Go to bed, Nicola.
She went to bed.
* * *
‘What’s your New Year resolution, Nicola, darling?’
Nicola started when Verity directed the question at her. It shouldn’t have; almost everyone else in the room had taken a turn. Verity wanted to learn Irish dancing. Keith wanted to complete a marathon. Dee wanted to lose weight, which had made everyone laugh with its predictability and droll delivery.
Nicola planned to incorporate a lot of changes into her life when she returned to Melbourne, but what would she choose as her New Year resolution? It had to be something special.
‘You don’t have to tell us if it’s too personal, darling.’
‘Oh, it’s not that. It’s just...’ She pushed her shoulders back. ‘This year I want to make my resolution matter, and I want to keep it.’
She could feel Cade’s eyes on her—their penetrating heat and intelligence. She refused to turn and meet his gaze, afraid of what her face might reveal. They’d carefully skirted around each other this week, kept their dealings short and professional, had never once mentioned their out of control Christmas kiss, but she suspected one look would reveal the desire she tried to keep in check. If an answering desire flared in his eyes she’d be lost. And she didn’t want to be lost.
‘Okay.’ She straightened in her easy chair—she and Cade didn’t share a sofa any more. ‘This year I will not avoid confrontation if keeping the peace is at my own expense. This last year has shown me that keeping the peace for everyone else’s sake is not always good for me.’
‘Wow,’ Dee breathed. ‘That’s a tough one.’
Nicola wrinkled her nose. ‘Especially as I hate confrontation.’
‘You’ve made me feel shallow.’
‘Oh, and I forgot to add that I want to lose five kilos too.’
As she hoped, everyone laughed.
‘Cade, darling, what’s your resolution?’
She could still feel his gaze on her. She schooled her face and turned her head to meet it.
‘Nicola has taught me something this last month.’
She had? He smiled and it was so unexpected she had to smile back. Everyone leaned forward, eager to hear what he had to say.
‘I directed all my energies into making Christmas wonderful for the girls—for everyone else too, but primarily for the girls.’
They all nodded.
‘I realise now I should be directing my energies into making the rest of the year just as good.’
The breath whooshed out of her. She’d taught him that?
‘It’s time to look to the future instead of the past. That’s what I’ll be working on this year.’
‘Amen,’ Verity said softly. ‘Ooh, look, it’s nearly time for the countdown to midnight. Keith and Cade, top up everyone’s glasses while I turn on the radio.’
They all stood and counted down the final ten seconds to midnight and the brand new year. Nicola prayed that this year she would be able to hold her head high and prove her worth—to herself. It had become less and less important to prove it to anyone else.
‘Happy New Year!’ all of Cade’s family called out, clinking champagne flutes. Then there were hugs and kisses.
‘Happy New Year, Nicola.’ Cade kissed her cheek and then backed off in super-quick time.
‘Happy New Year,’ she said, fighting a sense of awkwardness. ‘Nice resolution, boss man.’
‘Right back at you,’ he returned.
He grinned. She smiled. And the awkwardness slipped away and it felt as if their friendship was back on track. And it felt right...even if she had to tamp down on the desire that threaded through her.
‘Okay, bedtime for me,’ Verity declared. ‘Especially if I’m to wake in time for the traditional New Year trek.’
Nicola glanced at Verity. ‘Traditional trek?’
They all turned to stare at her. ‘Hasn’t anybody mentioned Lake Campbell to you, darling?’
Umm...no.
At her blank look, Cade said, ‘Every New Year’s Day we pack a picnic and head out to the lake. It’s a bit of a trek as the lake is two hours away, but...’
‘But the children love it,’ Dee said, picking up where Cade left off. ‘The swimming and the change of scenery.’
‘So do the adults.’ Verity smiled. ‘I know you’re used to the coast and the seaside, but the lake is a lovely place to swim, and it’s a beautiful spot. I promise you’ll enjoy it.’
‘I don’t doubt that for a moment. It sounds lovely,’ Nicola said. It would be wonderful to experience more of this compelling Outback landscape. ‘You’ll have to excuse me from the swimming, though. I’m afraid I didn’t bring a swimming costume.’ She hadn’t expected to need one.
‘The kids won’t let you get away with that,’ Dee said. ‘You’ve become too firm a favourite. Besides, we play lots of water games and it would be a shame to sit those out. I’ll lend you a cossie. We’re about the same size.’ She suddenly chuckled. ‘After all, I did bring four with me.’
Keith shook his head. ‘The woman has no concept of packing light.’
Dee slapped him playfully and then her eyes gleamed in a way that reminded Nicola of Cade. ‘In fact, I know the exact costume that would suit you best.’
All through this exchange she was aware of Cade’s watchful surveillance. The thought of appearing in front of him in a swimsuit... Something inside her trembled. She forced a smile. ‘Lovely, thank you.’
