by Lucy Clark
‘My instincts are telling me that I don’t want to be alone tonight.’
Logan dragged in a deep breath and looked down into her beautiful face. ‘That’s understandable.’
‘Can I sleep in your room?’
Logan swallowed. ‘Charli, I—’
‘Just hold me, Logan. I need to feel safe. I see the way you do it with your kids and I envy them. You hold them in your arms, as though you’re never going to let go, and the look on their faces is one of pure trust and security. I need that tonight, Logan.’
Logan pressed his lips to hers before letting her go and taking a big step backwards. He exhaled harshly and raked his hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know if I can, Charli. Sleep in my bed, by all means, but I don’t think I can be there.’
Charli saw the desire in his eyes and her heart immediately began to tattoo that wild, uncontrollable rhythm which happened whenever he looked at her this way. ‘You don’t think we can control ourselves?’
‘We can try, but it’s too risky. You must see that. Taking…whatever it is between us any further won’t do either of us any favours in the long run.’
‘You’re right.’ Charli sighed and shook her head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘No,’ he implored. ‘Don’t be sorry. Please, don’t be sorry.’ He gathered her close into his arms again and pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her with renewed passion, wanting to acknowledge what was between them but knowing if he didn’t keep control over what he was feeling for her, then regardless of the measures he’d put in place to protect his heart, they wouldn’t do any good. She was amazing, delightful, invigorating and highly addictive. He moved his mouth over hers with a slow deliberation he knew was wrong, but he was unable to resist. This much, at least, he was allowing himself, and from the way she was responding it was clear they were on the same wavelength.
‘Daddy!’
The sound of his son calling out into the night had him freezing and then slowly drawing away from the enchanting woman before him.
‘Daddy!’ The call came again and Logan stepped reluctantly away. ‘I’d better go see to him before he wakes Trin up.’
Charli nodded and stepped back into her bedroom.
‘Honestly, Charli, if you want to sleep in my room, please, feel free. After all, it’s not as though I’m going to get much sleep tonight.’
Charli grimaced at his words. ‘You and me both—but I have to at least try.’ She smiled at him. ‘I’ll be fine in here.’
‘OK. Besides, in a few more hours—well, about eight more—you’ll probably have both of my children climbing into bed with you.’
‘Envious?’ She smiled at the way he groaned and rolled his eyes.
‘What do you think?’ Owen called out again and Logan took another step away. ‘Try and sleep,’ he said softly. ‘See you in the morning.’ With that, he forced his legs to take him in the other direction before he capitulated completely.
When Charli awoke on Sunday morning, it was to find the bedclothes completely tangled and only half covering her. She gently felt around in the bed but couldn’t find anyone else there. No children. No Logan.
‘It’s for the best,’ she mumbled to herself as she stood and stretched. She made her bed, found a change of clothes and tiptoed over to the bathroom. The rest of the house still appeared to be quiet and she wondered whether Logan had managed to get any sleep or not.
Her own dreams had been such a jumbled mixture, she felt exhausted. One minute she was being chased. She’d been driving in a gold car, speeding up so no one could catch her, and the next minute she was out on the soccer field, kicking a goal with Owen. Logan, dressed as a referee, clapped loudly and ran over to kiss her.
‘Too many emotions,’ she whispered beneath the shower spray. Once she was showered and dressed, she felt a little less like she’d been pulverised. She went in search of the children who were usually up at this time, but there was no sign of them. Their beds were made and she wondered if anyone in this house had slept last night. Were they in bed with Logan? She glanced up the hallway to his door and instantly her heart rate increased.
Shaking her head, she went into the kitchen and there she saw a note on the bench. ‘Just getting breakfast. Won’t be long.’ She read it out loud and smiled at the way Trinity had written it, signing all their names at the bottom.
It wasn’t long before they returned with delicious croissants and rolls from the bakery.
‘Did you sleep all right?’ Logan asked while he made them coffee.
