In Search of Satisfaction

by J. California Cooper

  He kept working which made Richlene very unhappy because he was home with her less. He was working now for lumber and material to build his store. Richlene bargained with the lumberyard without Luke’s knowledge and he got some very good deals. “Let him … get … through … with this … thing,” Richlene frowned impatiently.

  Then Emily began coming home for vacations when she was not doing small work in her brother Phillip’s law offices as an apprentice. She would not go to visit her mother on the Indian land, she wanted her mother to come home to “our house,” she said. Emily began to explain to Richlene that she would soon be graduating and be coming often to Yoville, perhaps with a husband and she could not, WOULD not introduce Luke to anyone as her stepfather.

  Satan did smile this time. “A problem in the making!”

  “You have done this long enough, Mother! You have had your way. Now it is time to think of me!” She raised her eyes to the ceiling as she said the next words, “I know Luke makes you happy.” She looked back at her mother, saying slowly, “But it makes me unhappy. I need you at home. Alone. Carlton will soon be moving back here. He is thinking of it right now. He plans to renew this old house. Now I must be here to protect my interest, and you must be here to help me.” Emily knew the words sounded cold, so she reached her warm hand out to caress her mother’s back that had sadly bent lower and lower with each word.

  Richlene, head bent low, spoke softly, “I won’t … I won’t … leave Luke.”

  Emily did not give up. Each time she saw Richlene she battered her with words about the love and respect she was supposed to have for her only daughter. Phillip did not interfere. He wanted his mother to be happy, but he was more used to her now and her every wish was no longer his command. He spoke to her thus, “You can go back to Luke and your house on the Indian land whenever you wish. The only change will be that this is your real home. I would like you to even visit me on my estate in the East. I would like to take you on my travels sometime. But, Mother, dammit dear! I like Luke, very much. It is not his color. It’s just … where would he fit in? among our friends?”

  “You take Lincoln … with … you in … your business.”

  “Lincoln is different. He … fits in. He thinks like I do, most of the time. And really, he’s always rushing off to be with his own people.”

  Richlene looked at the son she dearly loved. “Luke thinks … like I … do. Where … would … I fit … in? I … can … hard … ly be fascin … ating company.”

  Phillip took her in his arms, “You are my mother, that is enough.”

  luke’s store was full of supplies, he was busy and happy. He noticed Richlene was not smiling much anymore. She looked so thoughtful with the new lines creasing her brow. He hugged her, held her more often.

  Lil Wisdom noticed the difference in Richlene when she brought some homemade bread to their house. She did not ask any questions though. She liked Richlene better now, and she did not want to interfere. But she watched Richlene’s face when she said, “I am going to ask Luke to let me work for him in the store on days I am not teaching the children.”

  Richlene looked across the table at Lil Wisdom, seeing her youth and beauty. Her eyes filled with tears that moved slowly down her face. Lil Wisdom got up quickly, moving around to Richlene, placing her arm around her shoulders. “I will not ask him if you do not wish me to. I will not say a word.”

  Richlene looked gratefully at Lil Wisdom. “No … no … It is best … that you ask him … and … help him. I know … you … love him.”

  “But I love you, too. You are kind.”

  They held on to each other as two women will who understand a little about life.

  the store was going well, bringing in enough for Luke to do little things for Richlene with his own money. He was happier. Richlene was happy for him, but she was biding her time. She cried many times after Emily talked to her about leaving Luke. But she stayed on with him. Loving the little house and gardens across the river on the Indian land.

  Satan waited.

  One day after a long day of work, the store was closed and Luke and Lil Wisdom had locked up and were counting money in the back room. Lil Wisdom said, “Luke? Do you know I am still a virgin?”

  “Girl, all these men after you? You betta get married.”

  “That won’t help me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I have saved my virginity for you, all these years.”

  “For me? Ahhhh, Lil Wisdom …”

  “It belongs to you. You are the one I want to have me for the first time.”

  “Lil Wisdom, I’m a … married man.”

