by Mona Shroff
Naya shook Sajan’s hand with a knowing look in her eye that irritated Annika. Ravi remembered Sajan from their high school days, so they immediately started playing the do-you-remember-so-and-so game.
Annika teased her cousin with that same knowing look that had irritated her, the way only sisters can. Naya flushed and shot her a mild glare. There was a small lull in the conversation as Ravi and some of the guys went in search of more beer, and Annika could hear the aunties next to them talking.
“You wouldn’t believe—she was nearly three months along, and she missed.”
“Oh, hai. How terrible!”
Annika tensed. The accents were thick, and Annika could envision the hand movements and judgment-filled scowls that accompanied the words.
“Well, maybe for the best. She was engaged to a dhoriyo, and they broke up after she missed.”
They had to be talking about her. She was the only one who had been engaged to a white guy and had a miscarriage. How could they possibly know this? She felt the heat rise to her face, even as fresh tears pricked her eyes. Naya leaned imperceptibly toward her in support.
“Ah, so it was for the best that she missed.”
“That is why Usha-ben is so keen to get her married quickly, before all of this gets known, eh? They have even approached Poorvi Shah about her son. As if.” The auntie sniffed. “Who would give their son to such a girl? Pregnant before marriage? It is disgraceful.”
She felt Sajan tense beside her and heard Reena’s intake of breath. Poorvi Shah was his mother. There was only one Usha-ben in the group, and everyone knew she was Annika’s mother. Annika could not bring herself to look up at any of them. Twenty-seven years old, living on her own, working two jobs, but the shame of having a miscarriage and being dumped had her unable to make eye contact.
Before Annika realized what was happening, Naya had spun around to face the aunties. They exchanged glances and pursed lips, even as their faces flushed from being caught gossiping by the daughter of their host.
“You should be ashamed of yourselves, gossiping in such a manner in my parents’ home, about their niece!” Naya’s eyes were ablaze. “My cousin has done nothing disgraceful, nor should she be ‘grateful’ for her loss. It’s you who are disgraceful.”
The aunties had the decency to appear abashed as Naya reprimanded them, but as their gazes drifted over to Annika, she clearly saw their disdain. Daniel’s words came to her, clear as if he had been standing next to her: she had nothing to be ashamed of, and no one should make her feel so. Annika turned and looked them in the eye, forcing her chin up in defiance she hardly felt, daring them to continue judging her. Maybe they were right. She had dodged a bullet in Steven—he wasn’t right for her—and maybe it had been careless to get pregnant before she was ready. But she’d be damned if she was going to let them know that.
She felt Sajan’s hand on her shoulder, but she couldn’t face him. Facing Sajan was different from facing a bunch of gossiping aunties. She stepped aside from him and made for the door. She couldn’t imagine how the aunties had found out—her family would never discuss this as gossip. That she had been engaged to Steven was common knowledge, but her pregnancy and miscarriage were supposed to have been a well-kept secret.
She heard Naya behind her as she grabbed her shoes and headed out the door. It was November, but she hadn’t brought a coat, so she shivered in the moonlight. All of her bravado was gone, and the reality that she had lost her baby hollowed out her body so her baby’s absence was a physical thing. She thought she was over it, but here she was, crying about it for the second time in a few weeks. She felt for the hospital band in her purse. Would it ever stop hurting? And now humiliation was added to the fire. She turned to Naya.
“How? How did they find out?” A sob escaped Annika as Naya wrapped her arms around her. She didn’t give a rat’s ass about the gossip, but she knew her parents cared. She knew one thing the aunties had said was true: if her parents wanted her to marry inside the community, it would be hard if the truth was out. They would be mortified, knowing that everyone knew their daughter had been pregnant before she got married.
“I don’t know, honey. But the community is small, and it just takes one candy striper to have seen you in the hospital to figure it all out.”
