I don’t even know what to say. He has no idea of what it feels like, not knowing whether the next time I get angry could be the time I possibly kill whoever happens to be around me. He doesn’t understand because all that he is concerned about is his pack. That’s his main priority and I get that. The only people that understand what I’m going through right now is Noelle and Phoenix. They understand, well, at least they’re trying to.
“You said you had a decision to make. What was it?” I try keep my voice firm, avoiding my father’s eyes as I look down at the food on my plate.
“Caspian and I have been speaking.” At the mention of Caspian, the tension in the room rises up a notch. Agitation is radiating from the twins.
“Angel, you understand that once a child of an Alpha leaves school they are meant to take over the pack and Alpha position, don’t you?” I nod. “Unfortunately you are an unmated female.” The twins adjust themselves in their seats and my father looks over at them with concern.
“Caspian and I have been talking about combining our packs.” My father continues, “He has started asking questions about you and your bloodline, he knows you’re different.” I start shaking my head because I know where this is going.
“We think it will be beneficial for the pack if you marry him, become his Luna.” Chaos ensues as the twins growl.
“Silence.” My father speaks and immediately the table is quiet. I still can’t believe he’s even considering about it.
“He is a good man, Angel. He can teach you how to be a great Luna. If he knows as much about you as I fear he does, then he alone can protect you. I’m concerned because you weren’t brought up knowing about our kind… your kind. I worry that you share the same thoughts and have adopted a human frame of mind. You have yet to learn that wolves run in packs. We do everything together. No secrets are kept unless it’s for the benefit of the pack, and trusting your pack members is imperative. A pack won’t work without trust; how are you meant to run this pack when you have secrets bottled up and all these trust issues? You hardly interact with pack members unless its Nixon, you keep to yourself, and your mind link is always closed off. Are you really a part of this pack or are you on your own, Angel?”
I pull up my sleeve, showing him the scar that marks my skin. I point to the pink scarred teeth prints he left at the ceremony. “It looks as if I’m still part of this pack,” I say sarcastically, allowing my anger to fuel my words.
Gasps fill the table as Jacob reaches for my hand, inspecting the scars.
“She hasn’t healed. Why?” He looks to my father, whose eyes are glued to the pink markings.
Grimacing he says, “Clearly her human gene is still very much intact.”
“No shit,” I mumble.
“Angel!” Alex scolds.
I look up at her, showing all the hurt I feel.
“I’m not marrying him. I’ll cut this marking right off before I do that. Hell, I’ll even cut my whole arm off. I’m not marrying him!” I force the words out pointing to the markings.
My father stands up as my mother gasps at my words all teary eyed.
I stand up too.
“You’re willing to leave the pack? You dare disrespect your family like that? Disrespect my pack?” He roars. Alex pulls at his arm begging him to calm down, but he pushes her away.
I look up at him feeling the tears falling. I then calmly look at Alex, then back into his eyes as I speak the words I feel.
“What family? I don’t see any family here, Alpha?” Alex cries harder as my words hit her. The glare that was on Johnny’s face is gone, his eyes lighten and he looks around the room realising what he’s just done and said.
I back away and head back out of the kitchen door. I hear the sound of chairs scraping against the floor.
“Angel!” Johnny calls out to me, making me run harder and faster than I’ve ever had to, away from the pack house and into the solitude of the woods. I hear Alex’s cries and the twins calling my name, but I don’t stop. I run and run as I make my way to the High school. My hair is a mess and my face is all blotchy, but I don’t know where else to go. I pull up my hood, covering most of my messy hair and face from onlookers. I can sense the wolves in the crowd; they’re probably linking with my father right now. I look through the fence at the crowds that fill the stands, looking for the person who has become my rock.
I find Nixon standing with a younger woman. He’s laughing at something she’s saying, looking so happy. I can’t bring him into the middle of this. He’s content in this pack, he’s finally found his happy place... a place to call home.
I hang onto the fencing for a few more moments watching him chat to the pretty lady in the distance. He lifts his head a little and I watch the movement of his nostrils as he smells the air. His smile is gone, I know he senses my presence. I drop my hands from the fence and back away before he has chance to see me.
I can’t go to the witch’s camp, my father will know to look there and I don’t want to bring danger upon them. I send Phoenix a message warning her about my father and what just transpired. I switch my phone off when my mother starts ringing me. When Alex starts trying to get through our pack link I let her in.
“Angel! Come home, let us talk to you. Explain everything better,” she says, sounding worried.
“That place doesn’t feel like a home anymore, Alex. What more is there left to say? You want to ship me off to marry a man I have no desire to marry, all because Johnny wants to make our territory bigger?” I say, heading back into the woods.
“It’s not about making the territory bigger. Caspian can protect you, your human side is weak, Angel. You’re not healing like you should. Even though your special and one of a kind, you don’t appreciate how many people will use that weakness to take over your territory. You need a strong Alpha, your human side just isn’t strong enough,” she says sadly. “Come home, Angel. This is your home!”