  She began to undress in the dim light of the back room. “It’s a spiritual thing. If you once make love to me, I will be free to leave you for another man.”

  “But what will you give him if you give this to me?”

  “What is left. Which is all I have to give anyone else anyway.”

  Her clothes off, she was now naked standing beside the little cot Luke kept in his office for himself to rest on. She looked beautiful. She glowed in the soft evening light. She reached her arms out for him. “If you do this for me now, you will set me free.”

  “Lil Wisdom … I … I can’t.”

  “You don’t like me at all?”

  “I love you, Lil Wisdom, I love you since you was a little girl helpin my family. But … I can’t.…”

  She lay down on the cot. It was not vulgar, it was just giving.

  Luke looked at her a long time.

  “I … could kiss you. That ought to be alright.”

  “Alright,” Little Wisdom breathed, “come close to me.”

  He went closer, he bent to kiss her, placing his hands on her warm shoulders. His hands that slid down her arms, onto her waist, over her hips. He started to rise, but she held him and drew his head down to hers. They kissed. That’s how it began. All of it.

  Now all Luke’s lovemaking with Richlene had been sweet, gentle and loving. Like a gentle rain on flowers and leaves with a bit of sunshine now and then. It had been good. But Little Wisdom’s loving was different. It was a storm, a deluge with lightning and rolling thunder. Passion held back for years, unleashed, given with her whole heart.

  After, Luke said, “You were not a virgin.”

  Little Wisdom smiled. “Did you think I was never going to do anything?! You kept my body hungry for you and you never fed it. I had to do something! Once. But, yes I was a virgin. I have never really been touched before. My body needed you. And now I am satisfied.”

  “I ain’t gonna do this no more, Lil Wisdom. I love Richlene too.”

  “We don’t have to do it again, Luke. I know you love me now.”

  They parted, each going their separate way, satisfied, complete.

  That is the way they left it for a long time.

  Satan wasn’t sure what to do, because he is not sure about real love. If he helped Richlene to leave, Luke and Lil Wisdom would be happy; if Luke left Lil Wisdom alone, Richlene would be happy. He didn’t want anyone to be happy. So he waited.

  chapter

  45

  it had been several years since Hosanna had seen Miz Befoe. Though she had tried, Miz Befoe had been unable to stop Hosanna’s work; but Hosanna’s work was good, and people knew what she did was hard to find in the city, much less in Yoville. However, Carlene never used Hosanna herself. She wasn’t entertaining very much, in any event, since she was the only one in the house now except for visits from Carlton and, infrequently, Richlene. At rare moments, a visitor arrived to bring her special reports or papers to sign. It had even been a couple of years since Carlene had been to any city.

  Minna was her woman of all jobs except cooking. Carlene did not like Minna’s cooking, so she brought chefs in from the city. They usually stayed a month or two, three at the most. The salary was never enough.

  One morning Minna passed by Hosanna’s, on her way home, mad. “I done quit that ole bitch for the last time. She ain�
�t gonna haul off and slap me one more time in her white life! And if the Bible tellin the truth, she ain’t gonna have no other life!”

  Hosanna smiled. “You all still don’t get along?”

  Minna huffed, “Who can get along with that woman? You didn’t either! Huh!” Then she huffed on away.

  Hosanna thought about Carlene later in the day and decided the old lady might need some help, so she went over there. She knocked at the back door, there was no answer, so she pushed it open and went in. The house was not filthy, but it was rather messy. Hosanna called out “Miz Befoe?” several times, but there was no answer. She kept going until she reached Carlene’s rooms. The door was open a crack, Hosanna knocked and pushed it open.

  A raspy but strong voice asked crossly, “Who’s there?”

  “It’s me, Hosanna.” Hosanna went in, looking at the woman in the bed. Carlene seemed to have shrunk, withered. The face was thin now, but wrinkles covered it. Evil and malignance stared out of the questioning eyes. She took off a lace cap that covered her uncombed, tangled hair. “Did you come to comb my hair, Hosanna? I don’t know where that girl Minna is. She is never here when I need her and she does not answer the bell!”

