by Izzy Shows
That is different. She was grieving. People do all kinds of things when they're grieving, and you can't hold it against them.
She walked a few paces away from me rather briskly, and then promptly sat down. She looked up at me expectantly, patting the floor beside her.
I arched an eyebrow. We were doing this on the ground?
Fine.
With a sigh, I walked over to her and took a seat, crossing my legs.
She scooted closer to me, resting the book half on her thigh and half on mine. We were so close that our shoulders were touching, and I could feel her body heat melting into mine.
Don't think about it. Don't think about how close she is. No time for distractions.
She read a line from the book, pointing to each word as she spoke.
I frowned, looking down at the book with narrowed eyes. "I don't know how to read this, lady."
She made a small, impatient sound and repeated herself.
"All right, all right, I'll give it a go," I said, sighing. "Ishnok, vagooshtay, vee…veemos."
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye after every word and caught her biting her lip to hide a smile.
"Hey, this is not an opportunity for you to laugh at me making a fool out of myself," I said, frowning.
She shook her head, patting me on the arm, and smiled. Then she pointed at the book again and read the same line.
We went back and forth like that for what felt like hours, repeating lines at each other. I didn't think I was ever going to get any of it right—she kept finding little things to nitpick, one syllable pronounced the wrong way, and I was beginning to feel like it was hopeless.
After all, you can't expect a guy to learn a language in twenty minutes, right?
She's not asking you to learn a whole language. She wants you to mimic her for five minutes, that's all.
Right. I just had to figure out the sounds and repeat them back to her. I didn't have to know what I was saying.
I focused a little harder on it, really trying to get the sounds right.
After what felt like the ten thousandth time, she made another irritated noise and put the book to the side. Then she shifted so she was sitting in front of me.
I arched an eyebrow. "I really don't think we're ready for a test run."
She said something sharply, cutting her hand through the air—all right, so she wasn't fucking around.
She tapped right beside one of my eyes, and then tapped her lips.
I frowned and shook my head. "I don't understand."
She did it again, then she repeated the first word of the first line of the chant, her fingers staying right beside her lips the entire time. I realized that she was speaking much slower now, enunciating every syllable in the word.
Oh.
"You want me to mimic the way you move your mouth," I said. "Gotcha. I think I can do that."
Or at least I hoped I could do that.
We went over the chant again the new way, and I paid special attention to the way she moved her lips, trying to get mine to behave in the same way. If I could just get it right…
It didn't help that every five seconds, I was thinking about how soft her lips looked.
Stop. Fucking. Thinking. Like. That.
Right. It was really getting ridiculous. I shook my head, eyes darting down to the floor and then back up at her. She was frowning at me, and she said something else I didn't understand.
"Sorry," I muttered. "Let's keep going."
And then I tried the first line of the chant on my own—and her lips spread into the brightest smile I'd ever seen. I couldn't deny the warmth it kindled in my soul to see that, especially considering how broken she'd been a little while ago.
She clasped hands with me, nodding vigorously, and parted her lips.
Together, we started the chant again. We went through it three more times, me faltering a few of them.
But the fourth time, I felt it.
Like something charging inside of me, a coil being wrapped tightly around and around, like a blaster that might go off any second.
Her eyes sparkled, and she was looking at me so intensely that I knew that she could feel it too.
She let go of my hands and jumped to her feet, talking rapidly, clearly excited. Without waiting, she grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet. Shit, for a tiny woman, she was really fucking strong. I was a heavy man, all muscle, and she had pulled me up without much effort.
But she wasn't pausing to take any of that in.
She gripped my forearms, and I gripped hers, knowing that was what she wanted. She took a deep breath and nodded at me, and I couldn't help but smile and nod back at her.
Together, we started the chant again.
The charging, coiling sensation came back, stronger this time.
And then the wind started whipping around us like a goddamned hurricane. Her hair flew wildly about her face, strands of it thrashing against her skin, but she gave it no mind.
Her skin was pulsing, the blue turning vibrant, then muted, then vibrant again, in time with the chant. I looked down at our arms where we were clasped together and saw a golden glow starting there.
It spread up our arms until it contained the two of us, and I knew it was spreading out.
The charging kept hold of me, kept going, kept pushing, and God above, it felt so good.
I had never felt so alive! Holy shit, this was amazing. Better than any drug on the market. It was goddamn euphoric.
A cry was torn from her lips at the same time that a shout was torn from mine, and I felt it expanding and leaving us.
The energy rippled out of us, slowly at first, then like a tsunami wave, pouring off the both of us and leaving us powerless to do anything but keep chanting, keep holding one another. If we let go, the world would end; I could feel it.
I didn't want the feeling to go away, didn't want to let go of the energy, but I knew I had to. I gave up the last of it, and there was a deafening boom.
We stood there gasping for air, holding one another. And then she started to laugh, tipping her head back, a deep, throaty sound that went straight to my groin.
