by Nancy Krulik
Besides, whatever words she used to explain what had happened, the pain of the breakup hurt like hell. At least while she was working at Helping House, she could focus on something else. But now she was being rejected by the women at Helping House. Well, not rejected, actually. Deep in her heart, Alana knew Becky wasn’t being mean or anything. She was just pushing her out of the security of the nest and back into the world.
But the world was a cold, heartless place. Out there, there was no hiding from the fact that she was utterly and completely alone. Alana had never noticed before just how many couples there were in New York City. They were everywhere. Kissing. Holding hands. Exchanging loving glances over tables in restaurants. And every single one of those couples seemed to be thumbing their noses at Alana. It was like they were living, breathing billboards in Times Square—flashing neon lights advertising, WE’RE IN LOVE AND YOU’RE NOT! Alana tried hard not to begrudge anyone happiness. But it wasn’t easy. Especially when two of those romantic lovers were her two best friends, Stella and Leo.
Up until recently Stella hadn’t exactly been a dog lover. But now that Leo was in her life, she’d suddenly turned into Captain Canine, turning up at the dog run with him and volunteering at Operation Dog Adoption. Basically, Stella had invaded Alana’s turf. And much as she tried not to feel that way, Alana resented having her best friend around so much.
Not that Stella was trying to be mean or anything. In fact, she and Leo worked really hard not to make Alana feel like a third wheel. They never failed to ask her to join them for dim sum in Chinatown after they’d all worked their shifts with the pound puppies at Operation Dog Adoption. But egg rolls and crystal dumplings were little comfort—especially since Alana sat there and ate what she had ordered, while Leo and Stella shared, intimately eating off of each other’s plates. She’d never realized before how such a small act could make such a large statement. And yet it did.
That was the thing about relationships. It was the little loving actions that made it clear you were a couple—like the way Stella would pick dog hairs from Leo’s jacket collar or the way he would use his napkin to wipe a little drop of duck sauce from the corner of her mouth. And all the while, Alana sat there, alone. A fur-covered, duck-sauce-mouthed, lonely mess.
In the end, the place Alana seemed most comfortable was in her own room. Burying herself in her schoolwork was a win-win situation. Her grades went up, and she could be alone. And as long as she kept her door shut, she could avoid the worried glances from her parents as they passed by her small room. It was hard seeing their concerned faces in the hallway. She knew they wanted to help her, but this just wasn’t the kind of thing a girl talked about with her parents. Even physics homework would be easier than telling her mom and dad how much she missed having Connor’s arms around her or seeing his smile as he spotted her walking down the block.
So physics it was. Alana concentrated on bringing up her grade in her toughest class. She stayed after school for extra lab time, studied for hours for exams, and took on the challenge of bonus problems she never would have considered even looking at the month before.
Anything to keep her mind off Connor.
That wasn’t easy. The boy was nothing if not determined. He called her endlessly, leaving a trail of missed calls, text messages, and voice mails that remained unanswered. Alana couldn’t talk to him, knowing full well that the very sound of his voice would bring back a flood of memories and feelings—like the vision of him with leaves in his hair in the Ramble. Or the way he’d come to her rescue and taken care of her that day in the dog park. Or the awful way he’d danced on the tight, steamy dance floor of the Red Rooster. She’d never felt as happy or as safe as when she’d been with Connor. But it was a feeling she would have to force herself to forget, because remembering hurt too much.
But making herself put all thoughts of Connor out of her mind never worked. Because invariably, at some point, Alana was forced to face her feelings. Whether it was late at night when she was lying in bed, waiting for sleep to come, or during some particularly boring class when her mind drifted off, sooner or later it all came back to her. And when she was alone in her room, it was hard for her not to reach into her drawer and pull out the photo he’d given her. The old couple. A love that lasted forever. Something she and Connor should have had, but never would.
Seventeen
Alana couldn’t stay in her room pretending to be a mini Einstein forever. For one thing, she was too into her hair to actually do the whole mad-scientist thing justice. And besides, she knew deep down that hiding behind a physics book was really no different from hiding behind a Monopoly board at Helping House or a dog leash at Operation Dog Adoption. There comes a time in every girl’s life when she has to dust herself off and start over. By mid-November Alana had reached that point. She’d had a life before Connor. And she would have one after. It was up to her whether that was a life of sadness and loneliness or a life full of opportunities and adventure.
So when Stella called and asked her to volunteer to work at Operation Dog Adoption’s annual November benefit, Alana finally acquiesced and allowed her two best buds to drag her out for a night of glamour and hard work.