As they all drifted away to their separate bedrooms to retire for the night, it occurred to her that tomorrow Cade would appear before her in nothing but a swimsuit as well.
She couldn’t quite stamp out the anticipation that threaded through her.
* * *
‘What do you think?’ Cade asked as she climbed from the ute.
For a moment Nicola couldn’t form a coherent sentence. The wild beauty of Cade’s lake stole her breath. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined that such a place could exist, or that she’d ever be lucky enough to visit it.
They’d arrived along a long, low, green-brown plain that had extended for mile upon mile and had lulled her with its unending monotony, but that was all at her back. In front of her stretched a large lake, bordered on its far side by a wall of orange and yellow rock that curved at least halfway around towards them. Not even a breeze ruffled the calm surface of the water that reflected back the sky’s perfect blue. Paper daisies dotted the shore and a flock of pink cockatoos squalled in a stand of tall skinny gum trees off to her left. ‘It’s an oasis,’ she breathed.
Holly’s imperious squeal from her child’s seat in the back of the car had her swinging away from the amazing view. ‘I’ll get her,’ Cade said, grinning at whatever he saw in her face.
Ella slipped her hand into Nicola’s. ‘This is one of my favourite places ever.’
‘Mine too,’ Nicola found herself agreeing.
* * *
It was an almost perfect day. Everyone was in a determined holiday mood and, as Verity explained to her, this really was the last hurrah for their holiday. Tomorrow, she, Dee, Keith and the twins would be returning to Brisbane and ‘the real world’ as she called it.
The borrowed swimsuit wasn’t an exercise in self-conscious agony either. For a start, it wasn’t the bikini she’d feared but a one-piece that nipped her in nicely at the waist, even if the bust line plunged much lower than she was used to.
The expres
sion on Cade’s face when he first saw her in it made that more than worthwhile. It made her feel beautiful, glamorous even. And then she’d taken in his bare chest and shoulders—the latent power and strength of him on display—and heat had shimmered between them with a dangerous intensity that had held them both in thrall.
Someone’s laughter had broken the spell. Cade had turned and plunged into the lake and Nicola had been able to breathe again. After that they were careful to avoid eye contact.
They all swam. They joked and laughed. They played water cricket. They relaxed on the shore and demolished the picnic Harry had packed for them. When offered, Nicola took two whole handfuls of chocolate sultanas and savoured every single one of them. They dozed under makeshift shelters during the worst of the heat and then swam again.
And all the while Nicola was aware of Cade’s compelling presence. Of his ease and patience with the children. Of his courtesy to his mother and sister...and to her. And of the undisputed beauty of his body.
In the evening the men built a contained campfire. Not for warmth but to toast marshmallows. It was the perfect end to the perfect day.
Ella planted herself on Nicola’s lap, her head resting in the hollow of Nicola’s shoulder. Her clean wholesome smell, her soft weight, stirred all of Nicola’s not so latent maternal instincts and created an ache deep inside.
She did her best to ignore it. One day maybe she’d be lucky enough to have a little girl as loving and trusting as Ella. She pulled Ella close for a hug and to plant a kiss on the crown of her head.
‘I had the best day in the world, Nic.’
‘Me too, sweetie.’
The child was silent for a while and Nicola thought she’d fallen asleep. ‘I wish you were my mummy.’
Ella’s words were clear in the evening air and rang out around the circle they’d formed about the campfire. Nicola didn’t dare look at any of the other adults. Not that she would’ve seen them for the sudden tears that blinded her. She blinked hard, but nothing could clear the ache that stretched her throat...or the bigger one settling in her chest.
‘Honey...’ she swallowed ‘...I think that’s just about the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.’
Ella suddenly straightened. ‘Daddy, you could marry Nic. I know you like her because I saw you kissing her.’
CHAPTER TEN
ELLA’S innocently revealing words punched the air from Cade’s lungs, robbing him of the ability to speak. It was all he could do to stay upright and not fall face first in the dirt.
To his infinite relief, his mother and Dee tactfully started to pack things away in preparation for the return journey. They didn’t raise enquiring or teasing eyebrows in his direction or shoot him sidelong glances. He loved them for the space they gave him, the way they respected his privacy. He’d neglected them this last year and they’d borne it without complaint. He would never be able to thank them enough for their patience.
It didn’t mean he could move to help them clean up now, though. It didn’t mean he could think of anything to say to ease the situation.
I wish you were my mummy. The words froze him all over again. His temples throbbed. His eyes ached. All he could do was stare at Nicola and pray that...
What? That she could make this right?
I wish you were my mummy. He swallowed the bile that burned acid in his throat.
He had no idea how Nicola managed to maintain her composure, but she did, and while it was true that colour heightened her cheeks, she didn’t stumble as she explained to Ella that the kiss the child had witnessed had only been a friendly kiss and that she and Daddy were just good friends. She didn’t laugh at Ella, which would’ve cut the child to the quick. He was seized with a sudden fierce desire to hug her for her easy, confident manner with his daughter. With both his daughters.
