He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his dark, sloppy hair before looking at me with those pretty gray eyes. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings. I can’t stand the thought of you really hating me. So, can you please just… stop being mad at me?”
I looked down at my feet, digging my toes into the tan carpet as the hurt from earlier came back full force. “I can’t just stop being mad at you, Deck. You were really mean. You made me feel like an idiot in front of your friends, and then you called me ugly.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“Why’d you have to act like that, huh? You were totally different around those guys. You never treat me like that.”
His fingers tugged at a loose thread on his pants. “I don’t know.” He shrugged, watching that thread unravel like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “I just….” He puffed out a big breath before continuing. “We were all talking before you showed up, and Garrett mentioned that he’d seen you riding your bike around, and thought you were cute. I guess… I didn’t really like it, okay?”
My eyes bugged wide. “He thinks I’m cute?” That was the first time I’d ever heard of a boy thinking I was cute. I couldn’t remember which of them was Garrett, but the compliment still made my belly warm and floaty.
Declan stared at me with a strange look on his face I couldn’t quite understand. “Yeah. But Garrett’s kind of a jerk, so you totally shouldn’t like him.”
With a giggle, I bumped my shoulder against his. “You mean a jerk like you?”
He snorted and rolled his eyes. “No, not like me,” he grumbled. “Well okay, so maybe a little bit like me. But I promise I won’t ever be a jerk to you again.” His cheeks turned pink, and I could tell by the sound of his voice that he really meant every word he said. “So, are we okay?”
My face stretched into a huge smile. “Yeah, we’re okay.” Then I punched his arm playfully. “You know, you could’ve just waited until tomorrow. You didn’t need to climb on my roof late at night to talk to me.”
He gave me an embarrassed look. “Yeah well, I couldn’t sleep until I fixed it, so….”
My belly got that warm, floaty feeling again, but for a totally different reason this time. I sniffled and lunged, wrapping Declan in a big, tight hug. “Don’t worry, Deck. You’re still my best friend. You’ll always be my best friend.”
With a groan, he pulled out of my arms. “Okay, okay. Don’t go getting all girly on me.” I laughed, so happy Declan and I weren’t fighting anymore. He made a sound like there was something stuck in his throat and said, “And you know, you’re not ugly. Like at all. I think you’re really pretty, Tatum.”
That time my cheeks turned pink, and I ducked my head, suddenly feeling shy. “Uh, thanks.”
“And, um, if you wanted… I mean, like if you were cool with it….” He swallowed so thick I could see his throat bob up and down. “I know it wouldn’t mean anything, but since you’re my best friend and I’m yours, I was thinkin’ that maybe….”
“Maybe what?”
His left arm came up to scratch the back of his neck. “Maybe we could be each other’s first kiss? I just thought that since we were so close, it would be better if it was each other instead of people we barely knew,” he spouted quickly. “I totally get it if you don’t want to, but—”
I wasn’t sure what came over me, but after hearing him say he wanted to be my first kiss, all of a sudden I really wanted that too. So I did it. I leaned in and pressed my lips against his in a hard kiss.
Neither of us really knew what we were doing, and our mouths stayed closed the whole time, but I had a feeling just then that it was going to be the best kiss I ever had.
Because it was with Declan.
Chapter Three
Tatum
Fifteen years old
“How cool is it that we got our first gig?”
I glanced over my shoulder at Killian and smiled before dropping my books in my locker and slamming it closed.
“It’s awesome, Kill,” I answered, stepping over to join him, Will, Garret, and Declan. The five of us slowly started making our way through the crowded halls toward the school cafeteria.
It had taken a while after the bumpy start we had, but I eventually grew really close to Declan’s three friends, firmly burrowing my way into their tight circle. I was just like one of the guys. I did everything with them. We hung out together all the time. And for a girl who’d grown up an only child, they’d given me the brothers I never had. I loved each and every one of them in their own unique ways.
There was only one difference.
And it was a huge one.
I didn’t just love Declan. I was in love with him.
I wasn’t sure exactly when it had happened, or even how, but there it was. I was crazy for my best friend.
“I don’t know,” Declan grumbled as we pushed through the double doors into the loud, busy cafeteria. “I just don’t think we’re ready yet.”
After years of playing around on their instruments, they finally decided to get serious and put a band together. They’d been practicing like crazy, day and night, trying to make something of themselves. It was an amazing thing to watch. Will played the drums. Killian was on the bass. Declan and Garrett both played the guitar, but the thing I loved the absolute most about listening and watching them play was hearing Declan’s incredible voice. He was just… everything. I loved experiencing the music they made.
“What are you talking about?” Garrett grumbled as we moved through the lunch line. “We finally nailed every one of those covers we’ve been working on forever. We sound awesome!”
“We don’t even have a name!” Declan declared as we grabbed our trays and moved to an empty table. I remained quiet, taking my seat next to his. Will sat on the other side of me, Killian and Garrett across from us.
I didn’t say a word because he was right. They’d been going back and forth on band names for months, and each one was worse than the last.
Satan’s Homeboys. That had been a particular favorite of mine. Said with sarcasm.