“They’re right, you know,” Annika cried into Naya’s shoulder. “I made a colossal mess of my life, trying to follow my dreams and be this independent woman. I’m better off without Steven, but I never would have seen that if it weren’t for...”
“Stop that talk right now.” Naya grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back so she could look into her eyes. “You would have seen through Steven sooner or later—and miscarriages are losses that you have to grieve, not punishments for bad judgment. You did nothing wrong—you deserve to be happy just like everybody else. Those aunties could use a punishment of sorts, though.”
“Now everybody knows.” Annika’s shoulders sagged in defeat.
“So what? The people who care about you don’t care.”
“My mom and dad care.” More tears threatened at the thought of her parents finding out people were gossiping about her.
“You can’t be worrying about all that.” Naya was steadfast.
“I can’t be worrying about failing my parents on every front?”
Naya rolled her eyes. “You aren’t failing your parents. You made your choices. Some of them didn’t work out. But some did. You’re a fabulous teacher.”
Annika smiled in spite of herself. “I am.”
“See? Come on. Let’s go home and order pizza, eat ice cream out of the carton and drink wine out of the bottle.”
“Can I pick the ice cream?”
“Fine, but then I pick the wine.”
“What about Ravi?” Annika glanced at the house.
“I’ll text him. He’ll understand.” Naya pulled out her phone as she spoke.
The door behind them opened and Sajan stepped out. “Hey.” He looked right at Annika, a softness in his face. “Are you okay? Those aunties—” he pursed his lips, a darkness coming across his eyes “—are totally out of line. I just gave them a piece of my mind. Of course they had no idea that Poorvi Shah’s son was standing there the whole time.”
“I’m okay.” Annika was grateful, but she didn’t want to talk to him about all this. “Thanks for checking.”
“We’re having ice cream and wine. Want to join?” Naya turned toward Sajan and ignored the glare Annika shot her.
Sajan smiled. “Sounds great, but I have to get back to the hospital.” He looked at Annika. “Maybe another time?”
“Sure. She’d love that,” Naya answered for her.
“Awesome.” Sajan’s eyes never left Annika. “Well, I better get going.” He brushed past her and turned after a couple of steps. “You should just ignore them. They simply have nothing better to do.”
“Will do.” Annika waved him off. He really was very kind. And not bad to look at. Maybe she really needed to give him a chance. She shivered in the cold and started walking toward her car. “It’s freezing out here, come on.” Naya followed.
They settled into the car and started the drive to Baltimore. “You should’ve seen Sajan’s face when those aunties were talking.” Naya side-eyed Annika as she drove. “He looked about ready to punch them.”
Humph. Interesting. But instead of Sajan, it was an image of Daniel that entered her mind. Daniel comforting her at the base. She pushed it aside, too drained to think about either Sajan or Daniel. Her father’s words came to her. Love will grow over time. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back, and released a sigh.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
DANIEL
“DANIEL! YOUR GRANDMOTHER is asking you to do this.” Emma didn’t usually get bossy, and she generally accepted Daniel’s excuses to not see Charlie, but their grandmother was aging, and s
he asked very little. Not to mention that she had helped raise Daniel and Emma while their parents worked. “If she wasn’t eighty-four years old and nursing a broken foot, she would go herself.”
His stomach fell into knots. He really did not want to go to a wedding. “There’s no one else to go and represent the family?”
“If there was, do you think I would bother asking you?”
He deserved her withering tone. It was true. His family gave him all the leeway he wanted or needed. It was as if, since he lost Sara, they just didn’t want to push him, for fear that he would break apart. Only Emma dared. “Just get dressed, go to the wedding for a couple of hours, show your face, say hello and leave.”
Daniel closed his eyes. “Yeah, okay. I’ll do it. Text me the details.”
“Oh, Daniel! That’s great. Thanks. She’ll be so happy.” Emma softened almost immediately. “And who knows, you may even enjoy yourself. Take a date or meet someone new, you know. A woman.”
