. ”
And that was when I understood his shift in mood.
The feelings were too much for him to deal with, and instead of shutting me out, he was letting me all the way in the only way he knew how.
I was powerless to stop him.
Jonah lowered his lips to mine and kissed me.
It was slow and gentle then began to spin out of control. His tongue delved into my mouth as he turned my head to the side to deepen the kiss. I licked his top lip and slid my tongue against his. My lust had been simmering for weeks, waiting for the right time to be unleashed. As the emotions of the last two days spilled out, my need for his body boiled over. I craved the completeness I only felt when Jonah was loving me.
“Tell me this is okay, Red,” he breathed, his nimble fingers teasing the hem of the tank I’d changed into.
Each time they touched my skin, I felt a jolt from the shock.
If this was what he needed, I would give it to him willingly. “Yes,” I breathed.
I wanted to drown in him. He made me feel whole, and so completely happy. I exhaled into his mouth as his hands moved to cup my ass. They crept under the waistband of my shorts and grasped my cheeks harshly. He moved his mouth along my jaw and down my neck, devouring me with a need I’d never felt from him before. My body was alight with desire, everything tuned into the man hovering above me. I was here for him and would make him feel better.
I bit his earlobe, gaining a hiss, and he gripped my ass cheeks harder. He pulled me closer to his body. I could feel his arousal through his sweats as it pressed against my stomach. I removed my hands from his hair and fumbled with his waistband.
“Need you naked... now,” I gasped.
“Hell, yes,” he rumbled, helping me remove the sweat pants. He was back blanketing me before I had a chance to miss him.
I glided my hand across his toned stomach. The hair tickled my fingers. I could feel his muscles contract sharply. His hard arousal rubbed against my thigh. His fingers started to tug at my shorts. I bit my lip to stop my smile, lifting my hips and allowing him to remove my clothing. He didn’t bother with my top, just pushed it up to reveal my breasts.
The cold air caressed them, and my nipples grew taut. Jonah flicked his thumbs across them, making me buck at the sparks he produced.
“Please!” I begged, trying to reach out for him as he engulfed the nipple of one of my breasts with his mouth.
He swirled his tongue around the peak, moans and sighs escaping my lips. His scent encapsulated me, and my heart dissolved into goo when he hooked his pinkie in mine. This was us. Raw in the throes of passion, healing one another the only way we knew how.
I could feel little tremors in his thighs as I held him close. I rubbed my legs against his, teasing him, wanting to hear those guttural noises he made. His grasp on my pinkie was getting tighter, but I wasn’t about to break the contact.
His, our completion, felt far too right.
I looked up to his flushed face and smiled. His stare was intense and made my stomach swirl in excitement. He was so beautiful. I loved him so much. I wanted to actually say the words, but I held back, knowing he was in a precarious place emotionally. I didn’t want to push him the wrong way. Instead, I hooked a leg over his hip and aligned my core with him. I licked his swollen lips as he broke the silence.
“I need to be inside you, Elle. I need to feel that completeness.”
“Yes,” I muttered, pushing my hips against his in a silent demand for more.
He was rough as he entered me, his movements harsh. His hands held my hips tightly as he tried to tug me closer to him. I pushed against him, my hunger for him overwhelming me. He squeezed my thighs as hard as he could as he continued to thrust into me. Each touch more desperate than the next; it was never enough.
“So good,” he mumbled before lowering his head and nibbling across my collarbone.
I kissed and licked his neck, tasting his tangy sweat. His hot breath floated across my shoulder, and I shivered. A fire was raging through my body heightening with each thrust.
“Tell me you want me. Tell me you’ll always want me,” he whispered, need evident in his tone.
I cupped his face in my palms, those three words on the tip of my tongue. “I want you, Jonah.”
I couldn’t say always, not just yet, but Jonah had paid the price for his mistakes; now he needed love. My love. What I said must have been enough, because he peppered light kisses all over my face as he rocked his body into mine. I gritted my teeth to stop from screaming out. Having him like this, so receptive, so caring, was making my heart weep.
I kissed him, tasting desperation on his tongue as he began to pump harder. We panted. We gasped. We pushed for more, until we both fell into the consuming white heat of our orgasms. Mine ripped through my body with such force it was as though it had claws. I screamed and thrashed like never before. Jonah snarled into my neck; pinkie finger still locked onto mine. His eyes were closed tightly. He moved to rest his wet forehead against mine. We were both breathing heavily. It was the most intense experience I’d ever had; no words could describe it.
“Sorry,” he panted.
“For?”
