by Leslie Pike
It takes a few moments for us to completely let go, fingertips holding on till the last second.
It’s been twelve hours since he left, and we’ve spoken twice. I keep checking the clock because I want to be in my room, on the bed, ready for him when he calls again at nine. I sound like a teenager. I have zero control over my emotions when it comes to Atticus. But losing control has never been so satisfying.
I turn my focus to more immediate issues.
Mallory’s party. It’s been evolving over the last few weeks. What started as a simple get together with a few new friends for her fourteenth birthday has changed into a dinner, then a small house party. Now it’s morphed into a big party at the Midas mansion. And it’s not just for Mallory but also for another girl whose birthday’s the same week. Apparently, she’s a good friend of the family and Jeffrey didn’t want to exclude her.
When he asked Mallory if it would be alright, she was happy to oblige. Only I know the reason. All eyes won’t be on her, and she’ll be able to blend into the crowd. All she really cares about is being around sixteen-year-old Jeffrey. We’ve already had the conversation where I tell her not to get any ideas about dating him, and she tells me that’s not how kids are anymore. But I know how kids are. Especially boy kids.
I’ve got my eyes on you, Mr. Jeffrey Midas.
All I’m hoping for is that she has a great time tomorrow night and knows what it feels like when other kids see her as the beautiful girl she is. When we went shopping for her dress I saw self-confidence in her eyes for the first time. When she looked in the mirror she saw what I did. It was a meaningful moment.
So, I tuck all my doubt and hesitation about the boy and the party away, and hope for Mallory that it’s everything she wants it, and him, to be.
Just as I imagined, ever since Atticus introduced Mallory to social media, she’s hooked. It’s another layer of distraction in the teenager’s world. Texting she mastered a year ago, but now she’s into all the other ways teens communicate. I’ve got to keep a close eye on this because she doesn’t realize how easy it would be to take advantage of an innocent young person. And innocence when combined with a lack of confidence can be tragic. It’s a mine field.
“What’s the latest with the party?” I say.
Her party has been our only topic of conversation lately. It’s hard not to be leery. I go between feeling positive and doubting the whole thing. I think of Atticus’s negative impression of Jeffrey then the boy’s switch to all sweetness and light. Suddenly he liked Mallory so much he’s throwing a party for her?
I smell a rat. I so want to be wrong for her sake.
I can’t tell her how I feel. How would that sound? I just take it day by day, praying I’ve misinterpreted his actions and making excuses for his behavior.
“Jeffrey was disappointed when he heard Atticus wouldn’t be bringing me and Paige. He wanted to introduce him to some of his friends. They all want pictures with him.”
Ah huh.
There it is.
Shit.
“I thought he met his friends at the pool party.”
She looks so young sitting cross legged on the floor with her hair in pigtails. I want to protect her from people like this boy, but it’s impossible.
“That was just a couple of friends. He’s got lots of them. Look.”
She turns the screen of her cell to me and I see a picture of Jeffrey and some of his friends. The blonde girl next to him is leaning close. They all look older than Mallory.
“Did you take that picture?”
“No. He doesn’t even know I have it,” she says sheepishly.
“Tell me.”
“It’s nothing bad. He friended me on Facebook. Paige showed me how to go into his pictures and save a copy to my photo roll.”
I take the next five seconds to think about my response. This sounds intrusive at the very least.
“Just remember if you can do it so can he, or anyone else that’s your friend.”
“I know. My pictures are boring. No one would want them.”
She gets up and crosses to the refrigerator. “Want something to drink, Mom?”
“Bring me a water, please.”
My cell sounds and when I see it’s Atticus I connect on the first ring. “Hi, handsome.”
“You’re gonna make me get a big head.”
There’s a couple of good jokes there but Mallory’s too close.
“Let me get to my bedroom. What’re you doing?”
A big sigh escapes his lips before he answers. “I’m in bed already. I’m beat.”
