by Joanne Fluke
Resolutely, Vivian rejoined the group and made her announcement. If any of her friends were upset at the abrupt termination of the bridge game, they didn’t show it. Playing bridge with Vivian Ellison was a definite advantage socially, and any disappointment they felt at having the afternoon end prematurely was carefully masked. Of course they understood. No one would dream of asking Vivian what it was that had come up to end the game so suddenly. That would have been tactless; Vivian’s friends might be catty and outspoken, but they were never tactless.
After the girls had gone, Vivian hurried upstairs and shut the bedroom door behind her. She had told Sally that she felt another migraine coming on, and that seemed to satisfy the elderly housekeeper. There was a tightening in the back of her neck, and she did feel a trifle dizzy. It would be wise to try to rest a little and get her thoughts together, if that were possible. Doug wasn’t coming home until late, and Sally had instructions to serve him a hot meal when he came in. Everything was arranged. Now all that remained was to get herself under perfect control.
Vivian gave one glance at the bed and went straight to her dresser, fumbling under the gloves and scarves to find her bottle of pills. She sighed, hating to take them. They made her light-headed and sleepy, but she needed something to force her to relax. Nothing else would work at a time like this.
A moment later she was in the connecting bathroom, running a glass of water. Her hand was shaking so hard, that two of the pills dropped into the deep pile of the bathroom carpet. She searched for them frantically, patting the rug with her hands and combing her fingers through the thick pile. If Sally found them, she’d know something was wrong, and she would tell Doug. He mustn’t guess that there was anything bothering her. It was up to her to protect him.
Her trembling fingers finally located the pills, and she washed them both down with a glass of water. With the help of the tranquilizers, she’d be asleep by the time Doug got home, and he would assume that she was tired from the afternoon’s entertainment.
Vivian stretched out on the white satin bedspread and closed her eyes. There was a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, and there was no way she could not think about it. The harder she tried to dwell on something else, the faster her mind returned to the telephone conversation, reviewing every word in detail, hearing every nuance of meaning behind the carefully chosen phrases. Kathi’s slight return of memory was a premonition of something worse to come. Fear prickled at the base of her spine.
How much would Kathi remember? She had been very young, yet some people could recall things that had happened when they were two or three years old.
There was a metallic taste of fear in Vivian’s mouth. Perhaps they had made a mistake. She and Doug should have said something to Kathi earlier. Before, when there was still time, they should have prepared her. Now it was too late. It was over, and to make a clean breast of it now might only hurt Doug’s political career.
The prestige of being a senator’s wife . . . Vivian had to admit that her social goal played an important part in her desire for Doug’s success. To come up from the life of a secretary and achieve the prestige of being a senator’s wife had been in the back of Vivian’s mind ever since she and Doug had first discussed his going into politics. She had pushed him; it was true. But her own social position wasn’t all of it. Her husband’s mattered too; his goals matched her own, and Doug’s hopes and aspirations were hers. Both of them wanted that seat in the Senate, and they would get it. Vivian would do everything in her power to see that Doug won the election. Nothing could spoil her plans now.
Vivian took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on something peaceful. She attempted to meditate and think of nothing, setting her mind free like her yoga teacher had recommended. The curtains of time swung back, and her mind floated in a lovely green garden filled with her favorite flowers and trees. There were no palm trees or succulents in her garden, none of the famed California plants that turned pale green in the winter, making California’s claim of “green all year long” a fact. These plants were different, only flowering and green when the weather warmed from frosty to humid. She was back in Minnesota again, when she had first met Doug, and the lilacs were in bloom.
Twenty years old and in love with a married man, she was still Vivian Sundquist, Doug’s legal secretary. It was a sunny morning in late May, and she was living at home with her mother. Vivian snapped the flower-laden branches off the gnarled lilac trees in her mother’s backyard. They were white and pale pink and lovely purple, with a smell so sweet. She carried them to the office, and put them in a vase on her desk so Doug could smell them too.
The vase was clear blue glass and beautiful. It curved upward, with fluted edges, and held the flowers proudly. It was the color of his eyes when he had kissed her that first time so long ago, and she had run back to her mother’s house in confusion, wondering whether she should quit her job and move to Minneapolis, just to get away from him. But she had stayed, because to leave was to condemn herself forever to a life without him. It was wrong to love him so desperately, the handsome young lawyer with a wife and daughter, but for Vivian Sundquist, he was the man of her dreams. He was a man who would go someplace in the world, and if things went right, he would take her with him.
Then they were in his office, the door carefully closed. They had to be discreet, for it wouldn’t do to have Roma find out about them. Doug’s law career was just beginning, and a scandal would ruin it forever. There were weak moments, when Vivian wanted to plead with him to divorce Roma, to move to another town, another state, and start over with her as his wife. But there were important reasons why Doug couldn’t do that, and Vivian knew them all. There was the money Roma’s parents had left to her, the money that had been used to set up Doug’s law practice and to feed and clothe them while he was gradually building up his clientele. There was Roma herself, weak and helpless, unable to cope with life after her parents had died.
