by Aliyah Burke
The corner of his left eye jumped and she recognized the sign of him losing his temper. “You love me,” he insisted. “There is a very fine line between love and hate. You’re confused. You’ve always needed direction from me.”
“I never needed direction from you. You needed to order me about and you’re wrong. For most there may be a thin line but for you and I, that line is wider than the Grand Canyon. Don’t mistake one for the other because you can rest assured what I feel for you is hate.”
“I’m going to kill him you know, this man who soiled yourself with.”
“Good luck with that,” she said, wriggling her wrists in a meager attempt to get some feeling in them.
“I have talents you don’t know about. At least, not yet.”
Is it possible to be even more scared that I was the first time? Unequivocally yes since she knew what was in store for her. The pain, the torture.
“Perhaps. But each second you’re doing whatever it is you are going to do to me, I’ll be in a place you can’t touch. I’ll be reliving his touch. The caresses, the kisses, everything wonderful he gave me that you never could.” She shifted on that cold floor. “You can kill me but just know he’ll be the thing that I’m focused on as I die. I let my fear of you for the last five years ruin my life but I’ll not allow that to be the last thing on my mind when I leave this world.”
And there it was. That rage which she’d seen that night he’d nearly killed her. It morphed his attractive features into a mask of rage and fury. She closed her eyes on that, drawing up a mental recreation of Adam.
She winced when he gripped her hair and yanked her to a seated position. Seconds later his grip fell away and she heard him hit the ground. She opened her eyes to see Adam stride in the door, firing as he moved. Behind him came Wild, the men moving together in a synchronization that was beautiful. The tears leaking from her eyes this time were from relief.
Wild headed for Derek while Adam crouched before her, a knife in hand. He slicked through the bindings and hauled her close.
“Jesus Christ, Pix.” He kissed her repeatedly. “I thought I’d lost you again.”
It was heaven to have his strong arms around her. She glazed over the still body of Dillon and on to Derek who was being cut free from the ropes dangling him from the ceiling.
“Derek?” She gulped and tried not to dig her fingers into Adam’s arms. “Is…is he…?”
“Wild? How’s he doing?”
“I have to get him to a hospital or he’s not going to make it.”
“Let’s go,” Adam said, scooping her up in his arms. She didn’t fight him on it, her throbbing leg alerting her she wouldn’t be putting weight on it anytime soon.
Her own fear and discomfort was pushed to the back as he put her in the rear of the SUV with Wild and Derek. At his side, she pressed on one of the gunshot wounds trying to slow the bleeding. The sudden movement of the vehicle tossed her to the floor and she scrambled back to Derek, ignoring the spear of pain. All she could think about was how much this was her entire fault.
αβ
Adam paced the floor of his living room as he stared at his mother, Rhodi, and Karen.
“How is she?” his mother asked.
“Sleeping. Broken leg from the crash. Wild called from the hospital, Derek has made it through surgery. Are you sure all of you are okay?”
His mother got to her feet and pressed a kiss to his cheek before scooping up her grandson and heading to the kitchen. Karen followed.
Rhodi leaned against the mantle and crossed his arms. “We’re fine. What about that Dillon guy?”
“Dead.” His one word response was arctic cold. He cracked his neck.
“His men.”
“Followed him to hell.”
“So it’s over then.”
He raked a hand through his hair, aware his brother was asking a question in regards to him and Shelly Marie.
“She’s going to blame herself for what happened to Derek. Then she’s going to run.”
Rhodi pursed his lips. “Derek’s been having a shit storm for a while. He was just back to normal after that stint down in Guatemala. As for Shelly Marie, you have to know she’s going to need some time to come to terms with all of this. She’s been living out of a bag and looking over her shoulder for the past five years. Do you really think all is going to be okay in her mind just because the fuck is dead?”
“I want to say yes. Shit, I promised her that he wouldn’t get to her again. I can’t even keep her safe, what the fuck am I doing in this line of work?”
“Don’t start that, Adam. He had mercs working for him. She’s alive and she’ll survive. You saved her. Lord knows what that bastard had planned for her. The sheriff said the man had a plane waiting to take off. So after they killed Derek they were taking her somewhere else. It was an international flight plan.”
“He tried to kill Derek. I’m still not sure how he didn’t die.”
“He’s too damn ornery to do that. Kind of like you.”
Adam heard the underlying concern for their younger brother in Rhodi’s tone despite the words. He pivoted on his heel and strode from the room.
“Don’t worry,” Rhodi called out after him. “We’ll see ourselves out.”
Good, he needed to see Shelly Marie and reassure himself she was in the house with him. She lay swallowed up by his large bed. He’d refused to leave her in the hospital so once she’d been checked out, he brought her home.
Yes home.
Her red hair juxtaposed against the pale off white of his comforter. She was so tiny. He ripped off his shirt and crawled into bed with her. Drawing her in close, he buried his nose into her hair, desperate for her to wake so he could hear her voice, feel the caress of her touch.
Adam dozed off and woke when she tried to slide from his arms. He tightened them around her.
“Where are you going? Are you in pain?”
