by Vivian Gray
I wanted to be pissed, and I wanted to march over to her house and bend her over for it. But I didn’t. I was trying to show her it wasn’t all about discipline. It wasn’t all spankings and fucking. But since I couldn’t get away from the clubhouse when she wasn’t at work, I hadn’t been able to do much of that.
Jude called me over to the bar in the clubhouse “Hey, Noah. Have a beer with us.”
Tracy was with him. She’d become like an ornament around the clubhouse since they’d hooked up. She seemed right at home with the other old ladies. Shannon wouldn’t fit in there though; she’d stick out like a sore thumb.
I grabbed a stool and sat beside Jude. Tracy was on his lap, sipping a drink and giving me another one of her glares.
“Where you been lately?” Jude asked me, sipping his beer and patting Tracy on the ass. She seemed to take the hint and slid off, grabbing herself a stool beside him.
“Joker’s had me running all over the place. Out of state twice in the last week.”
I don’t mind running shit over the state line, but these weren’t big runs. I didn’t see how he was making any money off this shit. And other clubs are going to start getting pissed if we push into their territory. I could just assume Joker knew that and had deals going with the other groups. But something told me that Joker didn’t go ahead and get permission about much he did these days. He sure as hell wasn’t letting anyone in the club know.
The tone in the clubhouse was tense. Members were on edge about the goings-on behind the scenes. Jude had been right when he said previous presidents were more transparent. We always knew what was going on. And members that had a vote were called to the table a hell of a lot more back then. Now it seemed like Joker just made decisions and carried them through without bringing any of it to the table at all.
“Yeah, he’s had me doing some bullshit too.” Jude gulped down the rest of his beer. “I’m getting tired of the small runs. Lot of risk for not a lot of profit. And that fucking shark – I see his ass one more time, I’m going to lose my shit.”
I hadn’t seen the shark in over a week. “He chase you down again?”
“No, I saw him coming, and I dodged him. I don’t think he’s managed to get anyone lately. But he seems to always be with us. I don’t know why Joker won’t let us touch him. He’s never stopped us from defending ourselves before or defending the club. Something’s not right around here.”
I looked around the club just to make sure nobody was eavesdropping. Nobody was. We were in the bar; the members either had their hand up some pussy or were getting their dick sucked, or were working their way to it. Nobody was interested in business talk at the moment.
I looked over at Tracy. “You can stop hating me so damn openly.”
Jude turned to her too and pinched her thigh. She jumped to give him a good glare. “I told you Noah was not one of the bad ones.”
“It’s not that. I just don’t trust anyone around Shannon. She falls too easily for the easy lines. I mean, look at her – she’s pregnant and alone.”
My grip on my beer tightened. Alone? Fuck that. She had me. I may not have seen her for two weeks, but I kept in contact with her. We talked on the phone and texted. But she still hadn’t told Tracy about me. She was still holding on to the rumor that the baby was conceived by some asshole on a cruise ship.
“She fell for some pick-up line on vacation, and now she’s having some guy’s baby who just walked away. And she won’t go after him for child support. Shouldn’t he, at least, have to pay for some of these doctor’s bills."
“What doctor’s bills?” I asked, not really caring if she figured out why I wanted to know.
That was Shannon’s lie; she would deal with any fallout. She was the one who had shame, not me.
“We have good insurance from the hospital, but there’s still a deductible. There’s still coinsurance. And the doctor wants that money up front. It’s going to cost her $2,000 to have this baby. She has to pay it all before she goes into delivery.”
What the fuck? Shannon hadn’t said a word to me about money or insurance or any of that shit.
“Why doesn’t she go after the guy?” Jude asked.
Tracy shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know. She said she can do this all on her own. And I know she can. She’s tough as nails. But she doesn’t have to, so why would she?”
I downed my beer in a few chugs, and slid it towards a prospect, waving off the offer for another. Tracy had a very good question. And I wanted to know the answer, too. Shannon should be getting off work in about an hour, and it was time we stopped dancing around schedules. I wanted answers, and she needed to get it through her head, once and for all, that I wasn’t going anywhere.
I said my goodbyes and headed straight for her house. Her grandmother left about a week ago. She was a tough woman that Grandma Tina. I didn’t know what had happened in her life to make her so tough, but whatever it was, she didn’t let it sour her disposition. And she loved her granddaughter. I could tell that by the way Tina had threatened my life, should I do anything to hurt Shannon. And of all the people in my life who threatened that, I actually believed her.
When I got to Shannon’s, her porch light was on. I didn’t see her car in the driveway, but it could have been in the garage. I knocked on the front door, listening for sounds.
I knocked again. I heard shuffling. She was inside.