‘Not really.’ Charli shrugged nonchalantly. ‘But I know there’s nothing I could do about it.’
Logan didn’t say anything else, nodding instead. ‘All right, kids. Let’s get breakfast under way because, when we’ve finished, we’ll be taking Charli for a walk to the Venus Baths.’
‘Aw, wick-ed,’ Owen said. ‘That’s my favourite place.’
Logan watched Charli closely and saw the fear and uncertainty in her eyes. He was glad she wasn’t facing this alone, that he’d be there to help her through it. She picked at her food but he really didn’t blame her for not having much of an appetite when her mind was probably whirring almost out of control with the possible scenarios she might unlock.
Once they were done, she loaded the dishwasher and turned it on. The kids already had their jackets on and were waiting outside.
‘Come on.’ Logan’s tone was quiet as he held her coat for her. ‘No more stalling.’
‘Who says I’m stalling?’ she snapped.
‘You may not remember anything, Charli,’ he pointed out. She slipped her arms into the coat and then turned to lean her head against his chest. It was as natural as the sun shining that Logan should put his arms about her to hold her close.
‘I know I will and I know I’m not going to like it.’
‘Then the sooner we face it the better.’ Logan pulled back and took her hand firmly in his. ‘Come on. I’ll be with you every step of the way.’ Charli couldn’t move. Logan bent his head and kissed her. ‘It’s time.’
‘You’d planned to take me out to the Venus Baths all along,’ she stated, and he nodded.
‘You and I both know retracing your steps may help jog the memories.’
‘You were waiting until I was in a better mental state to deal with it?’
‘I was waiting until you were a little more sure of yourself.’
‘You think I am? I don’t.’
He smiled at her words.
‘Don’t laugh at me, Logan!’
‘I’m not laughing at you, Charli. I would never do that.’
‘I know. I’m just…’
‘Anxious,’ he supplied.
‘Terrified,’ she corrected.
He squeezed her hand. ‘Come on.’ Once he got her legs moving, leading her out of the kitchen and then out of the house, she seemed to settle down. They crossed the road and headed towards the path which led to the Venus Baths.
Charli took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She looked up at Logan and nodded. ‘Right. Let’s do this.’
Logan watched as her earlier tension left her and she raised her chin in defiance. She’d gathered her wits and was now ready to face the world—or, in her case, her past.
The kids had run on ahead, knowing the area like the backs of their hands, so Logan was able to focus on Charli. He held her hand as they walked down the path, going further into the dense foliage, walking slowly.
Charli felt the now familiar constriction of her heart as fear once more gripped her. She looked around at her surroundings and knew instinctively she’d been there before. She stopped walking, closed her eyes and gripped Logan’s hand as though it were her lifeline.
Her eyes were shut so tight, Logan’s heart went out to her. The pain she was going through, the anguish—if only he could prevent it he would, but he knew it was impossible. Her lips parted to allow air to escape, and if he’d placed a stethoscope to her heart right now, he knew it would be pounding fu
riously in fear.
‘Logan?’ she whispered.
‘I’m here.’
‘I’ve been here.’ She opened her eyes and took in her surroundings once more. ‘I’ve walked along this path and I was…agitated.’
Logan urged her a little further until they came to a seat near a bridge. ‘Sit down.’ He pulled her close, hoping the body contact would help her to relax a little. ‘Take a deep breath and let it out.’
She did as he’d suggested. ‘I remember driving from Melbourne, through Ararat and then into the main road of Halls Gap. I stopped outside your clinic and noted the hours, then I drove and parked the car. It was still dark, well, almost time for dawn, and I needed to walk, to help get my thoughts in order. I got out of the car and headed in this direction. I had no idea where I was going but the tracks were signposted so I just followed them.’
‘What were you so upset about?’
‘That…’ She sighed heavily. ‘That I don’t know.’
‘Why did you stop outside the clinic?’
She turned and looked at him, his arm sliding off her shoulder and onto the back of the seat. ‘I came here to see you.’
