Those two weren’t exactly bestest friends, but through their connection to me, they’d become buds. She walked into his embrace, heaving a pleased sigh as he held her tight.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there after Will’s funeral, honey. But you were in my heart the whole time.”
“I know,” she whispered, snuggling closer as she sniffed back the threat of tears, the loss on her brother still hanging over her like a looming storm cloud. I died a little bit inside for her, wishing there was something I could do to take her pain away. “Tate explained it, and I understand. You were missed.”
“I damn well better have been,” he grumbled playfully, and just like that, Lyla went from sad to happy again. All thanks to Camden and his uncanny ability to know what people needed and give it to them unflinchingly. That was why he was such an important person in my life. He had a heart bigger than almost anyone I knew. Watching him finally find and fall for a woman worthy of that heart was going to be a real treat for me.
When they separated, he gave a loud clap, declaring, “Now what I want to know, dear best friend, is what the fuck is going on with you and Declan Forrester.”
“That makes two of us,” Lyla said, crossing her arms over her chest with a glare that said, ‘I can’t believe you’ve been keeping secrets from me.’
Camden cast me a withering look. “My publicist will lose her shit hardcore if I get arrested for beating that motherfucker to death, but it’ll be totally worth it if it means stopping you from getting your heart crushed again.”
I knew I couldn’t avoid the conversation forever, but that didn’t mean I’d been looking forward to it. Lyla was all about support, and having my back no matter what my choices were. Camden, on the other hand, was going to lose his shit. He’d come into the picture when I was only just starting to put myself back together again. It had taken me five years to get to that place, but when someone had been a part of your life for longer than they’d been out of it, the grieving process felt like it took forever. And Declan had been the closest, most trusted person in my life for more than fourteen years. He’d been my first everything: my first best friend, my first crush, the boy I’d lost my virginity to, and my first heartbreak. I wasn’t sure a girl ever really got over a guy like that.
With a heavy sigh, I collapsed onto the couch, getting comfortable for the storm that was about to come. I knew this was going to happen, so after touching down in Seattle, I’d told Declan that I needed some time with Cam and Lyla. Needless to say, he hadn’t been happy about losing access to me, but he’d reluctantly accepted, doing as he promised.
“It’s… complicated.”
“Sounded pretty straightforward to me when I heard you guys going at it at the studio.”
My whole body heated with embarrassment as I dropped my head in my hands and groaned. “Oh god. You heard that? So basically everyone knew what was going on.”
“No,” Lyla offered, taking a seat beside me and placing a hand on my back. “No one else heard. Cam and I followed after you because we started to worry you guys were having another one of your epic fights. When we, uh… heard what was happening, we immediately backed off and kept everyone else away.”
“Thank you.” I breathed out a relieved sigh and rested my head on her shoulder.
“Babycakes, what the hell were you thinkin’?” he asked as he took a seat in one of the slouchy chairs across from couch.
“I wasn’t thinking,” I answered honestly. “At least not at first. At first it really did just happen, as cliché as that sounds. But after….”
“After…,” he prodded when I took too long.
“I don’t know, okay? I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, and it terrifies me!” I cried. “But I just… can’t stay away from him.”
“You’re in love with him,” Lyla stated calmly, causing two pairs of eyes to shoot in her direction. “You are.” She nodded with a supportive smile on her face. “And that’s okay.”
“How can you say that?” Camden snapped. “It’s not okay! That fucker nearly broke her.”
She looked to him, keeping her expression and tone neutral as she said, “But he didn’t. And the pieces he did crack she managed to put back together stronger than they were before.”
“That’s exactly my point!” he continued to rant. “She shouldn’t have had to do that in the first goddamn place.”
“But she did. And it made her tough enough to go a second round with him and come out the other side this time. They were kids when they got together, kids when they fell crazy in love, and kids when their worlds started shifting in ways they never expected and were too young to really grasp. They aren’t kids this time around. And no offense, Cam, because you know I have all the love in the world for you, but you weren’t there. You didn’t see them during the good times. And believe me, there were way more good times than bad. It’s just that the bad is what stays at the forefront of your mind when things take an ugly turn.”
She shifted her attention to me. “I’ve never seen two people love each other as strongly and completely as you and Deck. Not in all my life. I knew once you stopped avoiding him, you’d get right back to the place you’re in now, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m thrilled about it. Neither one of you ever stopped loving the other in all the years you were apart. I saw it on you for years, and on him every time he came for a visit. I had my marriage go to hell and lost my brother all in a year, so I feel like I’m a pretty good candidate to tell you not to waste time because you’re scared.”
“Honey,” I said on a soft breath, barely loud enough for her to hear.
She shook her head and lifted her hand to stop me from interrupting. When I looked over at Camden, I saw that he was also greatly affected by everything Lyla was pouring out.
“It’s okay. I’m… handling it. It’s a struggle, but each day is a little better than the last, so don’t feel sorry for me.”
“I can’t help it,” I offered with a sad smile as a tear escaped and trickled down my cheek. “I love you, and I can’t stand to see you hurting.”
