by Susan Wiggs
“Good.”
“You have to promise me I won’t ever have to serve.”
“Of course. I promise.”
Lily tried to remember if she’d made Crystal promise the same thing. She didn’t think she had, and deep down she knew it wouldn’t make any difference in the way she’d lived her life, anyway. Crystal was who she was—a woman who found herself in a car with her ex-husband on a stormy afternoon. A woman whose heart ruled her head, every time.
A while later, Rick arrived to pick up Violet and the kids. At the sound of his clanking Astro van pulling into the driveway, Violet’s face lit up. “He’s here,” she said, jumping up and running outside.
Lily stood and watched them from the window—a smiling man in an ill-fitting suit, embracing his exuberant, slightly overweight wife, while the kids swarmed around, welcoming him.
Lily wished she had a camera handy. In that moment, you couldn’t see that they were broke and living in a dump, that Rick was going to have to pick himself up, dust himself off and find a way to support them. In that moment, they made perfect sense, a complete world unto themselves.
Feeling intrusive, she went outside to say goodbye. After they were gone, she stood in the driveway. The days were getting longer, she thought. Ordinarily, she loved the springtime. The accelerated glide toward the end of the school year was filled with fresh energy as everyone prepared for summer. This year was different, of course. This year, Crystal was gone, the kids were in the care of Sean Maguire and she worried about them constantly.
Because of what had happened, her life was not her own. She’d had her summer all planned out. Now she had all these people in her life and things were no longer in her control. Never before had she changed her plans to accommodate other people.
She stood lost in her own living room. Had her house always been this quiet or did it just seem that way now? It had a curious sterility about it, too. Her sister described it as a freakish neatness. To fill the silence, she turned on the stereo. Bocelli singing “Mille Lune, Mille Onde” from a CD she’d bought to get her in the mood for Italy.
Now the silky tenor voice kept her company as she went to her desk and put away all her maps and guidebooks, her language tapes and itineraries. Then she called and left a message for her travel agent: Cancel everything.
Finally, with the music radiating out to the corners of the room, Lily poured herself a glass of wine. Chianti, of course. Letting go of a dream should have been devastating. Instead, it felt exactly right.
chapter 26
Sean Maguire heard an insistent knocking at the front door. He had been circling around Ashley, trying to psych himself up to change her. No matter how many times he did this, he couldn’t get used to it. Last night’s pinto beans and scrambled eggs had been transformed into toxic waste in her diaper. According to one of the library books on child development, he had another six months of this before potty training, possibly more.
“Someone’s at the door,” he said. “Maybe it’s the hazardous waste removal team.”
“Okay.” She waddled into the front room.
Damn. The kid could talk but couldn’t use the toilet. What was up with that?
As he headed for the door, he glanced around the house. It looked as though a bomb had exploded, cluttering the place with toys, schoolbooks, clean laundry he’d been in the midst of folding, a stray cup, a plate of someone’s half-eaten breakfast. How had it gotten this way? Only yesterday, Mrs. Foster had everything straightened up while she was here babysitting. He himself had swept the floors.
Too bad, he thought, glancing at the clock. Anyone who showed up at this hour deserved what they saw. With a less-than-welcoming expression on his face, he pulled the door open.
“We need to go on a family excursion today,” said Lily Robinson, walking into the house before he’d even decided whether or not to extend an invitation.
He was surprised to see her. She always visited in the late afternoon. Ordinarily, he was glad—even relieved—to see her. She brought order and calmness to the house, and the kids were bonkers for her. But this morning…She wore jeans and red sneakers, and for some crazy reason, the outfit made her look wildly sexy to him. As did the look she gave him, as though she’d never seen a guy who’d just rolled out of bed before. Maybe she hadn’t. He reeled in his thoughts. He had no business thinking about stuff like this. “You might have called first,” he said.
“It was too early to call.”
“I like a logical girl,” he said.
