by Susan Stoker
Not one of the three men cracked a smile.
Cookie reached into his pocket and pulled something out. He took one of her hands, placed whatever it was in her palm, and gently closed her hand around it before she could see what it was. When he sat back without a word, Caroline opened her hand and looked down. It was his SEAL trident pin.
“You are a part of this team, Ice.” He told her. “I can’t think of any other person, male or female, that would’ve been as tough as you’ve been these last few weeks. You didn’t break, you didn’t hesitate to do what you thought was right, even when you were scared. Most importantly you’ve saved our teammates lives…more than once. If you need us, all you have to do is ask. ”
He put one finger under Caroline’s chin and lifted her eyes up to his and put his hand over hers as she gripped the pin tightly. “I don’t know if you know anything about The Budweiser pin and what it symbolizes.” When she shook her head, Cookie continued. “Every SEAL gets their pin after they’ve finished BUD/S training, completed SEAL Qualification Training, and can officially call themselves a SEAL. It symbolizes that we are brothers in arms that we train together and fight together. It’s the one thing most of us are most proud of.”
“But…” Caroline tried to interject, but Cookie spoke over her.
“You’re one of us. You earned your Budweiser pin, Ice. You more than earned it.”
Caroline felt a tear slip from her swollen eye and her lip quiver. All she could do was nod. She was so touched by Cookie’s gesture. She wanted to throw her arms around him, but she knew it’d hurt too much. She probably should say something profound, but she just had one thought running through her mind. She knew the guys would help her.
“Can you get me out of here?” She pleaded softly, choking back a sob, “I hate hospitals.”
* * *
Abe sat down next to Wolf. He wanted to beat the hell out of his friend, but decided to try to talk some sense into him instead.
“I talked to Mozart yesterday,” he said quietly.
Wolf nodded. Mozart was okay. He’d finally woken up and seemed to be all right. His face would always be scarred and it’d still be quite a while before it healed, but overall he’d been lucky. He’d be joining the team again when they got back to San Diego.
“We talked about what happened at the cabin.” Wolf winced. He didn’t remember any of it. He only remembered the fire and trying to breathe, and then nothing else. Since the only people that had been there were Caroline and Mozart, he hadn’t known what had happened to get Caroline kidnapped, except that he hadn’t protected her. He hadn’t done his job. He was having a hard time getting over the guilt of that.
Abe gave his team leader a quick rundown of what Mozart had told him went on when he arrived.
“After Mozart shot the two terrorists waiting at the window to kill anyone that came out, he saw Ice. He tried to get her out, but she wouldn’t leave without you. She dragged you to the window and made Mozart get you out first. He asked her what the hell she was thinking and she told him that SEALs don’t leave SEALs behind.”
Abe let Wolf absorb that, then continued. “She was in a house that was burning down around her. Instead of getting out as fast as she could, she made sure you got out first. She wouldn’t leave you. She fought as hard as she could, and when she realized the only way to protect you was to go with that asshole willingly…she did.”
Abe watched his team leader struggling with the truth of Caroline’s actions for a moment.
“The way I see it Wolf, is that if she wouldn’t leave you behind in a fucking burning building…why are you leaving her behind now? You know she doesn’t like hospitals. Remember when we tried to make her see a doctor after she got hurt on the plane? Remember how she’d reacted? Jesus, Wolf, we all know you two are crazy about each other. We know she’s yours. Why are you doing this to Caroline and to yourself?”
“She’s in there because of me,” Wolf admitted out loud for the first time.
“Bullshit,” Abe said immediately, surprising Wolf with his emphatic assessment.