I felt empty, but also more sure. More sure than I'd ever felt in my life.
Like I was alive for the first time in a long time.
Was this how she felt all the time, with that energy inside her?
It was like the best damned orgasm I'd ever had.
Without thinking, I reached for her, the euphoria still churning inside me—a need to celebrate burning in my core.
But something flickered in her eyes, and she jumped away from me, letting go of my arms as if she'd been burned.
And just like that, it was like she'd thrown water on the fire in my soul. I felt myself close off to her.
Fine. She didn't want to be touched.
I had to remember that.
Kaidan
The journey home was uneventful, and for that I was happy.
I was conflicted inside, not knowing how to feel one way or the other.
I did magic. I actually… Magic is real. Fuck. Holy fuck, it's real.
That was about the extent of my thoughts the entire way home, with the odd break to say a word or two to the others. I wanted to talk to Xiva, needed to talk to her, but she had kept her distance from me.
I didn't know when I would get the opportunity, but I was damned sure going to find it.
But the welcome we received when we got back to base drove those thoughts out of my mind. To say it was chilly was an understatement. Oh, sure, they were polite enough to me, and to Walter, and to Mercy.
But the suspicion in their eyes when they looked at Xiva… They didn't say a word to her, but their look said it all.
I shoved it to the back of my mind; it wasn't terribly important. Of course they would feel odd about her. She was an alien they didn't know anything about, not even her species, and that was bound to make them uncomfortable.
No, what I cared about was
finding a moment alone with Xiva to talk about the spell we'd worked together.
Goddamn, I can't believe I thought that. A spell. We did a spell together.
I still wasn't over it. The thought itself was enough to drive me insane, but I couldn't put it out of my head. I couldn't stop thinking about the euphoria that had come over me while we were working magic together.
It had felt so good, so right, to chant with her. I had felt a yearning inside of me, as if some piece of me was reaching for something, but I'd been too caught up with everything else I was feeling to examine it at the time.
I’d been too caught up in the way it had charged every inch of me like a blaster about to go off, the way the spell had left me somehow empty and full at the same time when it ended, and the euphoric pleasure that had rocked my body when it was done.
But that memory was always followed by the way Xiva had leapt away from me the second I reached for her, like I had a hot brand in my hand and was going to stab her with it. That had hurt.
I was man enough to admit that, as stupid as it was, and I wanted to know why she'd reacted that way.
Hadn't she felt it, too? She had to.
But that could wait. Those weren't the answers I needed. I didn't need to talk to her about that. I needed to know more about what she could do, if there was more I could do.
I needed to get her alone for five minutes to try to talk to her. Yeah, it would be damned annoying—we didn't speak the same language, so I could imagine how well that conversation would go—but it was necessary.
I'd try to learn her language if I had to, just to get her to tell me about the magic.
Who would have thought magic was real? My life, my everything, has been turned upside down.
But I couldn't let go of the knowledge now that I had it. I couldn't possibly walk away from knowing that magic was something that existed in the universe, that it was something I could do.
There was no way you could learn something like that and let it go.
But getting Xiva alone was proving to be more difficult than I would have expected. The trip to the temple hadn't been the coziest time; I'd been a grumpy asshole the entire time, and she'd cold-shouldered me too, but I would have thought that the trip back, after what we had done together, would be different.
It wasn't. She'd been withdrawn the entire time. In fact, I'd say she'd been looking for excuses to avoid me.
I hadn't wanted to say anything in front of Walter or Mercy—somehow, it seemed too private—but now that we were back on base, I was feeling antsy. I needed to talk to her, and I didn't know how to break down the wall that had been erected between us.
It had to be because I had reached for her after the spell, because I had almost touched her. Or maybe it was because of the way I'd held her in the temple, before we did the spell. Whichever it was, I was pretty sure it was related to our physical proximity, because she hadn’t seemed happy about it.
If only I could tell her it didn't mean anything, that I'd only reached for her after the spell because of the euphoria that had rocked through my body, driving me to almost a primal state.
It wasn't like I actually wanted her.
I felt a door opening inside my head, the start of a thought coming out, and abruptly slammed it closed before the thought could get started. Whatever it was about to be, I already knew I didn't want to go down that road.
Luckily for me, I didn't have to. Anders was waiting for us at the junction of one of the tunnels, clearly intent on heading us off before we split up.
"Sir," I said, nodding to him.
"Norton, welcome back." His smile was strained. "A moment, please."
"Of course." I stepped toward him, and at the same time Walter and Mercy started to head down one of the tunnels that led off from the main one—Xiva seemed to be wavering, unsure whom to follow—but Anders stopped them before a decision could be made.
"If you'd wait a moment while I speak to Norton, thank you," he said, and it was clear from his tone that although it had been worded as a request, it really wasn't one.