“The Wicca side of me is powerful. I don’t need any Alpha to protect me,” I say.
“What?” She says, sounding breathless.
“I know that my grandmother was a witch. I know that if you hadn’t been changed that you would have been a witch too.” I move the branches out of my way as I make my way through the forest.
“What? How? Noelle?”
“Yeah, she was the one to give me the little history lesson that you should have. You and Johnny say there are no lies between pack members. How many lies have you kept from him?” I question.
“Angel, that’s the only thing I’ve kept from him, he wouldn’t understand. Johnny hates witches. Why didn’t you say something at the table?”
“Because I didn’t wanna throw you under the bus. I wanted to hear your explanation first.”
“Ohmigod, I didn’t stick up for you. I’m so sorry, honey. Your father was angry, he wasn’t thinking straight. Please come home. Please. I’ll explain everything to him.” She starts crying and it’s enough to bring tears to my eyes.
“I can’t. I have to do something. I need to do it alone. I’ve got to go,” I say, wiping away the tears.
“No, come home, Angel. Please come…” I close the connection and her words disappear.
****
I head for the woods not knowing which direction to take or where to go. I eventually decide to just walk until I end up somewhere. Walking through the dense forest, I feel the moment I move out of my territory and onto the Crystal Bay Pack’s land; Alpha Caspian’s territory.
I walk along the boundary line in the deep woods, thinking about what happened this evening and how my father spoke to me - the things he’s expecting of me.
“Little she-wolf all alone in the forest at this time of night? Lucky I found you before another big bad wolf came across you.” I keep quiet when I hear his voice. Sub-consciously, I knew this is where I had to go and what I had to do here. I just didn’t expect him to find me so quickly.
“I knew the minute you decided to cross onto my land, lucky for yo
u I wasn’t too far away.” Caspian closes in on me and I watch him make his way down the path and come into the moonlight. It’s the first time I’ve seen him without a suit on; he’s is a plain grey shirt and black gym pants. He looks as if he’s been on a run.
I stand my ground as he stalks up to me, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I’m not marrying you,” I spit out, meeting his stare. He doesn’t even flinch.
He lifts his hand up and brushes his thumb across my jawline. “I don’t think you have a say in the matter. Your father didn’t have to tell me what I already knew. It took me a while to research, to figure things out after I saw that you weren’t healing, but you need me. I can protect you,” he says, with the arrogance I have come to expect from him.
“I don’t need you!” My voice rises.
His lips curl up and he leans into me. I try taking a step back, but his grip holds me in place. I feel his lips on my ear as he whispers huskily, “You do, Angel. I know your secrets, I know all of them and I still want to keep you. You should feel honoured.”
I push at his chest and he moves away to give me a little space to look up at him.
“I don’t need you. I don’t need any-”
“Oh, I think you do. You need me and you know it. You don’t want to need me, but you do. What will you father do to the twins once he finds out about what they’ve been putting you through. What will he say about the first mate that rejected you? You think your father is going to accept that an inferior Alpha like Jackson rejected his daughter because he thought she’d make a weak Luna? I don’t think your father will take it lightly, this may start an entirely new war between the packs.” His solemn voice has me frozen in place.
How does he know all about this? He knows everything.
Only two people know this…
“No,” I whisper, when realization hits.
“Yes, Axel spilt the beans. Not like he had a choice in the matter though. He tried keeping me out of his head, he tried really hard, but I’m stronger than him and he wouldn’t dare disobey me, his Alpha.”
“Did you hurt him?” I blurt out, more worried about Axel’s safety than the fact that he didn’t keep his promise.
Caspian chuckles, his chest vibrating under my hands. “Of course I didn’t harm him, he’s still one of my closest friends. I understood why he kept your secret, and he understood me when I told him that I’m the only one that could keep you safe. It’s true, besides your father, I’m the strongest most powerful pack leader. Should your secret ever come out, Axel knows that I’ll be able to protect you no matter what.”
“Why do you want to do that? Why would you want to marry me and make me your Luna?” I don’t know what to make of all of this.
“It’s simple. Your father and I are the strongest leaders, I will never harm him to take his land. So the next best thing is to merge our territories, and that leads us to this conclusion. You marry me and we become the leaders of the biggest most controlling territory in all the states. You being a beautiful little trophy on my arm is just a bonus.” He brushes my jawline again with his thumb.
“I’m not marrying you,” I grit out, pushing against his chest once again.
“You will, Angel.”
I shake my head.
“Or your father and I will have another discussion and I’ll tell him all that I know, all that you have yet to tell him. Imagine all the people that will get caught in the crossfire.” His voice turns low as he ends off with a growl.
“You’re blackmailing me?” This time I manage to shove against him hard enough that I’m able to get space between us.
“I told you I always get what I want. The twins don’t want you, but I do, Angel; even with your flaws.” He looks my body over.
