“I know you are, Anderson.”
“I…”
We both jumped when the bedroom door flung open and Robbie’s silhouette carved a black sculpture against the bright background of the hallway. I blinked when he didn’t move, bewildered by his sudden entrance.
“Rob?”
Kloe’s breathing shallowed, and very slowly she uncurled her legs and stood from the bed. “Anderson?” Her voice was quiet and hesitant as we both stared towards Robbie.
When he finally fell to his knees, Kloe shot across the room. Instantly she lifted him onto her lap and lifted his face to hers.
“Call an ambulance,” she yelled. “Anderson, phone for an ambulance.” Her eyes found mine, her tears glistening in the soft light now spilling into the room. “He’s been stabbed.”
HOURS WE’D BEEN SAT IN the dreary and aged room within the hospital’s casualty department where we’d been ushered in as the sun broke through the black sky. Anderson hadn’t shifted from his spot by the window, the old and decrepit chair he sat in struggling to contain his huge body.
He hadn’t said a word to me as we waited for news of Robbie. He hadn’t even acknowledged me. I wanted to help him, to hold him and soothe the turmoil that spread through him like a wildfire.
“Do you want a drink?” I asked again, sick of hearing the sound of my own voice. And once again I was met with silence.
Blowing out a breath, I decided to stretch my legs and go in search of a vending machine. Just as my hand rested on the handle of the door, Anderson finally spoke. “Don’t think of running, little wolf.”
I wasn’t sure if it was anger that overpowered me, or frustration. “Are you kidding me?”
“Nope.” The tone of his voice was so different from the man I had woken beside; it was sharp, harsh and low, a growl of ice that made my ears hurt. The caring and soft Anderson was gone, replaced by a personality that confused me. I hadn’t encountered this one yet, but I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like him very much.
“Have you learned nothing? Haven’t you listened to a word I have said? The things I have told you?”
His eyes slowly moved to me. The cold, deep hostility in them made my breath catch. “You run, Kloe, and I promise that when I find you, I will shred every fucking inch of skin from your body.”
I couldn’t contain the gasp as my heart speared pain through me. “Why are you blaming me for this? I didn’t hurt Robbie. I wouldn’t. I liked him.”
“Liked?” he spat. “He’s not fucking dead!”
“I didn’t mean that!”
Knowing I would get nowhere while he was this closed off, I gritted my teeth and pulled the door open, leaving the grumpy fucker to simmer in his own bitterness.
The corridor was bustling, many nurses, doctors and people rushing past me. Trying in vain to find a gap in the body traffic, I stepped into the flow and moved with the river of rushing people.
Luckily, a machine distributing hot drinks was just around the first corner I came to. There was a small queue and I took my place behind a redheaded woman who was talking hurriedly into her phone. I closed off to her conversation after she started to bicker with whoever was on the other end. I just wanted something happy to centre on, something that would give me a much needed smile. But life was grim and I was starting to think that wherever I looked I would never find that ray of sunshine I’d been hunting for since I was a small girl.
“Kloe?”
I spun round and my eyes widened on the man who had moved into the queue behind me. “Ben?”
He grinned at me and pulled me into his arms. “Bloody hell, talk about small world.” He chuckled as I hugged him back just as hard.
Holding the tops of my arms, he reared back and studied me. “How are you? What are you doing here?”
“I’m….” Deciding to leave the first question, I moved on to the next. “A friend has been brought in. You, are you okay?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Jenny’s brother was brought in last night.” He looked around. “She’s just gone to find a doctor.”
“Nothing serious, I hope.”
He shrugged, a look of worry crossing his face. “He was stabbed.”
No. It couldn’t be. It was just coincidence.
“Oh. Umm, my friend was also stabbed.”
Ben frowned, tipping his head. “Robbie McMahon?”
No. Oh God. Rage floored me and my body shook as I tried to control the tremble in my jaw. “Yeah. Uhh. How do you know Robbie?”