“She’s in there because she’s one tough chick. Most women I know would’ve given up and died. Hell, most women I know would’ve cowered in the back of that plane and done nothing. Think about it. If I ever find a woman who puts me first, who looks out for me before she looks out for herself, I’m grabbing her and never letting go. If Ice wasn’t as tough as she was, she would’ve died five different ways. But she didn’t. She’s still alive and wishing you were there with her. You have one hell of a woman, and you’re throwing her away. She’s loyal as hell and doesn’t take any shit from anyone. Just the kind of woman you need. You’ll never find another like her. She’s yours. You just have to be brave enough to go and take what you want for once in your damn life. There’s no guarantee any of us will be around tomorrow. We could fall down a flight of stairs or be hit by a car walking across a street. There are no guarantees in life, but I can guaran-damn-tee if you don’t go to her now, you will regret it the rest of your life.”
Abe waited and let that sink in. Then he continued. “Benny, Dude, and Cookie went to meet her yesterday.”
At that, Wolf looked up quickly. He didn’t want to ask, but then again he didn’t have to. Abe knew what he wanted to know.
“She looks like hell. She’s beaten up and depressed. Cookie gave her his Budweiser pin. Said she was a part of this team.”
Wolf clenched his teeth. He wanted to be the one with her. He wanted to be the one welcoming her to the team with his pin. But he couldn’t. It was the only way he could think of to protect her.
“She asked a favor of them,” Abe told him. “She wanted their help in getting her out of the hospital.”
“She’s not ready to be released!” Wolf burst out furiously. “What the hell is she thinking? Tell me they didn’t!”
Abe continued calmly, ignoring Wolf’s outburst. “Did she ever tell you why she didn’t like hospitals?”
Wolf shook his head, remembering back to when Mozart had stitched her up in the plane, she’d told them she didn’t like hospitals.
“While you’ve had your head up your ass, I’ve had Tex do some digging for me.” Abe told him testily. “When she was twenty two she was in a car accident. She spent three months in traction in the hospital. Her parents couldn’t come to her because her dad had just started a new job and wasn’t able to take any leave. They were older, and her mom didn’t feel comfortable traveling by herself. Besides, Ice told her she was fine. Unsurprisingly, she downplayed her injuries to her mom. Apparently she had a lot of complications, but the hospital was overcrowded and busy. She had two visitors the entire time she was there. One was the lawyer of the guy that hit her, and the other was a man she’d been dating. He came once, and never returned. She sat in that room day and night and suffered through bed sores and other ‘minor’ ailments because no one was there to fight for her. No one cared about the single, ordinary woman sitting alone in her room day after day.” Abe fell silent, letting what he’d said sink in.
Wolf clenched his teeth hard. No wonder his Caroline was so strong. She had to be.
Abe could see Wolf was hurting. He hadn’t meant to upset him, but he had to make him see what he was throwing away.
“The guys sprung her from the hospital and took her back to her apartment. She told them she’d be fine, and they left. Then they came to see me.” He paused. “A SEAL doesn’t leave a SEAL behind. Ever, Wolf. Would you really leave her behind and go back to San Diego thinking that she means nothing to you? Would you really leave here letting her think she was a burden to you...to us? Because that’s what she thinks. She thinks the same thing that you do, that it’s her fault we were even involved in anything that happened. I can tell you this; if you don’t want her, that’s fine, but know that the rest of the team will be keeping in touch with her. We like her. We respect her. We’ll take care of her if you don’t.”
“Don’t want her Abe?” Wolf said incre
dulously, not able to stand the harangue anymore. He stood up abruptly and paced the room. “God there’s nothing I want more. But…”
Abe interrupted him. “But nothing, Wolf. If you want her, you’d better go and get her. Otherwise she’ll find someone else.”
Abe clasped Wolf on the shoulder in the way that men did, and walked away. He’d said what he had to say. If Wolf didn’t listen to him, he’d request a transfer to another team. He couldn’t work for a man that wouldn’t do what was best for himself and the woman he loved.
Ten minutes later Abe watched as Wolf left the building and got into a rental car. He sure hoped Wolf was going to get his woman. Abe had done everything he could; it was up to Wolf now.
