I only hoped that if she could see me now that she would be proud of the man I have become.
Hearing the crowd applaud, I knew that Chris was finished and it was my turn. Chris came walking backstage with a bright smile lighting his freckled face.
“Good job!” I said to him as I patted him on the back. He thanked me and wished me luck.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. This is for you, Mom. Opening my eyes, I gripped my cello and walked out onstage.
Chapter Five
Michael
I applauded as the red-haired boy finished his song and stood up from the piano bench, taking a short bow. Why the fuck am I here? I thought.
“He was good, don’t you think? Not as good as my Alan, you’ll see.” I turned my head to look at Richard, the reason I was here. Richard was a colleague of mine who I didn’t hate as much as all the others. We had worked together on a big drug case a few months back and had become good acquaintances.
He was in his mid-forties and was very friendly, and he also had a son who was performing tonight. We hadn’t discussed it much, but I assumed that he didn’t have many friends. His wife had left him for another man and only came around when it involved their son.
When he had asked me to accompany him to a music recital, to say I was thrilled was a major overstatement. I tolerated people because I had to for my job. However, I tried to limit my social interactions to just the necessary meetings with clients, business talk with colleagues, and my frequent one night stands. Not much talking ever occurred with the latter, which was exactly what I preferred.
“I’m sure your son will be excellent.” I smiled, if you could call it that, at him and then averted my eyes back to the stage, where a few stagehands were setting up the scene for the next performance. A few minutes later, the lights dimmed in the audience as a bright light shown on a single chair in the center of the stage. Footsteps sounded as the next performer left the confines of the backstage to have their moment of glory.
That’s when I first laid eyes on him.
My breath caught in my throat as I witnessed the most beautiful man I had ever seen emerge from the shadows and take a seat in the chair, directly in the spotlight. He was dressed very professionally, with a not-so-subtle hint of style. A well-fitted black suit covered his lean upper body, complimented with matching pants, and a flashy purple tie. His blond hair was styled in an array of soft spikes around the crown of his head, with his bangs swooped to the left side, framing his flawless face. The man’s eyes were lined with black eyeliner and he had a purple eye shadow on his lids that matched the color of his tie. I secretly thanked Richard in my head for insisting that I meet him here so early to get front row seats.
From my seat, I could see the man perfectly. Glancing down briefly at my pamphlet, I skimmed down the list of names until I found what I was looking for. His name was Gabriel–which I thought fit him immaculately– and he was going to be playing Bach’s Cello Suite Number One in G Major, which consisted of both the Prelude and the Allemande as well.
Holy fuck.
Setting a cello between his legs, he adjusted the endpin at the bottom to position it in accordance to his height and then readied his bow. I caught a quick glimpse of his arm faintly shaking as his chest rose in a manner that suggested he was taking deep, calming breaths. In an instant, the nerves were gone and in their place was an aura of confidence. Taking one last deep breath, Gabriel began playing.
The music that drifted from him caused my mouth to slightly open in astonishment. The way his right arm moved the bow flawlessly across the strings seemed effortless. My eyes lifted from his beautiful hands and moved to his face. His eyes were fixated on the strings, watching his left hand as it moved swiftly along the spine of the cello in a way that almost seemed inhuman. As the music transitioned to minor notes, Gabriel closed his eyes and swayed his head to the sweet melody he was creating with such heartfelt passion that I could feel myself being put under his spell.
He was the definition of perfection.
My thoughts were confusing and so out of character for me. Never in my life had any man ever possessed such a hold on me. And definitely not a man that I had never even spoken to. His namesake suited him, Gabriel really was an angel. I was nowhere near a religious man, but I remembered the name from one of my many philosophical books. The angel Gabriel was God’s Messenger who was the bringer of news and who possessed a captivating light, and who was said to have exuded a soft, nurturing strength.
And the Gabriel that was placed before me possessed that light and delicate divine gift, it was unmistakable.
But, it was evident that I could never have him, for the dark was no place for an angel, and my demons would taint his beauty. He was so far out of my reach that only in dreams would I ever be able to touch his light.
Too soon, his song finished and he stood from his chair. I didn’t hear the applause or the cheers of the audience, although I knew they were yelling for him. All sound around me temporarily muted as I watched a small smile form on his angelic face. Grabbing his instrument, he bowed. The feelings this man awoke within me scared me. A possessive need to have Gabriel overwhelmed my senses as I saw him turn and walk away. Please don’t walk away. An ache twisted in my chest once he had disappeared from my sight.
I wrote it off in my head as the most intense lust I had ever experienced. That could be the only logical explanation. Maybe it was a sign that it had been too long since I last fucked. Yes, that must be it.
Work had been kicking my ass lately, taking up all of my time and I hadn’t been able to seek out that quick release that helped keep me sane. Mostly sane, anyway. There were some things that even a quick screw couldn’t fix.
“Wow, that kid was good. I got goosebumps,” Richard spoke in a loud whisper. “But Alan is up next and I think he can totally show that kid up.”
“I’m sure he will.” I highly doubt it.