Well, not hard work, really. Actually, it was kind of fun sitting behind the welcome desk in the downstairs lobby of the Tribeca Terrace, greeting well-heeled guests. She directed them either up to the ballroom where they could enjoy food, drink, and the music of a full orchestra, or up to the roof where they could enjoy the most spectacular, glorious view of the city.
Of course, those destinations were just for the wealthy guests. Volunteers like Leo, Stella, and Alana were relegated to the lobby. Still, Alana smiled brightly as she greeted the men and women in their tuxedos and designer gowns. She was genuinely glad to see them. After all, those people had given a lot of money to the shelter in order to attend the party. This fund-raiser was going to earn Operation Dog Adoption enough money to open a second shelter in Brooklyn. In the past few months, Alana had softened a bit. She’d come to realize that it didn’t matter whether people gave their time or their money. Just so long as they cared enough to give. Charities needed both kinds of people to keep them running.
And besides, it was kind of fun to be part of the glamour of the evening. She’d gotten all dressed up in a gorgeous red dress with a skirt that blew up like a parachute when she twirled around on her sexy, black stiletto heels. She’d even pulled her long hair back into a glamorous French twist. Alana knew she wasn’t actually going to be at the party, but she’d decided to get into the spirit of the evening—even if it did take some major coaxing on Stella’s part to get her to pump up the volume on the glamour. Now she was kind of glad she’d listened to her best friend. Being all glammed up made Alana feel like this was the kind of night where anything might happen. Maybe that was why Alana wasn’t completely surprised when she heard his voice…
“Alana…”
Alana looked up from her copy of the guest list and gasped slightly. Connor had always looked hot in jeans and a T-shirt. But in a tuxedo he was downright breathtaking. Just the sight of him made Alana weak. She was glad she was sitting down, so he wouldn’t know the power he still had over her. And thank goodness for the long white tablecloth that was draped over the table, blocking the view of her legs shaking up and down nervously. Incredible. After all this time, he still had that effect on her.
“Connor. What are you…um…?” Alana stammered. She began turning the pages of her guest list, frantically searching for his name. She kept her eyes on the paper, running her finger down the list of S names. That way she didn’t have to look into those deep brown eyes that always seemed to see right through her body and into her soul. “Um…you’re not on the list,” she said finally. “There must be some mistake.”
“No. No mistake,” Connor said. “I’m not a guest.”
She looked at his tuxedo. “But…”
“I’m the photographer,” he told her. “I’ve been up at the party all
night taking candid shots of the guests.”
“The photographer?”
Connor nodded. “Did you forget that’s what I do?”
No. She hadn’t forgotten. She hadn’t forgotten anything about him.
“I had some pictures in my portfolio of this adorable dog walker and her dogs. They loved them. In fact, they blew them up to poster size and used them to decorate the room upstairs. Then they hired me to work the event. Well, not hired me, actually. I’m volunteering. But it’s a really good cause and…I knew you’d be here.”
Alana stared at him for a minute. Not sure what to say. “There are pictures of me up there?” she asked finally. Okay, not the smartest comment, but it’s all I can think of at the moment.
“Who else? You’re cute. In fact, you totally upstage the dogs, if you ask me.” His voice was slightly strained, as though he was trying unsuccessfully to sound calm and confident. It was clear he was neither of those things.
Alana could feel her heart pounding as he spoke. God, he could be charming when he wanted to be. The familiar tingle of excitement raced through her veins. She tried to fight the attraction, but she was helpless. He was here. In the flesh. And despite everything, it was taking all of her self-control to keep from jumping up and grabbing him.
“Listen, I’m on a break right now while everyone’s eating. Do you think we could talk for a few minutes?” Connor asked in a low voice.
Alana swallowed hard. “I’m kind of working and…”
“Go ahead, Alana,” Stella urged. “Everyone who’s coming is pretty much already here. Leo and I can handle any stragglers without you.”
Alana eyed her best friend suspiciously. It suddenly dawned on her that Stella didn’t seem at all surprised by Connor’s appearance at the benefit. Neither did Leo. Which led Alana to believe the two of them had had something to do with this. They obviously weren’t going to help her find an excuse not to talk to Connor. There was no getting out of it.
Not that Alana was sure she wanted to. She stood up and, as if in a dream, followed him toward the elevator. As the door slid closed behind them, Alana took pains to stand as far from him as possible, knowing full well she might melt if she even touched so much as his hand.
