Layla fancied herself in love with him and he blamed himself for not sticking to his rules. He had blurred the boundaries by taking their relationship from on paper to passion and now he had to pay the price.
But he still had Bellbrae.
Layla had promised not to do anything that would compromise his inheritance and for that he was grateful. To lose Bellbrae would be to lose a big part of himself. He glanced at the Christmas tree that only a short time ago they had decorated together. The porcelain angel on the top of the tree had slipped sideways and looked in danger of falling. He deliberated on whether to climb back up the ladder or leave the angel to its fate. It had been repaired a few times—once Flossie as a puppy had run off with it during the tree-decorating process. Another time Robbie had thrown it in a tantrum not long after their mother had left. It had taken Logan ages to glue it back together before anyone noticed.
Flossie pushed the sitting-room door open with her nose and padded over to him, her tail low, her brown eyes so woebegone it made something in Logan’s gut tighten. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he said, frowning. ‘I didn’t ask her to leave.’
But you didn’t convince her to stay either.
He pushed aside the intrusive thought and went over to where he had propped the stepladder against the wall. He unfolded the ladder and began climbing but he had only got up three rungs when the angel toppled from the top of the tree and fell to the floor, her porcelain face smashing into pieces no amount of superglue was ever going to fix.
* * *
Layla booked herself into a bed and breakfast in Haymarket in the west end of Edinburgh and fell into bed but not into sleep. She lay on her back, eyes streaming with tears, her chest aching with emptiness. What a fool she had been to admit she loved Logan. A gauche fool who should have known better than to think he would ever return her feelings. He had locked away his heart and she had been crazy to think she of all people held the key. She didn’t. And never would.
She looked at her bare ring finger and sighed. She’d left his grandmother’s engagement ring and her wedding ring on Logan’s bedside table. There was no way she could keep his family heirloom. The ring would just have been a painful reminder of how she had failed to win his heart—of how her dreams had been shattered like a robin’s egg on concrete.
She picked up her phone and checked if he’d replied to her text informing him she had arrived safely. He had, but in characteristic fashion had kept it brief.
Okay.
No words asking her to reconsider. No words of love. Just ‘Okay’.
Layla put the phone back down and flopped back against the pillows with another sigh. More fool her for wanting more than was possible.
But wasn’t that the pitiful story of her life?
CHAPTER TWELVE
A WEEK WENT past and Logan swore he could still smell Layla’s perfume lingering in the castle. Even when he walked outside to go on one of his long walks over the estate, he thought he could hear the sound of her laugh in the air. And every time the sun peeped out from behind the brooding clouds, he thought of her breath-snatching smile.
Bellbrae was just a deserted old castle without her here. A deserted Highland retreat that was no longer a retreat but more like a prison. He was imprisoned by his thoughts—the thoughts that plagued him day and night, but mostly at night. He would wake from a restless sleep and realised with a jolt that Layla was not sleeping beside him. That her cloud of chestnut hair wasn’t splayed out over the pillow, her arms not wrapped around him, her legs not curled close to his.
He’d had to stop using the bedroom he’d shared with her as it contained too many memories. He had even left the engagement and wedding rings on the bedside table where she’d left them. He couldn’t bring himself to lock them in the safe because it seemed too...final. Out of sight, out of mind. Except Layla was indeed out of sight but not out of his mind. She was there all the time. He couldn’t go through a single minute of the day without thinking of her.
And that’s when the pain would start. Pain that spread through his chest like a poison, seeping into his blood and even into his bones. He ached with it. He couldn’t escape the torment of his body missing hers. But the physical torment he could handle, it was the mental torment he couldn’t. The emotional torment. Yes, the E word he had scrubbed from his vocabulary a long time ago. Emotions were things he didn’t trust, in others but also in himself.
But the emotion he felt now was different. The emptiness he felt was different. The ache inside his chest seemed to be getting worse each day.
Logan had just brought Flossie back in after a comfort walk when he saw his brother’s car coming up the driveway. Great. Just what he needed—an uninvited guest at his private pity party.
Robbie parked the car under one of the trees near the old stables. The bare branches waving in the icy wind looked like arthritic fingers.
‘God, this place is freezing,’ Robbie said, dashing towards Logan with his hand pulling the collar of his coat against his neck.
Logan hadn’t noticed the cold. He’d been too preoccupied with missing Layla. ‘You didn’t tell me you were coming. I would have cranked up the heating.’
Robbie grimaced and followed Logan inside. ‘Yeah, sorry about that. But I had my mind on stuff.’
Tell me about it.
Logan led the way to the small sitting room where he had been spending most of his time. Flossie was already in front of the fire with her head on her paws. She wagged her tail across the carpet but didn’t go over to greet Robbie.
Robbie pulled one side of his lip into his mouth and shifted his weight from foot to foot. ‘Is Layla around? I think it’s important she hears what I have to say too, given you guys are married and all. I want to apologise for my behaviour last time. I was unforgivably rude to her.’