* * *
Caroline heard the ringing of her doorbell, but she ignored it. She snuggled down deeper into the couch. She didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She’d even put off calling her boss. She had no idea if she still had a job or not, but she didn’t feel good enough to deal with anyone yet. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and forget the last few weeks ever happened, well most of it at least.
When the ringing of her front door bell didn’t stop, Caroline drew the blanket up over her head gingerly. She figured it was probably someone trying to sell her something, because she couldn’t imagine who else would be at her door. Hell, she didn’t know anyone other than the SEAL team, and she’d sent Hunter, Kason, and Faulkner away the day before firmly. She told them she was fine, felt great, and that she’d keep in touch with them.
The fact was she wasn’t okay. She was depressed and still in quite a bit of pain. She wasn’t hungry and hadn’t bothered to get dressed. Finally the ringing of her doorbell stopped. Thank God. She closed her eyes, maybe if she slept long enough, the pain, both emotional and physical, would go away.
Wolf made quick work of the lock on Caroline’s door. She really needed to get better security. Anyone who knew anything about picking locks, like him, could get in. No wonder the damn terrorist had been able to get in so easily. He closed the door softly behind him and walked into Caroline’s apartment. Everything was quiet. He walked through her kitchen into the living room and saw Caroline bundled up on the couch. The blanket covered her from head to toe; all he could see was the top of her head. He went over and kneeled down next to her.
“Caroline,” he said softly.
Caroline wasn’t quite asleep when she heard her name. She opened her eyes and sat up quickly. She saw Matthew as the blanket slid off her face, then groaned and fell back onto the couch. Damn. That hurt.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” Wolf fretted, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“How’d you get in here? Oh, never mind,” Caroline whined petulantly. He was a SEAL; a locked door wouldn’t keep him out. “What do you want?”
“You,” Wolf said simply. He was sick of beating around the bush with this woman.
Caroline opened her eyes and looked at the man kneeling next to her. “What?” She questioned, not believing what she’d heard.
“You. I want you.” Wolf repeated. “I’ve been an idiot. Every day since I left you in that hospital I’ve been kicking myself and wanting to get back to you. I’m not the most romantic guy you’ll ever meet, but you won’t meet one more devoted to you. I’m sorry I was a jerk, but I’m here now and I don’t want to let you go.”
Caroline lay there stunned. Matthew was saying everything she’d ever wanted a man to say, but was he serious? Of course he was. He wouldn’t have said it if he wasn’t.
“I thought you’d left,” she murmured sadly, looking Matthew in his eyes.
“I couldn’t,” Wolf told her honestly. He stood up and gathered Caroline carefully in his arms, sat on the couch, and settled her onto his lap. He rejoiced when she didn’t complain, but instead curled up into his chest and shut her eyes.
Caroline thought he smelled so good and she was so tired.
“It’s okay, go ahead and sleep, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”
Caroline realized she must’ve said that last bit out loud about being tired. She nodded and was out within seconds.
Wolf sat with Caroline on his lap for about an hour just watching her sleep and stroking her hair. He was so thankful she hadn’t thrown him out yet, but he also knew she was exhausted and probably not thinking straight. Finally he laid her back on the couch carefully, brushed his finger down her still healing face, took off his jacket, and went into the kitchen to get to work.
When Caroline woke up she smelled something delicious. She sat up slowly and groaned. Jesus, she was sick of feeling helpless. Suddenly Matthew was there, he was actually still there.
“You need to eat Caroline,” he told her gently. “I’ve made you some soup.”
“You’re still here.” The words popped out without her even thinking about them.
“I’m still here. Now, come on. Up you go.” He helped her up and into the little dining area off the kitchen. He settled her into a chair and shook out two pain pills.
“I don’t like taking those,” Caroline told him petulantly.
“Doesn’t matter,” he retorted. “You need them, you’re in pain.”
“They make me drowsy and I feel weird when I take them,” Caroline whined feeling grumpy and out of sorts.
“Ice. You need them. Please. I’ll be here to help you, and you can sleep as long as you want to.”
“What do you mean?” She asked him carefully.
