by Izzy Shows
It didn't take long for me to hunt down every last one of them, and I slaughtered them like the animals they were.
At last, coherence began to come back to me as I stood panting over the last body. Vaguely, I recalled killing the man, but it was hard to think straight. To remember.
The haze was still there.
And following it, a deep regret that I had failed again. Failed to get what I wanted.
It seemed like I was cursed to keep on living.
Xiva
There was pain all around me.
Where am I?
A moan rocked out of me as the stabbing pain lurched inside me again like a heated dagger through my stomach, tearing and destroying my soft organs.
Oh, gods, there was so much pain.
Vivoth, Nytoc, please, take this pain from me, I begged inside my mind, instinctively knowing that I couldn't part my lips to let the prayer out. There was darkness all around me; I knew that although I did not open my eyes. I couldn't. I could scarcely move, with this crippling pain inside me.
Gods, I hurt so much. It was as if a thousand kusix had trampled over me, destroying my body and leaving me crushed on the ground. There was no one to help me, no one to take me to the temple for the healing magic I so desperately needed.
The temple isn't there.
What? How could it not be there? And where had that thought come from?
Pain rocked through me again, a spasm that seemed to go on for eternity.
It wouldn't let go of me. Though it came in ebbs and flows, it was a constant presence.
But it hadn’t always been there. There had been a time when there was blessed nothingness, a void in which I couldn't feel a thing. I remembered it, but I didn't at the same time.
There was something else I needed to remember, something important, but I couldn't grasp it. It was out of my reach, and every time I tried, it went farther away.
Please, I need to know…
What did I need to know? Why was it so important that I remember?
I wanted to fold in on myself. If only the pain would go away, I could slip back into that void where I felt nothing, but it wouldn't stop. It assaulted my senses, leaving me gasping for air, and I knew it would eventually kill me.
No, it won't. This is a torture that will not end in death.
Yes, yes, that was true. I could see that now. There would be no escape for me, not from this torment.
Another spasm struck me, and I opened my mouth to let out a strangled scream, but dirt flooded in before I could make a sound.
I choked, trying to spit out the dirt, but it did me no good. More poured in, and I gagged, panic setting in as I realized I was going to suffocate.
No.
I refused. I would not die. I could not. There were things I needed to do, even if I could not remember them.
With a concentrated effort, I pushed the pain to the back of my mind, then reached inside myself for my god-given power. I had no memory of who I was, or how I'd gotten here, but there was no question in my mind that the power was there. It was part of me, entwined in my soul, and somehow, I knew it had always been there.
I called it to life and let myself bask in the warm glow of it for a moment before I guided it toward my mouth to push the dirt away and replace it with life-giving air. It would save me, thank the gods.
It took great effort to hold on to the magic, but I forced myself to do it, to create a bubble around me that allowed me to breathe.
How had I been down here, surviving, without that? My mind warred with the idea, logic dictating that it couldn't be done, but it had.
I was here, after all, and I felt certain that I had been down here for quite some time.
How long exactly, I didn't know, but part of me felt that it had been too long.
I should be dead.
That thought was not a comfort, but I didn't try to push it aside. I had always been a practical woman who had always tried to see the logic in everything. It was necessary when you were…
Something. Why had it been necessary?
I pushed on, trying to analyze the facts, but my brain wouldn't work.
There was a haze in my mind, and it was trying to claim me, to pull me back. Then the pain came again, swamping my thoughts.
This time, the scream came easily, now that there was room for me to let it out. It ricocheted around me, piercing my sensitive ears, and I cringed at the sound.
So high-pitched. Was that really my voice?
It sounded so foreign to my ears.
And then a new kind of pain pierced straight to my heart, and the air was driven from my lungs in a harsh gasp. It was a pain I hadn't felt in a long time, but at the same time that it was familiar, it was so foreign…
It was the pain of a lost soul, a deep-seeded agony that could not be rooted out. It had set deep anchors in the soul of its host, leeching everything good from their life, taking and taking and taking until there was nothing left.
It was the agony of someone who did not know love. The despair of being alone, abandoned, hurt by those around them. An agony I knew well enough, but why did I?
Had I not been loved?
I ached to find them, to lay hands on them and let my magic flood through them, healing their heart and repairing their damaged soul. But somehow, I knew that was not possible. Magic could not heal a broken soul; it could only mend the wounds of the body.
But I have to try! No one should live with such pain!
Whose torment was it, though?
I frowned, trying to think, to reach out, but it hurt so much…
I couldn't focus, couldn't think.
A sob wracked my body, rasping against my throat as I sat there, immobilized, unable to provide the aid this other soul so desperately needed. The urge to go to them, to help them, superseded my own needs.
I needed to ease their pain, as I had done for so many others…
I had done that for others? Confusion filled me.
Why were memories coming to me out of order? Why couldn't I remember who I was, what I'd been, what I'd done?
