In Search of Satisfaction

by J. California Cooper

  When the new attorney, Russell Goode, came to replace Mr. Syntoll, he was invited as a guest in the huge house until his own place would be ready and his things brought in from Philadelphia. Richard had bought a large, outfitted boat to make travel on the river from the train more convenient to himself and it would be used to bring Mr. Goode’s things from the railway station. Mr. Goode was a settled, middle-aged man, tall, graying hair, slim, polished and well taken care of. He was a recent widower, which made his leaving Philadelphia easy. He was alone and lonely but was not seeking a wife. He turned to books. His dress was impeccable. He was quite intelligent.

  Yin looked at him thoughtfully. Then, at last, seeing that Sally also looked at him when she thought no one would notice, Yin decided he was too old for herself. So life went on in the Befoe family home.

  One night before turning over to go to sleep, it popped into Yin’s mind, for no particular reason, that she had not had a monthly in a couple of months. “Since I have been in Yoville! Since I left New Orleans!” She sat up in her bed, sharply, mouth opened as she remembered the porter on the train leaving New Orleans. “My God! Not that! Not pregnant! By a colored man!” The night was ruined for sleep. Yin’s mind turned over and over but could get nowhere.

  She was very subdued for the next few days, wondering, worrying. “Minna’s grandma. Ma Lal. Would she know a way to get rid of it?” But at night in her bed, she held her stomach and thought of having no family of her own. And here was one in her own belly. “It would be a family! I could find a way. I would find a way to keep this child. Leave again? Back to New Orleans? Where to go?” “Oh, no,” her mind spoke back to her, “Oh, no. I have a home of my own now. I must think of a way. I just need money.”

  chapter

  26

  when Carlene discovered her hips really were helped by the massage, she wanted them on a steady basis. Yin refused to do them herself but assisted and taught a maid, one of the several in the house. Carlene complained, “I need an expert!” Yin answered, “And you will soon have one.” She smiled as she left Carlene’s rooms. “And that takes care of that!”

  Another thing happened to add to the confusion of the times. Occasionally Carlene invited Yin in for a glass of sherry and a small talk before going to sleep. Actually it was to check on what Yin was doing with herself. Carlene had been thinking of Richard and his heart … and his death. She knew any strong exertion could kill him, along with the fact that he had not been getting his prescribed medicine. She had pinpointed Yin for that exertion.

  This chilly evening, Yin was settled in the deep satin-cushioned chair near the lit fireplace. It had rained that day, and work had been slow at her house. Carlene was staring into the fire, thinking, planning, scheming. Suddenly she spoke, “What do you think of Yoville now?”

  Yin sighed. “It is a nice little town. Peaceful. A good place to live.”

  “What do you think of my sister, Sally?”

  Yin sipped at her sherry. “I really have been so busy … But I think she is very nice. Quiet, but very nice.”

  “What do you think of my daughter?”

  Yin held her glass up, looking at the amber liquid. “I think she is a lovely person. Kind.”

  “What has she given you?” Carlene asked sharply.

  Yin smiled, saying, “Nothing.”

  “Why did you say ‘kind’?”

  Yin took a moment to think. “There is something about people, whether they give you anything or not, that makes you know they are kind. That they mean you no harm. They are not seeking …”

  “What?”

  “Something. Anything! I don’t know. Why all these questions?” She smiled at her hostess.

  “What do you … think of Richard?”

  “Carlene, what is this? You know Richard is very kind, nice. He is very quiet, also.” Yin took a sip of her sherry. “What is that medicine he takes? He does not seem … quite well.”

  Carlene took a sip of her wine. “Yes … he is not well. I hope he is taking his medicine. I must ask you to help me see that he does. That ole Baily does not have a thing on his mind, but …”

  “How could I see to that?”

  Carlene waved her hand. “Well, not see to it. Just, perhaps, ask him, now and again.” After a moment, she continued, “He does not seem very happy, does he?”

  “I don’t know. He just seems quiet.”