Looking towards her neighbors’ houses, I realized that if I kept banging on the door, they would hear me. They might even call the cops, and the last thing I needed was to talk with the cops.
So, I pulled out my phone and sent Shannon a text.
Open the door, Shannon.
The little bubbles told me that she was replying straight away.
I’m not feeling good.
I looked at the closed door and growled.
Open it, or I’ll knock it down.
My threat worked. The latch was thrown, and the door yanked open. I marched inside, ready to argue with her, but one look back at her, and my heart sank. She wore a long cotton nightgown, black with the words ‘All start working when the coffee does’ scribbled across it. Her hair was tangled and messy around her head, and her eyes looked sunken.
Tracy hadn’t mentioned that Shannon was sick. But then again, Tracy didn’t know that I would have cared to know that.
“What’s wrong? What hurts?” I asked, closing the gap between us. No fever.
She shoved my hand away and shuffled past me, back to the couch, where she threw a blanket over her lap. It looked like she’d been spending most of her time in the living room. Empty soda cans and a few dirty dishes were on the coffee table.
“I just haven’t been feeling good. I’m just so tired. This morning sickness is kicking my ass.” She slid her feet out and laid flat on the couch.
Her stomach resembled a small bump now, and I walked over and placed my hand on it, expecting to feel movement. But felt nothing.
I cleared a spot on the coffee table and sat down, rubbing her stomach in a circular motion. “Why didn’t you call me?”
She sighed and closed her eyes. “Because I knew you’d run over here like a crazy person. And I look like shit and feel like shit, and I just wanted to lay here.”
“Did you call the doctor?”
“Yes. They said this is normal and to just get some rest.”
I didn’t say anything; just watched her resting with her eyes closed. Her chest rose and fell softly. She had been sick and hadn’t called me, which affected me in a way I wasn’t used to.
I slid my hands underneath her and picked her up off the couch. “Don't argue with me.”
I really wasn’t in the mood for any of her resistance or fighting. I was pretty much done with that. I turned down the hall to her bedroom and put her on the bed, laying the blanket over her. I stripped off my vest, tossing it across the room onto a chair, then pulled off my shirt and shoved down my jeans.
She watched me with wide
eyes. “What are you doing?” she asked, starting to sit up.
“I’m tired too. I’ve had a really shitty day. And you need to sleep. And since I’m not leaving, I’m getting into bed to sleep.”
She kept watching me as I walked around the bed and climbed in beside her. “I look like shit, Noah.”
I laid down and pulled her into my arms. “Yeah, you do, but that doesn’t change much about what’s happening here. Now close your eyes and get some sleep. Hopefully, you’ll be feeling better in the morning. And then you can explain to me why you didn’t tell me about the $2000 doctor’s bills. And then maybe you can also explain why there are six cans of caffeinated soda sitting on your coffee table. But for right now, sweetheart, I need you to get some rest.”
I’d softened my tone at the end. I was irritated with her, but I thought I was starting to understand. She knew our worlds were different. And navigating it all would be hard, scary even. I ran into this challenge head first, but she was afraid of it. Because if I dropped her, if I let her fall too hard, too fast, what would happen to her? She would be alone with a baby, that’s what.
I could break her. I could shatter her heart. She didn’t know I wouldn’t do that. She only knew how different we were, and what fucked up life I lived.
“I told you – I don’t need anything from you,” she whispered into the dark room.
I held her tighter. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“You didn’t even ask if you could spend the night. You just barged in.” She sniffled.
These hormones would be the death of me. Tina told me Shannon would probably be crying most of the pregnancy – if Shannon was anything like her own mother.
“We had a deal, remember, nightingale? I can come over whenever and for whatever I want. And right now, I want to sleep, and I want to hold you. So hush, and close your eyes.”
“Okay, but in the morning, can you remind me to be mad about this?” She yawned.
I laughed. “Sure, babe.” I peeled her glasses off and tossed them on her nightstand, then snuggled her tighter.
It was hard to fathom, but she’d made a damn snuggler out of me.
Chapter Thirteen
Shannon
Noah stood in my living room with his hands fisted on his hips. I wasn’t sure yet how he found out about the doctor’s bills, but I knew enough not to ask about it just yet.
“I have money saved up.”
“That’s not the point,” he said with exasperation.
We’d be around this topic for ten minutes already.
“I don’t need your money.”
“Shannon, that’s not the point either.” He sat down on the coffee table facing me, his hands balled up between his knees. “I’m not walking away, and I’m really sick of saying it. I’m going to take care of you and the baby. So get used to it already.”
“And when the baby comes?”
“What?”
“What happens then? You’ll take it every other weekend? Strap it on the back of your bike and take it on whatever jobs you do for the club?” Why couldn’t he see how impossible this all was?