“Whose car is that parked outside?” Lily spotted Ashley and her face lit up. “Hello, Miss Adorable.” Squatting down, she opened her arms and the baby tumbled into them.
Your funeral, thought Sean, pretending he hadn’t heard the question.
“Whew,” said Lily. “Someone’s been busy.”
“We just got up,” he said, rubbing his unshaven jaw. “She hasn’t had a change yet.”
Lily stepped away from the baby. “Don’t let me stop you.”
He grumbled and muttered under his breath as he did the honors. Sometimes he woke up in the morning and thought, I can’t do this. I’m not even supposed to be doing it. This is not my life.
Then somehow he slogged through, making mistakes along the way, like buying the wrong-size diaper or putting it on backward, or putting Twinkies but no sandwich in Charlie’s lunch bag.
Ashley seemed to find him vastly amusing, and by the time he got her cleaned up and dressed, they were both in a better mood. That was the thing about a little kid, living moment to moment. The bad ones were over fast and there was always a smile on the horizon. No wonder you had three of them, Derek, he thought.
Mrs. Foster helped out with the baby, but she was expensive. Sean’s allowance from the court-mandated insurance trust was meager at best. The perception that he’d come into a fortune along with Derek’s kids was wrong, but that didn’t stop nosy sports reporters from asking about it. Constantly. And assuming the worst about Sean’s motives.
Lily was restlessly moving about the living room, straightening up. Let her, he thought. Don’t make excuses. He was not going to become the sort of person who got defensive over a messy house.
“We need to take the children to see their grandmother,” Lily said.
He looked at her blankly.
“Dorothy Baird. Crystal’s mother.”
The stroke patient, he recalled. He’d never met Derek’s mother-in-law, and her health had deteriorated to the point where she hadn’t even been able to attend her daughter’s funeral. He looked at Lily’s eager, insistent face and said, “I don’t have a problem with that. We’ll do it one of these days.”
“I was thinking today. Family is so important for these children, especially now. If we leave soon, we can be in Portland for the morning visiting hours.”
“Suppose I have other plans?” he asked, annoyed.
She folded her arms in front of her. The stance accentuated her breasts. She had surprisingly big breasts for a schoolmarm, not that he knew for sure whether or not there was a standard breast-size for marms.
“Do you?” she asked.
He was planning to get in a round of golf with his nephew. Something was happening with Sean’s game these days, an unexpected new power, and he wanted to explore the change. Both he and Cameron had noticed it, and they played several times a week, sometimes even bringing the girls along in the cart. Now he found himself contemplating a drive to the city and a visit to a bedridden woman who didn’t know these kids anymore.
Lily waited, watching him.
“All right,” he said. “We’ll go.”
“Go where?” Stifling a yawn, Maura walked out of the bedroom, wearing only the top of her oversize surgical scrubs.
As awkward moments went, Sean decided, this one definitely ranked right up there with Asmida’s father walking in on them in the Johor Bahru Hilton.
“Hello, Maura,” Lily said politely. As she spoke, she reached for the baby’s h
and, as though needing to anchor herself.
“Hi, Lily.” Maura glanced at the clock, then at Sean. “Is there coffee?”
“I haven’t made any yet.” Sean suppressed a beat of irritation. This woman was his girlfriend, he reminded himself. So what if they hadn’t had a great night last night? He’d been exhausted and morose, missing Derek, and had found himself questioning what he was doing—with her, with the kids, with his life.
She shrugged. “That’s all right. I’ll get some on the way to the hospital.” She sent Lily a quick smile. “I’ve got to work today. It’s the start of the thirty-six-hour shift.”
“That’s a long shift,” said Lily.
“Standard for fourth year.” Maura bent down to peer at Ashley. “Bonjour, jolie mademoiselle,” she said, and Ashley giggled as she usually did when Maura spoke French. Then she straightened up. “So are you taking the kids on an outing?” she asked Lily.
“That’s the plan. We’re taking them to see their grandmother in Portland.”
