“I wasn’t alone, Eric. I think this was the first time I realized that when Dr. Blaney showed up, he wouldn’t let me hide from my fears. He made me look at the triggers and face my thoughts and feelings about the situation you were in. It was my fear of what was going to happen to you, and he helped me replace the irrational distorted picture that always comes to my mind with something balanced and rational. No one’s going to come here, and I have to learn to trust in your ability to take care of yourself. I can’t control what’s going to happen, but I can control how I look at a situation.”
She was still rubbing his hand, and she flicked her gaze to his. He could now see this change in her. When had it happened? Maybe it had happened slowly. He supposed that over the past year she had grown, become more confident. “So what are you saying, Abby?”
“I’m getting better, I’m learning to deal with this, and you can’t always be here to be my safety net. I have to face it myself. You can’t banish my demons for me no matter how much I want you to. I can do this. I am doing this. Do you understand?”
He thought he did, but he didn’t want her doing this alone. He wanted to take care of her and not let anything bad ever touch her again. He wanted to shelter her, which was what he’d been doing. Maybe he’d been wrong. He didn’t like thinking that, though.
“Those women who were taken, did they find them?” she asked.
“One was there when we got Joe out. We don’t know where the other one is.” He stopped himself from saying whether she was dead or alive. He wondered, by the way her lips firmed and the flash of emotion in her eyes, whether Abby was reliving some horror she’d never told him. He also knew there were things done to her that she never wanted him to know. She’d told him she was afraid of how he’d look at her—as if she was damaged.
“It’s okay, Eric. I know what they would have been through. The one you found, how is she?”
He wondered whether she really wanted to know, by the way she tensed. He didn’t want to bring it into the house, to stir up any more nightmares. He took a breath and looked away. The memory of a badly abused Grieger, catatonic, sedated, and being shipped home, would be forever burned into his mind. He’d never shake this, just like he’d never shake the image of Abby when he’d found her in that dinghy at sea. She had been so badly beaten, and he hadn’t understood the horror of what she’d been through as he did now. Even though he had known the details when he saw the auction on camera, it had been somehow different seeing Grieger in person and just being in that area, smelling the hate, the anger. It was something he couldn’t explain to anyone. He wiped his face with his other hand when he felt Abby touching him again, his arm, his shoulder, waiting patiently for him to decide what to tell her.
“I don’t want it in my own head, what happened to her. She’s in a psych ward on suicide watch back in Chicago. I’ve been told she’s heavily sedated. She’d not doing well.”
The truth was that she was catatonic, restrained, and unresponsive. The only thing she’d repeatedly begged was for someone to end her suffering. She’d begged her fiancé, the Chicago cop, to put a bullet in her head. They didn’t know if anyone would ever be able to reach her.
Abby just nodded. “Eric, it’s going to be okay. You can’t help everyone, and only she can decide to want to live.”
He couldn’t help touching her again, putting his hands on her cheeks and holding her. “How did you get to be so strong when I wasn’t looking?”
She ran her hand over his wrist as her eyes became a little misty. “It was because of you, knowing that through everything, you have my back.”
It took him a second to understand the trust she had in him. It was humbling to know someone believed in him that much. When he leaned in and kissed her, it was so sweet and soft, and he knew as he held her, just being in this moment in their home, that whatever happened, they would get through it together.
Chapter 20
Eric had the hood up and was leaning over the engine of his baby, his ’67 Mustang. He liked tinkering with the engine in the garage, making sure all the fluids were level and that there were no leaks. He’d changed the spark plugs and loved the feel of the grease on his hands, the smell of the engine. But he’d never admit that to anyone.
He heard the footsteps and stood up, peeking around as Joe, in a pair of jeans and a wool sweater, walked in with his son Taylor behind him. Joe still had a bandage on his head and a bruise on his face, but he also looked as if he’d had some sleep.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Eric asked, taking in Taylor, who stood close to his dad as if he wasn’t going to let him too far out of his sight. He was slouched again, wearing a black hoodie, hands shoved in his baggy pants pockets.
Eric couldn’t explain this feeling, the sense that they were all pulling themselves together. Nothing came easy in life, and he could feel the uncertainty between them. It was in this garage, filling the empty space, touching Joe and Eric in a way a lifetime of friendship hadn’t. All the ugliness in the world had marked him this time, but he sensed a change in Joe that was far beyond anything they’d experienced before.
Joe reached over and slung his arm around Taylor’s shoulders. “My kids spoiled their dad with breakfast in bed this morning.”
