“Christine, it isn’t your fault. Actually, that has nothing to do with you. I was upset that you saw her and I like that because I knew what you would think. But the truth is...”
He took a deep breath. Christine’s mind went a million directions without finding any kind of conclusion.
Finally, he said, “Remy and I met in Boston when we were both in culinary school. I was in my late twenties and she was a tiny bit younger. We hit it off, but it wasn’t anything really serious until suddenly, she got pregnant.”
Christine felt as though someone had wrapped a hand around her throat and squeezed hard.
Zach took a sip of his chardonnay and studied the water. “What do you do in that situation? I don’t know. It’s different for everyone. But Remy and I decided to try to make it work. She had our baby, a daughter, and we were happy, really happy, for about a year after her birth.
“Quinn was about fourteen months old when it happened. I was driving Remy and Quinn and me out to dinner to celebrate. Remy had just been offered a fantastic chef position at a new French spot in downtown Boston. Our lives felt like they were on the up-and-up, with no down in sight. But the truck came out of nowhere. It ran a red light and T-boned us and smashed us into a light post in the middle of an intersection. I remember the last thing I saw before lights out: Remy laughing at something Quinn had done.”
Christine hadn’t been able to breathe in what felt like years. She clenched her eyes tight, then forced herself to open them and let out the breath she had been holding. She owed it to Zach to hear the whole thing.
“I was in a coma for about a week,” Zach continued. “I can’t describe what it felt like to wake up from that. The first thing I realized was that time had passed, that I didn’t know where my girlfriend or my daughter, Quinn, was. That’s when they told me that Quinn hadn’t made it. Remy had moved in with her mother already. While I’d been unconscious, they’d gone through all of Quinn’s things and taken them out of the house. That made me so angry, Christine. Those were my memories, too. It was like I had woken up in a world I didn’t know, one without my baby girl. The one person I had endless love for.”
A single sob escaped his throat. Christine reached over and gripped his hand, surprising herself.
“I haven’t talked to that many people on the island about it,” he said. “My friends know, of course. My mom, who’s still around. But nobody really knows what to say. Plus, I came back to get away from the pain the outside world caused, you know? All my life, I had wanted to get off this island. And then, I realized, it’s the only home I really know or want.”
Remy. A woman who had gone through so much more pain than Christine could fully comprehend. She clenched her eyes tight and slipped her fingers further into Zach’s grip.
“We finally started talking a few years ago,” Zach admitted. “And we check in with one another. Remy has another kid back in Boston, but she doesn’t like to talk to me about him. We spent most of the day together talking about her, about our memories of her. It’s our only way to keep her alive in our hearts.”
As he spoke, storm clouds brewed over the Nantucket Sound. Rain splattered across the little steps that led from the water, up toward his little stone cottage. The sound was soothing, a reminder that all terrible things eventually washed away.
Slowly, Zach and Christine found ways to talk about other things. He shared a few memories of his daughter, while she explained the severity of losing her ovary and learning she could never fully fulfill her dreams of having a baby of her own. He listened, allowing her to hold her own grief, yet supporting her in it as much as he could.
As night crept over them, Zach and Christine piled onto the mattress on the first floor of the house and held one another close, fully clothed, their hearts beating as one. Christine felt closer to this man than she had any other person she had met in years. As he drifted off to sleep, she caught herself trying to memorize the lines on his face, the soft smile that remained even in slumber. She prayed that if they couldn’t find a way to any kind of a happy ending that she would remember this moment for the rest of her life.
It felt like beautiful freedom from a past she no longer had to fully understand.
Chapter Twenty-One
A few days later, Christine finished her shift at the bistro around ten in the morning. She met Zach in the office. He studied some paperwork, his finger tracing the lines as he mumbled to himself. Frankly, it was adorable.
Still, even though they’d slept next to one another, Christine and Zach hadn’t kissed or touched one another at all since that night. It hadn’t been awkward between them, per se, only pregnant with expectation. What would happen next? It felt like a romantic nail biter.