  Carlene smiled. “When he was going to the city often, he was gayer.” There was silence, then Carlene laughed, “I imagine he misses his … friends.”

  Yin smiled slightly. “I imagine.”

  “I mean, his female friends.”

  Yin was silent, staring into the fire.

  Carlene spoke softly, “You know it has been years … years … since Richard and I have … been husband and wife … in that sense.”

  Yin was still silent, taking a sip of her wine.

  Carlene continued, “I love him, of course … but I do not have … that kind of love for him … any longer. I … I am old, I guess.” She tried to laugh lightly, but the laugh was a bit bitter. Yin remained silent. Carlene continued, softly, “I think … if he had a female friend … a pretty, younger, female friend … he could be happier. I … I don’t know what to do to help him. There is no one here in Yoville.” Then, as if it had just occured to her, “Well, yes … there is you, you are here in Yoville.”

  Yin looked over at her. “What are you saying?”

  Carlene laughed. “Have another glass of sherry. It’s such a cold night. It will make you sleep warm.”

  “I have no problem sleeping warm.”

  Carlene leaned her head back on her pillows. “I wonder … How is your house coming along?”

  “It is coming along. I shall be moving soon.”

  Carlene waved her hand again. “I didn’t mean that. I just wondered … if it was costing … more than you had anticipated.”

  Yin laughed lightly. “Indeed it is.”

  “Are you running low on funds?”

  Yin tilted her head at Carlene. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because … there is a way to solve your problems. Any problems.”

  “How is that?”

  “I could lend you … or … give you a certain amount of money to complete your project.”

  “Why would you do that for me?”

  Carlene made a great sigh of exasperation. “Well, if you must have it straight out … This must be in the strictest of confidence! Or you may regret it. Now Yin … I have said … Richard needs a friend.” Now, this may seem as though Carlene Befoe was taking a step down to Yin’s level, since she truly felt Yin was her inferior along with everyone else. But it is the one in need of something who usually does most of the talking to persuade the other, unless the one seeking help is very, very smart and then they can make the one they need beg them to let them help. Carlene was not that smart.

  Yin removed her smile. “Carlene, are you suggesting I am a whore?”

  Carlene waved her hands frantically. “Heavens, no! Whatever … No! No, I am not. I am only suggesting … It would be a favor in kind, perhaps. I am helping you … and …”

  “It would help you for me to be … Richard’s friend?”

  Carlene tried to cry, but couldn’t. “I feel so sorry for him and there is nothing I can do. That has long ago, long ago, been off my mind, but Richard is a man … and men …”

  “That is what I would be … a whore, if I did what you are suggesting. And anyway, what makes you think Richard would want me?”

  Carlene looked up quickly, because those last words of Yin’s indicated there was a possibility. She did not smile though, she continued to look sad. “Ahh, you are a pretty woman. Very attractive. You could make him want you.” A strange note crept into her voice. “You could be his Lilith.”

  Yin tilted her head again. “Isn’t she a demon from the devil’s lair?”

  Carlene realized her mistake, “Oh! You don’t believe in all that superstitious fid
dle faddle.”

  “I didn’t bring it up, you did, when you said Lilith.”

  Carlene continued, “I would never believe you to be so unintelligent as to even think of gods and devils.” Far off, Satan smiled.

  “I … don’t … know,” Yin said thoughtfully.

  Carlene hastened to get off that subject and back to her plea. “In any event, I will tell you this … If you should decide to help me … help Richard, I mean, I could be of considerable assistance to you … now … and always.”

  Yin laughed and held her glass up as in a toast. “Would we go on that yacht trip together? And would I have beautiful, new, seagoing clothes to go with you on your yacht trip and perhaps catch a rich husband?” She laughed as if joking.

  Carlene did not laugh, she narrowed her eyes at Yin. “If that is what you want. And the … war does not interfere.”

  Yin continued as if she were joking, “War? There is no war. But, yes, that and money enough to finish my whole house and landscaping … and, of course, enough to take care of me for all the years of my life!”