“We became friends last year. That’s how I met Jenny. Through him.”
Tears burned the back of my eyes and vomit twisted deep in my belly. “I, uhh. I need some air. I’ll come find you later…”
Ben nodded, frowning with concern, but he didn’t stop me leaving.
Everything blurred in my vision as I fought through people to get outside, my mind whirling, and as the fresh air hit me when I burst through the front doors, I hurried around a corner and threw up what little was in my stomach.
I swore I heaved up my heart along with every bit of devastation choking me.
I jerked when hands scooped up my hair and held it back from my face. Yet, when I turned, expecting to find Ben, I was filled with a raw rage when I found Anderson staring at me blankly.
Shock covered his face when I spun round and slapped his face. But that wasn’t enough, it couldn’t be. My fists found his face, his chest, his stomach as I rained blow after blow on him. I screamed at him, my wrath taking my formed words and turning them into a garble of syllables.
“You fucking bastard! How could you? How could you do that to me? To Ben?”
Realisation made his eyes widen. He should have known Ben and his fiancé would be here, especially since she was Robbie’s fucking sister.
“Did you not think I’d find out what you’ve done?” I didn’t care about, or feel, his fingers that had now found my throat as he pushed me back against the wall to contain me. “You set him up. Why? Ben has nothing to do with this. Why hurt him?”
“I suggest you calm the fuck down!”
“Calm down? How could you do this? This is wrong on so many levels, Anderson.”
“You think I care?” he spat. “You think I care about your stupid fucking ex? His life is of no concern to me, however, I also needed a back-up plan, just in case you thought about doing anything silly.”
“So you planted Robbie into his life, for what? To find me? To bribe me? To fucking hurt me?”
He shrugged, the smug grin on his face making more vomit bid for freedom. “A little of each.”
Sadness engulfed me and I sagged against the wall and shook my head. “I’ve tried so hard to find the good man that lives inside you, Anderson. But I’m not sure there even is one anymore.”
“I’m glad everything is suddenly becoming clear for you,” he seethed, a flash of what looked like hurt reflected in his eyes.
“I don’t think it’s ever been clearer. And to think I was starting to consider bringing my baby into this.”
His face paled and he narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You honestly think I could subject a child to this? To you? You are beyond evil, Anderson. You don’t deserve to be a father; you don’t deserve to have a child love you!”
The pain that left him in a breath of ice mystified me. There was nothing but hatred and greed in him. He didn’t care who he hurt to get what he wanted. Empathy had left this man a long time ago and in its place was nothing but calculated spite and narcissistic cruelty.
Dropping his hand from my throat, he swallowed. “Robbie is awake.”
I blinked, relief settling in even after all the hurt and anger I now felt for both Anderson and Robbie.
Taking a step back, he stared at me, the usual bright twinkle in his green eyes overtaken with sadness. “Go home, Kloe.”
I hadn’t expected that, and my eyes widened. “What?”
“Go home.” His chest heaved. “Robbie will
be fine. You, on the other hand.” Gently shaking his head, he gulped at some air, then turned and slowly walked away.
And, just as slowly, I turned and walked away too.
“SO.” ROBBIE FROWNED AT ME. The exhaustion in his eyes heightened the anger inside me that had been bubbling away since my cunt of a father had plunged a knife into my best friend’s stomach. “You just let her walk away?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it, Rob.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He winced when anger shot pain through his gut. Shifting to make himself more comfortable, he glared at me. “This is what you’ve been living for, for so fucking long. And now you finally have it, you just let it go?”
“Yes,” I hissed. “Yes, I let it go. I let her go!”
“Why?” He calmed, sighing and looking at me with an expression I didn’t like.
“Don’t pity me, Rob. You can’t understand.”
“Well, then explain it to me.”