“Hey there,” Christine said, catching him off-guard.
Zach turned up his face, wide-eyed, and said, “Oh, Christine. Hey. Sorry, I always get so lost in the numbers.” As his grin widened, Christine caught his eyes running down her face, down to her legs.
She loved the idea that he liked the way she looked, even over twenty years after they’d first tried their hand at romance. Even at age forty-one.
“Can I help you with anything before I go?” Christine asked.
Zach’s eyes seemed playful. “Anything at all?”
“Hmm. Seems like a trick question,” Christine said, her hand on her hips.
Zach clicked his tongue. He rose himself to his full height, then reached over and grabbed a strand of her dark hair to curl it over her ear. Still, he didn’t kiss her. Christine thought her head might explode.
“Here’s what I want you to do,” Zach said. “Susan mentioned the other day that her daughter, Amanda, is coming today. I set aside a whole basket of your scrumptious croissants in a basket over near the walk-in. Make sure you take it with you.”
“I almost forgot!” Christine said. Her eyes refused to do anything else but live in the enormity of his. “Thank you, Zach. I appreciate it.”
Christine buzzed with excitement as she approached the family house. Over the past several days, Scott and a few contractors had dug up the ground next to it and put a foundation in. Already, wooden boards outlined what would be two more bedrooms. Christine, Susan, and Lola couldn’t wait to dig in and start the decoration process, something Scott had already said wasn’t his forte. “You should see the interior design at his place,” Susan had joked.
Susan had had another chemo session the day before, which meant that today, the house was a bit more subdued, shadowed. Susan sat on the sofa, beneath a heavy winter blanket, with Amanda beside her, her head on her mother’s shoulder. Audrey sat in the chair across from them, sipping tea, while Lola hovered in the kitchen, seemingly unsure of what to offer whom.
“Hi everyone,” Christine said. She placed the basket of croissants on the counter and beamed at Amanda. “It’s so good to see you again. Your mom is so thrilled you’re here.”
Amanda blinked back tears. She stood and hugged Christine and then returned to her mother’s side.
“She’s taking good care of me,” Susan said. “All of you are. I finally had to shoo Scott away. Someone has to take care of the Inn while I’m like this. All the work I’ve done over the past summer can’t fly out the window.”
“Did it hit you a bit harder this time?” Christine asked.
“A little,” Susan said. “I’m tired, but the nausea faded. Actually, I’ve invited Charlotte and Rachel over for a conversation with Amanda. We’re so stuck on wedding planning, and I don’t want to get further behind.”
Charlotte worked in event planning on the island, frequently with her daughter Rachel. After Charlotte’s husband’s death, Charlotte and Rachel had thrown themselves as much as possible into the business, even supporting a celebrity’s wedding earlier in the summer.
“So you’re thinking about having the wedding on the Vineyard, then?” Christine asked.
“Absolutely,” Amanda returned. “I told my fiancé about the vibe of the place, and he
’s already fallen in love. I wish he could come out this summer to see everything, but he’s been so slammed with work.”
“It’s not like you want him to help you with the wedding planning, anyway,” Susan said with a smile.
“I’m no more a control freak than you are,” Amanda said, giggling.
“Oh, so you’re pretty bad, then,” Lola said.
“Ha, yes. I guess so,” Amanda admitted. “My friends always said if you know Susan or Amanda, you know both of them.”
Christine’s heart burned with envy, but she made sure she didn’t show it. Instead, she passed out the croissants, made another batch of coffee, and greeted both Charlotte and Rachel with big hugs when they arrived.
The air sizzled with excitement as the women of the Sheridan clan dove into wedding conversation. Charlotte listed some of the most popular venues on the island, including the beautiful Union Chapel, the White Cliffs Country Club, or the Sunrise Cove Inn itself, of course.