  Carlene softly said, “Yes.”

  And then Yin knew what it really was that Carlene wanted. Not to help Richard but to kill him. Her laughter stopped immediately. “You are serious?”

  Carlene, still softly, “Yes.”

  Yin, thinking there may be danger in Carlene knowing she understood too much, said, “But you can’t be. A wife asking another woman to make love to her husband?”

  “I don’t presume to ask for you to love him. I just … want him to be happier.”

  “What is wrong with Richard? His illness, I mean. Isn’t he supposed to … avoid any sudden exertion?”

  It was Carlene’s turn to laugh. “Oh, pish! Doctors don’t know everything! Happiness! Satisfaction! That’s what keeps many people alive.”

  Yin looked down at the glass she held in her hand and said, “It also kills many people … getting there.”

  Carlene felt so close to getting what she wanted, she leaned toward Yin. “Think of your own happiness and satisfaction. Think of your house. Think of your future. You will be satisfied at last.”

  Yin stood up, looking for somewhere to put her empty glass, “Carlene, I refuse to continue this conversation. I am not a whore or courtesan. I am a single woman, educated … and with a future … of good family and … and …”

  Carlene laughed lightly. “Well, think of it. What will it hurt? You will give satisfaction to two old people. I will be satisfied if he is satisfied. And … no one need ever know. You will soon be in your own house … and if he visits you … after all, you have become friends. People are used to seeing him looking over your progress.”

  “On that note, I repeat, I will not, cannot do it, and I will say good evening to you. I am tired.” Yin walked to the door.

  “You are too young to be tired. Your life is just beginning … perhaps.”

  “Good night, Mrs. Befoe.” The last words she heard as she closed the door were “I will write a tentative acceptance to the yacht trip.”

  chapter

  27

  the next time Creed worked at her house, Yin spoke to him of Richard. “Mr. Creed, what exactly does the poor gentleman have wrong with him?”

  “Welllll, I don’t rightly know, but I do know it is around his heart. He was much better before his mother passed away.” The thing Yin liked about Creed was he could talk while he worked. He continued, “Soon after he come back from that trip, he went by hisself, you know, he just seemed to slow down. Didn’t feel like doin much of nothin at all. Stopped mostly all his travels on his business. Now gets that lawyer here to bring it to him, and things like that.”

  “How long ago did his mother die? Had Carlene been to see her?”

  “Bout nine, ten months now. No, she didn’t go none.”

  “What medicine does he take?”

  “Oh, I don’t know all that. He gets it from the drugstore man here. Sent down from New York or Philadelphia, I don’t know.” He stopped working and looked at Yin. “You sure worryin bout him.”

  “I think he is a kind man, and someone should worry about him. Carlene seems … distant.”

  He started back to work. “They is distant. It’s been years since I even seen them talkin together. But I ain’t with em all the time, so I don’t know. His daughter can’t look after him, so he look after himself.”

  “What would happen if he didn’t get his medicine?”

  “I blive when you don’t get your medicine … and you got a bad heart, you can die … easy.”

  “Then he really should not do too much, exert himself in any way, I mean …?” She looked at him in just the way he could understand.

  He understood. “That can kill people … if they heart and pressure is real bad.”

  “Even making … love?”

  Creed blushed, then laughed. “Miz Yin, you going too far for me. I ’magin it would! What you thinkin of?”

  “Nothing, just talking to a friend.” She took herself off to work somewhere else alone.

  for the next week or so, Yin was very quiet, thinking about the pills, the request, Richard and the new baby. Everything was so big, so confusing, it hurt to have to think of everything. But finally she did think, “If I do this with Richard, I can say my baby is his. That gives me seven months to get as much money as I can. And I’ll cheat that ole bitch. I’ll get him some real medicine and switch them on her. Wonder should I tell him? He’s got plenty of money himself! Oh, there’s got to be a way! There is a way! I will think of it.” She struggled in her mind. “But the yacht trip! I want that yacht trip. But I won’t kill him. I don’t want that on me. And I won’t give her the satisfaction.”