Daniel nearly growled. Images of Annika filled his brain, and he did his best to shake them out. “You know that’s not good for anybody.”
It did not deter Emma’s enthusiasm. “You never know...”
“Just send me the details.” He was not entertaining the possibility of entertaining.
“Fine. Make sure you wear the appropriate clothing.”
“Oh my God, Em. I’m a grown man. I can figure out what to wear to a wedding.”
“You know what I mean. Not American clothes—”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” He looked up and saw Nilay pulling in. “I gotta go, Em.” He tapped the phone off.
* * *
NILAY HAD A definite presence. Daniel chuckled to himself. The teenager was bright and energetic, but he was not quiet. Forget that it was 5:30 a.m. and the sun wasn’t even up yet—Nilay was hyper in the seat next to Daniel.
This time Daniel drove Nilay’s car as they headed out to the chopper base. Annika or no Annika, Daniel had promised Nilay a ride along on the chopper, and the kid got all his paperwork together. So today was the day. Luckily, Nilay chatted nonstop the whole ride, which kept Daniel from giving in to the temptation of asking about Annika.
Nilay held a box of doughnuts and a box of bagels on his lap and started to reach for a doughnut. “Hey, hey. Not for you,” Daniel reprimanded.
“What do you mean?”
“The night shift was up and out all night. They’re probably starving. We’ll eat what your mom sent.” The car smelled of spicy Indian food that Nilay’s mother had made for them. Daniel’s stomach growled despite the early hour.
Nilay’s eyes widened and he flushed. “Oh, right. Sorry.” He closed the lid. “Of course.”
“You can have one after they eat.”
“Sure.”
Daniel drove in silence for a minute or so. “So, did the kids like the fire station the other day?” Weak. He was very weak. He knew they had; Lance had texted him right after.
“What kids?”
Daniel sighed. “Never mind.” His need to talk about Annika—or maybe even get info about her from Nilay—was ridiculous. She was better off without him.
Nilay glanced up at him. “Oh, you mean Annika’s kids. At the school. Yeah—she said they had a great time. It was awesome you could set that up. She didn’t tell you herself?”
“She did. I mean, she sent me an email.” She’d cc’d him in her email to Lance.
“Email? Not even a text? That’s harsh. What’d you do to piss her off?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“My sister’s love life is not something we discuss. Well, not usually. And whatever it is—it can’t be too bad.”
“I’m not part of her love life—what do you know about it anyway?”
“I know plenty. I listen and pay attention even when people think I’m not listening.” For the first time, Nilay’s voice went quiet. “Especially after the last guy.” He set his jaw and stared straight ahead for a moment. He turned to Daniel. “Not that you’re anything like he was, but I... Well, I have to look out for her.”
“Is that why you’re here?”
“No.” He grinned. “I’m here because this is going to be awesome. Checking you out is part of the bonus.”
“Well, no worries. Your sister and I are not a thing.”
Nilay shook his head in disbelief. “She may be mad right now, but she’ll get over it.”
Daniel shrugged.
“She told me to behave myself when I came out here with you and not be a pain,” Nilay continued, “and not bother you. She wouldn’t have made a point to call me about all that if she wasn’t thinking about forgiving you.”
Daniel’s traitorous heart did a flip. He didn’t really deserve that forgiveness, though clearly he was ready to accept it.
“You’ve got a stupid look on your face.”
Daniel knew he did. But try as he might, he couldn’t remove the grin. He might still have a chance. He parked the car and they both got out, heading for the front entrance this time, so Daniel could sign Nilay in.
“Make no mistake about it.” Nilay stopped and looked Daniel square in the eye, that seriousness back in his eyes for a moment. “You saw what happened in the bar. I’m not afraid of much. If you hurt her, I’ll have to hurt you. I don’t care that your muscles are twice the size of mine.” He glanced at Daniel’s biceps and swallowed hard, the intensity of his gaze unwavering. “Well, maybe I do—but it won’t stop me. Understood?”
