by Garza, Amber
The minute the pointer moved over the W my palms broke out in sweat. I pulled my hand back to wipe it on my pants and the pointer followed me, bumped into my knee. I noticed Rhiannon’s fingers were not on it.
She sucked in a breath. “I’ve never seen it do that before. It’s like he knows your every move.”
I swiftly returned my fingers.
“Wesley,” Rhiannon asked. “Can you see us?”
Y-E-S.
“What am I wearing?” she asked.
R-E-D.
Looking at Rhiannon’s red tank top, I shivered.
“Where are you? Can you show us?”
Panicked, I threw her a desperate look. This was getting scary. My dream came back to me and I envisioned a large creature emerging from the board. The candle closest to me went out. Plumes of smoke rose from it, circling in the air. I froze.
Rhiannon nodded to me. “Wesley, last time you came you said you had a message for Kenzie but you weren’t able to give it. Can you do that now?”
D-A-V-I-D.
My hands trembled violently. “What can you tell me about my dad?”
J-O-S-I-E.
I paused. What did my mom have to do with this?
“Does my mom know where my dad is?”
Y-E-S.
Blood pulsed through my head making it hard to hear. I felt dizzy, hot. What did this mean? All this time I thought my dad didn’t want anything to do with me, but maybe it was my mom’s fault.
“Did my dad leave because he didn’t want me?”
N-O.
“Then why?”
J-O-S-I-E.
There it was again. The truth written out, clear as day.
“How do you know my dad?”
The pointer stilled.
“Wesley!”
Nothing. He was gone.
“Can we get him back? Can we summon him?”
“Kenzie, you need to relax.”
My body was shaking. I knew I looked manic, but I didn’t care. I needed more answers.
“I can’t believe my mom’s been lying to me all this time.”
“Look, Kenzie. I don’t want you to get all crazy about this, okay? It may not even be true.”
“What do you mean? He was really here. You saw. He blew out the candle.”
“I’m not saying there wasn’t really a spirit here. But sometimes the spirits lie. They make up things. They cause trouble. They’re not all good.”
“But how could he know all those things?”
“I’m not saying that he doesn’t have knowledge of your family, but he may not have all the facts straight. I mean, you’ve never seen your dad, right?”
I shook my head.
“And you’re mom raised you, right?”
I nodded.
“Then looking at this objectively, it seems like your dad bailed.”
“But Wesley said—“
“Forget about what Wesley said. Look at the facts. If your dad wanted to see you he’s had seventeen years to do that. Look, it’s fun to talk with spirits but you never know if you’re talking with a good one or a bad one. You have to take everything they say with a grain of salt.”
“Do you think Wesley is my dad? Like, maybe he’s been dead all these years and trying to find me.”
“I don’t know. I suppose it’s a possibility. But then again, last time he said that you’re dad wasn’t dead.”
“Yeah, but you said sometimes they lie.”
“That’s true.” She stood, stretching her legs. “You want something to eat. I’m hungry.”
“Yeah, sure.” I actually wasn’t hungry at all, but I followed her into the kitchen anyway. Rhiannon opened up the fridge, stuck her head inside.
“You know, sometimes I feel like there’s a presence around me, like an invisible person or force guiding me. Does that make sense?”
Rhiannon poked her head out. “Totally. That’s what first drew me to you. It was obvious that you were spiritually sensitive. I could tell right away.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh. What sounds good? I can make sandwiches.”
“That’s fine.”
“Ham and cheese?”
“Yeah.”
“Here.” She handed me a diet soda.
“Thanks.” I popped the top, poured the dark liquid into my mouth. After swallowing I said, “Do you think that presence could’ve been Wesley?”
“It’s possible.” Rhiannon spread mayonnaise on four slices of bread. “But let me ask you this. If you’re so sure this spirit is your dad why is his name Wesley, not David?”
“Maybe he was afraid I wouldn’t want to talk to him if I knew he were my dad. Or maybe Wesley’s his last name.”
She put ham over the mayo. “You don’t know your dad’s last name?”
“No. I don’t know anything about him.” I sighed.
“Here you go.” She handed me a sandwich. I thanked her and then forced myself to take a bite even though my stomach was in knots.
That night I decided to call Mom and see if I could coax information out of her about Dad. An audible groan escaped through my lips when I reached her voice mail. I pictured her in a short miniskirt and high heels, hitting the town with Carol.
Maybe Haley would be home. I dialed her number and she picked up on the second ring.
The minute she said hello I could tell something was wrong. I rested my head on my pillow, held the phone to my ear. “What’s the matter?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” A heavy sigh filled the line. “Something’s going on with Derek. He’s been acting really strange lately.”
“How?”
“He’s always busy. He never has time for me.”
That didn’t sound good. Before I left those two were inseparable. I envisioned my best friend alone, and the picture tugged at my heart.
“I wish you were here,” she said.
“I know. I miss you too, Hales.”
