by James Brock
“Sally said you’d ‘prolly drop in and that I should keep you here until she is ready for you!”
So she knew about Sally. All About Sally. I thought using the voice of character actor George Saunders in his amazing role as Addison DeWitt in All About Eve. It’s the way I roll and keep a mental fence up. And I think you will agree that of all the people in the world I was entitled to some metal fencin’ in of things considering the men, women and creatures my world was populated with.
“The gun is lieu of a formal engraved invitation?”
“You (Ye-w is how it comes out) are so funny! We are gonna have a good time today I just know it! Now C’mere ‘n sit!” She only needed pom poms to complete her cheerleader look.
“When (W-I-N is how it comes out) Sally takes over Connor I’m gonna be a vice president or somethin’, how do you feed that guy? I been slashin’ the neck’s a them people on the islands we stop at. That’s a lotta work though! I gotta drain ‘em into jars then lug ‘em back onto the ship.” She rolled her eyes like committing murder was just the WACKIEST thing she had done since putting pecans in the brownie batter instead of walnuts. While I was reeling at how she had just calmly told me of Sally’s evil plot-well what ELSE would you call it-to take over Cooper, replacing both Ash and me. And I doubt, considering there was a gun pointed at me, that exit interviews were planned.
“Those shoes look SO comfortable,” Laura Sue prattled after a glance at my made for Macy’s by Kenneth Cole driving moc’s, “I just love nice shoes, got two pair of those Louboton heels myself.”
The sunny, chatty Laura Sue, who cut a mean rug btw, Ty and I had danced and drinks with and generally a wonderful time now held the gun on me as if she had taken a class on hostage holding. It didn’t seem to faze her in the least.
“Is she here, Sally?”
“Yeah, but I’m not supposed to tell you that, silly! She smacked me with the gun barrel. What a kidder this one was!
“Am I her dinner?” I said with a wide smile, knowing full well the answer to that was a resounding YES.
“I’ll never tell, but she just may “have your liv-uh with a nice Chianti and some fava beans”, oh did the little beauty queen of a thing how at her own wit on this one! A real knee slapper.
“Sally said you might have brought some presents for her so hand ‘em over!” With a sigh I gave over the cross and the stake and found it to be actually yet another surprise when the blond then bent and grabbed my ankle, slipping her narrow fingers up my pant leg and un holstering the pistol. “Said you’d be packin’ but I was expecting a gun, not a little pea shooter like this ‘un! Why I wouldn’t give a pistol this small to my little baby brother! Why it’s so tiny (tie-knee is how THAT came out) he’d like ‘t choke on it ’fore he could shoot himself with it!”
This was not a good place to be.
Weaponless next to a crazy girl with a gun waiting to be a vampire’s dinner.
Chapter Nine
“Let’s watch a movie to pass the time!” perky Miss-holding-me-hostage said after stripping me of weapons, like I had a choice in the matter. Under other circumstances I liked entertainment and movies in specific.
Uncle and me had some traditions. Our Howl-O-Ween celebration had kids from half a dozen school districts vying for invitations. There would have been even more who would have wanted to come if they had known we had REAL VAMPIRES living next door to us. Our New Year’s Eve sleepover/Polar Bear pool plunge never had a “No Thank You” RSVP. At the Lavender Hill Valentine’s Day singles party EVERYONE had a date. Of course later I learned the “extra” guests of both gender and all sexual orientation were HIRED but wtf-everyone had a good time on Uncle’s dime! There were Easter Egg rolls, Fourth of July fireworks displays with the full second string of the Boston Pops playing on our lawn in tandem with the piped in live version of their brothers and sisters in Boston-in other words our traditions tended to be over the top affairs sure to be remembered.
While the big traditions were fun we had little personal traditions I REALLY loved. Uncle would come pick me up from school early and we would head into the city for a matinee show followed by dinner with the leading lady or man. Or we would go learn the names of dinosaurs at the museum of natural history, those days were priceless to me. Sometimes we would go to a baseball game. No, I didn’t really like those afternoons but he wanted me to be well rounded. We’d go to the UN and listen in-really any time it was just he and I were good with me. My favorite favorite favorite times, though, were movie nights. He’d use his connections get some not yet released blockbuster and we would cuddle on the sofa while watching. Again, the movies did not matter as much as time with Uncle.