The Butt Pirates. I Googled that one and informed them what it meant. Needless to say, it was vetoed pretty quickly.
The Headboard Crushers. Leave it to a bunch of teenage boys to come up with something that juvenile and cringeworthy.
The Demented Clowns. Yeah, I wasn’t even addressing that one.
“What’s wrong with the Headboard Crushers?” Killian asked. “I mean, it fits. At least with me and Garrett.” They bumped their fists together and laughed as I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, guys, what’re you talking about?”
We all tipped our heads up at the same time at the sound of Mason Keller’s voice. He was new to our town and school, having only just moved there a few weeks earlier. Will, being the social, easygoing guy he was, had become fast friends with him. I hadn’t gotten to know Mace all that well yet, but from what I’d seen, he was a decent enough guy. Everyone seemed to be warming up to him pretty quickly, everyone but Declan, that was.
Mace took the empty seat directly across from me, getting fist bumps and back slaps from everyone except Deck.
His gaze landed on mine and a big, attractive smile spread across his lips. “Hey, Tatum.”
“Hi, Mace,” I replied. As soon as his name left my mouth, I felt Declan move closer. When I over up at him, I found him scowling across the table at Mason.
“We’re talking band names,” Will spoke, answering his original question. “We still haven’t come up with anything good, despite what these two shitheads think.” He chuckled as he pointed at Garrett and Killian.
I’d been giving their band’s name a ton of thought lately and decided it was time to tell them what I was thinking. “Uh, guys?” All five sets of eyes came to me. “I think I might’ve come up with something. It’s cool if you guys hate it. You don’t have to use it—”
Declan bumped his shoulder with mine, and I turned
my head his way. He smiled down at me in that way that made my tummy flutter. “Spit it out, Tate. You know we take your opinion seriously.”
My face grew hot as I offered a timid smile. “Well, what do you think of Civil Corruption?”
They all stayed quiet for so long that I started to get embarrassed, and dropped my gaze to the table.
“Civil Corruption,” Will said in a thoughtful way. “That sounds—”
“Freaking awesome!” Garrett cried. “Holy shit! That name’s killer!”
My head shot up, and I scanned each of their faces. “You really think so?”
“Hell yeah! It’s perfect, Tater tot,” Will declared.
“Thanks.” I was blushing furiously under all their attention.
“Great thinking, Tate,” Mace said.
We’d just exchanged another grin when Declan’s voice cut through the moment. “So we finally got a band name,” he started, sounding disgruntled. “But I’m still not sure about playing the dance. I mean, we sound good, yeah. But I hate the fact that we gotta play covers. We really need to start writing our own songs.”
The rest of the guys began grumbling. It was the same argument they’d had over and over.
“Hey, cranky” I said quietly, knocking Deck’s knee with mine. “Every band has to start somewhere, right?”
He shrugged. “I guess, but—”
“But nothing. Look at the dance as practice. Play the covers now, then start writing your own music. What’ll it hurt, right?”
“Yeah, dude,” Killian cut in. “Listen to your girl. She’s always been smarter than you.”
I blushed like crazy at him referring to me as Declan’s girl. I’d never admit it out loud, but I loved it when one of them called me that. It made me feel special.
Important.
It was like floating on a cloud. Unfortunately, seconds later that cloud disappeared and I came crashing back down to earth.
A girly, high-pitched squeal of excitement cut through my happiness just moments before I was roughly shoved out of the way.
“Hey, babe! I missed you!” Amanda Pickler threw herself into Declan’s lap and planted a hard kiss against his lips.
If I listened hard enough, I was sure I’d hear my heart breaking. I hated Amanda Pickler. She and Declan had been going out for a little over two months, and I knew from overhearing conversations between him and the other guys that he’d lost his virginity to her shortly after they began dating.
I’d cried myself to sleep that night. I was talking snotty, blotchy-faced ugly crying. The only thing worse than the boy I loved being with another girl was having no one to talk to about it.
I desperately needed some friends who were girls.
“Hey, baby.” He grinned up at her in a way that made me feel sick. I’d been on the receiving end of so many of his smiles I’d lost count, but I’d never gotten a smile like that. It was a secret smile between two people who shared a lot more than just friendship.
“Guess what?” She fluttered her eyelashes and flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “My parents are going out of town tonight. You should come over.”
My throat burned like I’d just swallowed acid, and my eyes began to sting with building tears. I had to get out of there or they’d all see just how close I was to crying.
I cleared my throat and stood from my chair. “I’m going to head out, guys. I’ll talk to you later.”
Declan’s hand came out and grabbed my arm. “But you haven’t even eaten yet.”
“I forgot, I have to meet with Mr. Peterson about an extra credit project.”
Shaking my arm free, I all but bolted from the lunchroom, careful not to look back because I was afraid of what I’d see if I did.
Chapter Four
Declan
Fifteen years old
I watched the doors as Tate walked through them, my stomach sinking from the look on her face. She’d been fine one second, laughing and joking like usual, then all of a sudden she looked upset. And I didn’t have a damn clue why.
“Hey, you guys know Tatum really well, right?” Mason asked, pulling my attention his way.