Why couldn't I…
A wave of exhaustion took me, sinking deep into my bones. It was no normal exhaustion, but a kind that affected my soul, dragging me down into a pit of despair.
It leeched at my will to live.
Suddenly, I found that I had lost hold of the urgency to find and help this person, though a part of me struggled against the aching emptiness.
Must…fight…must…remember…
What was the point of remembering?
The old pain took hold of me again, the one that belonged to me and no one else, and I sobbed once more. There was no relief to be had. I was being battered on both sides by my own pain and that of the soul I could not help.
No escape…
This would go on for eternity.
I struggled against it, pushing with my mind to reach out. I knew I needed to do something, needed to remember…
But I couldn't.
"NOT YET, MY CHILD."
The thundering voice shook me. It was the sound of mountains moving, of the ground tearing in two. The sound of hurricanes and thunderstorms, of the ocean crashing against a cliff. The sound of raw nature at its peak.
But it was familiar to me. It comforted me.
"SOON. SOON, YOU WILL BE NEEDED. I HAVE BROUGHT YOU AID. REST, CHILD. YOUR TIME IS SOON."
Yes, I had to rest…had to do as the voice commanded. It knew all. It was the voice of…
But the darkness claimed me before I could finish the thought.
Kaidan
Chirp, chirp, chirp.
The sound jerked me into motion again, forcing me to sit up and pay attention. I was in the command seat on the flight deck. I had been looking at the great vid screen, at the emptiness of space around me, wondering what it would be like to plunge into it…
But that chirping, that alarm, meant something else.
I looked down at it to be sure a
nd saw that it was blinking an angry red. Off and on, off and on.
There was no doubting what that meant. We had achieved orbit over 71 Charos B.
With a deep breath, I raised my eyes to the vid screen again and saw the planet for the first time. It was roughly the same size as Earth, but it was barren. An empty desert, from the little I could see: an ugly brown, with no bodies of water.
There was nothing impressive to look at, and instinctively, I thought I should be repulsed by it. But I couldn't look away, couldn't drag my eyes from that planet.
There was something…stirring inside of me. My heart ached all of a sudden, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
I rubbed a fist against my chest, feeling the press of my dog tags against my skin underneath my shirt. They were a constant reminder of who and what I was, but for once, the thought didn't hurt. I was too caught up in the sensation that had taken me over.
Every hair on my body stood on end, and it felt like a million ants had taken up residence in my head. I felt pulled, and I actually stood and stumbled toward the planet on the vid screen.
It was calling me.
A little disgruntled, I turned my back to the planet to try to collect myself.
Don't be absurd. A planet can't call to you. You're being ridiculous.
The sharp reprimand in my head helped me clear my thoughts somewhat, but I still couldn't shake the odd feelings the planet had roused in me.
There was no time to think about that, though; it was time to wake everyone. I left the flight deck and made my way through the various corridors to the stasis chambers, where I punched the button on the wall that would bring everyone out of their long sleep.
I could hear the air lock disengaging as the bunks rolled out of the wall like a bunch of drawers in a filing cabinet. Each one was filled with a body, someone who had been hand-picked for this assignment.
On the right side of the wall were the five men in my Raider group, men I had served with what felt like forever. I had trusted them with my life on more than one occasion, and they had trusted me with theirs as well. We were tighter than most units, I was certain, but at the end of the day, we weren't terribly different from the others.
We fought together; that was all. We didn't share our lives with one another, didn't go around baring our souls. That wasn't the way it worked, and I was fine with that.
To the left of the Raiders were the mechanics and the ship's crew. The crew were largely unnecessary, but you couldn't ship out without one, in case the auto-pilot and self-repair systems broke down. I was supposed to wake them up if anything went wrong with the ship, but that hadn't been necessary.
No one would need to know about that little boarding excursion, either. I had cleaned those bodies up real nice, scrubbing down the hallways to get their blood out of the way so that the invasion would remain my little secret.
To the left of the mechanics were the scientists. There were a shit-ton of them, but that was to be expected. They were constructing a world, after all.
One of them, though, was not like the others.
I could see him now, stumbling to get out of his bunk, clearly disoriented by the abrupt waking from stasis.
Walter Reeds.
He was a thousand things all rolled up into one: psychologist, botanist, anthropologist, linguist, and a bunch of other -ists. He had a million and one degrees, I had heard, and he was only about twenty-five years old. A fucking genius, they said, but he was really only here because of one of those degrees.
Psychology.
He was here to make sure that neither I or any of my Raiders went berserk on this mission.
I didn't know how he felt about that, but I knew if it had been me, I'd be a little put out to only be valued for one of my skills if I was as accomplished as he was.
Not that it mattered. He was just a kid, the youngest guy on the trip, and he would probably get gobbled up by some alien before the ride was through. That was the way of the galaxy. Best not to forget it.
Shouldn't have let a kid in on all of this.