“It’s so frustrating because he won’t tell me what’s wrong but it’s obvious that something is.”
“Have you tried to talk to him about it?”
“Yeah, but he acts like everything’s fine.”
“Well, maybe it is.”
“Yeah, then why am I spending almost every night at home while he’s out?”
“I don’t know.”
“Whatever. Enough about me. What’s up with you?”
“Nothing much.”
“Really? Nothing new with hot neighbor boy?”
“We’re not really seeing each other anymore.”
“Why? What happened?”
“I found out he wasn’t who I thought he was.”
“Sounds like both of our love lives are in the toilet.”
“Yeah, I guess. Well, at least we have each other.” “Always,” Haley said.
The house was pitch black and silent except for the sound of Grandma’s light snores that traveled down the hallway and slipped under my bedroom door. I tossed and turned, chasing sleep but never catching it. My mind was whirring. The events of the afternoon replayed themselves over and over in my head. I never believed in ghosts before and now suddenly I was speaking to one. I should’ve been terrified. I should’ve run away as fast as I could. Instead, I was intrigued.
In the past I never thought much about the supernatural world but now I could hardly think of anything else. I wondered where Wesley was right then. Were spirits all around us? Were they stuck in some kind of alternate universe? Were they watching us all the time?
The thought unnerved and yet excited me at the same time. Was it possible that Wesley was my dad and he’d been watching over me my whole life? All those times I thought he’d abandoned me and that he didn’t love me, he could’ve been trying to reach me from beyond the grave. For years I’d imagined he had another family, complete with a wife and two little children. I pictured him playing with them, going to their soccer games and back-to-school nights, while I went to all those things fatherless.
<
br /> I distinctly remember the father-daughter dance I had to miss in junior high. All my friends talked for weeks about the dresses they purchased and the corsage their dad bought for them. They passed out tickets at school that I promptly ripped into tiny pieces and threw into trash. In the weeks leading up to the dance I sulked around the house, snapping at Mom anytime she spoke to me. I blamed her for the fact that I didn’t have a dad. I was sure she had done something awful to make him go away.
Haley bought a floor-length gown. She hid it in her closet and didn’t mention a word about it, but one night when I was over I happened upon it. I read the pity on her face and it made me even angrier. I didn’t want to be pitied. I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to go to the dance with my dad.
The night of the dance arrived and my stomach hurt like I had the flu. Except I knew I wasn’t physically sick; just heart sick. Mom somehow found out about the dance and stayed home with me that night. She ordered in a sausage and pepperoni pizza because it was my favorite. She rented a movie and made popcorn and hot chocolate. When we sat together on the couch to watch the movie I started to cry. Mom put her arm around me. She never said a word, just held me.
That night I realized that even though Mom had her issues, she loved me. On what should’ve been the worst night of my life, she was there for me. I may not have had a dad but at least I had a mom who had stuck around.
Now there was the possibility that my dad hadn’t left me by choice. I knew I needed to find out the truth, no matter the cost.
8
I couldn’t believe he came back. He sure was persistent.
“Hi Kenzie,” Isaac stood in the doorway, running a hand over his hair. “I was hoping we could talk.”
Grandma stood behind me, clearing her throat. I glanced over at her. She raised her eyebrows, urging me to say something.
Well, I sure wasn’t going to talk to him in front of her.
“Okay. But let’s go outside.”
Grandma frowned as I led Isaac out the front door. Even though it was morning the air was warm. A hummingbird buzzed next to the feeder, its beak darting inside. I watched it as I moved to the porch swing and sat down. Too bad my life couldn’t be that simple. Just fly around and eat food people left out for me. No more of this relationship junk. Isaac followed me, sat down so close our legs touched. I scooted as far away as possible. Keeping my eyes glued to the ground I rocked the swing gently, waiting for him to talk.
“I just wanted to come by to say sorry.”
I turned to him, shocked. “For what?”
“For whatever I did to upset you.”
I bit my lip.
“Look, I’ve thought a lot about our last conversation.”
Shame burned through me as I recalled my last words to him.
He continued, “I know you’ve been hurt by guys in the past and that’s why you’re pushing me away. But I really like you, Kenzie. I’m not promising to never hurt you because I know that no matter how hard I try I’ll end up breaking it, but I do promise to never intentionally hurt you. I just want you to give me another chance.”
Seriously?
“Why do you even bother?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just can’t understand why you’re going to so much trouble for me. I can’t figure out your angle.”
Isaac chuckled. “That’s because there isn’t an angle. I just like you.” He grabbed my hand, taking my tiny one in his large calloused one. As he folded it over my fingers a strange sensation ran through my arm. I felt protected, safe. “I don’t know what other guys have done to you to make you so untrusting. I don’t know why you can’t see how amazing you are. But please believe me when I say that I’m not playing a game here.”
I pulled my hand away. “You didn’t do anything to me.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
“I was upset about what Brooke said.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that you have a rescue complex. That you prey on girls in need and then get bored of them and move on to the next one.”