Alan came out next playing the piano, but I don’t recall much from his performance. In comparison to Gabriel, everything else just seemed mediocre at best. Thankfully, Richard’s son was the last performer so the show ended quickly. I needed to get out of there. Pulling Richard aside, I thanked him for inviting me.
“Thank you for coming, Michael. I know you weren’t too excited about it, but I’m glad you came.” He nodded at me and shook my hand. I raised my eyebrows at him, surprised that he was more observant than he seemed. I thought I had hidden my disdain quite well.
“I apologize if I seemed rude. I really did enjoy myself.” That wasn’t a complete lie. I enjoyed watching my angel perform. My angel? Where the fuck did that thought come from? “I’ll see you Monday at the office.” I turned from him and then halted.
There he was. Just a few feet away.
Gabriel was saying goodbye to an attractive woman with medium length, reddish-brown hair. My curiosity was piqued. Who was she? After she walked off, Gabriel turned back around and was standing with two men, one of them older– his father?– and the other one looked to be just a little older than Gabriel and was very handsome. All of them were smiling, and the older man looked as if he had tears in his eyes. A spark of jealousy hit me square in the face as I thought of who the younger man could be. His boyfriend? A low growl formed in my throat at that thought. What the fuck? I needed to get out of there before I did something fucking stupid.
As if sensing my eyes on him, Gabriel glanced up and locked gazes with mine. Time seemed to freeze at that moment. My heart pounded almost painfully in my chest as I looked into his eyes. From this close, I noticed that his eyes were a stunning shade of light blue. They made a very beautiful contrast to his features.
The way he stared at me, I could almost believe that he felt the same unexplainable connection between us as I felt. As if we were two magnets that couldn’t help but to be drawn together.
People say that when you find your soulmate, everything just clicks together in your head and you feel like you have found th
e missing part of yourself, the missing part of your soul. I wasn’t sure if I believed in the concept of soulmates, but in that moment, almost anything seemed possible, as long as Gabriel was there with me. He broke eye contact first and glanced back at the older man, answering a question that I hadn’t heard. Just like that, all hope disappeared. He hadn’t felt anything, I was sure of it.
I never saw him look back.
Abruptly, I started walking for the exit, almost desperate to be alone and in my own space. Life was a cruel bitch. I knew that I’d probably never see Gabriel again and that revelation felt like a punch to my gut. It was my destiny to have such beauty put before me, just to have to watch it drift away.
Finally back home, I took a hot shower, trying to relieve the tense muscles at the base of my neck and shoulders. I was suddenly agitated and my blood was boiling. After a while, the sensation of the water plummeting down on me only added to my frustration. Hastily flipping off the water, I grabbed a towel and wiped myself off before wrapping it around my waist and exiting the shower. Grabbing my toothbrush, I squeezed some toothpaste on it and began brushing vigorously. A little too vigorously because the rusty, metallic taste of blood landed on my tongue, causing me to spit. I was a fucking mess over someone I never even spoke two words to.
Begrudgingly, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror.
Dark green eyes were set into a pale face, framed by short, slightly tousled, raven-black hair. My eyes trailed from my face and down to my chest, filling me with a repulsive urge to claw at my skin to try and hide the marks that were now a permanent part of me. Burn marks covered my chest, along with deep cuts that had turned into rugged and jagged scars. The scars wrapped around and covered the vast majority of my upper back as well and left almost no area untouched. Even after all these years, I could still feel them being burned into my skin as if it was yesterday. I could still remember the way the blade felt as it was unmercifully and forcefully sliced into my skin. The sense of hopelessness I had felt almost every day of my childhood was still ever present in my mind. My mother was a cruel woman… and I had been her puppet.
I was hideous.
I was unworthy of love because I had never been shown it. If my own mother never loved me, who else ever could? My wretched soul yearned for salvation, but who could ever see past my scars and accept me for who I am?
My life was destined to be filled with meaningless one-night stands. I never let the men touch me– or see me. I would always take them with them on their knees and with me positioned behind them, driving into them wildly until we both reached our climaxes. I always made sure that they enjoyed it, I wasn’t cruel. But, there were certain rules that had to be followed. No touching was one of those rules. No kissing was another.
Fuck this shit.
It was just past nine o’clock on a Saturday night and I wasn’t going to sit and sulk in my house. I needed a distraction, a distraction from the emptiness that was ever-present in my chest. I just wanted to feel something. Anything. Something other than the numbness that consumed me when I saw those striking blue eyes staring back at me from the shadows of my mind.
There was a gay club called Raw that I frequented when I needed a quick hook-up and to forget about my sad excuse of an existence for a while. Pulling on a black, quarter-sleeve, button-up shirt and dark-wash jeans, I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed out the door.
Chapter Six
Gabriel
Everything seemed so surreal. I not only got through my performance with no mistakes, I also had countless people approach me and congratulate me, saying that I had brought them to tears. Damn, this felt fucking fantastic! All of the nerves I had felt earlier just seemed silly now. Another thing that made this night even better was that Dad and my brother were here with me. After I got off the stage, my dad had pulled me into the biggest hug of my life and told me how damn proud he was of me. Hell, I was proud of myself. I was on cloud nine.