‘To see me?’ Logan couldn’t have been more surprised if she’d whacked him over the head with a bit of two-by-four. ‘But…’ He frowned. ‘We’d met for a brief instant, Charli. That was all.’
‘I know.’
‘You remember meeting me?’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’ She thought for another moment and nodded again. ‘Yes. You shook my hand and smiled and…’ She stopped and looked down.
‘And?’ Logan was astonished that he was so caught up in Charli’s memories.
‘And…I was mesmerised. I felt…something.’
‘Ah. Yes.’ He cleared his throat, feeling a touch uncomfortable but knowing they had to get through this. ‘It was there, wasn’t it? This…thing between us.’
‘Yes. You told me you were from Halls Gap in the Grampians and I was so disappointed when you couldn’t meet me for that drink.’
‘You and me both! Do you remember giving your lecture? Anything else?’
She nodded. ‘I remember searching the crowd for you while I was up on the podium. I had trouble concentrating.’
‘Hmm. So did I.’ He smiled at her. ‘I think I wrote copious notes in that lecture because it was easier than looking up at you.’
‘You seemed…enthralled with what I was saying.’
Logan nodded. ‘I was enthralled by you—period.’ This wasn’t getting them anywhere. ‘We need to focus now.’
‘Yes.’
‘So, after the lecture?’
‘I went back up to my hotel room, kicked off my shoes and sat down to watch television. I was thinking of you, imagining us getting together for our drink.’
He groaned and closed his eyes for a moment. ‘Focus,’ he growled, more for his sake than hers. ‘After that?’ He was finding it more and more difficult not to haul her into his arms. This was part of her treatment and both of them needed to remain professional.
‘I remember having breakfast on Monday morning in my room and then starting to tidy up. I tried calling my mother but received no reply. I was worried but I told myself it was probably coincidence.’ Charli looked at him, fear in her eyes. ‘Something is very wrong, Logan.’
‘Yes.’ He placed a kiss on her head. ‘What else? Anything?’
‘I tried to look over my notes but I couldn’t concentrate properly.’
‘Notes for what? The conference was finished by then.’
She thought hard. ‘I…I can’t remember.’ Charli closed her eyes. ‘After reading my notes, the next thing I can remember is…is driving through Ararat.’
‘So you’re missing a gap from after breakfast on Monday to early Tuesday morning.’
‘All I know is that I had a need to go, to escape. I had to get away but I have no idea why. I got into the car and I just drove. I saw a sign that said “Grampians” and then I was going through Ararat.’ She shrugged. ‘The rest, I guess we know.’
‘You came here to see me.’ He was still stunned at the thought.
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘I…felt safe.’
Logan turned a little so he could look at her. ‘Safe from what?’
‘I don’t know. I remember you saying you were from Halls Gap and I remember your eyes.’
‘My eyes?’
‘Yes. They were alive with life when you talked about your work here and I thought, Here is a man who likes what he does, who seems free and alive with the love of medicine.’
‘You don’t like what you do?’
‘The more I think about it, the more I’m certain of it. I can’t recall specifics but I’m not content with life the way you are. Perhaps that’s why I need to believe in myself.’
‘You don’t like being a doctor, is that it?’
‘I’ve loved helping you out since I arrived here so I’m not sure it’s that.’
‘Has this process we’ve gone through today helped you with any other memories?’
Charli thought for a moment and then sighed, feeling exhausted. ‘I don’t know, Logan. I’m starting to get a headache.’
‘OK. Enough for today.’ He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. ‘Why don’t you stay here? I’ll get the kids and then we can go and get an ice cream.’
Charli smiled up at him. ‘Sounds nice.’ Logan stood, placed a small kiss on her cheek and headed off down the path to get his children. Charli felt a lot of her earlier tension seep out, happy that what she’d remembered so far hadn’t been too traumatic. She still had a sense of foreboding, knowing that it must have been something pretty bad to send her off into the state she was now in, but although there was still more to come, for now she was happy with the progress she’d made.
