by Trisha Leigh
“Are you mad?”
“Yes. You didn’t have to lie. I know you never intended to travel until after we found out what happened to your summer family.” Something he said registers, makes me stop. “Wait, what do you mean, the guy who delivered the bracelets for Ko? Who brought them to you?”
Pax’s lips twist up as though he just sucked on a lemon. “Some kid. I never got his name. He was in the prison rooms sometimes with Deshi and me, but somehow he was able to come and go, claimed he ran errands for Cadi and Ko.”
Worry dampens my happiness at our escape. “What if he’s working for the Others? The bracelets could be a tracking device, or—”
“No, trust me. Whoever the guy is, he’s not on their side. I can’t explain it, and I don’t know his reasons for helping, but he hates them.” When I don’t respond, he heaves a sigh of relief. Talking about the boy obviously irritates him, a fact he confirms by changing the subject. “Where do you think we are?”
I look around, noting the maple trees and the dense foliage. Not the fields of Iowa or the fir trees and mountains of Oregon. “Connecticut.”
“Well, that’s about the worst thing ever.”
“What’s wrong with Connecticut?” One place isn’t any worse than another, as far as I can tell. We’re away from the Others, my mind is temporarily walled off, and we’re together. Where we are is the least of my concerns at the moment.
“Nothing, except we spent the last month killing ourselves trying to get to Portland, and then in the blink of an eye we’re all the way on the farthest side of the planet.” Pax balls some snow in his hand and tosses it toward a tree.
Wolf wanders over to inspect it, making me smile. At least he’s not permanently damaged.
I picture the map shoved in my bag. We are farther away now. Much farther away. In fact, it doesn’t seem possible to walk back to Portland.
“I said I’d go to Portland and help you find out what you want to know, and that’s what we’re going to do. We’ll figure it out.”
I’m thinking about suggesting we try traveling again, but the words stick. We’re lucky to be together and in one piece; to try it again so soon feels like pushing our luck. Pax stands up, then pulls me to my feet beside him, familiar sparks flying between our fingertips.
“You mean traveling.” It’s not a question, and a thoughtful—not hopeful—look paints his handsome features. The intelligence in his blue eyes flickers, as though his mind is already working on the problem at hand, and he runs a hand through his messy hair.
When Pax walks off I follow, even though I have no idea where he’s headed. It doesn’t make any difference, so I don’t even ask. We need to either build or find a place to stay while we decide what to do.
My own brain clicks through the limited information we have about how our season hopping works, but the more I consider it, the less likely it seems that we can control where we end up. I’ve traveled twice without Cadi or Ko helping, but both times it happened because my life was in danger. Not to mention I didn’t get to pick my destination.
“I keep thinking about what Cadi told Lucas and me before the Others took her. That we travel because of the protective enchantment Ko created when the Prime found out we existed.”
“What’s an enchantment?”
Frustration yanks on my patience; there are so many concepts I don’t fully understand and can’t really explain. “When Ko informed our parents about what he did to keep us safe, that’s what he called it—an enchantment. I think it’s what makes the humans look through us, and then explain it away when we accidentally display emotion or, well, disappear.”
“Enchantment.” Pax tries out the strange word, rolling it around in his mouth. “And the way we travel is part of that protection somehow?”
“Right. And we’ve been assuming that the power to travel is inside us somewhere, and we just haven’t figured out how to activate or control it, but what if that’s wrong? What if the power doesn’t belong to us and it belongs to the people who created the enchantment?”
“But if that’s true, how did you and Lucas travel from autumn before? And what made us be able to pool our energy and do it again? We have to have some control over it, even if it’s just an innate panic response or something.”
“Maybe, but I still say they could have built the protection that way, to force us to travel when we freak out to that level, or something.”
With Ko possibly dead and Cadi most likely operating under duress as well, the enchantment might not last forever. I’ve never thought of it like that, or considered what we would do once their protection sloughed completely off, revealing us for what we truly are—letting the humans see us, emotion, free will, and all. Just being around them could cause a panic.
For now, I suppose the enchantment’s unbroken. We traveled; it must still be working.
Even as I try to convince myself of that truth, dread wraps slimy fingers around the back of my neck, oozing fear down my back in globs. “Ko can’t help us anymore, Pax. If he’s even alive. You should have seen him. And Chief took Cadi weeks ago, if not months. If something happens to them, what happens to our protection?”
“What are they protecting us from anyway, now that the Others know we exist?” Pax’s eyebrows draw together, pinching above his nose.
The strange urge to kiss the wrinkle steals into my mind. I give myself a physical shake, ignoring the strange look Pax shoots my way. Probably because I’m smiling at a really serious conversation.
“The Others know about us, but the humans don’t,” I say. “I mean, what would happen if we walked into a Sanctioned City without the enchantment? Would it be mass chaos because no one would know what to make of us? They’d be terrified.”
He doesn’t have an answer for that, and after another ten minutes of kicking a path through the snow, a boundary fence looms above us. We look at it and then at each other.
“I think we should go inside.” The idea pops out of nowhere, but once my brain has hold of it, that’s really what it wants to do. “Maybe we can find out where Lucas is.”
