by R. L. Stine
THIRTY-SEVEN
Handy Sandy led us to the side of the girls’ cabin. She brought out a cardboard box, carrying it in front of her with both hands.
“EWWWW.” Luke Puke pinched two fingers over his nose. “What smells so bad?”
“Your face?” Nasty Nancy said.
“Whoa. Smells like there was a skunk around here,” I said.
“You’re right,” Handy Sandy said. She raised the box in front of her.
I pointed. “You have a skunk in that box?”
Sandy nodded.
“Why?” I demanded.
“It wouldn’t fit in a bag,” she said.
Leaky Lindsay sneezed.
“Are you allergic to skunks?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “But I think I might be allergic to boxes. AAAHCHOO!”
Another strong gust of skunk smell floated over us. We all groaned and covered our noses.
“Where did you get the skunk?” Wacky Jackie asked.
“At the skunk store,” Sandy replied, then laughed. “No, just joking. I found it in the woods.”
“Most people think the skunk is a mammal,” I said. “But it isn’t. It’s actually a legume.”
“You’re so smart, Janey,” Sandy said. “But I’m the one with the awesome plan to keep the Perfect twins from winning the talent show.”
“Let’s hear it,” I said.
“It’s really quite simple,” she said. “When Peter and Patty are onstage, showing off all their brilliant talents, I release the skunk.”
“That’s your plan?” Nasty Nancy asked. “Your whole plan?”
Handy Sandy nodded. “That’s the whole plan. Peter and Patty will totally freak out. And the audience will go berserk.” Sandy chuckled. “Everyone will panic and go nuts. The Perfects won’t be able to finish their act. And one of us will have to be the winner.”
“Brilliant!” Wacky Jackie gushed. “Brilliant!”
“Handy Sandy should be Camp Champ just for thinking of that plan!” Junkfood John exclaimed.
“I . . . can’t . . . stand . . . the . . . stink . . . anymore!” Luke Puke choked out. He then ran around to the back of the cabin to throw up.
EXERCISES FOR SUMMER CAMP FROM COACH SWETTYPANTS
Listen up, everyone.
I’m Coach Swettypants, from Smellville Middle School.
While you are away at summer camp, you will want to keep up a good exercise program to stay in shape for camp activities.
Here are ten simple exercises you can do each morning before breakfast.
1. I call this one the One-Legged Jump Around.
It’s really quite simple. When you get out of your bunk, stand solidly on the cabin floor. Then raise one foot in the air and begin to hop on the other foot. Ten hops in one direction, then ten hops back.
Let me demonstrate.
Two feet on the floor. Now, I raise my right leg and hold my knee up with both hands. And I begin to hop on my left foot.
One hop.
Two hops.
Ooooops.
Owwwwww.
Yikes!
I came down badly on that hop. Oh, wow. My ankle. I twisted it. It’s killing me. I think I sprained it.
Whoa. Maybe it’s broken. I can’t stand on the foot. Can’t put any weight on it.
I’m all alone in the gym here. Can you send someone to help me?
My ankle is starting to swell up like a balloon. Owwwwww.
I’m not good with pain. I admit it.
I’m trying not to cry.
Please, people—can anyone out there help me?
Forget the other nine exercises. I really need help.
Anyone? Is anyone out there?
THIRTY-EIGHT
Junkfood John here to report on the talent show.
We all jammed around the stage in the mess hall to watch. I brought a lot of snacks with me because I only had six cheeseburgers and a pizza for lunch, and my stomach was still growling.
Unfortunately, I chew very loudly, so I couldn’t hear some of the music acts. I think Wacky Jackie did a wonderful harmonica number. Halfway through it, she swallowed the harmonica, though—so her number was pretty short. It’s a good thing they didn’t have an xylophone after all.
I’m sure she’ll be okay after she gets her stomach pumped.
Rob Slob did an awesome act. He made balloon animals with only one balloon. They all ended up looking like worms, but they were terrific. We all wondered how he did it.
I went back to the cabin to get more snacks, so I missed Babbling Brooke’s camp cheer and Nasty Nancy’s comedy routine.
When I came back, Pat Splat was juggling these seriously heavy wooden duckpins. He tossed them in the air, and two of them landed on his head.
We had to take an intermission to carry him to the nurse.
I went back to the cabin because my snacks were running low. So I missed Adam Bomb’s card tricks and Brainy Janey’s lecture on the history of talent.
I asked Cranky Frankie if Janey’s lecture was any good. But he said he forgot to listen.
Leaky Lindsay sang a medley of songs. I think the band was called Sneezer.
Luke Puke did a tap-dance to “America the Beautiful.” But he was barefoot, so no one could hear his tapping.
The talent acts were all awesome. And I would have cheered for all of them if I didn’t have my hands—and mouth—full of snacks.
Patty and Peter Perfect performed last. And of course we were all waiting for them to go onstage. Handy Sandy had the box with her smelly surprise hidden outside the mess hall. And we couldn’t wait for her to bring it in and destroy the Perfects’ act—and their chances of being Camp Champs.
Any second now, we were about to have a great victory. A moment we would never forget. It was the last day of camp, and we were about to have a memory that would last forever.
“Now it’s time to bring out the winning act!” Head Counselor Mama announced from the stage. “Put your hands together for our winners—Peter and Patty Perfect!”
I didn’t think that was fair. But there was no time to complain about it. Besides, we all knew that the Perfects’ act would totally stink. Ha ha!
The room grew silent as Peter and Patty leaped onto the stage.