Amanda hovered in the middle of all of them at the picnic table, with about five different bride and wedding magazines spread out in front of her. She furrowed her brow as she listened to Charlotte’s advice, and then turned her eyes to her mother, checking in with her opinion. Across the table from them, Audrey sat with her fists under her chin, frowning at the wedding magazines.
How strange it was, Christine thought. Amanda’s whole life was headed for glory and excitement. She would be a criminal lawyer like her mother; she would marry the man of her dreams. Probably very soon, she would have first one bouncing baby, and then another until her life very much resembled her mother’s from a few years before. By contrast, Audrey was pregnant with a man’s baby she wanted nothing to do with, and her life was now put on hold.
“What do you think of this low-cut style, Audrey?” Amanda said. Her eyes snapped up toward her cousin.
Audrey blinked. “Why would you ask me?” she said with a laugh.
“I stalked your Instagram. Your fashion sense is insane,” Amanda said sheepishly. “I totally respect your opinion.”
“Isn’t that nice,” Lola said. “We’re a family of fashionistas.”
Audrey looked strained. She glanced down at her ratty t-shirt, which, Christine had noticed, she had worn the past two days. “I guess you’ve caught me at a bad time for something like that,” she offered, trying to keep her smile plastered across her face.
“Oh. It’s summer. Who cares,” Amanda said. “But this cut. Do you think it was more in fashion five years ago? Or would it be okay?”
Christine peered over Amanda’s shoulder to spot the lacey long-sleeved number, which surged down between the bride’s breasts. Audrey shook her head and scrunched her nose. “I think it’s just a little too... Mariah Carey.”
Amanda burst into laughter. “Chris isn’t exactly Nick Cannon.”
“Let’s keep looking,” Susan said. Her hand padded the top of her hair mindlessly as her eyes scanned the page. Soon, all her hair would be gone.
Suddenly, Audrey bucked up from the picnic table. Lola arched her brow as Audrey said, “I’ll be right back, Mom. Don’t worry about it.”
“I didn’t say anything!” Lola cried.
“I know. But you wanted to,” Audrey returned.
Christine watched as Audrey snuck down the porch steps, toward the water. Almost immediately, the women sprung into a conversation about wedding colors, what music to play while Amanda walked down the aisle, and how much Amanda actually wanted her father, Richard, involved. Sure, she loved him; he was her dad. But he’d also cheated on her mother and destroyed her family, so she wasn’t always keen on the idea of him walking her down the aisle.
“I’d rather have you walk me, Mom,” Amanda said, looking at her mother with tears in her eyes.
As the chatter continued, Christine stood and followed Audrey down toward the water. The beautiful girl sat at the edge of the dock; her bare feet dipped into the water and her eyes toward the horizon. When Christine reached her, she said, “Hey. What’s on your mind?”
Audrey spun her head around quickly but didn’t smile. “Oh. Hey.”
“Can I sit with you for a minute?” Christine asked. “All the mother-daughter talk is getting to be a lot.”
Audrey nodded. “I’m sure it must get annoying. And none of us realize we’re doing it. Making you feel left out.”
The waves rushed faster over the tiny rocks that lined the shore. Christine cleared her throat and said, “It’s really okay.”
“No. It’s not,” Audrey continued. She stared at the water, her eyes reflecting the light. “I hate it up there right now. Amanda is so excited about this next phase of her life. She’s done everything the right way, and Susan just adores her. Meanwhile, I can see my mom’s eyes on me, adding me up in her head. I’m such a disappointment.”
Christine’s tongue felt glued to the bottom of her mouth. She knew, in situations such as this, it was never possible to say the right thing.
“I’m going to have this baby, and then what?” Audrey continued. “Move back to college? Get a crummy apartment and a crummy job and take as many classes as I can? I’m picturing the two of us in some dingy, dark place like the place I first remember Mom and I living in and I feel overwhelmed with it all. It’s a huge weight. I know it’s my fault that I have to live with what I’ve done. But I just can’t...”