Logan walked over to the fireplace and gave the burning coals a poke with the poker. The mention of Layla’s name was as painful as if the hot poker had been driven into his chest. ‘She’s not here.’
‘Oh, where is she?’
Logan put the poker back on the fireplace tools rack and faced his brother. ‘She left a week ago.’
Robbie frowned. ‘Left? Why?’
Logan rubbed a hand down his face and mentally reminded himself to shave sometime. It had been three days at least. ‘I suck at relationships, that’s why. I hurt people I care about even when I think I’m doing the right thing by them.’
Robbie swallowed a couple of times and sat on the sofa as if his legs were not capable of keeping him upright. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs and placed his head into his hands.
‘Oh, God, this is my fault.’ He lifted his head and looked at Logan with a harrowed expression. ‘The reason I came here today... I’ve been to see someone. A psychologist.’ He swallowed again and continued, ‘I’m not coping with stuff. I haven’t been coping for a long time but I’ve been using other things to take my mind off it. Drinking, the occasional party drug, sex with strangers, so many strangers I’ve lost count. Gambling.’ He groaned and placed his head back in his hands. ‘I’ve lost everything, Logan. Please don’t hate me for it. I have nothing left of my trust fund—I’ve gambled it all away.’
Logan went over to his brother, sat beside him and laid an arm around his quaking shoulders. ‘You have me, Robbie. You’ll always have me, no matter what.’
Flossie hauled herself up off the carpet in front of the fire and came plodding over to nudge Robbie’s thigh, whining as if to say she was there for him too.
Robbie lifted his head out of his hands, his face wet with tears. His hand reached down and scratched behind the dog’s ears. ‘I want to be a better man. I want to be like you—steady, reliable, responsible. I’ve been blaming everyone but myself for how I behave, for the stupid choices I’ve made. But I’m determined to make better choices now. I want to go to reha
b. I want to get control of my destructive habits before they hurt the people I love.’
‘I’ll support you in every way I can,’ Logan said.
Robbie leaned back and met Logan’s gaze. ‘You’ve always been there for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better older brother. You’ve always had my back and knowing that has kept me from the edge more times than I want to admit. I’ve let you down so much but I’m determined to change my habits. But what about you and Layla? I can’t help thinking I’ve caused you guys to break up.’
Logan had his own destructive habits to address. The habit of not recognising love, for instance. For not allowing himself to feel it, or receive it. Not trusting love when it was the only thing that kept him going.
Love for his brother, love for Bellbrae and most of all—love for Layla.
Maybe there was hope for him after all. Robbie had said Logan’s love for him had kept him from going over the edge. It gave him hope he might be a better godparent than he’d thought. And who better to be a godparent with than with Layla? The woman he loved with all his heart and soul.
And why stop at godparenting? He started to picture Bellbrae with children sitting around the Christmas tree. The sound of their laughter echoing in the castle and in the gardens and beyond. He and Layla would make an awesome team as parents of their own children. He had loved Layla for so long he had no idea when it had started. It felt like it had always been there inside his heart. Hidden away. Locked away. But he could lock it away no longer.
‘No, it wasn’t you,’ Logan said. ‘It was me. I didn’t realise how much I loved her until I lost her. I guess it’s a bit like you with having to lose everything, having to reach rock bottom before you can resurface, to be reborn.’
Robbie frowned in puzzlement. ‘If you love her, then why are you brooding up here all alone?’
Logan sprang from the sofa. ‘You’re right. I need to go and see her. To tell her I love her exactly the way she wants to be loved. And to bring her back home. Will you be okay looking after Flossie overnight?’
Robbie’s face was wreathed in a smile and he turned to look at the dog sitting beside him. ‘How about it, Floss? Do you trust me to take care of you while Logan brings back his bride?’
Flossie gave an answering bark and wagged her plumy tail.
* * *
Layla was in her office-cum-bedsit in the Old Town of Edinburgh, putting the last touches to the small reception area with a pot plant and new business cards for the counter. Her business name, ‘Leave it to Layla and Co’, was on a black and gold plaque on the door and another one over the counter. She stepped back to admire her brand-new office space when the door tinkled open behind her.
She turned with a welcoming smile on her face. ‘Welcome to...’ Her heart jerked sideways in her chest. ‘Oh, Logan. Hello...’ She licked her lips, a little shocked at his appearance. It looked like he hadn’t shaven or slept in days. And his clothes were rumpled as if he’d slept in them—if indeed he had slept. ‘Are you okay?’
He closed the door and came over to where she was standing. ‘I’m not okay and I’ll never be okay without you.’ He took her hands in his. ‘I love you. I can’t tell you when I started loving you. It feels like I’ve always loved you in one way or another. But it’s the way I love you now that’s most important.’
Layla’s heart began to feel too big for her chest cavity. It swelled and swelled and she could hardly take a breath or speak. ‘You really love me?’
He smiled and hugged her to his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. ‘I love you so much I can’t find the words to describe it. I would give anything up if it meant I could have you by my side. Even Bellbrae.’