Isaac narrowed his eyes, shook his head. “I can’t believe she told you that.”
My stomach tightened. “So it’s true?”
“No, not at all. Brooke is just jealous. Our relationship was entirely different than yours and mine.”
“But you did have a relationship.”
“Not the way you’re thinking. We were just friends. When I realized she wanted more I stopped hanging out with her. I wasn’t interested in her that way and I didn’t want to lead her on.”
“Isn’t that what we are? Friends?”
“Yeah, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be more.”
My heart leapt in my chest.
“What do you say? Can I have another chance?” He shot me a dimpled smile, sealing my fate.
“So it looks like you and Isaac made up,” Grandma said over dinner as she spooned noodles onto her plate.
My cheeks warmed.
“See, I told you everything would work out.”
I stuffed a forkful of pasta in my mouth and chewed, not wishing to spill the details of my conversation with Isaac to her. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure it really happened.
“So, what are you plans for tomorrow?” Grandma asked, lifting a glass of iced tea to her coral lips.
“During the day I thought maybe I’d hang with Rhiannon but tomorrow night Isaac and I are going out.”
Grandma smiled, raised her brows. “Really? Where are you going?”
I shrugged. “Not sure. Dinner probably. He’s picking me up at six.”
“What are you and Rhiannon going to do?”
No way could I tell her what we did. She’d flip. I couldn’t let Isaac find out either. He’d never understand. But it was something I just had to do. If there was even a remote chance that Wesley was my dad I had to pursue it.
“Um, just hang out.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just, you know, talk, listen to music. Chill, you know?”
Grandma chuckled. “Okay, well have fun chilling or whatever.”
Intently, I studied my food praying she wouldn’t ask any more questions about it.
Setting down her fork she said, “Mackenzie, I wanted to talk with you about something.” She squared her shoulders, narrowed her eyes. “I’ve thought a lot about our conversation this morning about your dad.”
I nodded, held my breath as I waited for her to continue.
“You were right. He’s your dad. You have a right to know about him.”
My mouth dropped in shock. No adult had ever told me I was right before.
“I talked with your mom today and told her I was going to tell you what I know about your dad. I thought it was only fair to warn her.”
“How’d she take it?”
Grandma pursed her mouth like she’d sucked on lemon. “Not so well. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve made my decision.”
I wiped my clammy hands on my thighs. My heart hammered in my chest. Finally someone was going to give me information on my dad. I sat forward in anticipation.
9
“Your mom met your dad when she was just your age. I remember her coming home from an outing with her friends one day and she was walking around with her head in the clouds. Not like that was unusual, but I could just tell she’d met someone. I guess you could call it a mother’s intuition. I pressed her about it but she wouldn’t tell me a thing.”
I remembered all the secret phone calls she’d been getting before I left.
“Pretty soon the phone started ringing a lot and your mom would race to get it before your grandpa or I could answer it. One day I got to it before her and a boy was on the line. I asked his name and he said it was David.”
I pictured my dad on the phone waiting for my mom to get on the line. He must have really liked her. I wondered if he treated her like Isaac treated me.
“Of course yo
ur mother was livid. I asked her about him when she hung up and she told me it was none of my business. Well, that didn’t fly with your grandpa so he grounded her. The next night I went into her room to talk with her and she was gone.”
“She ran away?”
“Well, that’s what we thought. We got in our car and drove around looking for her with no luck.
In the middle of the night we heard her stumble in through her window. I marched right in there fully prepared to punish her but what I saw was so awful I never ended up doing it.”
I leaned forward. “What happened?”
“She was a mess. All scratched up, tears streaming down her cheeks, snot running down her nose, hair tangled. I asked her what was wrong but she just cried. For the longest time I just held her and let her cry.”
“What was wrong with her?”
“I honestly don’t know. I begged her to tell me but she never would. In fact she told me she never wanted to talk about that night ever again.”
“And you just let it go?”
Grandma snorted. “Of course not. She was my daughter. I wanted to help. I made her see a counselor and had her talk with our pastor, but she never opened up to anyone. Shortly after that we found out she was pregnant. We assumed the two things were related but she never actually told us that they were.”
“Do you think she was raped?” It burned my throat to ask the question.
“I asked her that many times but she assured me she wasn’t.”
“And you bought it?”
“I really don’t know. Part of me believed her because she seemed so adamant, but I know what I saw that night and something bad occurred.”
“Did you ever see David after that?”
Grandma shook her head.
“How do you know he’s even my dad?”
“I don’t. I just assumed.”
I thought back to the night I found the picture of Mom and David. When I showed it to her and demanded an answer she told me that he was my dad, but she could’ve been lying.
“Grandma, did Mom know anyone named Wesley?”
Grandma furrowed her brow, deep in thought. “That name does sound familiar. Yeah, I think maybe she did. Why?”
I shook my head. “No reason.”
Grandma eyed me skeptically.