Roma didn’t care what Doug did; Vivian was convinced of that. But there was the child to consider—beautiful, bright little Kathi—the strongest link in the chain that kept Doug the prisoner of a loveless marriage. Roma had her expensive bottles of scotch to keep her company on the nights that Doug worked late at the office, so she would never find out about the passion that Vivian shared with Doug. Roma’s own passion was in the bottom of a bottle, swimming deeply under all the amber liquid . . .
The door burst open. Roma was there, tugging a badly frightened child by the arm.
That was the last image Vivian saw before she dropped off into a soft dark place that had no memories.
CHAPTER 6
It was Tuesday morning, and Kathi glanced at her watch, walking a little faster as she neared the Liberal Arts Building. She was tired, more tired than she’d ever been in her life, and this exam was bound to be a tough one. With her purse clutched under her arm and her long blond hair flying in the wind, she broke into a run, hurrying the last hundred yards to the entrance of the building. She had been up all night studying—supposedly studying—although, in truth, she had been ready for today’s test before the weekend. The studying had been an excuse to stay out on the living room couch, drinking coffee, and turning the pages of her books while David went to bed. After what she’d told him about her doctor’s appointment, she couldn’t risk having another nightmare. It was better to keep herself awake with coffee and nap on the couch later. Then, if she did have another nightmare, David wouldn’t witness it. He’d believed her when she claimed she had told the doctor everything, but Kathi had deliberately withheld some information from Dr. Jackson. How could she have confessed what she’d learned only days ago? That she’d had the headaches and nightmares immediately following their lovemaking. There was no way Kathi was going to mention that to any doctor. She was too afraid Dr. Jackson would advise her to see a psychiatrist. The newspapers would love to find out about that and blow it all out of proportion, putting the skids on her father’s campaign.
Kath
i glanced at her watch and started to run faster, racing toward the building. Her head was whirling almost as fast as the bright, brittle leaves swirling around her feet. She had to stop thinking about David and concentrate on her upcoming exam. There wasn’t anything she could do about lying to David anyway. Or about lying to the doctor.
Kathi was panting as she raced up the steps and entered the building. It was warm inside, and she could feel the dampness on her neck as she took her seat in the classroom and slipped out of her fall coat.
It was unseasonably cold for the middle of October. She’d have to stop at the dorm soon and pick up the rest of her winter clothes before Bev left for break week. Then she’d be moved out—lock, stock, and baggage—but Bev would cover for her. It was only until after the election anyway. After that, she could change her mailing address, and she might even tell her dad and Vivian, if the time seemed right. Depending on how the pregnancy test came out, perhaps she and David would be married right after the election.
It didn’t matter to her, but it would matter to her parents. She had to think of her dad’s career, and Vivian. She owed it to them. They’d both been marvelous when she was growing up, giving her everything she’d needed and supporting her with love and concern. She certainly wouldn’t dream of telling them anything about the nightmares. She could remember how upset they’d got when she used to have nightmares as a child. This was something she had to keep to herself.
“Write as rapidly as you can,” Dr. Thompson announced, picking up the test papers from his desk and giving the class a stern glare. He looked like a crane, tall and thin, dressed in a dark suit, peering at their expectant faces over the rims of his wire-framed glasses.
Then his eyes met Kathi’s, and he gave a flicker of a smile. She was his best student, eagerly responding in class, even to the most difficult questions. She would do well on this midterm. His smile broadened in encouragement as he saw Kathi looking at him. She was one student who was always attentive, although she looked a little dazed this morning, probably exhausted, but that was only natural for midterm week. He wished he could have told her not to study too hard. Her face was white, and there were dark circles under her eyes. These college kids never did get enough sleep.
“You may begin as soon as you get your test paper,” Dr. Thompson said, his eyes wandering back to Kathi’s face again. “I doubt that you’ll have very much trouble with this particular question. We’ve discussed it in class on several occasions, and I expect a high percentage of brilliant papers.”
There was a slight titter from the class, and Kathi’s lips curved in a smile as she glanced at her exam. The old dear! She might have known it! He’d stressed Steinbeck heavily in the last few class meetings.
Analyze The Pearl in terms of various levels of meaning (ecological, sociological, mythological, symbolic).
Kathi read the question carefully and opened her blue book, staring down at the blank, lined paper. This should be a snap for her, but somehow she couldn’t seem to start writing. English literature was Kathi’s major, and she had read and reread The Pearl in preparation for this midterm, yet the words didn’t flow from her pen as they usually did. She couldn’t seem to concentrate on the question in front of her at all. Something was blocking her, keeping her pen motionless as her mind spun helplessly.
With a sigh of exasperation, Kathi closed her eyes. She would try the little trick David had taught her. She would relax and let the images come into her mind. That would jog her memory, so she could answer the question.
She imagined Kino and Juana as they awoke at dawn. Juana was rising to tend the fire, making corn-cakes for Kino. Evil . . . evil was entering the simple dwelling in the form of a scorpion, moving down the rope that supported the baby’s hammock. Evil that would change their lives . . .
“No! I want Mommy and Daddy!”