Suddenly, her words flung themselves out of Christine’s mouth so fast that she wasn’t able to catch them.
“I will raise your baby.”
Audrey’s jaw dropped. She looked at Christine as though she’d never seen her before in her life. “What do you mean?”
Christine felt a tiny bit flustered, but, at the same time, clearer than she had in months.
“You’re only about six weeks into your pregnancy, so it’s a long way down the road,” Christine continued. “But you would only have to miss two semesters. Then, you could go back to school, back to your scholarship, back to your friends. You could probably even make up some of your classes over next summer or online so that you could graduate on time. I’m not sure how it all works.”
Audrey’s look was pinched, intense. For a moment, Christine thought she’d marched far, far over the line of propriety.
“I know it will be a difficult thing, especially because you probably already love this baby more than you understand,” Christine continued. “But you can be involved in the baby’s life in every possible way. I’ll just be Aunt Christine. And you can be with your baby again whenever you’re ready.”
Audrey’s nostrils flared as she considered her aunt’s words. Again, Christine thought she would rip her into shreds at such a ridiculous idea.
But seconds later, Audrey murmured, “It might work and would help in almost every single way.”
Christine’s heart leaped into her throat. Her voice cracked as she whispered, “Really? Are you sure?”
Audrey nodded slowly, her eyebrows still low. “I can’t think of a single reason why this shouldn’t or couldn’t work.”
Christine flung her arms around Audrey and held her close. Before she realized it, a sob rippled through her body as the two of them hugged on the dock.
A baby.
This was the baby she had always wanted.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The Edgartown Round-the-Island Race was held every year at the beginning of August. As the sailors raced, the town of Edgartown flung into action, with live music, sizzling burgers, craft beer, people milling about with vibrant smiles and glossy eyes and assured daydreams that summer perfection would last forever.
Still, as Christine and Lola stood near the starting line a bit before the race began, Christine felt a shift in the air. She felt an assurance that autumn would come swiftly, just after the stroke of September. It normally did, crushing all summer dreams and turning them to nostalgia.
“There he is,” Lola said. She nodded toward Tommy Gasbarro, that hunk of a sailor, as he sauntered down the dock. His
eyes lifted toward hers, and a sneaking smile spread between his cheeks.
Christine marveled at Lola’s ability with men. She’d always had it.
“Did you already conduct the interview?” Christine asked as she sipped her sparkling wine.
“Yes. The article went up a few days ago. My editors loved it. They said Tommy looks like the perfect modern-day sailor,” Lola said.
“Did you get more information about Stan?” Christine asked.
“Not really. Well, a bit,” Lola said. “But we made plans to meet again.”
Christine nudged her with her elbow. “That’s my Lola.”
Lola shrugged. “He seems fond of the old guy. Anyway, he’s about to go on another pretty epic race, down to the Caribbean. I pitched the story about it to my editor and am waiting for feedback.”
“Soon, he’ll be all you cover, if you know what I mean,” Christine countered.
Lola rolled her eyes. “I’m a professional,” she said, unable to suppress a smile. “And I will do anything to get the best story.”
Christine waved Charlotte, Rachel, and Claire over from the little pop-up bar, where Charlotte and Claire both grabbed glasses of sparkling rose. Susan had felt a bit too sick to attend the race. Amanda had already headed back to Newark, and Audrey had decided to slog around in her old t-shirt and read a book, citing that she already felt like a “pregnant cow” and didn’t want to be seen in public. Of course, this was ridiculous. When they had said goodbye, Wes and Felix had been taking a nap together upstairs, a fact that made Christine smile even now. She loved that her family had adopted Felix as their own.
“And what is going on with you and Zach, anyway?” Lola said as the cousins lined up near the starting line.
Christine felt her cheeks burn red. “I mean, nothing, really,” she answered, almost-honestly.
“Did you ever talk about why you hated each other?” Lola asked
Firefly Nights Page 14