“I was going to get dressed and see about finding something to eat.” Her words were low and rasped.
He kissed her temple and rolled from the bed. Tossing his shirt in her direction, he waited for her to tug it on then he helped her up.
“I have crutches, you know.”
He kept her in his arms, carrying her to the living room. “I like carrying you.” He got her settled on the sofa then fixed her a cup of peppermint tea. Handing the cup over, he sat on the coffee table, facing her.
“What do you want to eat?”
“A bowl of soup would be nice.”
“Clam chowder?”
“Sounds divine.” Her smile was forced, he knew because it didn’t reach her eyes.
He handed her the remote and walked away. Damn it all, he wanted to grab her and kiss her. Make her understand she was safe. He hated the fear he could still see lingering in her gaze.
While the soup heated, he cut some sourdough bread chunks and placed them on a plate. She didn’t like saltines or oyster crackers with her soup, but wanted sourdough bread pieces she could dunk in it. Everything loaded on the oak tray, he hefted it and moved back to the living room where she sat in silence, staring out the window. A crocheted blanket lay over her lap and she glanced at him when he walked back in.
“Here you go,” he said, placing the tray down on her thighs. “Leg okay?”
“Other than the itching beneath the cast, fine.”
He reclaimed his seat across from her on the coffee table. Her foot rested beside him.
“You’re staring at me.” A true smile flashed. “Bread chunks.”
“You don’t like crackers. And have an unhealthy obsession with sourdough bread.”
She sent him a mock glare. “It’s not unhealthy. It’s good, true, and honest. No better bread.”
He curled his lip. “Says you.”
“I do.” She groaned as the dipped piece made its way to her mouth. “So damn good. Why do you have it in the house if you hate it?”
“Because you like it.”
“Don’t do that,” she said.
“Do what? Take care of you? Why not? Why can’t I take care of you, Pix?”
Her hand trembled and she put down the spoon. “Do we have to do this now?”
“If not now, when? You’re going to run, we both know it. I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here. Live with me. Marry me.”
“Seriously? You’re proposing to me, now?”
His bark of unamused laughter filled the air. “You have a time table for that? Something wrong with now?”
“You just rescued me. Your brother almost died. Because of my bad choices.”
“Derek is going to recover and as for you, we all make bad choices. You don’t have the monopoly on that, so don’t even go there.”
“Even you? The Great Adam Wilder? You make bad choices?”
“I do. The top of that list is having let you go the first time.” He leaned forward, arms on his thighs. “Christ, Pix. I love you. Have since our second year together. I don’t want to lose you again.”
She ate another bite of food before she placed the spoon back on the tray. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling that good. I think I need to lay down.”
He thought she was just running but he couldn’t deny she looked a bit green around the gills. He removed the tray and lifted her once more. Her small frame trembled and he mentally berated himself as he continued back to his room. He shouldn’t have done this now, shouldn’t have pushed when she just was recovering.
As she slept, he made a call to check on Derek then returned to the bedroom. Pausing outside the door, he frowned as he heard her crying. Scratching his shoulder, he walked in and shucked his pants this time as well, climbing in the bed wearing just his boxers.
“Shh,” he said, pulling her tight to him. “You’ll get through this, Pix. We’ll get through this.”
She didn’t turn to face him but she did hold tight onto his forearms as he enclosed his arms around her. He woke later when she kicked him with her cast.
Biting back his curse, he pushed up in bed. She still slept and he checked the time. Nine at night. They’d crashed and slept through the afternoon and evening. He left the bed and swiped his cell as he did so. Checking for an update on his brother, he then called the rest of his family to see how they were doing as well. Content all was fine outside of the house, he turned his attention to what was going on inside. He cleaned up from her unfinished meal and got her a glass of water.
She was awake when he walked into the room, the lone light highlighted the dark circles beneath her eyes. Exhaustion apparent everywhere, he offered the glass and she sat to accept it.
“Are you hungry? Or would you like to go back to sleep?”
She finished the water and lay back down. “Sleep.” Her eyes were barely open as she replied.
This time when he climbed in, he did so facing her so he could pull her to his chest. She burrowed close as she used to do, back in their day as a couple.
“I need to call Tracey,” she mumbled before she sank back under the lure of the sandman.
Adam remained awake long after she’d crashed once more. His mind running over ways to keep her part of his life and not lose her forever this time.
Chapter Seven
“I’m fine, Tracey. I promise. I have a broken leg and some bruised ribs but I’m fine.” Physically at least, emotionally, well, she’d be wrong for a while yet. Shelly Marie stared at her cast, heart heavy as she listened to Tracey yell about her almost dying.
Adam had been gone when she woke, granted it had been midafternoon when her exhausted body had been roused by the need to relieve itself, so she understood why he hadn’t been there. However, she knew he had been, not just because she was still in his house but because there were two dozen gladiolas in vases.
The colors ranged from pink to reddish or purple with white. With the contrasting markings, they were stunning and brought tears to her eyes. How he’d snuck out to get them without waking her she wasn’t sure. The gesture was wonderful and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to convey to him what it had meant to her.
“When can I come see you?”