“Yeah,” Killian answered, chewing a bite of his hamburger. “Known her for years. She’s like a sister.”
Maybe to the rest of the guys. But lately I’d been feeling something for Tatum that wasn’t the slightest bit brotherly. If I was being honest, it freaked me right the hell out, but I couldn’t stop noticing the way she was changing the older she got. Tate wasn’t the same scrawny-legged little girl I met on the curb outside my house eight years ago.
I shouldn’t have been feeling that way about my best friend, and I knew it. That was why I was trying so hard with Amanda, even though she mostly just annoyed the shit out of me. If she hadn’t put out as fast and easily as she did, I never would’ve kept dating her.
“So…,” Mason dragged out. “Do you know if she’s single?”
The hell?
I opened my mouth and snapped, “Why?” before I could think better of it. Don’t get me wrong, Mason seemed like a nice enough guy, but the way he looked at Tate pissed me off. He didn’t have any damn right staring at her the way he did. She wasn’t his to look at. She belonged to me. She was my best friend.
He looked at me, wrinkling his forehead as he answered, “Well, I mean, she’s really nice—”
“Dude!” Garrett laughed. “You interested in her?”
I suddenly wanted to punch Mace right in the face and hopefully break his nose.
His cheeks reddened as he looked down at the table. “I mean, sure. She’s kinda hot.”
It was official, I was definitely going to break his nose. I’d seen the way they looked at each other, and I was going to kill him if he even thought about touching her.
“Tatum Valentine?” Amanda said in a tone that I didn’t like at all. “Seriously?”
I pushed her from my lap onto the bench where Tate had just been sitting. “Why’d you say it like that?” I asked, my voice full of accusation.
Amanda’s face pinched in an ugly frown. “Don’t tell me you actually think Tatum Valentine’s pretty,” she scoffed, like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“That’s my best friend you’re talking about,” I gritted between clenched teeth.
“Omigod,” she shrieked in a Valley Girl voice that nearly made my ears bleed. “So what if she’s your best friend? She’s totally ugly. Like, all that frizzy orange hair and pale skin. Gross.”
The energy coming off the rest of the guys at the table was just as furious as my own.
“Dude, better tell your girlfriend to watch it before she says something that really pisses me off,” Will warned, glaring at Amanda like he’d have hit her if she wasn’t a girl.
“Too late,” I grunted. “She’s already pissed me off. And she’s officially not my girlfriend anymore.”
She spun around on the bench and looked at me in shock. “What?”
“I told you that was my best friend you were talking about, and you still said something stupid. No one talks about Tatum like that. Ever.”
Her top lip curled up in anger. “Are you serious right now? You’re really picking her over me?”
Man, she was stupid. “Every freaking time,” I answered. “Just ’cause you put out doesn’t mean you’re special. She’s special. You’re just some chick I was banging for a little while. Now I’m over it.”
Pushing my tray away from me, I stood and climbed off the bench, shooting a look at Mason. I shoved my finger in his face, saying, “And you stay away from her.” Then I booked it out of the cafeteria in search of my girl.
Tatum
Sitting in one of the stalls of the girls’ bathroom, I finished the granola bar I had stashed in my backpack while trying my hardest not to cry. “Stupid Amanda Pickler,” I muttered to myself as I threw the wrapper in the trash and left the privacy of my stall. The bell was going to ring any minute, so I hooked my backpack onto my s
houlders and headed out.
Ignoring the pictures of me and Declan I’d taped all over the inside of my locker, I switched out my books to get ready for my next class when the door was suddenly slammed shut so hard the bang echoed down the empty hallway.
“What the heck!” I cried, looking up at a furious Declan. “You almost took my fingers off! What’s the matter with you?”
“Do you like him?”
My chin jerked back at his confusing question and angry demeanor. “What? Who? What are you talking about?”
“Mason,” he clipped. “Do you like him?”
I gave my head a hard shake in an attempt to make sense of what was happening. “What in the world are you talking about?”
Deck’s fist collided with my locker door, making me jump again. “I saw the way you guys were looking at each other. And I know he’s into you.”
“I….” I blinked rapidly. “He is?”
His eyes bugged out for a second before forming into tiny pissed-off slits. “So you do like him.” It wasn’t so much a question as an accusation.
“I haven’t even thought of him like that,” I defended, because it was the truth. I really hadn’t. He was cute, there was no doubt about it, but I was too busy wishing for something with my best friend to even consider another guy.
“Then why’d you sound so excited just now, huh?”
I’d gone from confused, and maybe the slightest bit frightened with the way he was behaving all of a sudden, to downright mad as hell. I wasn’t sure what had crawled up his butt in the past ten minutes, but there was no way in hell I was letting him take it out on me.
“What the hell’s your problem, huh? Last time you got an attitude with me, we were ten, and I beat the crap out of you. You want me to do it again?”
“I still don’t hear you denying it.”
“That’s because there’s nothing to deny!” I shouted, throwing my hands up in frustration. I’d officially had enough. “I don’t know why we’re even talking about this, or why you’re being such a jerk! But I’m done talking to you. Call me when you decide to stop being an asshole.”
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