Daniel stood frozen for a moment. And in that moment, he was not standing in front of a young boy who was half his age, and easily half his size. He was facing a brother who cared enough for his sister that nothing else mattered. Daniel knew this was another reason he should run from Annika: Nilay would just be another person he hurt when he hurt her. “That won’t be necessary. I’d never do anything to hurt her.”
But that meant he couldn’t see her again—ever.
Nilay nodded and broke into a smile, a regular teenager again. “I knew you were a good guy.”
They entered the building, and Nilay presented his ID while Daniel chatted with the administrator and signed him in.
Nilay was a hit with the night shift as he placed doughnuts and bagels on the food table. He was enjoying a doughnut and getting his questions answered when Crista and the pilot, Andrea, came on duty. Daniel made introductions and waited for Andrea to start briefing.
Crista’s smirk said more than Daniel wanted to deal with at the moment, so he did everything he could to avoid eye contact with her.
“So, you want to be a flight medic?” she asked Nilay.
“Well, actually, I don’t know. I kind of want to go to med school, but this seems really interesting, and Daniel said I could tag along. And I brought food my mom cooked.” He smiled. “Indian food.”
Crista’s eyes lit up at that. “You brought Indian food? Kid, you can observe here anytime.”
Andrea cleared her throat. “You guys okay if we start working here?”
Crista high-fived Nilay and turned to Andrea. “Let’s hear the brief, already.”
Andrea sighed and went through the pilot’s brief, going over the weather, maintenance and what the role of the observer should be. She finished up and fixed a hard stare on Nilay. “Stick with Daniel, don’t get in the way.”
Wide-eyed and stiff, Nilay nodded. Daniel clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t mind her. She’s just giving you a hard time. Come on, I’ll show you where to put your stuff.” He led Nilay back to the room he’d had Annika in for her stitches. A small closet had a couple of shelves in it, one of which belonged to Daniel. He squeezed Nilay’s backpack onto it and put on his flight suit.
“Now what?” Nilay bounced, unable to sit still.
“Now we wait.”
Crista came over and stood in the doorw
ay. “Hey, Nilay, how’s your sister’s hand doing?”
“Oh, she’s doing great. Daniel’s awesome at stitches.”
Daniel closed his eyes and shook his head. Nilay needed to understand what a secret was.
“That he is.” Crista grinned wide, her eyes dancing with knowledge. “Well, kid. Andrea informed me that the chopper needs cleaning, and she can be convinced to tell you all about flying while you do it.”
Nilay’s face lit up like a kid at Christmas. “I get to hang out on the chopper? Sure! I’ll do whatever!” He glanced at Daniel before leaving. “Okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Make yourself useful.”
Nilay bounded out of the small room, leaving Daniel alone with Crista and her grin.
“What?” Better to get this over with. Crista wasn’t going to let it be.
“What’s going on with you? You’ve got the little brother here, you’re making him very happy—clearly you did her stitches here.”
Daniel shrugged. “Yeah, so?”
“So, why do you look so miserable? Usually a girlfriend is a good thing. God knows you haven’t had one in years.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Well, usually people don’t entertain the siblings of one-night stands...”
“She’s not a one-night stand.” He growled. But now he was envisioning her in his bed. Not that it wasn’t a regular recurring dream of his.
Crista widened her eyes and tilted her head. “So what is she?”
Daniel sighed and dropped onto his bed before looking up at Crista. “Nothing. She’s nothing.”
Crista shook her head. “Lie to me all you want. But don’t lie to yourself. She’s something. I saw you two the other day. That girl has a thing for you, and you definitely have something for her.” She jabbed her thumb in the direction Nilay had gone in.
Daniel shrugged. “I fucked it up.”
Crista rolled her eyes. “That just makes you a normal male. Fix it. You actually looked happy with her.” She moved closer to him and forced him to look her in the eye. “You deserve some happy.”