Which is of course where my mind went when Laura Sue made this suggestion. A lump formed in my throat, thinking that my last movie would be with this horrible chirping woman instead of snuggled with my beloved Uncle. I would not let her see my emotion, though. I would not give up until the end. Which I just hoped would be fast.
“Or something fun like Enchanted with Amy Adams? I think she is so pretty don’t you?” Laura Sue had been prattling while I was on my sentimental journey.
“Oh let’s let it be ladies choice,” I managed with a wide fake grin.
“Well aren’t you just the sweetest thing! Too bad you are gay. You are so cute, too! I think I’ll order up some lemonade!” What a hostess, so free with the complements. I considered asking if she was going to go ahead and pre order a carpet cleaning machine in case Sally didn’t hit my vein straight on and caused a spatter to cover the floor but thought better of it.
“Aren’t you concerned that you might be on the wrong team Laura Sue?” I asked when she was off the telephone and getting ready to make a final decision on my last movie.
“Of course not!” Sally said, “Sally said you’d try to subvert me (her word, btw. I would have used “convert” if I were her. But if I were her I would have let my bad shag cut grow out, trimmed the ends and gone a shade or two lighter of the blond) and if I needed to I could use this!” pulling out a roll of silver duct tape she waved it like those pom poms she was missing. “Be a shame to cover those pretty lips though!” she said with an actual pout, the corners of her smile turning down like they were trout on newly strung lines. I held my hands up in surrender.
“Oh hon I don’t mean for you not to talk! Why that’d be just rude ‘a me-and mean! You just can’t try to tell me that Sally is bad or that my helping her feed is wrong! We have a higher calling! Sally says that once we re organize Connor she can go on and run for the White House! Why just think of what we can do for the world from there! I mean she is strong and smart and well it’ll just be a better old world all around with her in charge! And I’ll help out-oh listen at me go on! You won’t be here to see it so I shouldn’t even be talkin’ about the new world Sally’s gonna run!”
I could only imagine.
“So now let’s watch this show and when it’s over it’ll be just about time for, well, excuse me time to eat. You and that cute boy were so nice on this trip I will tell you that I asked Sally to please be fast and kind.”
Sweet as a bottle of Karo syrup, this one.
The movie was not, oddly enough, that bad. Nor was the lemonade. I should qualify that both were quite enjoyable save for underlying tinge of my impending death in the air.
I was feeling a little less optimistic the later it got. I wanted to kiss Ty again, see Ash’s smile-and Marta. Man, what a time to find how SHE had worked her way into my heart! And now I was making statements that demanded the use of exclamation points! What a way to go! Sorry.
On the bright side of thing’s, Laura Sue had become engrossed in the movie and had not been chat chatting and I did know there were two vampires who would come looking for me as soon as the sun went down. Of course one was currently broken and I had a vampire even closer to me who was going to be on me as soon as the sun hit the horizon so all was not perfect but Uncle raised me to be positive, always wear clean und
erwear (which I was) and that to get red wine out of white carpet you should BLOT with club soda. Not much use in this situation but two out of three wasn’t bad.
“Listen, just let me go. I’ll talk to them. They’ll listen to me.” desperate times called for desperate measures. I was ready to go all Make Out King on her if need be.
“Oh hon you are so cute. Such a waste.” she clucked her tongue while scratching at the side of her nose with the barrel of the small silver gun.
“Get up Laura Sue, I want to say hello to our guest.”
This new voice came from behind Laura Sue, who stood immediately. I knew I would see Sally standing there and actually expected to be terrified as I knew she would toy with me before sucking me dry of blood for both nourishment and sport.
Laura Sue stepped away and Sally came into view.
And I burst out laughing.