Pax’s face has a war with itself, pity and irritation battling for space. It’s hard to know if he doesn’t like talking about Lucas because he’s afraid something happened to him, because I promised to focus on getting back to Portland, or because of a more personal reason I’m not quite ready to face.
“It’s still winter, though. He won’t be here.”
That’s most likely true, but there are other things we could find out. “We could still use whatever information we can get. Like about whether or not the humans can really see us, and if the Others are still wasting Wardens looking for us in the Sanctioned Cities.”
“What happens if they can see us and everything spins out of control?” Pax’s eyes harden, and I know he’s thinking about what happened to his Portland family when they saw him and Broke.
The memory of Mrs. Morgan makes me wary, too, and I start to think maybe going into town isn’t worth the risk. But then I remember Leah. She could tell us what happened after Lucas and I left.
Now that she’s in the forefront of my mind, an aching worry opens up about how she’s coping with her veil down. Lucas and I didn’t know what we were doing when we removed it and left her to face a life of pretending to be a contented automaton when she’s the opposite.
We left her here alone.
I hope her mind will be in one piece when I find her.
“I think I know a way we can do it carefully.” Taking a deep breath, I tell Pax about Leah. About how Lucas accidentally jabbed holes in her veil before we understood what our thoughts could do. How she acted strange after that day, being intentionally mean every chance she got. And how we—no, I—completely erased her veil before we left town. “She might be able to answer our questions. If she’s still…okay.”
“This girl knew the Others were controlling her mind?” Awe infuses Pax’s voice at the knowledge, as though maybe he finally sees potentia
l in humanity instead of viewing them as simply a heavy burden on the four of us.
“She begged me to ‘take them out,’ so yeah, Leah definitely knew her mind wasn’t her own after Lucas messed with it. And then the Others refused to repair her veil so she must’ve been really confused. I still don’t know why they left her that way, though, unless they thought she would lead them back to the person who damaged her.” Another option occurs to me, one I’ve refused to examine too closely because of my feelings for Lucas. “It’s strange, but maybe behind their veils, where their real feelings live, the human minds remember things.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you ever have a long period in one place? Like I lived in Portland for three years except summers once, in Intermediate Cell. Lucas lived those three years here, in Danbury.”
“Yes. I stayed in Atlanta for three years, too, but without autumns, of course. Why?”
It continues to strike me as so desperately lonely, the way the four of us were kept apart, as though I’ve never truly been a whole person. Even after meeting Lucas and Pax, I still feel that way to an extent. Maybe it will never go away. I push the sadness away and refocus.
“Lucas stayed here, in Connecticut. He and Leah were friends, and when she could see through the veil, she remembered him. I don’t think she had any specific memories, but it’s more like she recalled the feeling of trusting him.”
The explanation isn’t very good, but it’s the best I can do when it doesn’t make total sense to me, either. But the idea that Monica and Val, the girlfriends I made in Portland, might have residual fond memories of our friendship warms my freezing blood a little.
“Okay. I do agree that the more information we have, the better.” Pax’s eyes are wary for the first time in days. “But after we learn what we can from Leah, we work on getting to Portland. Deal?”
He’s worried I’ll go back on my word, maybe, or that I’ve forgotten what it means to him to find Tommy, to right the perceived wrongs he committed last season. Those same feelings are part of the reason I want to see Leah, and it stings that he can’t see that I understand. The insult shortens my words. “Yes. We’re still going to Portland.”
“Good. Then let’s go find your friend.”
CHAPTER 20.
In spite of the fact that I may have destroyed Leah’s brain, I have no idea where in Danbury she lives. This is a problem, but not the biggest one we’re facing since we haven’t found a way to get through the fence yet. Lucas and I escaped last autumn when we discovered a section of the boundary where electricity had stopped running, but Pax and I haven’t had that kind of luck today. Cadi opened a hole in the boundary with a button, another option. I’ve told Pax about it, but he thinks we should try sneaking in first. I melted the nearest camera, but if we use the button, the Others still might have a way to monitor it.
Wolf ambles in and out of the trees, sniffing and peeing on what are apparently offensive patches of snow. He’s carefree and not nervous at all, which relaxes the knots tightening my shoulders and the back of my neck. There’s plenty of time to worry once I see Leah again. I refuse to even consider the possibility that she’ll be gone. Disposed of or Broken.
“Once we get into town, we need to avoid being seen in case there are Wardens around. Maybe we can follow her home after Cell and then leave a note for her to find?”
Pax grunts, a little distracted by the search. “Why not just talk to her?”
“Because what if they fixed her veil or something? Or they’re using her to get information? Or what if someone else sees us—”
He cuts me off with a quiet chuckle. “Okay, okay. You’re going to have to calm down before you melt the snow out of the trees and make it rain.”
“This could take all day, you know.” I’m about to ask if we can eat breakfast, forgetting for a moment that we have no food. Wolf is still playing around, sticking his nose into snow drifts, so we won’t be eating anytime soon. Another reason to sneak into town.
