So many things he wanted for the future—his and Milly’s. Though he would have liked to have given them all more thought, he had to remind himself that what he had now was enough. Even if he was tempted by the image of a certain raven-haired woman that kept popping into his head. Maybe someday he’d be able to pursue that idea. Maybe they’d both be healed enough to build a new foundation for their relationship.
Until then, he had Milly. And that was enough. It had to be.
* * *
Rose watched as Silas played with the children. The air was warm for November, but growing chilly, and soon they wouldn’t be able to spend much time outside anymore. They’d been fortunate with such good weather so far, but it wouldn’t last.
She pulled her shawl tighter around her and the baby.
Milly’s infectious laugh rang out and Matthew seemed to perk up. His head turned toward the sound, and she propped him up to get a better view. She hadn’t been lying when she told Milly that Matthew loved her. Sometimes it didn’t seem like a bad idea to take Silas up on his offer of marriage, even though he’d withdrawn it. Marrying him wouldn’t be so bad. They did get along, and clearly they were attracted to one another. But was it the deep, lasting love everyone around her shared?
Rose sighed as she looked down at her baby, whose gaze seemed to follow Milly everywhere she went.
Would it be so wrong to settle for good enough for the sake of her son?
Milly darted by, then stopped. She ran back and swooped in to kiss Matthew’s cheek. Just as quickly, she turned and ran off.
Silas joined Rose, falling into the chair next to hers. “She sure has a lot of energy.”
“Yes. But she’ll sleep well tonight.”
A gust of wind hit, chilling her. “I should probably get Matthew inside.”
“Don’t want him to catch a cold,” Silas said with a soft smile like he didn’t quite believe her. Was he, like Mary, accusing her of using Matthew as an excuse to avoid being with him?
“The others should come in soon, too. They don’t feel the cold because they’re having fun, but soon we’ll have little red noses, and if they turn into colds, it will be no fun for any of us.”
He gave her a look that made her feel warm inside, but not in the way she used to feel. It wasn’t one of desire or passion, or anything else she could name. Just warm.
“You’re right,” he said slowly. “But is it so wrong to not want this to end? I’m throwing a ball to my daughter and her friend, and though it seems so mundane, I can’t help but want to hold on to the moment for as long as I can.”
“There will be other moments,” Rose said, standing.
Milly came running up to her. “Ma-few stay wif us.”
Reaching down to give the little girl a squeeze, Rose said, “I think we should all go inside. We need to have something hot to drink and warm up.”
“Maddie make cookies?” Blue eyes looked up at her hopefully.
“It’s awfully close to supper,” Rose said, knowing that in spite of her warning, Maddie was likely to still find the children each a small treat.
Nugget joined them, breathless and grinning. “We can talk her into one. I’ll show you.”
Without waiting for Rose, Nugget held out her hand to the little girl and they ran inside.
Rose glanced at Silas, who was shaking his head. “They are something else.”
“They are. But I’m glad Nugget has Milly, with Polly and her family in Denver right now. It’s good for Milly, too. I used to hate having so many siblings, but now I see how the children interact, and I realize that they need each other.”
Rose smiled at him, noting that the usual pang in her heart over the lack of closeness with Mary didn’t seem as strong. The childhood she didn’t get didn’t seem to matter as much now. Not when she could still feel the warmth of her sister’s arms around her.
“Does it bother you about Nugget?”
Silas’s question seemed to come out of nowhere, though Rose knew many still wondered what it was like to lose both parents only to find an illegitimate sister who was the product of one of her father’s affairs.
“I can hardly cast stones, now can I?”
He put his hand on her elbow. “That’s not what I meant. I was just wondering...” Then he sighed. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Sometimes I marvel at how seamlessly your family has come together. You love Nugget the same as anyone else.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Rose shivered again, noting the sun was getting lower over the hills beyond.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to keep you. I guess I wonder, how easy is it to love a child not your own? I see you with Nugget and Milly, and you make it look like it’s the most natural thing in the world.”
What was he trying to say? That he would have a hard time loving a child that wasn’t his? That he wasn’t sure he could love Matthew? Rose clamped her mouth shut. Was this why she needed to guard her heart against him?
“You treat them the same,” Silas continued. “As each other, as Matthew.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” She sounded defensive, she knew, but he seemed so incredulous that it felt like, well, like he hardly knew her at all.
“Not everyone would.” His brow furrowed and he looked lost in thought for a moment. Turning his attention back to her, his gaze met hers.
“Milly is so happy here, with all of you.” Silas looked away, his gaze focused on the mountains in the distance. “Could she find the same love and care anywhere else?”
Rose smiled at him. Of course he’d be thinking about Milly and how there were still so many uncertainties in their lives. The Garretts seemed resigned to the situation, but even she knew that they were barely tolerating it.
“We’ll fight for Milly just the same as we’ll fight for one of our own. Has there been any word from the lawyer you’ve been speaking to?”
Silas shrugged. “He says that I have the law on my side, but it would be best if we found a way to work things out with the Garretts.”