She glanced down the track in the direction Logan had disappeared, thankful he’d been with her. He really was becoming way too important in her life and she knew the feelings she’d been trying hard to fight since arriving here were now starting to get out of control. Logan meant a lot to her—as did his children. He wouldn’t be the same person without Trinity and Owen, and she loved him for what he’d done for them and the sacrifices he’d made along the way.
Loved him?
She backed up to that thought and looked at it once more. Yes, he meant a lot to her, yes, she liked being with him, yes, she felt secure when his arms were around her—but surely that didn’t mean she’d fallen in love with him, did it?
Charli groaned and buried her face in her hands as she acknowledged the truth of her feelings. Logan—both of the children—the town…The whole enchilada. During the short amount of time she’d spent here, she’d fallen in love with the place. The memory of those two squirming children beneath her bedcovers brought an instant smile to her face and she felt herself relax. And their father? Charli shook her head as though there was nothing she could do about it. She was one hundred per cent, prime time in love with him.
Her smile increased and she pulled her hands away from her face. She loved Logan. She had no idea when it had sneaked up on her, but it was there right now, and even though she still had a long road ahead of her, regardless of what happened, he’d stolen her heart for ever.
‘Charli!’ Owen was calling her name and she turned to face him, her smile beaming as he ran directly up to her and grabbed her hand. ‘We’re going to get ice cream.’ He tugged her up. ‘Come on. Let’s go.’
Trinity was hard on his heels and she grabbed for Charli’s free hand. ‘Ice cream, Charli. I’m going to have two different flavours.’
‘I’m having peppermint and choc fudge,’ Owen declared as they tugged her along. They all wouldn’t fit down the path together and laughingly Charli let go of their hands.
‘I’m having English toffee and pecan,’ Trinity declared, falling into step behind her brother. Charli looked over her shoulder, wondering where Logan was, and as she turned, she f
elt him bump into her. The immediate contact produced zillions of little tingles throughout her body, making her gasp.
Her heart rate increased at the slight touch and her breath caught in her throat as Logan’s arms came around her, making sure they didn’t lose their balance.
‘You OK?’ He steadied her and then dropped his hands.
‘Yea…’ She cleared her throat. ‘Yes. I’m fine.’ She glanced up at him before turning and forcing her legs to move.
‘You sure?’
‘Yes.’
Neither of them spoke as they walked along the path. When it got to the stage where they could walk side by side, Logan quickly took her hand and Charli almost breathed a sigh of relief. She was astonished by the way he made her feel and couldn’t believe she was behaving like a love-struck teenager.
‘What flavour would you like?’
‘Huh?’ She turned wide eyes up to him, her breathing still not quite under control. He smiled and she felt herself sigh with longing. ‘Uh…ice cream.’ She licked her lips and noticed Logan’s eyes darken a little, glad she wasn’t the only one being affected here. ‘Vanilla.’
‘Vanilla?’ Logan repeated incredulously. ‘There’s over thirty flavours to choose from and you choose vanilla?’ He shook his head and tut-tutted. ‘Charli, Charli, Charli. We’re going to have to do something about that.’
She smiled up at him and laughed. ‘Why? I like vanilla.’
Logan slung his arm about her shoulders, drawing her close. ‘All right, then. Vanilla it is, but expect an outcry from the kids.’ He looked over to where his children had reached the roadside, checked both ways and then turned to him for confirmation that it was all right for them to cross. ‘Go on,’ he called, and, after walking carefully across the road, they bolted into the ice-cream shop.
‘They’re so wonderful, Logan.’ Charli stopped and looked at him. ‘They really are such a credit to you.’
‘And my parents,’ he added.
‘Just like you. Unable to take credit for it all when I’m sure you deserve most of it.’ She reached up and brushed a lock of hair back from his forehead. She loved him. She loved this man. She still found it hard to believe and the elation of the discovery was now starting to take effect.