Tracey’s question yanked her from daydreaming. She fiddled with the top of her cast. “He asked me to marry him.”
“What? Oh my God.” A pause. “Oh my God! Details, details,” she cried.
“In a manner of speaking. He mentioned it casually. May just have been a spur of the moment thing which slipped from his mouth.”
“When’s the wedding? Oh God, I finally get to meet the fucking gorgeous brothers you’ve gone on about.”
Shelly Marie shook her head. “It’s not—”
“Tell me you didn’t say no. I mean, really? You said yes, didn’t you? Of course you did. You’ve been in love with him forever.”
She hung her head in shame. “I actually didn’t say yes, Tracey.”
“Wait, what?” Disbelief owned her tone.
“I almost got his brother killed. I can’t have kids. What the hell do I have to offer him?” Her heart broke at the prospect of losing Adam for the second time. Tracey was right, she did love him but she wasn’t going to bring her past hell into his life and ruin his future. He had so much to offer a woman. A woman that wasn’t her.
“Why don’t you ask him?” Adam’s voice wound around her like a velvet rope, stroking along the overexposed and raw nerves. Making her all the more aware of him.
She turned in time to see him stride toward her, pluck the phone from her hand, and hang it up. Honestly, she couldn’t say if he said anything to Tracey or not for she was mesmerized by him. It was hard not to be.
His wide shoulders stretched the fabric of his blue shirt and his jeans fit in a way that shouldn’t be legal in any state. He stepped into her personal space and tipped her head back from where she’d been staring at the outline of his cock.
“How many times do we have to ride this ride, Shelly Marie?”
“You heard me?”
“State that fucked up statement that you have nothing to offer me? Yes. Do you really think I would love you any less because you can’t have children? Is that the type of man you think I am?”
Tears burned her eyes and she shook her head. “Not that you would say it, but you would eventually come to resent me for not being able to give you a child.”
The clenching of his jaw preceded the flare of his nose. He crouched before her. “Listen to me, Pix. Stop letting that man in your head. Don’t let him steal your future. He’s dead and gone. Can’t hurt you anymore.”
Her chin wobbled. “Derek almost died because of me.”
“Derek almost died because that bastard shot him twice close range. He did what he did to protect you. Don’t take that on yourself. He’s going to be fine so that isn’t an issue.”
“It could have been.”
“So could any of the missions he went on when he was a SEAL or any of the assignments we’ve taken while operating D.A.R.K Cover. This isn’t your fault and you have to accept that.”
“I’m trying, I just don’t know if I can. Your mom is going to see me as the one who almost killed her child.”
“No, she won’t.” He laid her back on the couch, moving her broken leg with care. “She’ll see you as a daughter.”
“You always said you wanted children.”
“I also said I wanted to be in the Rangers forever and die with my boots on in the field. If we can’t have children, there are other options. A child we raise will be ours, regardless of how it came to be in our life.” He lifted her hand and teased her skin with his touch.
God she wanted so much to step off the edge and grasp the lifeline he offered her. Her feet were encased in cement however, and she shook her head. “I don’t want you to regret anything later.”
He drew up the hem of her shirt exposing the scar-ridden belly. Dipping his head, he kissed three of the scars. She trembled.
“These are part of you, Pix. They don’t make you ugly to me.” He kiss
ed another, allowing his tongue to slip along the edge. “You are a gorgeous woman. Smart as hell and to damn good for me. I’m right here, hell, I’m damn near on my knees, asking you to stay here with me. Stay with this soldier. Trust me that I will protect and keep you safe for the rest of our lives.”
She reached out and sank her trembling hand in the hair on the back of his head, lightly massaging his scalp. His blue eyes met hers.
“And what would I do here, Adam? I can’t work in your company. I’m not teacher material. I belong in the lab and I’ve been away from it for far too long.” He moved until she tightened the hold she had on him. Sure, he could have broken free but he stopped. “I do love you, but I truly think you are saying this out of remorse for not being able to stop the crash and what happened after. I don’t want you to feel that. You tell me it’s not my fault well, it’s not yours either. You did save me and if there was ever a man I trust it’s you.”
Disappointment filled his gaze. “But you’re still leaving.”
She blinked back tears and didn’t say a word.
“Okay then.” He removed her touch and got to his feet. “I’ll arrange for you to get back to Tracey and we’ll get you home.” He walked to the doorway of the living room where he paused and spun back. “You won’t be happy there, Shelly Marie, just like I’m not happy without you in my life.” He left the room and her heart shattered into a billion pieces.
αβ
“So you’ve been a dick lately, I’ve heard.”
Adam turned his head and removed his ear protection at Derek’s statement. This was the first time he’d seen him since he’d left the hospital. “And you still look like shit.”
They hugged and when he stepped back, Derek didn’t back up, just leaned against the counter, arms crossed.
“Wild and Rhodi both refuse to come see you. There a reason?”
“You’re not a shrink, Derek, let it go.”
“You wouldn’t go see one anyway. So that’s a moot point. If you’re pining over her that much, get off your fucking high horse and go see her. Bring her back.”