I rubbed my hands over my face. I was so tired. Failing took its toll on me more than the fight for revenge. I hadn’t slept since I’d cast Kloe aside four days ago – to kill the only thing in this world I was capable of loving. Her words couldn’t have hurt me more than if she had taken a fucking stake to my heart. Because she was right. I didn’t deserve the love of a child. And the truth was what finally crucified me. Bringing an innocent baby into this evil fucking world was beyond irresponsible, not that I ever cared about responsibilities. Yet this one I did, with all my heart.
“What the fuck am I doing? Why am I so hell bent on revenge when revenge is the very thing that’s haunting me?”
“I’m not talking about revenge,” he said quietly. “I’m talking about happiness.”
I stared at him, his stupid riddles not making a damn bit of sense.
“You had it in the palm of your hand, Anderson. Kloe. A family. A fucking life. And you just turned your back on it like it meant nothing to you. You think I don’t see it? What having Kloe in your life has done to you? For you?”
“None of this is about happiness. It never was!”
He scoffed, shaking his head. “You want revenge on your father. I get that, honestly I do. But you think hurting Kloe, killing her in front of him, will give you that revenge?”
“Yes,” I answered honestly. “Yes, I do.”
“You’re a bigger fool than I thought, Anderson Cain.” He huffed. “There’s two choices. One, yeah, go ahead. Kidnap Kloe. Hurt her. Make her pay for taking the love of your father away from you. Or,” he lifted an eyebrow, “accept that that woman, and your baby, can make you happy. Show that motherfucker your happiness. Show him that what he did couldn’t kill you inside. Happiness or hate, Anderson? I know which I would fucking choose.”
I dropped back against the chair. It couldn’t be that fucking easy. After everything, revenge couldn’t be that simple.
I had to admit that maybe Rob was right. My father had loved Kloe, even if he had had a sick way of showing it. She was the perfect little girl he had always wanted. Yet, could revenge be as easy as showing him that Kloe loved me? That she was mine? That she had given me a child? And herself? When all she did was run from him.
Hatred or happiness.
Could I be happy? Did I even fucking deserve it? I knew the answer to that one but it didn’t stop me wondering, and hoping.
“It’s too late,” I whispered. “And even if it wasn’t, I can’t ever condone the things I have done to her. I hurt her in so many ways, Rob.” Sighing, I closed my eyes. “Yes, I could take her, make her mine. But then what’s the point? If I want happiness, the only way I get it is if Kloe is with me because she wants to be, not because she has no choice.”
“Do you love her?”
Blinking, I shook my head. “Love doesn’t even come into it. I’m not capable of all that fucking shit.”
“But she would make you happy?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. I nodded. “She does. Although I don’t understand why. She calms me, Rob. She soothes the incessant bloody rage that’s always twisting inside me. It’s like she sees the pain in my soul, and she heals it. But then I have to remind myself of why I’m doing it all, and then I get so damn angry with her. She has the capability to massacre me, but she’s the only one that can bring me to life.”
Rob opened his mouth, but before any words left him, Jenny, his sister, walked in. “Hey, boys.”
Rob grinned, the adoration he had for his sister making me ache further. I’d missed out on so much. Judd had missed out at a normal life. Family. That one word meant so many differing things. What it should mean, and what it meant to me.
The pain, the rage, even the sorrow that lived inside me could never quite hang on to anything with substance. It was always there, under my skin, scratching and biting at my sanity, yet I couldn’t ever seem to ground it no matter what I did.
I had thought bringing Kloe into the retribution I so desperately wanted on my father would have stemmed that lost feeling, but it hadn’t. It had just confused me even more, the varying emotions that only she could make me feel making my goal seem all the more unreachable.
Yet now I had to think about the ultimate goal. What would be left when I killed Terry? Yes, the hole inside me would be filled, but what then? I couldn’t even envisage life after his death. When it was all over, what part of me could finally begin?
But then, having Kloe and my child, a family, could only fill my mind with so many things for the future. Life. Holidays, Christmas. Happiness. To wake every morning to Kloe’s face and my child’s laughter seemed untouchable.
But was it?
BEN SMILED AT ME WHEN I passed him his drink.