Both of them looked surprised, but they backed up anyway, without any protest. Anders was the man in charge, and everyone had pretty much fallen into the understanding that on an alien planet, it would do everyone well to treat the leader's word as law. It was the only way to keep unnecessary tension from breaking out.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Xiva frowning at Walter, confusion in her exotic eyes. He gestured for her to join them, and she seemed a little relieved to know where to go.
"I trust your trip went well?"
"Yes, sir," I said. "There was a brief skirmish when we ran into some pirates, but they were easy enough to subdue. No doubt they were simply opportunists, and I doubt they had friends who will come looking for them. All the same, I'll be alerting my men. No one should be going to the dig site without guards for a while."
"Very good, very good," he said, nodding.
I waited patiently, knowing that wasn't the reason he had called me over. He had something to say, and he’d get around to it whenever he was ready. Any prodding from me wouldn't help the situation along at all. That was just the way it worked.
With a sigh, he finally broke.
"The alien has been given a room on base." He didn't sound particularly pleased about that. "If you could escort her there, I'd appreciate it."
"Of course, sir. I'll show her where she'll be staying tonight, and—"
"No, Norton, I want her brought there now, where she's going to stay. She's not to leave her quarters without my say-so."
Immediately, I felt my hackles rise, and I wanted to protest, but I swallowed the words before they could reach my lips.
Orders are orders. You don't question orders.
But why was she being confined? It didn't sit well with me. Xiva hadn't done a damned thing that would call for that kind of reaction. But I knew there was nothing I could say or do to change Anders' mind about this. He'd made a decision, and I had to stand behind it.
Anything less would lead to anarchy, and we couldn't have that on base.
"Yes, sir," I said tightly.
"Very good. You're dismissed."
He started to leave.
"Sir?"
He turned back to me. "Yes?"
"Her name is Xiva," I said, tasting her name on my lips like a delectable desert.
The look on his face was a little surprised, a little confused. "All right, then. Please show Xiva to her room."
And then he left.
He got her name wrong, I thought, but I didn't say anything. One look at Xiva told me she was thinking the same thing, which had a corner of my lips twitching as if I wanted to smile.
I sighed. This wasn't going to be a pleasant experience.
I hated that I was the one who had to confine her.
Xiva
What's going on in his mind?
I couldn't help but want to know. The warrior's face showed clear signs of displeasure, but he didn't say a word to either Walter or Mersssssee about it, much to my confusion. He had seemed to be warming up to Walter through the rest of the trip, so why wouldn't he share with him what was so troublesome?
It must have been something the leader had said.
Gods, I wish I understood the language.
The warrior walked back to me and said something briskly to the other two, then gestured for me to follow him.
But Walter started to argue with him, his voice rising both in volume and tone to a level that made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't like the two of them arguing, not after we had found peace on the trip home.
Peace that you didn't do much to uphold.
The thought hissed at me in the back of my mind, and I felt my cheeks color at the reminder. I had held myself distant from the warrior as much as possible, out of fear of encouraging his proximity any further. It was dangerous—my reaction to him was completely unacceptable, and I didn't know any other way to handle it.
&
nbsp; But that didn't mean I didn't want to talk to him. The moment we had shared in the temple had been beautiful.
Beautiful and dangerous, and that was why I needed to keep my distance.
I turned my attention back to the two men to see that Walter was quickly running out of steam, but the warrior still hadn't said a word. He was staring Walter down, ever-patient, as if he had all the time in the world.
Anyone who looked at the two of them would have found the warrior quite frightening, I was sure. His eyes were flat, his lips were set in a grim line, and the scars on his face did him no favors toward endearing himself to others. But I could see a hint of exhaustion in his eyes and the lines of resignation etched into his face.
He wasn't happy about what was happening, but he felt like he had no choice in the matter—that was why he wasn’t arguing with Walter.
It saddened me, weighing on my heart like a stone, for reasons I couldn't comprehend.
At last, Walter deflated, apparently having given up the argument.
It was only then that the warrior spoke. He reached out a hand and touched Walter gently on the shoulder, saying something almost softly in that harsh language of his. Walter looked up at him, shaking his head, and shrugged off his hand.
And then Walter and Mersssssee left, with only an apologetic glance at me.
I tried not to panic, having been left alone with the warrior, but it was impossible to ignore him now. I had seen quite clearly that he'd wanted to interact with me on the trip back to the base, and I had done my best to avoid it.
Now, it was just the two of us.
But to my great surprise, he didn't take the opportunity to speak. Instead, he let out a heavy sigh and gestured again for me to follow him, then turned and walked away.
I had no choice but to follow. Where else could I go?
It was a silent walk, which should have made me happy—I needed that distance—but instead it left me feeling lonely. I had gotten used to the constant chatter of Walter and Mersssssee during our trip to and from the temple, and now, though there were sounds of occupation throughout the tunnels we walked, I felt isolated. Alone.