‘But I don’t want you to leave Waminda!’ Ella suddenly wailed.
A chill trickled down his spine. He should’ve seen this coming—the fact that Ella might form an attachment to her temporary nanny. He should’ve taken it into account, but he’d been too hell-bent on ensuring Christmas went off without a hitch to have considered the possibility.
Perspiration prickled his scalp, his nape, his top lip. After Fran’s desertion, it was a possibility he should’ve considered. He’d left Ella open for rejection, not just by one woman, but by two. His hands clenched. His jaw clenched. He wanted to throw his head back and howl at the mess he’d made of things.
‘I love it at Waminda too.’ Nicola’s voice sounded clear and harmonious in the evening air. It filtered through the furore raging in his mind and somehow helped to soothe it, though he didn’t know how.
‘But you always knew I had to go back to my home in Melbourne. I have to go back to see my mother and my friends...and I have to go back to my job, remember?’
‘As a schoolteacher.’ Ella nodded, evidently proud that she’d remembered.
‘But it doesn’t mean we can’t be best friends for ever, though, does it? We can write to each other—letters and emails. That’ll be fun, don’t you think?’
Ella nodded again. And then she straightened and started to bounce. ‘We could Skype!’
His four-year-old had recently discovered the joys of the Internet and particularly Skype. His lips twisted. He could forsee a Skype addiction in the future. But suddenly that didn’t seem so bad, because Ella wasn’t crying or traumatised by the thought of Nicola’s departure from Waminda.
Nicola had managed to quieten Ella’s fears and at the same time pump up the little girl’s confidence with an ease he couldn’t believe. It occurred to him then that she might have foreseen a moment like this, and had come up with a plan that she’d implemented so smoothly nobody’s feelings were hurt and all seemed right with the world. Only...
In another three weeks, Nicola would leave Waminda, and that suddenly seemed very, very wrong.
He shot to his feet and immediately set about helping with the general clearing up and packing away. They always made an effort to leave the lake and surrounding as untouched as they could.
I wish you were my mummy.
The words burned like a brand. His gaze drifted to Ella and Nicola and his heart clenched at the way Ella rested against Nicola with all the trust in her four-year-old heart. And at the way Nicola held the child as if she were the most precious thing in the world.
Ella deserved a mother—a woman who would love her and provide her with a role model.
Nicola deserved the family, the children her heart craved.
Daddy, you could marry Nic.
The insidious thought slid under his guard and chafed at him. He tried to shake it off. It was a crazy idea.
I saw you kissing her.
His mouth dried. There was no doubt whatsoever that he enjoyed kissing her. No doubt whatsoever that he’d like to do a whole lot more than kiss her.
But marry her?
He shook his head with a muttered curse and set about packing the car.
* * *
Cade, Nicola, Ella and Holly—with a little help from Nicola—waved at the plane as it took off into endless and cloudless blue sky.
Ella slipped her hand inside Cade’s. ‘I’ll miss Grandma, Daddy.’
‘Me too.’ It took him a moment to drag his gaze from the way Nicola kissed Holly’s crown and then made her giggle by tickling her. He forced himself to smile down at Ella. ‘But she’ll visit again soon,’ he assured her, us
hering them back to the car and helping Ella with her seat belt while Nicola strapped Holly into her car seat.
‘She said she’d visit for my birthday.’
He nodded as he started the car and turned it in the direction of the homestead. Dee was going to do her best to bring the boys back for a couple of days then too. He hoped he’d be able to return the favour and take Ella and Holly to visit for the twins’ birthdays later in the year.
‘Nic, can you come back for my birthday?’
Nicola stiffened. If he hadn’t been so finely attuned to her every movement he’d have missed it, it was so fleeting. But he was attuned. And he didn’t miss it.
He glanced at her sharply, but she barely met his gaze as she turned to talk to Ella in the back seat. ‘When’s your birthday, sweetie?’
‘Um...Daddy?’
‘The eleventh of March.’
Nicola shook her head. ‘That’s in term time so I won’t be able to make it.’
In the rear-vision mirror he watched the joy leach from Ella’s face.
‘But it doesn’t mean I can’t come to visit in holiday time...or that I can’t send you a present,’ she added on a teasing note.
Both assurances made Ella brighten, but they didn’t satisfy him. ‘What about Easter?’ he found himself demanding. ‘Could you come then?’
She met his gaze but he couldn’t read her expression and he had to drag his attention back to the dusty track before he drove over a mulga bush or fallen log or large rock and ripped a hole in the fuel tank or tore the muffler from the car.
‘I’m afraid not.’
‘You have plans?’ He couldn’t let it go.
‘I do.’
There was nothing left to say after that.
* * *
Something dragged Cade from the depths of sleep. He sat up in bed and tried to shake the fog from his brain so he could identify what had woken him.
The Nanny Who Saved Christmas Page 15