The doors opened, and Alana followed Connor out onto the rooftop. It was a cool, clear night, and the whole city lay in front of them. “It’s like we’re above the stars,” Alana murmured, staring at the twinkling bright lights below. “This view is magnificent.”
“So are you,” Connor said. He took a deep breath. “God, Alana, I’ve missed you, so much.”
She just kept staring at the Empire State Building in the distance.
“How have you been?” Connor asked gently.
Alana turned to face him and forced a smile to her face. “I got into Hunter College, early decision. That was a relief. Once I found out about that, I’ve been able to relax. So I’ve been just…well…great.”
“Hunter, that’s terrific,” Connor said quietly.
“Yeah, it’s much cheaper than any other school I applied to, so I can give up the dog walking when I start there,” Alana continued, babbling about anything but what he really wanted to talk about.
“I thought you’d already given it up,” Connor said. “My mother…well, she said you stopped taking care of Nicolette.”
Alana breathed heavily. “Yeah. I sort of had to do that. I didn’t…”
“You didn’t want to run into me.” As Connor finished her thought, his eyes grew kind of glassy, and for a moment Alana thought he might cry. “You never answered any of my calls or messages,” he added sadly.
Alana looked away. She knew that was true. She also knew that she’d never deleted a single one—and that there were nights where she’d replayed those messages over and over again, just to hear the sound of his voice. “It would have been too hard,” she whispered.
“It doesn’t have to be,” Connor told her. “I made a mistake. I know. But I was…” He stopped and corrected himself. “I am so in love with you.”
Alana gasped. He loved her. He said it. There was a time she would have been so happy to hear those words coming from him. But right now, she was too confused. A million feelings were rushing through her at once.
“You should have trusted me,” she insisted quietly.
“Trust is hard,” Connor admitted. “I come from a world where people basically disown you just for having your own dreams. I was afraid to imagine what you might do if you found out who I was. And then, when the lying went on so long, I wasn’t sure how to get out of it without losing you.” He paused and stared into her eyes. “Please tell me I haven’t lost you. Please tell me we can fix this. Because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And without you, nothing else really matters. I’m so, so sorry, Alana. Truly.”
Alana stared at him. He may have lied to her in the past, but he wasn’t lying about this. She could see it in his face. He was trusting her with his heart. And she loved him too much to break that trust. Despite it all, she loved him.
She was shaking now, and the tears were starting. But this time they were tears of relief. The long, painful weeks of missing him were over. “I love you,” she murmured in a voice so low Connor could barely hear her.
He grabbed her then and held her close, as if he were afraid to let go. Alana stayed there, safe in his arms, feeling herself give way to the fountain of pent-up emotions that were flowing out of her. When he bent down to kiss her, she pressed her lips against his, as though making up for lost time. They clung to each other for dear life, swaying slightly in the same rhythm, beneath the bright moon above. For a moment there didn’t seem to be anyone else in the world….
“Hey, Connor, they need you downstairs.”
Leo’s voice seemed to come out of nowhere. Alana caught her breath and slowly pulled away from Connor as he released his grip on her body. “I forgot you were working tonight,” she whispered breathlessly.
“I almost did too,” he said quietly. “Will you still be here when I’m finished?”
“Just try and get rid of me,” Alana replied.
“Never.” He looked at her and smiled. Then he kissed her playfully on the forehead. “After this shindig you can come down to the Village and help me walk my dog.”
Alana looked at him with surprise. “You got a dog?”
Connor nodded. “Leo convinced me to adopt her. She’s the cutest mutt. Some sort of beagle mix. Her name’s Delancey.”
“Delancey?” Alana repeated. Then she laughed. “Uh-oh. Be careful. She’s a runner.”
“She started out that way. But not anymore,” Connor assured her. “It wasn’t easy, but we’ve gotten to the point where she trusts me enough to stay in my life.”
Alana grinned. “Smart dog,” she said, knowing full well that they weren’t really talking about Delancey at all. “Lucky, too. To have you in her life, I mean.”
Connor’s eyes twinkled in the moonlight. “I’m the lucky one,” he said.
“We both are,” Alana assured him. “And we always will be.”
About the Author
Nancy Krulik is the author of more than one hundred books for young readers, including three New York Times bestsellers. Her other Romantic Comedies include Ripped at the Seams and She’s Got the Beat. Nancy lives with her family in New York, New York, not far from the Riverside Park dog run, where she takes her crazed cocker spaniel, Pepper, for a run once in a while. She swears she’s never taken him to the Posh Puppy, though she has thought about it.
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