In the last few years Sally had become one of the most photographed women in the world, her tailored red, white and blue suits, upswept hair and small glasses completed a new uniform for the conservative woman. According to Ash clothing like she was wearing had not been so popular since the puritan days of black, grey and white.
Standing in front of me was Sally, but not the woman who had been on the cover of every magazine from Men’s Health and Fitness to Ladies Home Journal-thumbs pushed up in an OK, one eye closed in a wink.
This Sally wore a ridiculous skin tight, floor length black dress covered by an even blacker cloak complete with high collar. Her hair had been teased and sprayed out on end, her eyes lined in black, lips painted on like she HAD just been feeding on a freshly killed deer or worse. And maybe she had. The look of madness on her face turned up by about a thousand degrees when I laughed. I guess she thought she was looking fierce but it just did not work for her. I half expected her to tell me to RISE AND KNEEL before her.
“Hi Sal, dinner plans?” I asked. Gallows humor, my line woulda killed Uncle. He’d have been literally been rolling on the floor. LOVED that kinda dark humor. He and Ash got along great and Uncle would have been the best friend a vampire ever had-but Uncle also LOVED to dish and would give up any secret for the price of a cocktail. But if Uncle had seen the entire circumstance (me about to become a meal for a vampire) he would have skipped the laughter and made a big bowl of lady vampire stew right then and there.
“Laura Sue I am counting on the fact that you did your usual competent work today.” Sally said in a flat, even tone. No trace of cheese in that voice.
“Sure did!” the young blond replied brightly. No change in that accent.
“Sally,” I started, only to be cut off.
“What? Sally don’t do this? Ash is gonna save me. What?” the woman in front of me mimicked with a snarl.
“Nothing. Just eat me.” Hey that was a good one too! A double entendre I had not intended!
“Oh I’m going to do that you smug little punk. Rich kid who never had to work, just fucks around like he owns the world,” She snarled. “Oh I’m gonna plunge deep into your neck and clean you out in seconds-don’t you worry about that. But I am going to show some restraint and decorum because we have guests coming. Besides, you are just the appetizer. The tease. A little fun before the main course. Which is taking Ashford Conner down. And to finish I’m going to bring your friend Ty over to my side. You should know he is close anyway. He’ll make a good lieutenant. Let that be a last memory for you.”
“Why all of this now, Sally?”
“I guess the moon has finally reached that seventh house or something like that and I’m tired of waiting for my turn so I’m gonna take it. I have the opportunity to run a country, THIS country. Which is just a stepping stone to taking the world. Something I’ve been meaning to do for a long, long time,” the crazy lady vampire said in a nearly wistful way.
“Good luck.”
“Don’t need luck or your sarcasm but I do need the sanctimonious seal of approval of the Connor foundation to appease the liberals.”
“Kinda like you need that extra coat of Sherwin Williams on your face?” hanging around Ty had given me a quick come back meant to annoy and from the flash scowl that crossed her mug I could tell I hit a mark with that one. Sally stopped and looked at me dead on, face fixed and frozen. A tiny flick of her lip on the left side told me I’d found a weak spot. “And your costume, from Endora’s closet or was there finally a sale from Dark Shadows set?” Me and Uncle also had watched long hours of daytime television so my head was full of trivia like that.
“This is the time. Ash is going to resign Connor then there will be a terrible fire on the ship. They get lots of media coverage and there will be a few survivors. The fact that Ash has not only resigned but given control of Connor over to me, his dear and long time friend, will end up under the radar.”
I shouldn’t have been shocked but was. While formulating something to say there was a knock at the door, Laura Sue opening it door as spritely as she had for me. Ty stood on the other side.
Stepping to the sofa Sally lay a hand softly onto my shoulder as Ty entered the room, Laura Sue eased the door closed, her eyes wide and glittering with excitement.
“So Ash doesn’t think it’s worth coming to see me to save his little friend here?” Sally asked.
“Whatever you did may have killed him. He’s still out of it,” Ty said quietly.
“Well then I guess you have to do what you need to,” I said.