  Hosanna smiled, “No, I didn’t come to comb your hair, but I will.” She looked for the comb and brush on the dresser. They were dirty and gray. “These things need cleaning, Miz Befoe.” She began to undo the long braid that hung crooked down Carlene’s back. “How you been doing, Miz Befoe?”

  “Horrible! You can’t get any decent help. Everybody is so independent now! Sally and that school! These young ones grow up and leave town! Don’t stay here anymore!”

  Hosanna smiled at life. “How is your family?”

  “What family? Richlene with her hackled brain is over there in a teepee with Indians and a nigger! They tell me she sleeps with a nigger!”

  “Well, she’s with somebody. His name is Luke. He was your gardener for years. He’s not a nigger, Miz Befoe. He is my brother and a fine gentleman.” Her voice held no anger, she didn’t really care what Mrs. Befoe thought. “Turn your head a little this way and hold it still now.”

  Carlene snatched her head around. “He is stealing all her money, she’ll be broke someday! She is getting older. She should be here! With me! Her mother!”

  Hosanna smiled. “I don’t think so,” she said musingly.

  Carlene growled a moment, “He will throw her out for a younger woman. Soon as she is broke! He won’t get his hands on my money because I am leaving her nothing! Tell him that! Richlene tries to come over here, like she thinks of me. I know her schemes. She brings me food, but I won’t eat it!” Carlene added with passion, “I wouldn’t give it to my dogs! Poison!”

  Hosanna, still smiling, said, “I don’t think so.”

  Carlene continued to rail, “My sister, Sally, brings me food and leaves it on the back porch. Like I am Snow White and will eat it. It’s poison also!”

  “I don’t think so, Miz Befoe.”

  Carlene laughed, “I give it to the servants. Let them die, they’re not worth a damn anyway!”

  Hosanna said seriously, “Sally is a very good woman. You are lucky to have such a sister. Hold your head still now.”

  Carlene almost shouted, “Sally is a liar! And she does not like you at all! None of you! You should hear what she says about you!”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “And she slaves those grandchildren of hers. Working them in the hot sun, burning them brown! Like the rest of all those … She should let servants do that work!”

  “I don’t think so. They work early mornings or late evenings.”

  Carlene ignored Hosanna. “Her grandchildren hate her, I hear.”

  “I don’t think so. I think Richlene, Luke, Sally, Ann and William are happy.”

  “You would, Hosanna, what do you know?”

  Hosanna, thinking of Bowlegs, answered, “Not too much, Miz Befoe, not too much. Especially about love.”

  “Love?! Hah! There is no love. And when there is, you are defeated by fools!”

  Hosanna nodded her head, “Sometimes, the fool is you.”

  “I was not a fool! He was not a fool.”

  Years ago, this conversation between the two of them would never have been, but Hosanna understood more about life, and Carlene cared less about life.

  So, Hosanna answered, “No, because you married the man you loved.”

  Carlene twisted her head around to look at Hosanna, “I did not marry the man I loved! I married the man he wanted me to marry!”

  Hosanna gently turned Carlene’s head back around. “Well, I guess we can all be fools about love. But I am changing my style, my way of loving that man. I deserve more.”

  Carlene spoke as though secretly, “Don’t give him any money. Don’t ever give anyone any money! You hold them to you if they have nothing!”

  “Money isn’t everything, Miz Befoe.”

  “Well, give me yours then, because I will never be without it.”

  “You never have been. Your daddy was rich when you were born. You were good looking and you married a rich man. But now, he is dead. Your daddy is dead. You are old now. We are all dying, what can money do to help you now?”

  “I can pay for what I want, what I need!”

  Hosanna smiled gently. “I don’t think so. Anyway, who wants to have to pay money for everything?”

  Carlene laughed. “I have everything I want.”

  “I don’t think so, Miz Befoe. By the way, how is your grandson, Carlton?”

