“I can handle whatever you throw at me physically, surely you know that by now,” I replied with my chin lifted. “But what I can’t handle is you continuing to keep things from me when you know damn well what damage that secrets can do to us. I’ll take an ass spanking over deceit anytime.”
Surprise spread across his features, his chest rising rapidly on a deep breath. Surprise turned to resignation as he exhaled the breath he was holding before his eyes met mine. “Opening up is so hard for me to do Ava. I don’t know how to.”
I softened my voice though the firmness remained. “You managed perfectly fine two days ago. Just open your mouth and let the words flow out.”
“You should take your own advice,” he muttered, his head shaking slightly, “you’re not exactly forthcoming in the sharing department yourself.”
“I know but at least I’m trying.”
Leaning his head against the seat back, his eyes closed as he replied. “I’m terrified that the moment it stops just being the two of us, you’ll be reminded of what an asshole I’ve been and walk away from me again.”
“Jesus, Jonah, how many times do I have to tell you that I have absolutely no intentions of running again? You crushed me I won’t deny it and if I’m brutally honest I still carry doubts. But you’re worth hanging around for. No one and nothing can change the way I feel about you from now on, except you. Why can’t you understand that?”
He arched a dark brow, “Not even your best friend who right at this moment is waiting for you at the airport and as no idea that the deceitful fucker whose balls she threatened to sever from my body with a blunt object is with you? Don’t try to tell me that her opinion means nothing to you Savannah because we both know that’s a blatant lie.”
Fuck, I cursed myself vehemently. I was such a hypocrite. How the hell could I bang on to Jonah about the importance of truth and honesty when the most important person in my life aside from him was oblivious to the fact that I had been spending the last three days fucking the man I dragged her to France to escape? I passed up the opportunity to tell her everything the night before. We exchanged a brief call that consisted of my assuring her I was okay and her enthusing about a new venture she was entering into with her Parisian art dealer lover Jean-Pierre. Chickening out of spilling my guts may have seemed a good idea at the time but now it was well and truly kicking my ass. Charlotte’s protectiveness where I was concerned knew no bounds. It was a trait of hers I loved her for. Nervous tension shook my body and quickened my pulse. After a morning spent wrapped in Jonah’s obvious torment, the confrontation we would have with my tenacious best friend the moment we stepped onto the tiled floor of the airport totally escaped me. Either that or I chose willingly to block it out. Because one thing was a given. Charlotte’s hatred for Jonah was venomous. And hell would freeze to its depths before she accepted our reconciliation without putting up a strong fight.
Sighing, I sagged against Jonah’s rock hard torso as anxiety continued to shake me. “It’ll be fine. I can handle Charlotte,” I replied, hoping to God there was move conviction in my voice than what I actually felt, although I seriously doubted it.
***
Charlotte’s dark brown eyes shone with suspicion, her body posture rigid and solid. Stood before us with her hands firmly on her hips and her perfectly shaped brows pinched, my best friend searched my flushed face for an answer to the question her stance told me she already knew. Glancing nervously to my side, Jonah’s hand tightened around mine, his jaw set firm. An uncomfortable Jean-Pierre shifted his gaze between the three of us undoubtedly assessing the situation and finding it one he would rather not be privy to. His white linen shirt and casual beige trousers gave a relaxed, casual appearance. The darting of his eyes and the raking of his hands through his dark wavy hair told he was anything but. Crowds of travellers milled around the airport terminal as we stood facing one another in silence. The moment I had been dreading was upon me. Dressed in a pale pink long skirted summer dress and flat sandals with her raven hair piled high on her head, my visibly pissed best friend’s ‘cute’ look did nothing to mask the inferno of anger slowly burning within her.
“I leave you alone for a few days and you already have a new male friend, Savannah? Why don’t you introduce us?”
I breathed deeply in an attempt to calm the wave of irritation beginning to thump through my veins. I loved Charlotte, had come to rely on her for support and guidance. But that didn’t mean she had the right to insinuate my sexual encounters were frequent, known to be with total strangers and a past time I indulged in frequently. She knew me and she knew different.