It had been two weeks since I’d walked away from Anderson, or rather, since he’d forced me to walk away.
Ben and I had been in steady contact since the hospital, and yesterday he had rang me, heartbroken, after Jenny had called their wedding off. Surprise, surprise. Now she was no longer needed, the heartless bitch had no trouble in dumping Ben quicker than she had lowered her knickers for him.
Ben, obviously, was devastated. He had no idea what he had done wrong, and I was struggling with myself over whether to tell him. Yet, this wasn’t his fault, and I wasn’t sure if telling him Jenny had just been planted and hadn’t even loved him in the first place would soothe his wounds or just make them worse.
So, biting my tongue, I took the seat opposite him in the club we’d decided to give a go, and squeezed his hand. “You will get over her, Ben. It might not seem like it now, but I can promise you that you’re better off without her.”
“How can you say that, Klo? You don’t even know her.”
“No, I don’t. But I know her sort. In my eyes no one will ever be good enough for you anyway. But I’m biased.”
That made him smile; his eyes softened on me as he took a long drink of his vodka. “So, change of subject. Quickly. Tell me something that will take my mind off her.”
Coughing to clear my throat, I smiled. “Let’s play a game.”
His brows rose and he stared at me but nodded. “Go for it.”
“It’s a guessing game. Guess what I’m trying to tell you without me using words.”
He looked bewildered for a second, but gestured for me to go on.
I lifted my drink of orange juice.
He frowned, shaking his head.
I sat back in my chair and rested my hands on my stomach.
Still he appeared completely stumped. Until, I cradled an invisible baby in my arms.
Recognition widened his eyes and shock made his jaw drop. “Fuck! Klo?”
I gulped, sucking my lips behind my teeth and nodded.
Ben’s confusion turned to delight. The biggest smile I had ever seen on his handsome face exploded across his features and he jumped up out of his chair. “Babe. I’m so fucking pleased for you.”
His hug was warm and comforting, his love for me seeping down inside and soothing the
pain in my soul. I nodded against him, unable to fight the tears that were careering down my face.
“I can’t keep it,” I whispered into his ear while he still clutched me to him.
He froze against me then reared back. Sadness took over the previous elation, wetting his own eyes. There was only Ben who knew how much I wanted a child, a piece of me that would love me unconditionally, and a part of me that I would love eternally.
Richard had been my only friend. Well, what I thought was a friend. Trudy was also gone, and so was Dave. I now had no one. And suddenly I wanted to let everything out. Holding it all in was crippling me. Ben was the only one who would ever understand me, and although our marriage hadn’t worked out, I knew he loved me, and I still loved him. I always would. He was my first love, the man who had held my hand in the darkness and tried to help me climb out of the pit I often found myself in. Even if he hadn’t succeeded it didn’t mean I didn’t love him for trying.
“Talk to me, Klo.”
“It’s just not to be.” I sat back down and took a long mouthful of my juice, wishing to God it was alcohol. Even though I wasn’t keeping the baby, it still didn’t feel right drowning the poor thing in whisky. “The main reason I’m telling you is that I need someone to go with me to the clinic. I just wondered…I just wondered if…”
“Of course I will.”
I nodded, now unsure of what to say.
“Kloe,” Ben murmured. “Please talk to me. Let me help you. Whatever is going on…”
“I can’t,” I choked out. “It doesn’t even make sense to me.”
“And the father?”
“He’s… not around. Not anymore.”
“But he knows?” he asked hesitantly.
“Yes, he knows. And he knows that I’m… I’m going to kill the only child I’ll ever probably have.”
Ben hurried round the table to me when I broke down. Sliding onto the bench beside me, he shrouded my shoulder with his arm and pulled me into his chest. My tears soaked his shirt, my mascara painting the pale blue cotton with streaks of black. Ben wasn’t concerned. He rocked me, he shushed me, he coaxed me to calm down.
Chained (Caged Book 2) Page 6