Flaws…
I turn and start running just as he shouts out.
“You will accept my proposal, Angel!”
****
I don’t know for how long I run, but the sun starts to rise and before I know it I’m standing in front of Georgina’s trailer door. I’m surprised none of Jax’s pack members have come to get me yet, Caspian said he knew it the minute I entered his land; so maybe it’s a perk of being an Alpha.
“This was a bad-bad idea,” I mumble, turning to leave. As soon as I get to the last step the door behind me opens.
“Lexi?” I turn around at the sound of her voice.
“Georgina,” I say, giving her a small smile. It’s enough to have her running up to me, and holding me tightly against her.
“Jesus, I’ve missed you.” She holds me close and I love every second of it.
“I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. Every single time I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry, sweetie. So very sorry,” she mumbles against my shoulder as she tries to move away.
I hold her tighter. “Can you just hold me a little longer,” I say in a spluttering voice, trying to keep the tears at bay.
“Okay, baby,” she whispers, holding me close to her. I breathe in her familiar scent, allowing it to calm me. Fair enough, we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve both been to hell and back, but for most of my childhood she was a great mother. With my now sharp sense of smell, I take in the scent that belongs to Jax’s pack. I’ve never smelt it before, but now it’s almost overpowering. Faith’s harsh words make it unbearable for me to focus, but I try my best to push her concerns aside and enjoy the moment.
I pull away from her and she pulls me inside the front door, shutting it quickly behind us.
“You look exhausted. Let me get you something to drink.” I sit on the chair in the living room and she brings me a glass of cold water which I chug down in one go.
I place the glass on the table alongside the chair. I find Georgina standing in the same position looking me over.
“What?” I say, looking down to see if I spilt water on my top, which I haven’t.
“You’re a wolf. You survived the change,” she says, looking proud.
“Yeah I did. At the time, I didn’t think I would, but everything was okay.” I give her a small smile.
“You’re a strong wolf too. I didn’t see it when I found you on my front step, I was too wrapped up in having you here, but I see it so clearly now.”
“I don’t feel very strong,” I sigh, looking down at my hands.
She sits down on the sofa next to me, taking my hand in hers.
“But you are, sweetie pie. I’m so proud of you. You’ve grown up into a beautiful, strong, young woman.” She smiles brightly trying to cover up the shame that still lingers on her face.
“I don’t know why I did the things I did, Lexi. I was on some pretty heavy stuff at the time. Losing your mate is so hard. Sometimes my heart still hurts when I think of your fath- I mean, when I think of James. I can still feel him, it’s as if his wolf is still out there somewhere, and I just can’t get to him. I miss him so much, my heart hurts every day. Even though you weren’t his daughter, you were still his blood, you look so much like him and the small things you did kept reminding me of him. I’m so sorry for taking out all my anger and frustration on you, I never should have done all those terrible things. I should have cherished you and made you feel loved and wanted. I love you, Lexi. I’ll always love you, even if I didn’t give birth to you, baby.” She wipes away her tears and wraps her arm over my shoulders. I lean back into her wrapping an arm around her waist. I think about her words and how to respond, but I don’t know how to, so all I say is, “I love you too.”
That seems to be enough for her because she lets out a deep breath and holds me close, kissing the top of my head.
“I missed this,” I whisper.
“I missed this too, honey. More than you’ll ever know,” she whispers back, running her hands through my hair as I rest my head on her shoulder.
We sit quietly for a little while enjoying one another’s familiar company. We don’t need to say anything, just being in each other’s arms is enough to remind me of when I was a child. A time when sh
e was my favourite person in the world, my go-to person. Whenever I had a problem or even when I just wanted a cuddle, her arms would be open for me. It’s a place in time when a little snuggle with your favourite person would make everything better. It’s funny how things change as you get older and wiser, cuddling someone certainly doesn’t fix problems like it used to. As an adult we require words, apologies and someone to blame.
But all I need right now is this fucking cuddle.
That’s enough for me.
She hums a tune and I’m close to falling asleep when she suddenly stops and her arms tighten. I feel her looking at me and I open my eyes to see a frown.
“Have you spoken to Alpha Jax about entering his land? Lexi you do know you’re supposed to get permission?” She asks cautiously, when I don’t respond she stands up quickly.
“You have to go Lexi! Go before they find you!” She sounds panicked.
She swings the door open and I find a very livid looking Jax standing there.
“Shit!” I stand up quickly. I knew what I was doing when I crossed into his territory, but coming face to face with the consequences of my actions has me scared shitless.
I make a beeline for the back door and thank God, it’s open. I don’t hear his footsteps behind me so I look back to see if he’s chasing me, but he’s not there. I make it to the back porch stairs, but before my foot even gets to touch the grass, Jax is there, knocking me right off my feet and tackling me to the ground. He knocks the air right out of me.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to get you that hard.” He looks down at me underneath him with concern.
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