Eric took in father and son, and Taylor glanced over at Eric with a guilty look on his face. There was something he needed to say.
“Mom thought I should bring Dad over here.” He cleared his throat, and it took Eric a minute to figure out what he was talking about.
“You tell your dad about the trouble at school?” Eric said as he wiped his hands on the cloth. He closed the hood with a thunk.
“You got in trouble at school and didn’t tell me?” Joe sounded far from his calm, reasonable self. Maybe that was why Mary-Margaret had wanted him over here. Maybe Eric needed to have a word with Joe in private.
Taylor flushed and glanced over at Eric. “I did something stupid when you were gone, but Uncle Eric talked to me about it, and I already promised not to do it again.”
“Maybe someone better fill me in on what’s going on,” Joe snapped. Anyone could tell he was pissed, thinking someone had stepped in to do his job. He’d misunderstood, but Eric knew that if Taylor were his kid, he’d feel the same way.
“Taylor, tell your dad, because it would be best coming from you. It’s not about me taking over for your dad. Yes, I talked to you, but you also know your dad wasn’t here and you still needed to tell him.”
Joe was now giving Taylor all his attention, hands on his hips, in a stance that had Taylor even more nervous.
“I got caught smoking at school,” Taylor said.
Joe actually swore and gestured sharply with his hand. “You’re grounded for a month.”
“But, Dad, it was only one time! It was stupid, and I already promised I wouldn’t do it again.”
“Oh, I guarantee you won’t do it again. So tell me, is there anything else?” Joe was a little hot under the collar, but maybe that was understandable, considering what they’d just been through and the fact that his daughter had been communicating with a monster online.
“I argued with one of my teachers and got sent to the office for mouthing off to him, as he put it.” Maybe Taylor thought Joe was really going to lose it, as he became defensive. “Dad, I’m sorry, but I’m tired of learning useless information I’m never going to use. I said to my teacher, you tell me one useful, practical application of the current curriculum, and maybe it got a little heated, because instead of explaining anything, he lost his temper at me and said I was being insolent, and then he told me he didn’t have to justify to a kid anything he was teaching. I should have let it go, but I didn’t, because why wouldn’t he just explain to me why I have to learn algebra and all the useless history they insist on teaching? I just wanted him to help me understand. What’s so wrong with that? If he can explain where I’d use this, what occupation, what it prepares me for…” He stopped talking and flushed as if he’d said t
oo much and gone too far.
Joe was watching his son. For the life of him, Eric couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. Then he shook his head and swore under his breath before letting out a sharp chuckle. He didn’t say anything for a minute. Then he glanced over at Eric and back to his son. “Maybe you’re not too young to hear this. You know when I was captured, that last night, the man who had me was the same one who contacted your sister. Well, he had recruits arrive.”
Eric knew exactly where Joe was going, and he felt his chest ache as he thought of all those lost boys. That could have been him at that age, but it was fate that he’d met someone who pointed him in the right direction, and the military, the navy, had become his life.
“They were boys, your age, some a little older, from all over—the US, Europe, Canada…They were disillusioned, lost, and he told them what they needed to hear, promises they needed.” Joe stepped forward and put his hand on his son’s shoulder.
Taylor seemed surprised. Maybe he thought his father was going to lose it on him, yell, and ground him for longer.
“They were looking for direction,” Joe continued. “They were lost and weren’t getting the answers they needed. That’s when you get into trouble, because you go looking for your answers in a way that could hurt you or killed. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I’m not sure?” Taylor said hesitantly.
Joe glanced over at Eric again. Eric could see how those lost boys had affected him. He put down the rag he’d been holding and walked around the vehicle, closer to Joe and Taylor.
“You asked some valid questions, but maybe your timing could use some work, Taylor,” Joe said. “You didn’t deserve to be dismissed by your teacher like that. What he did was just as disrespectful, and two wrongs don’t make a right. Yes, as a teacher, he needs to have order and a certain amount of control and authority, but he also should have answered you, and if he is teaching you things he doesn’t understand the purpose of, then he should have taken you aside and explained that. You may have caught him off guard, but that doesn’t excuse his response, either.”
“So am I grounded longer?” Taylor asked, staring at his dad with apprehension.
Joe smiled, but it was forced. Eric could see it, and he hoped Taylor could see how badly the experience had messed with his dad. “No, you’re not, but you are for smoking. That’s a no-go zone, and I’m kicking your butt for that. You won’t be lying around, stuck in your room, thinking about what you did—you’re going to be busting your butt around the house, helping your mom and me. Got it?” He was stern again, but he wasn’t as explosive as he’d been when he first found out.