The sun has passed its crest and started to sink before we give up. Pax and I have stalked the entire boundary three times, but found no portion of the fence that’s not electrified. We uncovered Cadi’s little black button on the second loop after we started to brush the snow out of the way along the fence. Based on the time of day, I’d guess Cell releases within the next twenty minutes, so it’s now or never. Pax isn’t going to agree to stay in Danbury long, so if I want to get in to try to see Leah, we’re going to have to use the button and hope nothing happens.
Besides, if last autumn taught me anything, it’s that the Others are arrogant. They believe their race so superior, their ability to control not only the humans but their own kind so complete that they don’t take precautions. Since the Others can wriggle into our minds when we’re not paying attention, they might not think it’s necessary to monitor every way in and out of the Sanctioned Cities. Of course, that way of thinking might have become a bit outdated after they learned the Elements managed to keep their half-breed children a secret for more than ten years.
Snow and mud crust the little back button and it resists under my foot for a couple of seconds. But then several paces to our left, just like it did when Cadi came to collect Mrs. Morgan’s things, a gate slides open in the boundary. No alarms sound. No Wardens rush from the park to apprehend us. The day is as cold and quiet as it’s been since we arrived. Wolf sits and stays when I tell him to, eyes full of betrayal and confusion. It pains me to leave him out here, even though the Wilds are his territory. The sinking fear that he’ll decide being my dog is too dangerous or that he’ll think we’re abandoning him twists in my belly.
Being back in the Danbury park feels strange. Everywhere I look, shadows of Lucas glimmer and then flutter away, reminding me that he’s not here anymore. He can’t be. Loss drags down my heart until it feels too heavy to beat. Lucas should be here with us. It’s not that I’m sorry Pax and I found each other. It’s not even that my feelings for Lucas are so much stronger than what’s developing between Pax and I.
But I want Lucas back.
I don’t feel right without him.
Pax doesn’t comment on the extra distance I shove between us as we walk. Honestly, it’s not only Lucas making me pull away. It’s this place. Where I learned I’m not human. That my real father is dead.
Danbury’s the place I accidentally destroyed my fake mother, and where my life changed forever when I found, then lost, my first true friend. Where I met a kind woman named Cadi who believes I’m one of only four beings alive with the ability to save this planet, who taught me there are people willing to go to any length to preserve my life, no matter what it costs them.
There are no kids around as we move through the park, which isn’t a surprise since the wind shudders in an icy blast and dark clouds gather, threatening more snow accumulation. Lucas’s father must be a busy guy these days, with winter at its peak. It means we’ll find our Cellmates in town, either having pizza or bowling.
Pax and I huddle together for warmth along the back outside wall of the pizza place, waiting for the free hour to be up and for everyone to head home. No one is out in the streets. We don’t see any Wardens or adults, and for a second it’s almost like the entire past couple of months have been a dream. Everything in Danbury is just so…normal. With the exception of when kids walk to and from school, or during assigned Outings, the Sanctioned Cities always seem deserted.
Laughter fills the air as my former Cellmates spill onto the street. A lot of them were in the pizza parlor, but a fair number chose bowling, too, by the look of things. The thought of bowling brings back the teasing memory of the Autumn Mixer: my first official Partnering activity with Lucas.
The sight of Leah’s inky curls bouncing as she listens to a conversation between a huddle of girls snaps me out of the past. “That’s her.”
I want to walk with them, to overhear their conversation, but concern that our presence alone will be enough to upset their frag
ile balance keeps me hidden. Instead we trail them at a distance, keeping to people’s backyards, taking refuge in the lengthening shadows provided by twilight. Leah is one of the first kids to peel off and head a different direction, but she doesn’t go alone. The girl with the thick corn-silk braid keeps pace with our quarry, not leaving until they enter identical houses next door to each other.
Her name eludes me at first, but then I remember—Brittany. She had been interested in Partnering with Greg before he fell and Broke during exercise block one day. Before the Other I still sometimes think of as Deshi killed him.
The street sits in cold silence, as though it’s holding its breath. Night swarms in from the edges of the world until it swallows everything whole, oppressive and total.
Pax raises his eyebrows at me. “What now?”
It’s obvious that leaving her a note won’t work anymore, because that would require paper and something to write with, neither of which is readily available. Plus, she’s already inside. We’ll have to catch her alone. Easier said than done, really.
“We’ll wait until after everyone retires then sneak into her room.”
Pax’s eyes widen, the expression inside them wavering between worry over my sanity and amusement at the idea, I’m guessing. “We’re going to just walk into her bedroom after dark and hope she doesn’t jump out the window at the sight of us?”
The image makes me flinch. “Yes. It’s the best option. She’s alone, so if she doesn’t remember me and Lucas and what happened, then we can contain her reaction. And if she does remember, we might scare her for a minute but she’ll get over it.”
“I guess. I can’t say I’m comfortable with the whole idea, but this is your operation.” He pauses, letting the slow smile stretch its way across his face. “Now, remember how easily I went along with your harebrained ideas once we’re back in Portland and you’re following my lead.”
He’s got me on that one. If he trusts me to make decisions in Danbury, I’m going to feel guilty trying to talk him out of any crazy notions once it’s Tommy we’re after. Which is not to say I won’t still do it. But I might feel bad.