  Carlene’s voice was angry as if she despised him. “Carlton! He only comes here to see how close I am to dying. He wants my power of attorney so he won’t have to wait for me to die. He says he is coming home to do this house over and live here sometimes. He’s really coming here to give him more time to work on me! Oh, how I wish I had someone else to leave my money to!”

  Hosanna frowned. “Do you ever pray, Miz Befoe?”

  “To God!? No. God is for the poor. When they have problems they always return to God.”

  “But, you never go to God at all.”

  “I pray to myself.”

  “Do your prayers get answered?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then, you must not pray for much, Ms. Befoe.”

  “I have everything.”

  “I don’t think so.” Gently.

  Carlene raised a finger at Hosanna. “God is just a figment of someone’s imagination.”

  “A figment does not last thousands of years, all over the world.”

  “People are stupid and it’s a strong figment.”

  “Lies are never strong, Miz Befoe.”

  “Oh, certainly they are. They rule the world.”

  “I don’t think so, but on the other hand, is that why the world is in such bad shape? Turn your head a little this way now.”

  Carlene mumbled a curse. “Even the poor people who say they believe in God don’t really believe in Him. They only use Him when they need something, then they forget Him.”

  “They don’t last, just like lies don’t last,” said Hosanna. “I don’t think anything wrong or evil lasts. The Bible says the soul that sins will surely die. And I’ll be damned if we haven’t been dying ever since we got here. All the great scientists in the world haven’t changed that.”

  “But the world has lasted this long.”

  “Miz Befoe, the world is changing.”

  “Hosanna, it always changes. Back and forth, back and forth.”

  “That’s because mankind does not change. They said it would be a better world after the last two wars. But what’s better? What’s different? And they’re always fighting wars in Europe, it seems. It don’t seem to get any better over there either. Now, in America, we leave and go fight a war someplace else! Nobody is attacking us even. But our boys still die. Lincoln lost a leg, and I don’t blive he can tell himself why! The only thing different is, more taxes. And the tax money must go to people who make bulle
ts and guns cause what else do you use in a war? And what is being given to these poor people out here losing their farms and lives, even starving to death? Or to the people dying in the wars? The women and children who die or are left alone?”

  “Oh, you don’t know what you are talking about.” But Carlene’s voice was not so strong, because she knew what Hosanna was talking about. She had made a great deal of money, millions, from her armaments investments and was still making plenty of money from them.

  But Hosanna persisted, “Only more people hate more people and don’t even know why. Even people in this grand United States—and I love this country America—are running around lynching, hanging, killing people, sometimes for nothing but what race they are!”

  “Oh, we’ve always had that!”

  “That does not make it right. You sound like killing is normal! That’s what I’m talking about. You can’t change mankind! And the world cannot rise above hate if so many people are hating! You cannot hold on to what’s good, when most people are vicious and stupid about fairness and love and …”

  Carlene interrupted her, “Your Christianity has failed the world.”

  “Oh, Miz Befoe, don’t blame it on Christianity. The people have never tried it! Who has been a Christian except Christ and a very few others—who were killed, I might add, for loving their brothers! The world has failed Christianity, far as I am concerned! And if people are not a Christian, whatever they may be, they have failed goodness and love.”

  Carlene searched for words, “Well …”

  Hosanna was on a roll, she never talked much about religion, but she had opinions “Just like the Jews. Some people hate Jews because they say they killed Christ! Well, Jesus Christ was a Jew! How can you hate his people? God chose the Jews and, besides, that was two thousand years ago Jesus was killed. What these Jews today got to do with that? And I know cause I lived in Washington, D.C. Some people who hate Jews don’t like God or Jesus anyway! They don’t really care who killed him. They just want to kill somebody for themselves. And the devil gives them a reason they can understand, cause they love killing. When that reason runs out then they pick on the Negro people, Chinese, the Mexican, the Russians, I read the papers. The Irish, whoever. I know, cause I worked for em. I saw things. I heard the radio. We are paying taxes right now for a war already fought and the dead are gone. And ain’t nothing changed for the better! It’s a depression right now, all over the world, cause we paying for a war. Love does not cost anything. Use love and these wars would stop.”