Taylor slumped a bit and shrugged. Then Joe pulled him in his arms and hugged him, patting his back.
“Now go help your mom with that big dinner she’s planning tonight,” he said, “and tomorrow you and I are going to pay a visit to your teacher, and I’m going to have a talk with him.”
The way Joe said it seemed to brighten Taylor’s spirits. He started out of the garage and stopped. “Are you coming, Dad?” He sounded worried, as if he shouldn’t leave Joe, or maybe he was still shaken up over not knowing what had happened to his dad. It had scared the hell out of all of them.
“In a minute. I just need to talk with Eric. Tell your mom I won’t be long.”
“Okay,” Taylor said, and then he shuffled out the open garage door, dragging his feet.
Joe just watched his son leave and waited until he was sure he was out of hearing range before turning to Eric. He had something on his mind, Eric could tell. “I’m leaving the navy,” he said.
Eric couldn’t have been more shocked if Joe had suddenly revealed he was joining JILA. He was career navy. He had come from a family that lived and breathed the military. He loved it almost as much as Eric did.
“I can see you’re shocked. You don’t believe me, or maybe you think I’m overreacting.”
“No, what I’m thinking is you’re probably still in shock over what you went through and you haven’t had time to process anything.”
Joe just shook his head. “I don’t need time to process anything. I’m done. I had a wake-up call is what happened.”
“Hey, listen, don’t go and do anything stupid. Give yourself a few weeks, a month, and if you still feel that way, then it’s time. But rushing into something that can’t be undone? You’ve worked too hard to get where you are.”
Joe was still shaking his head with a stubborn look on his face. “No. Do you know that when Ayoud had me, the only reason I was still alive was because he gave me a choice to join him?” he said. When Eric started to reply, Joe just raised his hand calmly. “You need to hear this, so let me say all of it.”
Eric leaned back against his prize, his toy, and crossed his arms. “I’m listening.”
“I said hell no, no way. I’m an American, I’m loyal to my country, all that. Then, when he showed me how he was contacting my kid and how easy it was…well, I lost it, and I would’ve agreed to anything to keep her safe. Do you see how easy it was for me to choose my child over my country? What I realized while I was there, and even after you got me out, is that the military would have expected me to choose my country over my child. I understand, but I can’t do that. That’s when you know you’re not a soldier anymore. You’re a father first. I’m a father first!” he shouted, slamming his fist to his chest. Then he stepped back and lowered his hands, taking a breath to calm down. “I’m a father first, Eric. There’s no thinking about it. I’m a liability, and if you give yourself a minute, you’ll understand that. Ask yourself if you’d want a member of your crew feeling that way, not willing to give everything for their country, for their fellow crew?”
Eric didn’t have to think about it. If Joe was serious, he was right. Eric wouldn’t be comfortable with someone like that under him. “Have you told Mary-Margaret?” he asked, unable to believe he could just walk away from this life.
“Yeah. We stayed up half the night talking, trying to make things right between us. We’ve drifted. She knew it, I knew it. She understands. We’re going back to San Diego. Her folks are there now. We’ll buy a place, get settled, and find something different, a job in the private sector. It won’t be hard with my skills, I’m sure.”
Joe was right, Eric knew. He would have no trouble finding something. He’d be picked up in no time by some private security firm who had all the government contracts. Joe would do well, but Eric couldn’t imagine him and Mary-Margaret and the kids on the other side of the country. They were like family to him, the only family he had other than Abby and the kids.
“We’ll miss you,” he said, and then he hugged his friend.
Joe stepped back, embarrassed, and wiped his face. “Hey, listen, Mary-Margaret wanted me to invite you and Abby over for dinner. She’s planning some big celebration, and she wants everyone there.”
Eric reached out and touched Joe’s shoulder, then leaned against his car, shaking his head. “No can do. Abby and I are taking the kids and going to Myrtle Beach for a few days. We booked a place this morning. We’re leaving as soon as I finish up here, getting her ready.”
Joe took in the ’67 Shelby. “You’re not seriously taking this, are you?”
Eric took in the surprise on Joe’s face. “You’d be surprised how easy the car seats will fit in back. Besides, it was my wife’s idea to take it.”
“Really, Abby’s?” Joe said with amusement and then shook his head. He started out of the garage and then turned around, stepping back as he pointed at Eric. “Have a great trip, all of you. You take care of that wife of yours.”
The way Joe said it and then paused in the doorway for just a second before walking away, Eric knew it was his way of saying goodbye.
THE END
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