“As it should be.” Rose wanted to reach out and grab his hand to give it a squeeze, to let him know that she was on his side, no matter what. But it seemed too intimate a gesture, particularly given that she’d been so vocal in making sure he understood the lines they could not cross.
Instead, she smiled at him. “Come, let’s see what the girls have talked Maddie into. I know I could use a cup of tea at the very least.”
He nodded. “I know the Garretts have no legal grounds to stand on, but I can’t help but worry about her. What will happen if she ends up with them?”
“She won’t,” Rose said, hoping her confidence gave him enough of his own to rely on. But the truth was, Leadville was a dangerous place, and none of them were guaranteed tomorrow. If something happened to Silas, as much as she hated to admit it, Milly would, indeed, end up living with the Garretts.
Unless, of course, Silas took a wife.
Could Rose stand to watch Silas marry another?
Now that was the question she wasn’t ready to face. Her heart had almost not survived the first time. She might not be able to see him as her husband, but Rose wasn’t stupid enough to think she’d be unaffected watching him court another.
Chapter Twelve
Silas left Milly every day to go to work, but watching her leave with the Garretts tore his heart in a way he hadn’t expected. Would Milly be all right? Would they see some defect in her that gave them the ability to take her away?
Plus, this wasn’t like letting Milly spend time with them in the parlor. They were taking her to the dining room in the hotel, a fine place, a place where the antics of a two-year-old wouldn’t be welcomed.
“She’ll be fine,” Rose said in his ear. “The worst that can happen is that Milly will misbehave, and the Garretts will brin
g her home.”
“No,” he said quietly. “The worst that can happen is that they’ll find some excuse to take her from me. I don’t know why, but as well as things are going, I can’t get rid of the feeling that something bad is going to happen.”
“Welcome to being a parent.” She smiled at him. Then she turned to greet Frank. “Uncle Frank, we have a worried father over here.”
Frank clapped his hand on Silas’s back. “Ah, yes. It is hard to let them go. But our Milly will be fine. You’ll see.”
Our Milly. Once again, he marveled at how quickly his daughter had become a part of the family. Not as a possession, the way the Garretts seemed to view her, but as someone they loved and cared for.
And yet, it didn’t make him feel any better.
“Come,” Frank said. “I’d like your help in moving some tables to get ready for supper, and I believe Rose was needed in the kitchen.”
Rose gave a small nod as if to indicate her understanding, then headed for the kitchen. He couldn’t help but watch the graceful way she moved, stopping to greet people she knew. But he also noticed how there were others she carefully avoided.
Did anyone else notice?
“She is something else, isn’t she?” Frank asked.
Not this again. But how did Silas say so politely when it was only Frank’s generosity that had given him any hope for being able to keep Milly?
“Indeed,” Silas said, trying to tear his gaze from her but failing as an older matron grabbed her daughter by the arm and yanked her in the other direction so as not to cross paths with Rose.
How did everyone stand there and just watch? Surely he wasn’t the only one who noticed the way people still treated Rose. He took a step forward, but he felt Frank’s hand on his arm.
“It’s not worth it.”
“But it’s Rose.” He stared at the other man. “How can you let people treat her like that?”
Frank nodded slowly. “I’ve had a good many talks with Mrs. Davis. She’s not able to comprehend that her own sin makes her just as in need of the Lord as our Rose. So what do I do? Do I shun her the way she shuns our Rose?”
He shook his head. “No. I believe the only way to change a person’s heart is with love. To continue to love Mrs. Davis, even when our human minds cannot fathom why. That is why we have the strength of the Lord.”
The conversation didn’t seem to be about how people treated Rose, but about his own behavior toward the Garretts. Yes, he’d recognized the grief underlying their actions. But they’d been hard people to deal with even before Annie’s death.
Silas swallowed. “How do you do that?”
“You pray. And you let the Lord guide you.” Frank let out a long sigh. “It’s not as easy as I make it sound. I have struggled many times over how to treat someone who mistreats me and my family, but I’ve learned the hard way that repaying evil for evil is the wrong way to live.”
Silas stared at him. “Isn’t that in the Bible?”
“More or less.” Frank grinned. “Of course, if we just listened to Jesus in the first place, then learning the hard way wouldn’t be necessary.”
“I can’t imagine you learning anything the hard way.” Silas looked sideways at the older man, who still grinned.
“You’d be surprised. I’ve made more than my share of mistakes, which is why I can so freely give grace to others. I only give what I have been given myself.”
Rose had given him a great deal of grace. Despite her struggles to forgive him, she’d opened her heart to his daughter, who’d blossomed under her care. She might think she couldn’t forgive him, but her actions indicated a level of grace that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to give someone who’d hurt him. After all, Milly had barely left, and he was already questioning the wisdom of letting the Garretts have access to her.
Someone said something to Rose, and she started back toward them. At least this would prevent another awkward conversation about his intentions toward her.
Frank gave him another pat on the back. “I’m sure she’s coming to remind me of something I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t know what I’d do without everyone around here managing me.”