He rolled off me onto his side, removing my top completely before pulling my back against his chest. He nuzzled my neck, kissing the skin below my earlobe before speaking. “I didn’t mean to pounce on you. I just... ”
“I know what you needed and why you needed it, so don’t be sorry. Will you talk to me? Tell me what happened with your mom?”
He grew quiet, but tightened his hold on me. I could feel his indecision. “Funny thing?” he blurted out. “She thought something was terribly wrong, because I only call at Christmas. There are still a few weeks to go until then.”
“Mom’s panic,” I added inanely.
Jonah continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “She just wanted to know how I was, crying and sobbing through it all. I didn’t know what to say at first, but it got easier.”
“What made it better?”
“Talking about you,” he confessed.
I tried to turn to see his face, but he held me firm.
“Yeah, she knows as much about you as I do now.
She wants to meet you.”
I stammered, stunned that he’d chosen to talk about me. Encouraging, and my stomach fluttered with the knowledge that I was important enough to him that he’d spoken to his mother about me.
“It’s fine,” he soothed, kissing my shoulder and tugging the sheets up around us. “She doesn’t mean right now, but I’d really like it if you would. That’s why I promised to go for New Years. I thought that... well, it’s kind of a new start and... I just... shit.”
This time I did move. I spun in his arms, tilting his head up so he had to meet my gaze.
“I think it’s very thoughtful. A new year and a new start, am I right?”
He nodded, casting his eyes down as if he was ashamed. I urged him to explain, disliking the expression on his face. I waited patiently, not wanting to push him too far, and I was eventually rewarded.
“I’m sorry I broke down. I never meant to jump on you, even though you understand. I know this is a start. It’s so precarious, but damn, Elle, I need to thank you. I just don’t think you have any idea what you’ve done for me.”
“I didn’t do-”
“You did,” he stated, his hand tightening on my hip. “Just accept that you did.”
I lifted my hand to smooth the furrows between his brows, smiling when he kissed my wrist. Being with him like this felt so good. I didn’t want it to end.
“And you said you spoke to Quinn?” I probed further.
“Oh God, Red, he doesn’t hate me,” his voice broke. “Do you know how amazing that feels?”
“Oh, Jonah.”
“He did rage at me, though. Do you know why?
Because I’d made Mom cry, and because I’d run away.” He grew serious. “I’ve fucked up so much.”
“I’m not going to lie to you – you have messed up, but then who am I to say what the right way would have been? What happened to you all was horrendous, and running away was never going to solve anything, but it’s clear your family loves you. Maybe that forgiveness came with time, time that you gave them by leaving. I don’t know, Jonah, but you’re right, this is a new start. I�
�m so happy for you.”
I rubbed my legs deliciously against his, surprised that was all it took to kick my libido up a notch. My hand was flat on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart.
When I felt it speed up I knew Jonah was encountering the same sensation.
He kissed me hard, pulling me so close that I could barely breathe. I wouldn’t have moved for anything. It was perfect. His hand began to roam over my back, his fingers crawling up my spine as his mouth made love to mine. His arousal grew hard and heavy against my thigh. I couldn’t help but tease him a little, rubbing against him. He hissed, pulling away sharply and quirking a brow. I offered a weak smile in apology, even though he knew I didn’t mean it.
“Elle?” he questioned, his voice serious. “Will you come with me?”
“Home? To Philly?” I asked, nerves making my voice quiver.
He nodded, holding my stare. I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights. It didn’t take me long to decide I wanted to go. I wondered if I could be the buffer between him and his family, though by the sounds of things, it may not be needed.
“Please, Red. I want them to meet you, to tell them that it was you that made me look at the situation with new eyes.”
“I don’t know how I did that. I left you to deal with your own moody ass,” I added lightly. “I didn’t want to, since by then... ” I stopped, knowing I’d let my mouth run away from me. He was staring at me, waiting. His fingers teased the ends of my hair and he tugged them, urging me to speak.
“Later,” I tried, knowing he wouldn’t buy it.
“Nope. Now.”
I pulled away, sitting up with my back to him and pulled the sheet around myself. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be when I finally confessed my feelings.
Sure, I had inferred them, but verbalizing them was a different matter entirely. Though I worried it would be too much for him, he had just asked me to meet his parents. So he could deal with this, right?
I stilled when his hand touched my shoulder. He smoothed my hair back and rested his chin there. “Aren’t we being honest with each other now, Red?. Please tell me.”
I sagged as I gave in and whispered, “I was going to say that by then I already knew I loved you.”