“Well?” Arching a brow, her stare cut through me.
“Ava is with me, and you already know who I am Charlotte, you’ve had the pleasure of hearing my voice and verbally kicking my arse on the telephone on more than one occasion.” Jonah released my hand then wrapped his arm around my waist. “I understand how you feel about me; your hatred is deserved considering what I put Ava through. But I don’t appreciate you speaking to the woman I love in that way whether she is your best friend or not.”
Charlotte’s lip curled into a snarl as she crossed her arms across her chest. “You have no fucking idea how much I hate you Jacobson. And you definitely have no right to tell me how I should and should not speak to the woman whose heart you broke and I put back together again.” Her eyes blazed with fury as she turned her stare on me. “What the hell are you fucking playing at A? Have you lost your god damn mind?”
Jonah’s hand gripped my hip as he pulled me closer. Rising on my tiptoes, I pressed a reassuring kiss to his chin before moving from his hold and grasping my friend’s arm. “That’s enough Charlotte,” I said in a low voice. “I get that you’re pissed and that’s fine. But disrespecting me in public is way out of line and unacceptable.”
“Me, disrespect you?” her voice was laced with sarcasm, “you crawling back to a man who not only fucked you for your money but did that while he was engaged to another woman smacks of disrespect Ava, to yourself. I thought you were better than that.”
Prying eyes and inquisitive passers by began to pay more attention to the four of us now than I was comfortable with. Not letting go of her arm, I caught sight of a quiet coffee shop to the side of the terminal. “We need five minutes,” I told both men who stood weighing each other up in silence. Nodding towards the small cafe area, I tugged on Charlotte’s arm and moved us through the amassing crowd of passengers.
***
Red hot espresso slipped down my throat with an instant calming effect. Sitting cross legged with her arms folded over her chest, Charlotte’s anger showed no signs of dissipating. It seemed there were things even a shot of fresh caffeine were unable to tamper with and her disgust in my choice of flight chaperone was clearly visible. I sighed, took another hit of my long term drug of choice and looked her dead on.
“I’m sorry you had to find out about Jonah this way. I wanted to tell you when we spoke earlier but chickened out.”
“Why, Ava, of all the men you could choose, why the hell are you giving that lying scum a second chance?” Charlotte shook her head in dismay. “I should never have let you go off alone while you were so vulnerable. Men like Jacobson know all the strings to pull when women are at their weakest and lowest point.”
“I love him Charlotte,” I took another sip of coffee. “There’s nothing more to say.”
Rolling her eyes, she breathed in and tipped her head backwards. “That man has no idea what love is. You’re a financial means to an end my poor deluded friend and nothing more.”
“That speech coming from the friend who lives rent free in my home and is more than happy to accept handouts and eats, warms and bathes herself all at my expense, is damn fucking rich don’t you think?” I hated myself the moment the words tripped from my tongue. Shock resounded across my one true friend’s face as the bitterness hit her full on. Shock turned to hurt, her eyes filling with wet tears. I owed the woman before me everyt
hing and her family even more. The strain of the last few weeks still had me off balance but that did not excuse my verbal assault. Reaching across the table I clutch her cool hand in mine and squeeze. “God I’m so sorry for saying that, sweetie. I had no fucking right and didn’t mean a word of it. Forgive me.”
Swiping at her eyes with her free hand, Charlotte sat straighter in her chrome framed chair. “Firstly, I am not and never have been a leach Ava, and the fact you think so after all I’ve done for you over the years hurts like a bitch. I don’t care shit for your money or your charity. I really thought we were friends and in my book friends help each other out when times are tough and god knows I’ve had plenty of tough times recently and so have you. And secondly, that fucker hurt you, which means he also hurt me. Forgive me for not welcoming him back into your life with open arms.”
“I love him Charlotte.” They were the only words I could speak but they were the most truthful three words to ever leave my lips.