‘Oh, Logan,’ Layla said, happy tears spilling from her eyes. ‘Even Bellbrae?’
He eased back to look down at her with love shining in his gaze. He blotted her tears with the pads of his fingers. ‘Even Bellbrae. It’s just an isolated and draughty old cold castle without you there. You make it a home. Come back with me and make it a home for both of us. And for any children we might have if we’re so lucky.’
‘Children?’ Layla’s eyes widened and her heart just about exploded with joy. ‘You want a family?’
‘You once pointed out I might need an heir in the future, remember? I can think of no one I’d rather have to be the mother of my children than you. Oh, and by the way, is the invitation to be godfather to little Gabriella still open? I would be honoured to be a godparent with you.’
Layla wound her arms around his neck. ‘I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been so miserable without you. I love you so much.’
He held her close, his arms a strong band around her back. ‘When you said I had an emotional limp, that really resonated with me later. I was too angry to really understand what you meant at the time. But it’s true. I’ve been disabled for years by my fear of failure in a relationship—any relationship. It was as destructive as Robbie’s drinking and gambling. He’s getting help, by the way. I’m so proud of how he’s taking that step. He’s minding Flossie while I’m down here sweeping you off your feet.’
‘You are very definitely doing that,’ Layla laughed. ‘I don’t think my feet will ever touch the ground again.’
He kissed her long and lovingly, finally raising his mouth off hers to say, ‘Forgive me for hurting you. For not begging you to stay, and most of all for not telling you how much I love you.’
Layla stroked his prickly jaw with her hand. ‘You’ve told me now, that’s the main thing.’
Logan kissed her hand and then reached into his coat pocket. ‘I was halfway down the driveway at Bellbrae when I realised I’d forgotten to get your rings. I had to dash back to get them.’ He took out the wedding and engagement rings and placed them on her left hand. ‘There. Back where they belong.’
Layla’s smile threatened to split her face in two. ‘I’m so happy I think I’m going to burst. What do you think of my office? It’s a bit on the small side but it’s a start.’
‘It looks great. I’m so proud of you, even if I have to confess I’m worried how we’re going to juggle our careers. But I’ll always support you, no matter what.’
‘I’ve already hired a receptionist to manage the bookings,’ Layla said. ‘I realise I can’t do everything myself. It’s not healthy. Besides, I quite like the idea of sleeping in now and again as long as you’re there too.’
His eyes glinted and he drew her even closer. ‘Come home with me for Christmas?’
Layla lifted her mouth to his. ‘Just try and stop me.’
EPILOGUE
Christmas the following year
LOGAN BROUGHT THE tray of mulled wine in for their guests in the sitting room where the Christmas tree was twinkling and the fire roaring in the grate. Rafe and Isla and their adorable twelve-month-old toddler Gabriella were staying for the festive season. Gabby was at the cute cruising around the furniture stage, and every now and again would lose her balance and plonk down on her nappy-clad bottom and smile, showing off her brand new little white teeth.
Aunt Elsie was spending Christmas on a cruise with her pen pal after developing quite a penchant for travelling, but she assured them she would be back when the worst of winter was over.
Robbie was sitting on the opposite sofa with his arm around his new partner Meg, who he’d met in rehab. Logan couldn’t believe the difference in his brother. The maturity and acceptance of responsibility had been slow in coming but now it was here, he couldn’t have been prouder of the way his brother had addressed his issues.
And then Logan’s gaze went to Layla, who was sitting on the third sofa with her feet up on a footstool, cradling their new puppy Rafferty on her lap. Flossie had sadly passed away in her sleep a few months ago and the only way Logan could think to fill the gap the old dog left was to buy Layla a puppy for her birthday. The new angel on the top of the tree alr
eady had Raffy’s teeth marks on it but thankfully Logan had rescued it in time before more serious damage had been done.
Layla smiled at Logan and his chest filled with warmth. ‘Is that the non-alcoholic one?’ she asked with a twinkle in her eye that rivalled the Christmas-tree lights.
‘I made it specially for you, darling,’ Logan said, feeling a rush of love so deep and intense it took his breath away.
‘You’re not drinking alcohol?’ Isla’s eyes widened to the size of the baubles on the tree. ‘Does this mean...?’
Logan put the drinks tray down and sat beside Layla and placed his arm around her waist. ‘Yes, it does. We’re expecting a special arrival in June next year.’
‘Congratulations!’ Rafe and Isla spoke at once and Robbie and Meg soon followed with hugs and kisses. Even little Gabby wanted to be part of the action and gave them both a sloppy open-mouthed kiss.
‘But wait, there’s more,’ Layla said with a beaming smile that made his heart swell with love. ‘We need two sets of godparents. So, will you guys do the honours? Rafe and Isla and Robbie and Meg?’
Robbie’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You’re having twins?’
Logan grinned and hugged Layla close to his side. ‘I did say a special arrival, didn’t I? Yes, we’re having twins.’
* * *
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