“And I feel the exact same about you. Tate, honey, there’s no telling what tomorrow is gonna bring. When I married Daniel, I expected it to be forever. When Will got in his car that day, I never even considered that would be the last time I saw him. I’m telling you from experience, life’s too short.” God, she was killing me. “He loves you, and he’d throw himself in front of a freaking train if it meant you’d be saved from taking the hit. And you love him just as much.”
“I do,” I whispered.
“Then let everything else go. Please. Just… be happy.”
I watched her for several long seconds, more tears breaking free. Brushing them from my face with the back of my hand, I turned to Camden.
“Don’t look at me,” he said, holding up his hands. “There’s no arguing with that kind of wisdom. I bow down to Lyla and all her awesomeness. Ignore everything I said before.”
Typical Cam. The emotional bubble burst, and Lyla and I broke into peals of laughter. I really loved my friends.
Just then a knock came at the front door, and I knew who it was without even having to answer it.
“I’ll behave,” Cam swore. “I promise. If this is what you want… if he’s what you want, I’ll have your back.”
Standing from the couch, I bent and squeezed Lyla tightly, then moved to Cam and placed a kiss on his cheek before going to open the door. Sure enough, Declan was standing on the other side, an unsure expression on his face and two pizza boxes in his hands.
“I’m not here to intrude,” he started before I could get a word out. “I just thought… well, I figured you guys would be hungry, so I grabbed you some dinner. It might be a little cold. Mrs. Kellerson from downstairs needed a bit of help. I just want to drop it off, and then I’ll leave you to it.”
“You….” I gaped up at him in shock. “You brought us dinner? After helping little old lady?”
“Well yeah.” H
e shrugged, seeming almost nervous or embarrassed at the thoughtful gesture. “I know you prefer mushroom and pepperoni, so I got that. But I got a plain pepperoni too, just in case Ly and… Cam don’t like mushrooms.”
I almost burst out laughing at how much he struggled to say Cam’s name.
“Hell yeah!” Camden declared, coming up behind me. “I’m fuckin’ starved. Thanks, bro.” He snatched the boxes from Deck’s hands and spun back around, calling out, “I’ll get the four of us some plates.”
“Oh. No, I’m not—” Declan started, but Cam was gone before he could finish his objection.
“Come on,” I giggled. “Let’s eat.”
When I moved to turn around, one of his hands came out and caught my arm. “I really didn’t come here to crash your party, baby.”
“I know,” I said quietly, giving him a grin as I stepped into him and rested my forearms on his chest. “This is you trying, and I appreciate the gesture so much. And this is Cam’s way of showing he’s gonna try too.”
The storm clouds in his eyes cleared a touch, letting some of the blue shine through. “Did you…? Have you guys been talking about me?” His mouth quirked up in a cocky smirk.
“We have. And now Cam knows how important you are to me.”
“And how important is that?”
It was only a matter of time before I let the truth out and confessed that I’d never stopped loving him. But I’d already reached my quota on overly emotional conversations for one day. “You’re mine,” I answered seriously. “And I’m yours. So come in. Have dinner with us. And get to know my friend.”
“Sounds good to me,” he replied with a brilliant smile that made my soul sigh happily. It finally felt like the downward slope I’d been on for so many years was beginning to shift upward. All I could do was hope it would last.
And that Lyla was right and I was able to make it out the other side, hopefully with Declan beside me this time.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Declan
The crowd was going fucking crazy. Adrenaline pumped in the air as the noise echoed all through the stadium and back to where we were hanging with the guys from Usual Suspects backstage, gearing up for our show. It was the first show to kick off our Ashes to Dust tour. After that night, we only had three days before heading off to Asia, and if the roar of the stadium was anything to go by, it was going to be one fucking brilliant concert. Usual Suspects was a kickass band. Their music was the shit, and the guys themselves were cool as hell.
They weren’t coming with us to Europe, but when we came back to the States for the final leg of the tour, they’d be joining up with us again. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d meshed so well with the opening band, and we had Tate to thank for that. She’d insisted on getting them for our opening act, knowing how well their sound would work with ours. Chris had never cared about any of that shit; he and the label only wanted whoever would pull in the highest ticket sales. Tate cared about teaming us up with a band that would help us give the crowd an epic show.
I crunched the cough drop in my mouth, letting the liquid center trickle down my throat to soothe it, a little ritual I had before every show to make sure I didn’t go hoarse or get a sore throat mid-performance. Each of us had our own thing: Garrett stroked his favorite set of drumsticks like they were a woman’s legs, Killian usually blew off steam by blowing his load down a groupie’s throat, I munched cough drops like they were candy, and Mace… well, Mace’s was the unhealthiest of all. Mace drank, getting what he called a “pre-party buzz” before we hit the stage.
If that bastard didn’t get his shit together, and soon, me and the rest of the guy were gonna have to take drastic measures. And by that I meant we’d drag his ass, kicking and screaming, to rehab if that was what it took. I guess I could be thankful it wasn’t drugs, but still. The dude was a brother. I’d already lost one of them unexpectedly, so no fucking way I was gonna lose him to liver failure or some shit too.
“Okay, you guys ready?” Tate chirped as she bounced through the dressing room door with all the energy of a chipmunk on crack.