I get inside the room and close the door behind me. “Poor baby. I wish I could be there. I’d give you a rub.”
“I’d give you one back. Right on your sweet pussy. I swear I wouldn’t stop until your neighbors know my name.”
That one makes me laugh. “You have something all women want, a pure heart and a dirty mind.”
“I’m so bored here. Never had that happen before. And I have no desire to go out with any of them. I had dinner then came up here. The Atlanta Sheraton’s my hangout for the next few days.”
I sigh my frustration.
“I’ll be glad to get past tomorrow night. Mallory’s so excited. Just pray it ends up a happy memory.”
“It will. I’m not sure I should have told you about my impression of the kid. It clouded your view.”
“No. I’d rather be prepared. Never hold back. I respect your take on things.”
“Okay. Hey, let’s FaceTime when she’s all dressed. I’d like to see my birthday present on her. If there’s time.”
“She’ll love it. Your brother’s bringing Paige so we can take some pictures. Then he’s gonna take them to the party. I made him promise to hang out a little, make sure the chaperones are there.”
“Yeah, I talked to him too.”
“See, that right there shows what you’re made of.”
“I’m just watching out for Mallory. That’s what families do.”
I don’t know how to react. My silence makes him chuckle.
“Charlotte?”
“I’m here.”
“Just processing?”
Now I chuckle. He already knows me so well.
This scene makes me happy and melancholy at the same time. Mani pedi’s with Mallory and her friend. It’s my gift to Paige for being such a good friend of Mallory’s. My grandmother used to do it for me and my bestie. The circle of life.
She’s growing up fast now. It seems every day I see another signpost on her road to becoming a woman. I’m not ready for it. Motherhood has been the greatest education I’ve ever had. It’s not just the things I’ve learned about children, but it’s also the things I was taught about human nature, mine and hers and us all. I don’t want to graduate.
“What color did you girls go with?” I say.
“Same color as my fingernails,” Paige says two chairs down.
Mallory holds her finished right foot up. “Lilac Wow. Isn’t it pretty?”
She and Paige start taking pictures of their nails. They giggle like little girls. Truth is, they’re only a few years from being just that.
After this I’ll take them to lunch. Then it’s to Coral’s for their hair appointments. I gave Mallory the choice of another stylist, but she just laughed and said she’d cut her own hair before she’d let someone other than me trim it.
We’ll be back home by three and then they have three hours to dress, put on a little mascara and lipstick and wait for Brick’s arrival.
“Well, you look beautiful, Mallory. Man, I’ve got great taste,” Atticus teases.
“Your taste had nothing to do with it. I picked out this dress.”
He just laughs.
She poses as I hold up the iPad. This FaceTime has been a godsend. Then she does a spin but wobbles a bit on her new first heels.
“Ohhh!”
“Careful!” I say.
Ever since we bought the shoes, I’ve seen her do the sam
e thing I did when I got my first heels. I’d pose in front of a full-length mirror for hours on end, admiring my legs. It was a watershed moment. Girl becoming woman. It was thrilling.
Brick looks at his watch. “Think it’s time to head out, girls?”
“I’m ready,” says Paige.
Mallory grimaces, but it’s different this time. There’s fear, but there’s also anticipation.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
We exchange our goodbyes and I give my final instructions. “Don’t leave the party. Watch out for each other. Have fun.”
As the door closes behind them I say a silent prayer. Please God, watch over my sweet girl.
I must have looked at the clock ten times in the last three hours. Nine thirty. Atticus is at the game and not available to soothe my soul. I turn to the TV to distract.
The sound of my cell brings me back to reality. When I see who’s calling, I’m surprised.
“Brick.”
“Charlotte, I’m on my way to pick the girls up. I. Not sure what happened yet, but I got a call from Paige to get over there as soon as possible.”
My stomach turns. “Is Mallory alright?”