“Don’t cry, Sheri Bear. It’s only a joke. They’re only playing a joke on everyone. It’s not Mommy and Daddy in those big boxes. They put dolls in the boxes to fool everyone. Mommy and Daddy are working on a secret, and they’ll be back just as soon as they can.”
“Dolls . . . yes. But where are they? Where are Mommy and Daddy? Are they really down in the ground with the other dead people the way Auntie said?”
“No, they’re far away, just like I told you. Now you have to keep this secret I told you, Sheri Bear, the secret about Mommy and Daddy and the big dolls. Mommy and Daddy will be back soon, and then they’ll surprise everyone except you, because you know. You’ll have to act surprised, because everyone else is fooled. Auntie and Uncle, and even Baver, are fooled by the big dolls.”
“I could tell Baver. Then he wouldn’t cry so much. Can I tell Baver about Mommy and Daddy’s secret?”
“Oh, no . . . you can’t do that. Baver’s too little to keep a secret, and girls keep secrets better than boys anyway. If Baver knew the secret, he ’d tell Auntie, and she ’d make me go away. Then I couldn’t bring messages from Mommy and Daddy anymore. Then you’d be all alone, and you don’t want to be all alone, do you?”
“Miss Ellison? Miss Ellison? Are you all right?”
Kathi looked up and blinked in confusion. How long had she been sitting like this? Professor Thompson was standing over her with a concerned expression on his kindly face.
“Oh, Dr. Thompson! Yes . . . er . . . I’m fine,” she answered, her cheeks growing hot with embarrassment. “I . . . I was just thinking about the question.”
“Well, don’t think quite so hard, Miss Ellison,” Dr. Thompson chuckled, pointing down at her blank test book. “Half of your allotted time is up, and you haven’t written a single word, except your name, of course.”
The tall, stoop-shouldered professor bent over farther and stared at the name on Kathi’s blue book. “What’s this?” He frowned. “Sheri Walker?”
“Oh!” For a moment Kathi’s mind was totally blank, swimming with terror. When had she written that? In those wobbly block letters! How could she ever explain this to Professor Thompson?
“You forgot to get a blue book for the exam, so you had to borrow one from this girl, Sheri Walker, right?” Professor Thompson guessed, winking at Kathi. “Well, that’s all right, Miss Ellison. Just cross out her name and put in your own. And you’d better start writing, or you’ll never finish. I expect an A paper from you, my dear.”
The gaunt, silver-haired instructor took several steps toward his desk at the front of the room and then turned abruptly and walked back to Kathi’s desk.
“Your friend has atrocious penmanship!” he whispered, patting her on the shoulder. “Simply atrocious!”
Kathi nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She bent over the exam and reread the question, breathing a sigh of relief as Professor Thompson walked away from her and proceeded straight up to the podium this time, taking his seat behind the desk. What had got into her? She’d been daydreaming, and now only half the time remained to answer Dr. Thompson’s involved question. Daydreaming, that was all it was.
But even as Kathi began to write in her clear, even hand, she knew that it hadn’t been a simple daydream. The voices she’d heard were too frighteningly real to be a daydream. Right after this exam was over, she was going to go home and take a nap. She never should have stayed up all night last night.
For a moment, Kathi considered calling Vivian again. Her stepmother might be able to clear up the whole mystery. But if she started asking questions of Vivian, she’d have to tell her about the nightmares and headaches. Then Vivian would worry about her, and that wouldn’t do at all. Dad and Vivian had so much to worry about with the election.
Kathi wrote automatically, but her mind was not on her exam. The voices she had just heard were the same voices in her nightmares, and now she was beginning to remember what they said. She wasn’t quite sure whether the remembering was a good sign or a bad sign, but things just couldn’t go on this way. She simply had to find out who Sheri Walker was, but there didn’t seem to be anyone to ask.
&n
bsp; CHAPTER 7
Kathi gripped her hands tightly in her lap and made a conscious effort to listen to Rich Davies’s latest joke. Her mind felt like fuzzy, gray cotton, and it was hard to make sense out of anything that was happening. They were in Rich’s living room—about twenty of them—weary from their battle with midterm exams, and the wine was making everyone gay and loud. She knew she should be enjoying this party. The pressure of exams was off now, and there should be a release of tension. But instead of feeling carefree like everyone else, Kathi felt like an outsider, listening to the bursts of laughter and wishing that she were somewhere else . . . anywhere where she could be alone and think.
She had called the health center this morning, right after David left for one of his exams. She hadn’t actually been surprised when Dr. Jackson told her the test was positive. In fact, she had been very calm and rational over the phone, promising the doctor that she’d get in touch with the women’s group right after the break. Actually, Kathi wasn’t planning on calling the hot-line number or setting up an appointment at all. For now, she would keep her pregnancy a secret, and when the time was right she would tell David. There’d be no danger of any leak of information from the doctor. He didn’t even know her real name.
It was only now, in the midst of the crowd, that panic started to set in. She had responsibilities now, responsibilities that scared her. She had to make sure she got plenty of rest and ate the right foods. She had to plan out her life to make a good home for David’s child. In the middle of this laughing, carefree college group, Kathi felt like an impostor.