“Just about,” Maddox, the other band’s lead singer, answered, giving my girl an appreciative once-over, something I would be having a talk with him about after the show.
“Great! Wait, where the hell’s Killian?”
“Probably getting sucked off by some chick with no gag reflex,” Mace muttered before lifting a bottle of Johnny Walker to his lips and chugging it back.
I noticed two things just then: first, the way Tate’s lip curled in disgust, and second, the way Gina blanched white as a sheet and quickly excused herself from the room.
“Are you drunk?” Tatum hissed at Mace, her cheeks turning as red as her hair.
“Not yet,” he replied calmly with a wink.
“Oh my God!” She was about to blow, and to keep everyone else safe from the explosion, I quickly pulled her out of the room by her arm.
“He’s drinking?” she blurted incredulously once I had her in the hallway. “Are you kidding me? He can’t go out on stage drunk!”
“Baby, you have to chill. Everything’s gonna be fine. This isn’t the first time he got lit before a show. Hell, probably won’t be the last, either.”
She glared at me like she was ready to breathe fire and melt my face off. “And you’re okay with that?”
“Of course not. But there isn’t fuck all we can do about it right now.”
“God,” she sighed, running a hand through her long glossy hair as she looked off to the side. “Kill’s sticking his dick in whatever available slut crosses his path, and the only time Mace isn’t drunk is when he’s sleeping. What the hell’s going on with these guys?”
Running my palms up and down her arms, I tried my hardest to soothe her. “Chris never gave a shit what we did before a show, just as long as it didn’t fuck with our performance. Asshole actually used to throw chicks Kill’s way and feed Mace booze like it was water. We’ve had over a decade of our manager doing less managing and more enabling than anything else. It’s an adjustment. They’ll be okay. You’ll see.”
“I hate Chris,” she mumbled before looking back up at me. “We have to help them, Deck. I can’t just watch them go downhill like this. They’re our family. I’m not losing anyone else.”
Fuck. Hearing her call the guys our family just like she had back in the day made me feel better than any bump of coke used to. It was the best fucking feeling in the world, because it was proof that I had almost broken through and was that much closer to getting us back to where we’d once been.
“We will,” I offered in a gentle voice. “No one’s losing anybody, baby. We’ll take care of them.” One corner of my mouth hooked up in a teasing grin. “Just like we had to all through high school.”
The random people flitting through the hallways, preparing for the concert, all faded into the background as she smiled up at me. In that moment, no one else existed but us. “If I remember correctly, I was the only one taking care of anybody. You were right alongside the rest of them, getting your dumb asses into trouble.”
“See?” I laughed. “We make the perfect team.”
She broke into full-blown laughter. “You are such a pain in the ass.”
I hummed, suddenly turned the fuck on and rock-hard. “You’re mixing up pain with pleasure,” I whispered, leaning down and running the tip of my tongue along the cord in her neck. “Everything I’ve ever done to that luscious ass of yours has been all about pleasure.”
Her breath hitched and her pupils blew, blacking out every speck of color. “I know what you’re doing,” she said in a breathy voice that contradicted her next words. “And it’s not gonna work. We don’t have time. You need to get ready.”
My forehead fell to her shoulder as I groaned in pain. “Evil woman. You’re gonna make me go out there like this?” I thrust my hips forward, digging my hard on into her belly. “When did you become so fucking cruel?”
Her te
eth sank down on that plump bottom lip and I swear I almost came right then. Unfortunately, she was still as stubborn as she’d always been. “You’ll be fine. Keep your head in the game.” Lifting onto her toes, she granted me access for a quick but no less thorough kiss. “Mmm,” she mumbled once we broke apart, licking my taste from her lips. “I see you still suck on cough drops before a performance.”
“Yeah, well I’d like to suck on something else,” I told her, gliding my thumb across her tight nipple. “But my girl’s got a mean streak.”
“She sucked in a desperate breath but held strong, promising, “Your girl will make it up to you after the concert. And trust me, she’s worth it.”
“Baby, I’ve known that since we shook hands under that tree on the playground and promised to be friends forever.”
Tatum
“I can’t believe I’m standing here right now,” Gina called out over the heavy bass bleeding through the speakers. “I’m totally posting this shit on Instagram! I’m backstage at a Civil Corruption concert!”
She pulled her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and spun around, lifting it high so she could catch the guys playing in the background just past her head.
Gwen and I laughed as Corrie jumped into the shot, photobombing Gina’s pictures and throwing up devil horns for the camera.
“You know, I spent years avoiding everything to do with them and their music after the shit Garrett pulled when I was pregnant with Liddy. This is only the second time I’ve ever seen them play live. They really are incredible. I can’t believe you grew up watching this.”
I shot my friend a smile before facing the stage. “Yeah, well this is a huge difference from sitting on empty milk crates while they argued over what cover songs they were going to play. I swear to God, if I had to sit through one more bad attempt at the Foo Fighters’ ‘Evermore,’ I was going to lose my mind.”
The song came to a close, and Declan let his guitar hang from it’s strap so he could grip the microphone stand.
Defile Page 20