The hardness in her eyes remained, “I know you love him, A, that’s why you keep falling for his bullshit.”
Shaking my head, I released her hand and sank into my chair, “Jonah explained everything. Things are not always the way they appear, Charlotte.”
“Oh spare me the lines, Ava. You may be willing to forgive and forget so easily but I’m not. That bastard deceived you regardless of the reasons why. He doesn’t deserve you or a second chance.”
Tipping my head backwards, I closed my eyes and blew out a frustrated breath. I could feel this conversation was going nowhere. After being so quick to verbally chastise Charlotte in defence of Jonah, I realised where my loyalty was beginning to lie. My love for my best friend paled in comparison to my love for a man who probably had no right to deserve it but there was no denying he held it. “It’s not as simple as that.”
“It never is, A,” she snorted. Crossing her arms she rested her elbows on the table between us. "What about Cameron?”
“What about Cameron,” I questioned.
“My brother happens to be on the other side of the world sorting out the shit you were too chicken to deal with because you asked him to. He’s put his own life on hold to help you while you’ve been shacked up in St. Tropez with him,” she pointed over my shoulder in Jonah’s direction, “you’ve really got some fucking nerve using Cameron in that way. You’re my best friend Ava and I love you, but my family will always come higher on my list of priorities than you do, my loving, protective, caring younger brother more than anyone else.”
I sat silently in shock. Had I used Cameron because subconsciously I knew he would never refuse my request? I practically begged him to fly to Chicago on my behalf without a second thought for the impact that would have on his own life and business dealings. Guilt settled in the pit of stomach.
Leaning forward, determination was etched across Charlotte’s attractive face. “If you want to make a fool of yourself by all means go ahead, Ava. But leave my brother the hell out of it. Hurt him and our relationship is over do you hear me? Pushing out of her chair she stood abruptly then added, “I’m not prepared to sit around and watch him fuck with your head again while you fuck with Cameron’s. I’ll be staying with Jean-Pierre at my parents home when we get back to London.”
“There’s really is no need to do that,” tears pooled in my eyes. “What the hell is happening with us Charlotte?”
Charlotte’s voice cracked slightly though her face remained firm, “One day you’ll truly open those gorgeous green eyes of yours and see what I’ve had to sit back and watch for months now Ava. When you do, give me a call and apologise.”
Tears soaked my cheeks as the woman who had nurtured me through endless crisis and whose loyalty and love never waivered strode purposefully away from me leaving me stunned and bereft but more importantly feeling more alone than ever.
Chapter Eight
Desperation, anger and instilled shock set in my bones and showed no signs of disappearing anytime soon. Check in, our gate call and even boarding the flight passed without my awareness as the numbness I hoped to have seen the last of, reared its head with a vengeance.
The pained expression and the hardness in Charlotte’s usually warm brown eyes, and her harsh and confusing words echoed around my skull until it ached. Verbal exchanges were far from rare between the pair of us. Our polar opposite personalities, traits and flaws often clashed but never on this scale. I could feel the loss of my best friend more with every second that passed and knew instinctively there was a gulf between us that hadn’t been there when we left for Paris.
I cursed myself for ever bring her here, for leaving Paris to retreat alone to St Tropez which in turn gifted Jonah the perfect opportunity to seek me out. But way down deep, I also knew that whatever had Charlotte so angry went beyond my reconciliation with Jonah. If truth were known something had been eating away at her since she returned from the Caribbean vacation she took with her parents a few months previous. Whatever was pissing her off; Cameron was at the heart of it.
The protectiveness she felt towards her younger brother was evident from the day we first met; it was one of the things I admired about her the most. They had a sibling closeness I envied and craved. She was his fiercest defender and his definitive protector and he loved her for it. I could understand her anger at seeing Jonah quite definitely by my side as we arrived at the airport, knowing Cameron was thousands of miles away fighting my cause. He left London for Chicago without hesitation when asked, dropped his life and simply boarded a plane out there, the day after I asked him to go. And for that I felt like shit. I had no right to rekindle my relationship with the man who was partly responsible for Cameron’s departure.