Maura shot Sean a look. “I see. Well, have a good time.” She headed for the shower, and Sean could tell from her posture that she was ticked off. She probably thought he’d planned this excursion with Lily and hadn’t bothered to tell her.
Well, hell, he thought, heading upstairs to rouse Cameron and Charlie. Lily could be anywhere she liked this morning, and she’d chosen to spend it with the kids. He respected that about her. He just wished she had called first.
chapter 27
Lily kept trying to shake off the sight of Maura Riley, looking like Medical Student Barbie, coming out of the bedroom she’d so obviously shared with Sean the night before. But Lily couldn’t forget. Nor could she keep silent the minute she got him alone in the kitchen.
“I think it’s a bad idea to have your girlfriend living in the house with you,” she said. Crystal’s house, she thought, her resentment firing up.
“She doesn’t live here.”
“She shouldn’t even be spending the night.” God, she sounded so sour and judgmental. “What I mean is, it’s bad for the kids.”
“Get off it, Lily. Not that it’s any of your business, but last night is the first time she’s stayed. The kids don’t care. They like Maura.”
“What about Maura?” asked Charlie as she came into the kitchen. “She stayed over last night, didn’t she?”
Lily pursed her lips. Sean acted as though he hadn’t heard.
“She’s boring and she doesn’t have time for kids,” Charlie said, sending a sidelong glance at her uncle.
“It’s the truth. I asked her. She said she wasn’t ready to have kids, but when she was, then she would like them.”
“She didn’t mean you,” said Sean. “So you watch your mouth.”
Charlie gave an offended sniff, then shrugged and went trolling for breakfast. She gravitated toward a box of Pop-Tarts, and Lily was too preoccupied to object.
If this had been Lily’s problem to solve, she would have launched into a detailed explanation of how inappropriate it was for Charlie to talk like that about an adult, and how hard Maura worked at becoming a doctor, and how important it was for Charlie to respect her. Lily discovered that Sean’s curt imperative worked just as well.
“You look pretty today,” she told Charlie, admiring the creative combination of red sneakers, pink sweater and purple clam diggers. Her hair was braided and adorned with a sparkling array of tiny barrettes.
Charlie held out her hands. “Uncle Sean did my nails. And my hair.”
Lily nodded in approval. “I see.” Over Charlie’s head, she caught Sean’s eye, but he was acting busy as he organized the baby’s diaper bag. A bit of self-conscious color touched his cheeks.
Uncle Sean, it seemed, was developing an unexpected talent for doing hair. It had started with Charlie’s return to school. Lily never knew what the child would look like on any given morning. Over the past few weeks, she’d arrived in the classroom sporting any number of looks—B-52s, Princess Leia, Pippi Longstocking and Alicia Keys were favorites.
“We should get going,” Sean said.
Cameron was the last to join them, sliding into the car just as Sean was about to lose his patience.
“Hey,” Charlie squawked, “get your muddy feet off me.”
“They’re not on you,” Cameron muttered. “Move over.”
“On the way home,” Sean said, “maybe you’ll do some of the driving.”
Cameron opened a can of Coke and took a slug. “I forgot my learner’s permit.”
Sean held up a small leather sleeve with a plastic window. “You’re in luck. I found this on top of the refrigerator.”
Sean had told Lily that Cameron was avoiding driving. Most boys his age couldn’t wait to get behind the wheel. But of course, most boys hadn’t lost their parents in a horrific accident.
“I don’t feel like it,” said Cameron, and he turned to glare out the window.
Lily shifted sideways in her seat so she could talk to the kids. The social services supervisor had given Sean permission to appropriate Crystal’s car. Since his truck only had three seat belts, they couldn’t go anywhere as a family in it.