Melissa came running up to me and threw her arms around me. “Gabriel, that was phenomenal!” Her dark, hazel eyes beamed as she spoke. She then proceeded to plant kisses on my cheek.
I laughed and said, “Oh, yes. Bow down before the great and almighty Glamorous Gabe.”
That remark caused her to smack my arm. “You arrogant ass.”
I batted my long lashes at her. “You love it.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” she said and then raised her eyebrows as if asking me to call her bluff. I knew she was joking, though, she loved me. I mean, who couldn’t?
“Hey, Melissa,” my dad greeted her and then patted her on the back. They had met a few months ago when I first started hanging out with Melissa, and my dad loved her to pieces. “You been doin’ alright?”
She smiled at him and nodded. “Nice to see you again, David. I’ve been good. Can’t complain much.”
“Good to hear. You been keepin’ Gabe here out of trouble?” Dad asked. I rolled my eyes. Trouble? I was a freaking angel.
Melissa laughed. “You know how Gabe is. He dances to the beat of his own glammed-out drum. No one can really keep him from doing anything.”
Well, that was true.
“He takes after his mother on that.” My dad chuckled and then looked at me with joy in the blue depths of his eyes.
“Hello, Zach,” Melissa greeted my brother and then turned back toward my dad. “It was great seeing you again, but I have to be going. My dog has been left alone for too long and if I don’t get home soon, I fear I’ll return to a chaotic disaster.”
I snickered and then gave her a hug. “Thanks for coming, Mel. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, hun.”
I watched her leave and then turned toward my dad and Zach. As I stood talking to them, something felt– I don’t know how to describe it– off. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end and I felt like I was being watched. Looking up, that’s when I saw him. The man– a very, very sexy man– was standing a few feet away and his eyes were intently focused on me. His black hair was cut short, but not too short. It was definitely long enough to grab onto in the throes of passion.
Get your head out of the gutter, Gabe.
His face was amazingly sculpted, with high cheek bones, a masculine and sexy jawline, and luscious lips. His bottom lip was full and I just wanted to– Oh my god! Calm down. In other words, the man was fucking gorgeous. He was tall, maybe around six-foot-four, with broad shoulders and a muscular chest that was obvious, even though it was concealed under his suit. I was already imagining the things I wanted to do to him.
Although, there was something else I felt as well, something I couldn’t quite put my acrylic fingernail on.
“How about some dinner? On me, of course,” My dad spoke, causing me to break eye contact with Mr. Sexy.
“Sure! I’m starved. I was too nervous to eat much today and I think it’s finally catching up with me.”
Zach laughed and nudged my arm. “Yeah, says the dude who devoured like six sugar-infested donuts this morning. I’m surprised your suit still fit.” He mocked me.
I dramatically popped open my mouth and placed a hand on my cocked hip. “Oh no, you didn’t just go there.”
My dad started chuckling and interrupted our playful banter, “Alright, you two drama queens. Let’s go get some grub.”
***
Dad took Zach and me to one of my favorite restaurants called Pad Thai Cuisine, which as the name suggests, is a Thai place. It was nothing fancy, just a small building located right beside a family grocery store and a pizza place. The feng shui of the restaurant is simple, with cream colored walls, hanging lamps, and oriental paintings that added a nice flair of artistic expression. The tables and booths were spaced out nicely, giving everyone their own little area of privacy.
The waitress came to our table and took our food orders after bringing out our drinks. Opening my straw, I jabbed it in the glass and began sipping my half-sweet tea. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was, so th
e cold liquid felt amazing as it slid down my throat.
“So, you seeing anyone special, Gabe?”
I looked up at my dad and wiped my mouth before responding. I was casually seeing a few people, but sex buddies didn’t count for what he was asking. Shaking my head, I answered, “No. Not really. No one has really caught my eye yet.” My thoughts automatically drifted to the man I saw earlier tonight. He definitely caught my eye.
“Aw, little bro. Your Mr. Fabulous is out there somewhere.” Zach gave me his notorious dimpled grin and then took a long, loud gulp of his Pepsi.
“Actually, I’m the fabulous one. My man will have to be called Mr. Bodacious or something like that.”
My dad snorted into his drink as he started laughing. “Oh, Gabriel.”
He shook his head, his pepper colored hair falling into his face. The wrinkles around his eyes creased as he smiled at me, his blue eyes were bright and amused. Even though my dad was in his late forties, he still had a full head of hair and his wrinkles were only proof of the countless times he had laughed throughout his life.
There had been a shit load of sadness in his life too, though.
From the moment we had found out about Mom’s death six years ago, something had shifted in my dad, like a piece of his soul had died along with her. There has never been a love like the love that was between my mom and dad. Since her death, Dad hasn’t even looked at another woman. One time, I asked him about it. I asked him why he hadn’t tried finding love again and his response has stayed with me to this day.
“Son,” he said with a sad smile, “Whenever you find true love, your heart becomes one with that person. Now that your mother is gone, she has taken that part of my heart with her. I don’t want anyone else because she is the only woman who has ever and will ever have my heart. To try and give it to someone else would not only be an impossibility, it would also be unfair to the other woman.”
Michael's Awakening Page 3