After so visibly learning of Jonah’s betrayal, anger had driven me to cut all ties with Jacobson and Fitzgerald and leaving me with no idea of my next move or how to handle the enormous inheritance and position I was cursed with the day Alex died. Charlotte rallied the troops without hesitation, involving both her father and brother who offered me unequivocal help and support. How fucking dare I so easily forget all that they gave freely the moment those sapphire blue eyes found me four days ago on the beach? As the events played back in my mind, the sorrier I became and the more desolate I felt. She was right to be so angry, her actions and words wholly justified.
Memories of Alex and the way he used those closest to him to satisfy his own needs and wants without a thought for the repercussions to their lives began to bite at me. He milked human kindness, twisted it then simply discarded the people who offered it, once his goals were realised. There was no way in mother fucking hell I was about to sink to those depths myself even though my rational self was telling me I already had. Panic kicked in, my body trembled with fear. Alex was a monster and I was a victim of his evil. Now it seemed I was also beginning to become a product of his teachings by inflicting his traits on those I cared for the most. Yes, my fear may be irrational but everything about my life to this point made no sense or followed a straight path. I needed a distraction and quick, before I slid backwards into past habits and the new, enlightened, living Ava morphed into the cold, damaged, lifeless Ava I had been for years. My entire life actually until a ray of light, salvation and hope for the future entered my life. Jonah.
“Hey, gorgeous, you’re shaking.” His Irish husk drifted into my line of thought and warmed my blood. The cabin came back into focus as his hand clasped mine tightly. Sat beside me was what I needed. Jonah was my therapy, the best therapy. Fucking him kept me from the darkness and god did I need the light, right at that moment?
“Fuck me, Jonah,” I said in a low voice as I reached for my seat restraint and popped it free. His eyes heated immediately, his lips parting. “I need you to fuck me Jonah, now.”
His hand stopped mine as I grabbed for his restraint. His jaw tightened, “I’m not fucking you so you can forget what happened with Charlotte. What happened to not using sex as a way of plastering over the cracks?”
“Screw that
,” I replied, my need rising, “Fuck me because you want to and don’t search for reasons. I need you Jonah, are you honestly going to leave me hanging?”
“Stop,” his hand cupped the side of my face, “I will never leave you hanging sweetheart. If you have needs it’s my job to make sure you’re taken care of and satisfied. I could never refuse you because my need to fuck you drives me constantly, painfully and relentlessly. But you have to be with me body, mind and soul when we fuck and from the look on your face and pain in your eyes the latter two of those requirements are absent.”
I gritted my teeth and clenched my thighs together as hunger stirred within my groin. “I gave you a second chance and lost my best friend in the process. The least you owe me is that huge cock of yours fucking me until I also lose my mind. Make me forget Jonah, I need you too.”
His seat restrain popped loudly as he released it with a growl. Standing abruptly and clutching my hand tightly, arousal swept over my shaky body. Jumping to my feet, his mouth found my ear and my breath hitched. “I’m going to fuck that tight pussy of yours but not to make you forget. I want you to remember every second of my cock inside you, how good it feels how perfectly your pussy fits around me and holds me in place. We make love because our bodies have to, they can’t function if we don’t. I will never fuck you to forget or because you think I owe you.”
“Jesus.” My legs threatened to give under his words. Grasping the back of the seat in front of me I swayed slightly. A strong arm supported me at the waist, the heat of his flesh scorching my skin through the thin material of my dress. The day’s events weighed heavy on my chest, mixtures of unshed tears and painful emotions lodged in my throat, its intensity almost suffocating. First class travel had its advantages although the journey back to England was a short one. My eyes caught the restroom to the rear of the cabin, perfect. I needed this to be quick which for Jonah and his stamina was way from the norm. But this was about my needs and rough, hard and fast was appealing at that moment.
Divinely Living (Surviving Series) Page 8