“No. You’ll move in with me, and we’ll take care of the baby together.”
He’d said like it was completely normal, this idea of me moving in with him.
“I’m not doing that.” I felt better this morning, and after a hot shower and solid breakfast – that actually stayed down – I had enough energy to argue the point with him.
“Why?” he demanded.
“I—This won’t work, Noah,” I said, signaling between us. “How can it? You’re in a fucking gang.”
His eyes narrowed. “It’s not a gang, not like that, not like you mean.”
“It’s more like one than it’s not like one.”
“You haven’t even been to the clubhouse. Come by, meet the guys. Tracy seems to like it just fine.”
I scoffed. “I love Tracy, but she’s a little more ride ‘em rough than I am.”
His nostrils flared. “Get your shoes on,” he ordered and pushed off the coffee table. Before I could argue, he stalked off into the kitchen and started digging through my fridge.
“What are you doing?” I demanded when I followed him.
He had the last three Coke cans in his hands. “I told you no caffeine. I meant it.” He walked over to the sink and popped all three cans open, draining them.
I stared at him, slack-jawed. “Noah,” I murmured as he crushed each can in his hand. “I didn’t mean to make you mad. I’m just not sure how this story could end for us in any way but heartache.”
He dropped the cans into the sink and stared at me. “Well, it might help if you first stop looking for ways to fuck it up. I’m not leaving, not now, not when the baby arrives. Maybe we don’t work out, maybe in ten years I get tired of your snoring, or you get tired of my nightmares, but it won’t work if we don’t fucking try.”
“I don’t snore,” I protested.
His hard glare softened, morphing to a grin, and then he laughed. That hearty laugh I’d heard him have with Grandma.
“You sure do, sweetheart. But it’s cute.” He walked over to me, cupping my chin. “I don’t want to hear any more about how this is all going to go to shit. I called your doctor – saw the card on the fridge and took care of the balance while you were in the shower. I also got the dates for your next visit and the ultrasound, so I’ll be there.”
“Noah—”
He pressed a thick finger against my lips. “Nope. All you do now is say ‘Okay, sir’ and get your damn shoes on. We’re going to spend the afternoon baby shopping.”
“Baby shopping?”
“Yeah. I have two spare bedrooms; you can pick which is best for the baby, and we’ll paint and decorate it however you want.”
“What about my house?” I asked, pulling back from his grip.
“Sell it. Use the cash to spoil yourself rotten. I have enough to take care of us, all three of us,” he said with obvious pride.
Blood and drug money, no doubt.
“Maybe I’ll keep it for a little while longer,” I said, unsure if I wanted to take away the only safety net I had.
“That’s fine with me. But get your damn shoes on.” He gave my ass a pat to get me going.
I slipped on a pair of gym shoes that really made my jean shorts – which barely buttoned now – and T-shirt ensemble pop!
He handed me his helmet as usual and walked me to his bike. I couldn’t complain about riding on the bike. Other than the soreness sometimes from the hard vibrations, I loved being so close to him. Clinging to him just felt good.
He took me through the streets of town to a baby department store. When we walked in, several people turned their heads to stare at us. I started to pause and back up, but Noah laced his hand with mine and kept me moving. He grabbed a cart and started down one of the aisles.
I watched him grab stuffed animals, four baby monitors – because he wanted to be able to see and hear the baby no matter where we were in the house – and overload on diaper cream.
“Noah, we don’t need most of this stuff,” I said as we made our way to the register.
“What we don’t use with this baby, we’ll use with the next.” He grinned at me and started unloading everything onto the belt.
The next baby?
I swallowed and took a deep breath. I decided to put the worry away. He had a point. Nothing would work if I kept thinking of why it wouldn’t.
“Uh, Noah, how are we getting all this home?” I thought we were only going to do some window shopping.
“Don’t worry.” He pulled out his phone. “Jude’s coming with my truck.”
“Is Tracy with him?” I asked, a small amount of panic rising.
He shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care.” He shoved his phone back in his pocket. “We’ll get it all loaded into the truck and meet him back at my place.”
“I have a shift tonight,” I pointed out.
He nodded and handed a
stack of bills to the cashier. “I know.”
“You aren’t going to give me trouble about working?”
“Not now, no. Once the baby comes, maybe.” He gave me a wink that either suggested he was kidding, or he was telling me he was ready for the fight.
Tracy was with Jude. But when they pulled up, she gave me a knowing smile. Dude must have filled her in all the juicy details about Noah and me. As the guys piled all the stuff into the back of the truck, she got out to talk with me.
“For whatever reason, you didn’t want me to know that you’ve been dating Noah. Jude swears he’s not a complete asshole, and what happened at the hospital isn’t really who he is. So, if you like him, you don’t have to hide it from me anymore.”