“I’m sure you’d manage just fine.” Silas grinned at the other man, who shrugged.
“Maybe, but I sure am grateful I don’t have to find out.” He gave Silas a measuring glance. “I hope you figure out things between you and Rose before it’s too late. I know our Rose has her thorns, but it’s the prickliest ones that produce the most beautiful flowers. There is nothing more wonderful than the love of a good woman. The two of you might be fighting it, but I pray you’ll find your way together.”
The expression on Rose’s face told him that she’d heard every word.
“Uncle Frank! I thought you said that matchmaking was best left to the old ladies who had nothing better to do with their time.”
Her flushed cheeks were supposed to be indicative of her fury, but Silas couldn’t help but think they added to her charm and beauty.
“Who said anything about matchmaking?” Frank’s eyes twinkled. “I was merely pointing out that with the way sparks are flying between the two of you, Silas needs to start thinking about making his intentions toward you clear.”
Then he turned his attention back to Silas. “It’s easy for a man to trifle with a woman’s heart when no one’s said anything about marriage and the future. But once a man makes his feelings known—”
“This is ridiculous.” Rose’s eyes blazed, the lovely blue shade sending sparks that could probably be seen for miles. “You think all it takes to keep a woman’s heart safe is to promise marriage? Silas could promise to marry me right now, and I wouldn’t believe it. You think he hasn’t done so before? You don’t think Ben promised to marry me before I ran away with him?”
She gave the kind of bitter laugh Silas didn’t expect her capable of. “Men will say all sorts of pretty things to get what they want from a woman. But do they mean them?”
Rose shook her head, a few dark tendrils escaping from her perfectly coiffed style. “Not in my experience.”
She shot Silas the same look she’d given him yesterday, filled with all the anger he deserved. “You can say you loved me all you want. But your actions showed otherwise. I will not allow myself to be taken in again. I can forgive you, and I have, over and over, but it doesn’t mean I know the difference between your truths and lies. Which means I don’t trust you, and I won’t because I don’t know what to trust.”
Every word she spoke was like an arrow to a different place in Silas’s heart. He’d apologized, tried to show his remorse for his actions, but even now, despite the progress they’d made in their relationship, it wasn’t enough. The pain wasn’t just about how he felt about the situation, but in knowing how deeply he’d wounded someone he cared about.
Squaring her shoulders, Rose turned her attention back to Frank. “I know you mean well, and I’m sure you’re not the only person in this family to warn Silas about hurting me. But you need to leave this be. And you need to tell everyone else the same. My heart is not in danger here.”
The tears in her eyes brought an ache to the very deepest part of Silas’s heart. How could he have not seen how shattered she’d been by his thoughtless actions?
“I’m not sure I have a heart left to offer anyone.” Rose brushed at the corners of her eyes with her fingertips. “I already gave it up—twice. The first time, I had it broken in a most cruel way, and the second, all the remaining pieces were burned to a crisp.”
Rose gave him a look, not of the anger he deserved for what she deemed his cruelty, but of such deep sorrow, he wasn’t sure he could bear the weight of the expression. But he deserved it. So he met her gaze.
“There is nothing but ashes left, and I cannot imagine what it would take for me to even consider off
ering them to someone else. I must be one hundred percent convinced of a man’s honor first. If family is warning you away out of a misguided sense of your feelings, that’s one thing. But if there is any genuine desire in your heart for me, then you’d best be prepared for the fight of your life. Because I will not be trifled with again.”
Without a backward glance, Rose flounced off, head high and back straight. She paused when a woman stopped her, first putting a gloved hand to her mouth, then shaking her head.
“I think she was supposed to tell me that Mrs. Montgomery wanted a word with me, then forgot in the emotion of the moment.” Frank’s voice was tinged with humor.
“I never meant to trifle with Rose,” Silas said quietly. “I had no idea my actions would cause her so much pain.”
“I know.” Frank patted his back gently. “We often say things without thinking, good things, reflecting what we feel in our hearts at the time, but sometimes they’re best left unsaid. Anyone can see that you care for Rose, but if you don’t know for a one hundred percent fact that you’re going to marry her, you should make your feelings less obvious.”
Less obvious. He thought he’d been doing a good job of it, especially because he wasn’t certain they had a future together. “I just want to make amends for what I’ve done.”
Frank gave him a long, searching look like somehow he could read the deeper meaning in Silas’s words.
“Then keep your distance. Rose can’t help but care for those around her, even when she thinks she’s guarding her heart. She’s more sensitive than she lets on, so until such a time comes as you are officially courting her, I ask that you put more space between you and her.”
If Frank’s expression didn’t contain a great deal of compassion, Silas might have thought he was being chased away.
“I’ll do better to watch myself,” Silas told him, wondering what he was going to be able to talk to her about if they could only stick to safe subjects.
“I appreciate that.” Frank clapped him on the back again as the woman Rose had just been speaking to approached.
For the Sake of the Children Page 15