They were rollerblading on one leg and juggling batons high in the air.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Handy Sandy leave the audience and sneak off to get the skunk box. I nearly choked on my Caramel Buffalo Pretzel Rods just thinking about what was about to happen.
Next, the Perfects did one hundred backflips and one hundred cartwheels in perfect unison. Then they began to tango to a flamenco song as they strummed on guitars.
The Perfects were still dancing and strumming as I saw Handy Sandy creep up to the side of the stage. She had the box between her hands, and I could tell she was trying hard not to laugh.
When Patty and Peter ended their dance and began to do another hundred cartwheels, Sandy lowered the box to the edge of the stage.
And lifted the lid.
Here we go! I said to myself.
THIRTY-NINE
No one made a sound. We all watched in silence, holding our breath, as the skunk slid out of the box and took a few steps across the stage. I even stopped chewing.
Peter and Patty put on top hats and began doing magic tricks. Neither of them saw the skunk as it crossed in front of them.
We weren’t watching their magic tricks—all eyes were on the skunk.
Suddenly it made a sharp turn. And moved right toward the Perfects.
Peter Perfect pulled a stuffed rabbit from his top hat. He was expecting us all to applaud, but no one cared about his trick. We only cared about the skunk, which was scampering now, moving closer and closer.
And then it turned again.
Now the skunk was hurrying to the front of the stage—scurrying quickly toward us on the floor. No one moved. We had no idea what to expect next.
The next thing we knew
, the animal leaped into the audience. And landed on Pat Splat, who had just returned from the nurse.
The skunk bounced off Pat’s head and onto to the floor.
As we watched in shock, it lifted its tail and began to spray.
“EEWWWWWWW.”
Horrified moans rang off the walls as the putrid odor floated over all of us. The smell burned my eyes, and I started to choke.
Spray after spray.
Everyone jumped to their feet, screaming and crying and groaning. You can guess what Luke Puke was doing.
I jumped up, too. And the odor jumped up with me. My clothes were soaked with skunk juice. I’ll probably stink for the rest of my life.
I followed the others to the mess hall door. As I glanced back, I saw the skunk chasing after us!
Another spray. The stench was so heavy, I could feel it on my shoulders. Was that sweat pouring down my face, or was it skunk juice?
Choking and gagging, I raised my burning eyes to the stage. And gasped in shock.
FORTY
Patty and Peter Perfect were break dancing. They were rapping a fast beat and dancing to it on the stage.
They hadn’t stopped their act! They were still going!
We all turned at the door and watched. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Even a deadly stink attack by a crazed skunk couldn’t stop the two of them!
Peter did a handstand. And Patty climbed up and balanced on the soles of his feet. “Ta-daa!” she cried.
“I . . . CAN’T . . . TAKE . . . IT . . . ANYMORE!” Adam Bomb screamed at the top of his voice. “WE NEVER GET A BREAK. WE NEVER WIN. THE PERFECTS ALWAYS WIN NO MATTER WHAT WE DO. I . . . CAN’T . . . STAND . . . IT!”
And once again, Adam Bomb exploded.
Pieces of our friend flew across the mess hall in all directions.
The explosion rocked the entire building. Everything shook—as if we were having a powerful earthquake.
The Perfect twins toppled off the stage. Then the stage collapsed, and they disappeared behind it.
The walls trembled, the floor pulsed and vibrated, and we were all thrown to the ground.
When things stopped, a hush fell over the mess hall. I climbed shakily to my feet and helped some of the other kids up.
The skunk gave us one more juicy spray, then disappeared out the open mess hall door.
“That plan didn’t work too well,” Handy Sandy said. “My bad.”
We all struggled to catch our breath.
Uncle Cousin strode to the center of the room, shaking his head. He held a silver trophy in his hands. “I guess I have no choice,” he said, and let out a long sigh.
“Booyah, everyone. Ricky ticky and booyah. This year’s Camp Champ award goes to . . . Nervous Rex! He was the only one of you smart enough not to participate! Now can someone go to his cabin and take this trophy to him?”
R.L. STINE has more than 400 million English-language books in print, plus international editions in thirty-two languages, making him one of the most popular children’s authors of all time. Besides Goosebumps, he has written series including Fear Street, Rotten School, Mostly Ghostly, the Nightmare Room, Dangerous Girls, and Just Beyond. Stine lives in New York City with his wife, Jane, an editor and publisher.
JEFF ZAPATA has worked on comic books and trading cards for more than twenty-five years, including thirteen gross, memorable ones as an editor, art director, and artist on Garbage Pail Kids and other brands at the Topps Company.
FRED WHEATON has been wallowing in the Garbage Pail at Topps since 2006, contributing disgusting concepts, final art, comics, and sketch cards. He lives in Washington, DC, with his wife and their three kids.
JOE SIMKO is an artist known for his happy-horror style. He is one of the premiere Garbage Pail Kids illustrators for the Topps Company and lives in New York City with his wife, son, dog, and many, many boxes of cereal.
THE TOPPS COMPANY, INC., originator of Garbage Pail Kids, Mars Attacks, and Bazooka Joe brands, was founded in 1938 and is the preeminent creator and marketer of physical and digital trading cards, entertainment products, and distinctive confectionery.
Loved the book?
Check out our entire catalog of great novels, graphic novels, and non-fiction for young adults and middle-grade readers at Amulet Books!
Hungry for more YA?
Take a
with sneak piques, behind-the-scenes, interviews and much more inspired by our latest YA books at piquebeyond.com!