“She was crying in the background. I don’t know what happened, but Paige called Jeffrey Midas an asshole, so I think he did something to upset her.”
My shoulders sink with the news. I’m so familiar with bullying when it comes to my daughter.
“Okay. I’m going to try to call her. Let me know if I should go there too.”
“I don’t think it’s gonna come to that. But I’ll call you as soon as we’re in the car.”
“Okay. Thanks, Brick. You’re a good friend.”
After we disconnect, I sit and wait. Mostly staring into space for ten minutes while I steel myself. I call Atticus and leave a short message, telling him what I know and to text me later. I don’t want him calling when I’m in the middle of comforting Mallory. Sometimes it’s an all-night thing. She ends up in my bed.
Damn it.
Why tonight?
Couldn’t she have had one day without having to endure cruelty? This is bad. She’d let her guard down for once.
My cell rings. I answer right away. “Brick?”
“She just got out of the car. She’ll be at your door in a minute. She didn’t want Paige or I to come with her. Poor thing. She wouldn’t talk about it. But Paige said that kid Jeffrey, he posted something…”
The doorbell.
“She’s here. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I hang up without thinking twice. He’ll understand.
“Mom!” she hollers between sobs.
I quickly move to the door and open it. She falls into my arms, sobbing her pain.
“Honey! What happened?”
“I’m a complete fool. I thought he liked me. As a friend at least. But…”
She pushes me away and runs to her room. I follow.
“Tell me. I’m here for you.”
She sits in the chair facing the window and starts removing her shoes. The sobbing has slowed, but tears still run down her face.
“He had his friend take a picture of us with our heads tilted together. He took a few to get the best angle he said.” She shakes her head with the memory.
“What happened to upset you?”
She crosses to her bed and picks up the iPad she’d left there. It takes only seconds for her to bring up what she’s looking for. She hands it to me. Tears immediately come to my eyes. There for all her friends and his to see is a smiling Jeffrey leaning into a photoshopped Mallory. Freddy Krueger’s scarred face is on her body, and underneath is the text, Welcome West High’s newest student, Mallory Bay!
I swear my heart just broke into a thousand pieces.
“Oh, Mallory. It’s okay, honey, it’s going to be okay…”
She holds up a hand and interrupts my attempt to make her feel better.
“The party wasn’t even for me. It was for his girlfriend. What a stupid fool I am. Don’t ask me to go to that school or go to any more parties or socialize. It’s not gonna happen. I want to get out of Memphis, Mom.” The tears come faster now. “It hurts so much. I don’t think I can take it anymore.”
That last thought rips my heart out. I try to take her in my arms, but she’s stiff. No arms around me, no head on my shoulder. I still hold on.
“Let’s just get in my bed and we’ll talk it out.”
The look on her face scares me. There’s a blankness to it that I’ve never seen before.
“No. I don’t want to do that. I’m just gonna go to bed. My bed. I don’t want to talk about this anymore at all. I mean it, Mom. Goodnight.”
Turning her back to me, she starts removing her dress. I just stand here stunned, not knowing what to do. She looks over her shoulder and pauses.
“Okay, I’m leaving. But if you get lonely or sad, come to my room. We both need a little love tonight.”
There’s no agreement or argument. There’s only a blank stare telling me we’re in a darker state than we’ve ever been in before. Now I’m frightened.
When I walk out I leave the door open. But by the time I get to my door, hers closes. In my hand is the iPad.
I’m quietly crying because being afraid for Mallory is worse than any other emotion I’ve ever felt. I’ve always been confident when it came to being her protector. I could find the right words and eventually bring her back from whatever sadness she was feeling. But this, this looks different. A kind of a wall came up between us tonight. Really it felt like it was between her and the world.
Let me look at this piece of shit and see what was said. I tap on the screen and bring up the picture. How remarkably cruel. Forty-three comments, fifty likes, twenty laughing icons and only one crying face. I tap to see what these young people said, what Mallory read.