  That evening, Yin went to Carlene and said, “I need five thousand dollars. to do some work I must have done.”

  Carlene looked at her thoughtfully. “Does this mean …?”

  Yin cut her off, “Just leave it be. I don’t want to talk about it. Give me the five thousand dollars. I will not fool you or cheat you. I will … help him in your way.”

  Carlene smiled a strange smile. “You are a wise … and kind woman.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Carlene nodded her head. “As you like.” And soon, in a day or two, the money was given to Yin.

  • • •

  when Yin next saw Richard, she spoke to him thus. “Dear Richard. Are you a fool?”

  Richard looked at her as if she were a fool. “What do you mean?”

  “If I tell you something that would hurt me, will you tell the one who could hurt me?”

  Richard liked Yin, so he smiled. “I don’t think so.”

  Yin thought a long moment. “Your wife wants us to have … an affair.”

  Richard laughed. “How do you know that?”

  “She has told me. ‘For your happiness,’ she said.”

  “My happiness?” He sounded incredulous.

  “Yes. And I will tell you this,” She took a deep breath. “You need to get your own prescription filled and keep your pills with you.”

  “Oh, I have never done that. Carlene always …” He looked at her, then away, thoughtfully. He sat down heavily, looking back at her, placing a hand on his chest.

  Yin jumped up, reaching for him. “You certainly must not die now!”

  “What has she promised you?” His voice was strained.

  “The money I need to complete my work here … in entirety.”

  “How much is that?” His breathing eased.

  “Ten thousand dollars.”

  “Yin, you don’t need that much now.”

  “I want that much. I want a lovely home to live and grow old in. And raise my children in … if I ever have any.”

  “I would rather give the money to you.”

  “Oh, Mr. Befoe, Richard, when?”

  He made a small laughing sound. “Before I die. In a few days.”

  Yin smiled deeply, her sexiest smile. “But … what
will we do about … the affair?”

  “Why, we shall have it, of course.” He smiled sadly.

  “In a little while, a week or so, after you take some REAL medicine.”

  When they did make love, Yin insisted on being on top. To her surprise, it was good. Richard was gentle and very tender. Afterwards, she lay in his arms in a sort of wonder. What was wrong with Carlene? Why would she not want this man? She asked Richard those questions. In his mellow, relaxed mood, thinking of all this relationship could be, he told her. He told her everything about his father, Carlene and Richlene. Even Yin was filled with disgust for Carlene, but she was thrilled at the information she now had.

  Yin did not fool herself. She did not intend to love Richard. He was married and married to a veritable bitch. No, she did not need that problem. She insisted on never doing it again because she cared too deeply for him and it would be too painful to love a man who was married and would never divorce his wife. She looked at him questioningly. He simply nodded and said, “She is my wife.”

  As usual, if it did not involve business, he tended to believe people. In a few days, however, he gave her only five thousand dollars. She was too wise to pout. “Hell, it was a gift,” she thought as she smiled up at him.

  yin anxiously waited another month, then she went to Carlene.

  “I have done what you asked of me … I want the money you have promised me. I am suffering for what you had me do. I am made pregnant by your husband.” Carlene stared at her, unable to say a word. She did not believe it, but she could not disbelieve it either. She knew Yin had no lover in Yoville. Unless it was Creed. Carlene shook her head no and looked with wonder at Yin. Yin just quietly closed the door and left Carlene sitting there staring at the door.

  Then Yin went to Richard and told him she was pregnant. To her surprise, he seemed happy about it. Then she said as soon as she could she was leaving to move into her old home made new. He thought it was a good idea. “But I will need more money,” she smiled. She received more than she asked for. Richard was happy about the baby. With Richard’s financial help, she shopped and shopped for her own home. The next few days she gathered all her belongings from Mrs. Whitman and the Befoes. Anxious, joyously, she was on her way to her own home, which she had lied for, stolen for, loved for. It was surely hers now. She had done some good too though, hadn’t she?