“I mean I’m here for as long as you need me.”
“Then what?” She asked Matthew sternly. “What about when I’m all better and don’t need you here anymore?”
“I’m hoping you’ll always need me as much as I need you.”
Caroline sat in stunned silence. Her heart lightened a little bit. He sounded serious, but was he really?
Wolf continued as if his words hadn’t just changed her life. “I know we’ll have to work some things out with our jobs, but all I know is that I don’t want to let you go. I want to spend all my time with you when I’m not working. I want to come home to you, and only you, after a mission. Please say you’ll give us a chance.”
Wolf stopped and waited. She held his heart in her hands.
A tear slipped down Caroline’s face. “Yes, Matthew. I want that too. I’m scared. I know what you do is dangerous as hell. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t lose me. I won’t allow it.”
Caroline smiled. She had no idea how they’d make things work, but she knew she’d do whatever it took. She loved this man.
“I love you, Matthew.” She suddenly realized she’d never told him.
“I love you too, Caroline. And you’ll give Cookie back his damn Trident. If you’re going to keep anyone’s Budweiser pin, it’ll be mine.”
Caroline smiled. She knew the pin was a big deal, but obviously she hadn’t worked out in her head just how important it was. “Okay, Matthew,” she told him contentedly. Caroline knew everything would all work out. Matthew would make sure of it.
Epilogue
“Seriously, Hunter, quit it. I’m not an invalid. I can carry some of my stuff.”
“I know you’re not an invalid, Ice, but this box is too heavy for you. I got it.”
Caroline huffed and let Hunter take the box out of her arms and watched as he carried it into the house. She really couldn’t stay mad at any of Matthew’s friends. She loved them all. Not as much as she loved Matthew, but she didn’t know what she’d do without them. They’d done their best to make sure she and Matthew had time together while they’d been living on opposite sides of the country. She knew they’d taken some assignments for him and had let him take extra time off just so he could fly out to see her.
The first time she’d seen Sam’s face she’d broken down in sobs. She hadn’t been crying because of his looks, exactly. She’d told him flat out, “It’s my fault.”
Mozart had been pissed and had held her face in his hands and stern
ly said, “Bull. Ice, you didn’t do this. The terrorists did. If I had to do it again, I’d do it all exactly the same way.”
“But your poor face...” Sam didn’t say anything but just crossed his arms and glared at her.
Finally he put two fingers over her lips and wouldn’t let her continue her thoughts. “Seriously, I’m all right. Yeah, I have scars. Yeah, women sometimes look over and through me as a result, but it doesn’t mean a damn thing to me, Ice. Now I don’t want to hear you ever apologize to me about it again. Hear me?”
Caroline could only nod. “Okay, but you will let me find some of that cream that can help reduce the scarring. I know some women get it when they have C-sections. You’ll put it on every night until I tell you you’re done with it.” She tried to sound bossy, but didn’t know how well she’d succeeded when Sam just laughed at her and brought her toward him with a hand at her neck and kissed her forehead.
Caroline had watched Sam after that, and it looked like he’d told her the truth. He didn’t seem to care about his face, and as time went on it had healed somewhat, but he’d never be as “pretty” as he’d been before. She’d given him the tube of cream she’d threatened to get for him. He’d grumbled about it, but had promised he’d been using it. Caroline knew it’d never be enough to completely make the feelings of guilt subside, but she’d promised not to bring it up again.
After five months of dating, Caroline had had enough of her long distance relationship with Matthew. She told him while they were lying in bed one night that she didn’t want to waste any more time. She’d contacted her old boss back in California and he’d agreed to let her have her old job back. They hadn’t been able to find a replacement for her yet, so he was thrilled to have her back in the fold.
Matthew didn’t waste any time. The second she said she wanted to move back to California, he’d contacted a real estate agent and gotten to work trying to find them a place to live. They’d finally agreed on a small house with a full basement. It wasn’t her dream house, but she’d live anywhere as long as Matthew was with her.