Ignoring my comment Sally went on, hand still resting on my shoulder only her fingers had curled in with pressure ever so slightly.
“I had Laura deliver a note to your cabin saying that the boys should come down for dinner,” Sally continued, pressure on my shoulder ever so much slighter.“I wanted to give Ash the choice of handing Conner over to me or watching you die. Well you were slated for that anyway and yes I imagined he would try to hurt me but I’ve been planning this for a long, long time,” releasing the grip she had on my shoulder Sally strolled slowly back and forth in front of the sofa, “and I have done my homework,” turning she glared at Ty then pointed to a small club chair next to the sofa.
“Sit,” she commanded. She stopped pacing as he crossed the room and folded his lean frame into the chair it, returning her glare fury for fury.
“Well this does change things. You,” she was pointing at Ty, “sit like a good blood sucker and mind your P’s and Q’s. I’m taking your buddy here up to Ash’s. I’m leaving you with Laura so just remember that if anything happens to her ten times that will happen to him in front of you.”
A look crossed Ty’s face like I had never seen, a nuclear scowl of rage. Ty was NOT used to taking orders. Strongly worded suggestions from Ash were about the only directives he tolerated, and by no means was he used to losing playtoys. And I had become one of those in the last few days. He opened his mouth to speak but Sally cut him off.
“No, this is going to be done in MY way,” she snarled, “I need to see what condition Ash really is in. Didn’t live all this time to believe everything I am told.”
I knew Ash had seemed to be healing when we put him out in the chamber that morning but had no idea what the last hours had brought.
Sally wrapped steel strong fingers around my arm to yank me to my feet. I outweighed her by about thirty pounds and was head and a half taller but that did not faze her as she pulled me toward the door.
“Now walk, slowly, with me. I can out run you, move you and think you,” she said, the cheddar back in her speech. “If we see anyone and stop to say hello do not make a move or try to get them to help you. No one can,” with that we stepped through the doorway and into the hall. I knew Ty would not take any crap from Laura Sue. Yet while he was the super strong, possibly dolphin fast swimmer, throat tearing monster I had a feeling little Laura Sue would at least get some good marks in on him if it came to blows. He had no idea the strength someone as determined as Laura Sue could come up with.
“Ash doesn’t interact much with the community of the night. He
’s a very smart man, don’t get me wrong,” Sally began while walking ram rod straight and taking long strides down the hallway, “so foolish to work so hard with mortals and not pay attention to the immortal community,” her long leg’s moved her like a race horse. “He probably thinks he is the only Leather Wing out there, but since you won’t be around much longer I can assure you he is not. We had reached a stairwell and started up.
“Go on, ask,” Sally turned on heel and glared at me.
“Ask what?” I said with more courage and defiance than I knew I had possessed. Of course I had been raised among the most vicious creatures on earth; drag queens.
“You fucking….,” glaring at me Sally turned and started up the stairs, moving slower than she had been down the hallway. The only hope I had now was if Ash had healed up, Sally clearly needed me for this part of the operation but I knew it would not be long before she would be making her move on me. “How I took him down was supposed to be your question. Being curious is a hallmark of intelligence, Carter,” she sniffed, “and I always thought you had some.”
Well Sally old girl you just weren’t around me as a question asking, musical lovin’, bear hating kid…I thought but did not say.
“Took some time but I found the right combination of herbs. Took a while to get the balance right. Ground them up and put them in darts. Had to take out a number of Leather Wings to see how the concoction worked. Just wounded some before I found the right amount. Even then I was concerned about Ash, he’s bigger and stronger than most,” She was proud of her chemistry experiment. “I’d hoped he would hit the water and just keep going down.”
We reached our stateroom and I withdrew the key card without being told as Sally produced a pair of handcuffs and clipped us together.
The lights were on low in the room, Ash sat on the edge of the bed fully dressed. He lifted his head and I drew in my breath. He looked horrible, the wings were finally tucked away and I did not see any bruising on his neck now but he looked washed out, a faded version of his usual robust self. Even after he had been fed by Ty’s gathering Ash was wan.