I grumbled to myself, but abruptly pushed the thought to the side. That wasn't my problem.
"Ah, Mr. Norton. Good to see you," Anders said as he stepped forward from his bunk.
Anders was top dog on this mission, the scientist in charge of all the other scientists. This was his little brain baby, and he had hand-picked every last person on board, including me.
"I trust there were no mishaps?" He had a bright smile on his face.
"Nothing to worry about here, boss," I said, returning his smile with a tight one of my own. "Smooth sailing, far as I was concerned."
"Excellent, excellent. So…we're here?" His eyes gleamed as he looked past me at the door, as if he would be able to see the planet from all the way back here.
"We've achieved orbit. The pilot's gonna need to make the descent now," I said.
"Very good, Kaidan—Norton," he corrected himself, having used my first name. That wasn't protocol, but the man was friendlier than most in his position.
If I hadn’t hated scientists, I might have liked the man. He had respect for everyone, not just the rich assholes who made up his circle. He didn't seem as bad as the others, but he was still a scientist at the end of the day.
Who knew what he'd do for the greater good.
"Well, come along, everyone. There’s adventure to be had!" He grinned at everyone and left the room.
Internally, I groaned at his cheesy exclamation, but I said nothing. It wasn't my place to tell a man what he could or couldn't do, and I wasn't about to chastise someone in his position.
I waited for the rest of the big players to file out of the room, until it was just me and my boys, and then we fell in line together.
"How was the trip, boss?" Jarek—my right hand—asked as we walked down the corridor.
"Uneventful," I said.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jarek looking at me critically. It was as if he knew, without having to be told, that I was full of shit.
That was Jarek's special skill. He knew things he shouldn't have been able to know. He'd never come out and said it, but I figured it was related to the gene mutation. It gave me the chills, to tell the truth, but there was nothing I could do about it.
We’d all been twisted by the scientists, and we were safer together. At least we all knew what it was like, and we accepted one another.
"Uh-huh," he grunted, then fell silent for the rest of the walk to the flight deck.
Everyone took their seats for the final descent and strapped in.
For the most part, the ride down was smooth. The pilot was talented, I had to give him that, but the landing was a bit rocky. He probably wasn’t used to touching down on an uninhabited planet without a landing pad.
There weren't a lot of uninhabited planets these days, particularly not ones that were mostly viable for humans, like this one was. That was why it was such a blessing that they’d found it: it was our best bet for building a second Earth.
Everyone applauded as soon as we were settled on the ground—an old tradition, thanking the pilot for getting us safely to our destination.
I snorted. The pilot hadn’t had anything to do with the trip; that was all handled by the auto-pilot. He showed up for two jobs; takeoff and landing. But, whatever. If everyone wanted to fall back on old habits, I wasn't going to say shit about it.
That was their business.
I unstrapped and walked to the exit corridor. There, on the wall, were a line of oxygen masks and my crew's weapons and suits. A quick glance over my shoulder showed that my men were close behind me.
We suited up in the tech suits—as tight as second skins, but blaster-proof and flexible as hell. They were top of the line. I put on my oxygen mask and holstered four hand-held blasters before taking the big one in both hands.
I checked my men, one by one, to make sure their masks were properly put in place and their weapons were ready. It was my job to
see them safely through this, as much as it was the job of all of us to make sure the scientists and crew got through the mission in one piece.
They were my responsibility, and I didn't take it lightly.
We waited for the rest of the crew to get suited up in their safety gear and get their masks in place, then I mashed the button for the ramp to disengage and lower to the surface.
It was an agonizing few minutes before it finally touched the ground—time during which I could feel an itching between my shoulder blades, an urge to do something, find something…but what?
I didn't know.
I ignored the antsy feeling and signaled for my men to take their positions amongst the crew. One at the back, four in the middle, and me in front. I led the way down the ramp.
The second my boot touched the ground, I felt it again: that tingling, buzzing sensation filling my whole body.
The stirring in my soul. A sense of…of belonging.
It rushed through me, filling me and leaving me disoriented. I pushed through it, determined not to let anyone else see that I'd been affected just in case they weren't as well, and continued on.
Leading the way so everyone could get off the ship.
But I couldn't shake that feeling.
I was supposed to come here.
I realized it with a jolt, and the thought felt so right. As if I'd been destined to come to this planet.
Something had brought me here, and I wanted…no, I needed to know what it was.
I had a purpose, for the first time in a long time.
Xiva
A fresh wave of pain took hold of me, pinning my arms and legs in place and holding me still so that I could do nothing but ride it out. It felt like ages had passed since the pain had begun, but there was nothing I could do about it. There was no way to fight it, no way to escape.
Why won't you take this pain away? I beseeched the gods, feeling tears brim in my eyes.
But there was no response.
Another jolt, and another, and another. It seemed to follow the pattern of…footsteps?
No, that didn't make sense. But I could feel myself growing more aware, could feel my mind beginning to surface. There was something…