She told herself not to resent him for moving into her best friend’s home, looking after her kids and taking over her life. It seemed to be the most compassionate arrangement for the children at this time, maybe for good. But being pushed out of the picture didn’t feel right at all. She didn’t know where she stood—teacher, family friend, fifth wheel? After encountering Maura this morning, she was more confused than ever and more bothered by the fact that she had no authority here, no control.
“How’s school going?” she inquired, trying to engage Cameron’s interest.
“Okay,” he said, predictably.
“I deserved that,” Lily admitted. “All right, let’s try this again. How’s your state-history project coming?”
“It’s coming.”
“He hasn’t even started,” Charlie said.
“Shut up.” Cameron elbowed her.
“Don’t talk like an ass,” Sean warned him. “I mean, a jerk.”
“Do you need help with it?” Lily asked.
“I don’t need anything.” He took a slug of Coke.
She wanted to ask Cameron about all sorts of things. She wondered if he felt like talking about his worries when it came to driving, but that conversation was not for here or now. That was something she was learning about the dynamics of this patchwork family. You had to pick your moment.
As they passed Echo Ridge, Sean slowed the car. “What the hell?”
Lily was going to chide him for his language, but when she looked at the golf course, she forgot to speak. A police squad car was parked on the side of the road and an officer made notes on a pad. Someone had trenched the putting green closest to the road. The green had been charred, too, by lighter fluid splashed on the grass and then set aflame. In the water hazard adjacent to the fairway, a golf cart lay half submerged. Workers and members from the course stood around, probably trying to decide where to begin fixing things.
Sean pulled over and got out.
“What do you make of that?” Lily asked Cameron.
He shrugged. “Maybe someone had too much time on their hands last night.”
She felt a strange flutter in her stomach. “How do you know it was last night?”
He rolled his eyes. “I doubt something like this would happen in broad daylight,” he said.
“I don’t understand. Why would anyone do such a thing?”
He shrugged again. “I guess some people trash things for no reason.”
Sean returned to the car. “Vandalism,” he said. “They’re assessing the damage at five thousand dollars for now. Ten times that if they have to replace the whole green.”
“Do you need to stay?” asked Lily. By asking, she was giving him an out. An escape hatch. A perfect excuse to let her take the kids by herself.
“I told them I was busy,” he said, c
lipping his seat belt in place. “They’ve got my cell phone number.”
The rest of the way to the city, they speculated about what could’ve happened. They concluded that the crime was almost certainly caused by kids. The cart belonged to a member who, according to Sean, had a bad habit of leaving his cart shed unlocked. He wouldn’t be doing that anymore.
“The greens are so manicured,” Lily commented. “How will they get it back to the condition it was before?”
“They’ll never get it back to its original state,” said Sean.
“I think it’s terrible,” she said. “What were those kids thinking?”
“I’m sure they weren’t thinking at all. It can be fixed. New grass always comes in greener after burning, anyway.”
The Golden Hills care facility was beautifully landscaped, with a view of the Columbia River and the snow-clad cone of Mount Hood floating in the distance. Crystal and her mother had chosen this place together a long time ago, after the first series of strokes, from which she made only a partial recovery. In March, a massive stroke had nearly been fatal. “Sometimes,” Crystal had told Lily, “I think it would have been a mercy if it had taken her. It’s taken everything else, all her memories, everything that makes her her.”
To Lily, it seemed a singularly cruel existence. Her condition had stolen all the years of a rich, full life, and left Dorothy bedridden and unaware that she had a daughter who had died and grandchildren who loved her.
“Grandma stays in bed all the time now,” Charlie told Sean as they headed for the covered walkway leading to the entrance. “She can’t even go out in a wheelchair anymore.”
He took her hand. “What was she like before she got sick?”
“Only the best grandma in the whole wide world.” There was a bounce in Charlie’s step as she walked.
“I’ll bet she was.” He lifted his arm and Charlie twirled under it.
“Now me,” said Ashley, straining to get down. “Me!”
Outside the doors of the nursing home, he twirled both girls, their images reflected in the glass of the foyer windows.