Bro! Your homecoming date?
What were you thinking? Charity begins at home?
She’s hideous!
Fat and ugly…yikes!
Is Bay your bae?
I can never unsee this, Jeff!
I stop reading. It’s too painful. But I start digging into this kid’s Facebook page. I look through his pictures which show a narcissist in the making. He shows no respect for the girls he’s with. His favorite move is to put a hand over their boob when the picture’s taken.
What’s this? Pictures of Atticus. Jeffrey must have grabbed them like Mallory did his. They’re recent because his arm’s in a sling in most.
Then I see it. Like a grown-up version of Jeffrey’s pics, there’s Atticus with his hands over Tanya’s bare breasts, which she’s flashing. They’re laughing by a pool. And in the background is the Atlanta Sheraton Hotel.
The world starts spinning faster for a moment, out of control. The pit of my stomach is doing flips. Am I seeing this? Tears are streaming down my face. How did our world change from the hopeful one we knew this afternoon to this?
Atticus is either the most skillful liar I’ve ever known, or I’m misinterpreting what I’m seeing. Inside my own head I sound like those women who make excuses for their men no matter the transgression. That’s not me.
The iPad sounds. It’s Atticus, wanting to FaceTime.
I don’t want to answer, but if I don’t he’ll keep calling. Forget the FaceTime. I don’t want him to see my lip trembling or the tears burning my eyes, so I answer on my cell.
“Hello.”
“Your voice. What happened?”
“I really don’t feel like talking much right now, but I’ll give you the highlights. The party wasn’t really for Mallory. It was Jeffrey’s girlfriend’s birthday party. But that wasn’t the worst of things. Mallory was bullied by Jeffrey on Facebook during the party. It was cruel, Atticus. She’s in her room and wants to be alone. I’m afraid. Really afraid.”
“Fucking asshole! I’m gonna call his father right now…”
“No. Let me handle this. I don’t know what I’m going to do. She doesn’t want to start school next m
onth. And I’m afraid there’s more to come.”
“Tell me.”
“She wants to leave Memphis.”
He’s quiet for a few beats. “That’s not the answer.”
“I know that. But sometimes a parent doesn’t have a choice. I’m too upset to talk about it tonight.”
“Just don’t commit to anything for the next few days. Let me get home and talk everything over. Promise?” he says.
“Before I make any promises, I need you to tell me about one of the pictures I saw in Jeffrey’s albums. It’s of you and that Tanya girl. Your hands are on her bare breasts.”
“Jeffrey had that picture?”
“Yes. And there in the background is the sign for the Atlanta Sheraton.”
“That’s where it was taken.” He says it so calmly, with no hesitation.
“Taken yesterday?” I say.
“What? No. That’s from last year. Did you really think I’d do that to you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.”
I start crying, with relief and frustration, and with the fear I may not be able to fix things easily.
“No! God I wish I was there. Babe, please. You need to believe I’d never hurt you. And I wouldn’t disrespect you. But you’re gonna need to toughen up. I know that sounds harsh, but there’s all kinds of pictures out there. Once they’re posted, they’re there forever. I never was a well-behaved guy Charlotte. Till you.”
9
Atticus
I’m ready to fight for what I want. In the last forty-eight hours shit got real. Suddenly everything I thought was solid is on shifting sands. That fucker Jeffrey and his lack of compassion may have altered the direction of three lives.
Not only for Mallory, who was just beginning to feel more confident, but for Charlotte and me. One picture, a heartless attempt at a joke, and destinies evaporate into thin air.
The last few days have been a bitch. Being away from Charlotte when she needed me was frustrating. Never had that happen and don’t want it to happen again. And what about Mallory? I kept going over what I’d say to her, perfecting how I’d advise her. Just as if I were her parent. It didn’t escape me that I’ve started caring that much for this girl. She and Charlotte are part of me now. It feels like we’re a family. Or at least we could be, given time.
