I love the wind. I love the smell of the turf being moved when the fields are plowed. I love waiting for the rain. I love the slow pace of the days. »
The man stared at her with burning eyes of love. «I only ask you to think about it. In all these years I have not thought of any other girl besides you. »
Jessica leaned towards his lips, kissed him and then whispered in his ear:
«I do not know what will happen tomorrow or in the future, but I know that today, right now, I want to make love with you. I want to be your first. »
They laid next to a walnut tree, protected by mighty branches laden with fruit and they gently loved each other, their bodies touched by the fresh grass and their hearts caressed by the passion.
The air was heavy with the smell of green. The leaves were swaying. The nightingales sang in the branches.
Giuseppe asked her hopeful:
«Now you tell me if you're coming with me tomorrow? »
The woman shook her head and sighed wistfully
«I do not know. »
«Even now that you were finally mine, even now that we have never been so close, I feel you inaccessible. »
A star appeared in the sky and in a moment it suddenly was night.
The next day, waiting at the airport, there was Jessica with two suitcases in hand.
«Coming with you to New York is the only way to give our love a chance. »
CHAPTER 22
The house was surrounded by the sun and had a large garden: the daisies showed off their pure white petals. Soft primrose tufts were sticking up close to small bushes of wild blackberries. The daffodils decorated the perimeter of a cottage made of gray stone, where rabbits and chickens lived.
«Look Mom, a flower just blossomed. »
Jessica reached out, picked up the cherry and gave it to the little girl.
Roberta looked a lot like her mother, and not just because of the red hair and blue eyes, but mainly because she also had the gift of a smile that gave joy.
«Mom can you tell me again the story of this little cherry bush? »
«Many years ago, before you were born, your father and I planted this tree. Back then, it was just a twig in a bag of soil. We dug a hole with our hands and we placed this plant very carefully as if it were a precious gift, then we swore eternal love to each other. »
Jessica patted the cherry bark. Every day she and her husband walked close to this tree, exchanging the first kiss of the day.
When they went back home, the father took the little girl under the arms, lifted her into the air and, imitating the noise of an airplane took her around the room.
Jessica took her by the hand. «Help me fry the meatballs and prepare the lasagna. »
«Dad, when we finish eating, can we dance? »
«Of course my little one. »
While they were having lunch, the doorbell rang.
«I'll go. It must be your mother» Sidney said.
He opened the door and was stunned, speechless.
«Won’t you say hello to an old friend. Let me in. »
Sidney hugged him with all his strength.
«It’s nice to see you! »
«My friend, I missed you so much. »
Sidney almost cried.
«I missed you too. You don’t know how much. Then, does this mean that you have forgiven me? »
«Yes, since some time ago. I wanted to come earlier, but sometimes pride is a bad counselor. »
The man gave him his best smile. «The important thing is that you're here. For how long will you stay? I hope it is for a long time. We have to make up for the lost time. »
«I took a month's leave. »
A gentle voice came from the kitchen.
«Love, what does my mother want? »
Giuseppe tried to imitate Cristina:
«Hello daughter, I just wanted to say hello. »
But the imitation did not go as expected. Jessica screamed:
«Oh my God, oh my God » then she overturned the chair, ran to the entrance and jumped on top of him, nearly knocking him off.
Roberta, who was standing in the living room, caught the attention of the visitor.
Giuseppe approached her. «At last I get to meet you » he pulled out a package from his bag.
«Hello Roberta. I'm uncle Giuseppe. This is for you. »
The girl unwrapped the present and screamed happily:
«It's the book Alice in Wonderland. Thank you! »
The little one hugged him and at that moment Giuseppe realized that he would have loved her forever.
After showering, Giuseppe went to the living room and, seeing that Sidney was waiting for him with the joysticks in hand and the PlayStation turned on, he exclaimed:
«Big match? »
«I'll hand your ass to you. »
Jessica yelled from the kitchen.
«Love, do not say bad words, because the child hears them and then repeats them. »
Sidney put his hand to his mouth and stared. «Whoops, sorry, the pre-game enthusiasm. »
Roberta ran to his father and said:
«You promised me you'd danced a bit with me. »
«But of course, my dear. » Then he gave his friend a smile, «Put the game on pause. »
He pressed play on the stereo and the song by Neffa "Me and my lady» spread in the room.
Father and daughter began to dance around the living room. They hugged tenderly.
Jessica joined them and joined their dance.
Seeing that scene, Giuseppe felt happier than he had for some time. "This is my place, my family" he thought.
Sidney held out his hand. . «Hey man, come dance with us. »
Giuseppe stepped back laughing. «No man, I'll wait here. »
He would have continued watching them all day without getting tired ever. Right at that moment Giuseppe too, for the first time in his life, felt the eternal moment.
A thought touched his heart:
"We are weird, us human beings, sometimes we cling so much to our sorrows that we almost wish for it more than for happiness. We let rage take over us and sometimes we do not even know why or against whom we are angry. We forget that there is forgiveness, and we waste all of ourselves only to fuel hate, and not for days or months but for years, wasted lives, dedicated only to grudges, vendettas, and dirty looks. In the end, all there is for death is to take away the shadow of our soul."
EPILOGUE
It was three in the morning. Giuseppe had just woken up and could not fall back asleep.
By now he was used to it. It was becoming an unpleasant habit to wake up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep until dawn, like if he needed to be certain that a new day would rise up in the sky.
He looked out the window in the bedroom and in the semi-darkness of the night of New York he watched the profiles of the houses.
He imagined the faces of the people who lived there. He imagined their history, wondered if they were happy. He wondered if he was happy.
His career took off more and more, critics were calling him the new Freud.
"But am I happy?" He asked himself for the second time.
The phone ringing woke him from his thoughts, making him worry. "But who can be at this hour?"
He ran to the phone and answered:
«Who is it? »
«Hello, It’s Sidney. »
«Hey, have you ever heard of the time zone? » He ironically asked his friend.
«I know, I'm sorry it's important» the man said weakly.
Giuseppe's voice grew worried. «Has something happened to Jessica or Roberta? »
«No, no they're fine. It's about me ... I started to gamble again. I've already lost ten thousand euro. I'm afraid that Jessica will find out that I have squandered all our savings. »
His friend tried to comfort him:
«But why can’t you stop? You are better than this. »
Sidney's voice changed:
«I
should be better than this? Giuseppe woke up. I'm not you. I don’t have your intelligence, your ambitions. You’ll win the Nobel Prize. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Get it in your head. I am no better than that. »
«Every time that you fell, you had the strength to get up, you're a fighter, never soft. You know how to resist. You're invincible. »
«My friend, sooner or later, everyone loses. There comes a point where you think: “Enough, this time is over. This time I won’t get up.” »
«Listen, I can lend you the ten thousand ... »
Sidney screamed annoyed:
"I didn’t call you for this. I do not want your money. I would gamble them right away. »
Giuseppe had heard in his friend’s voice a huge desperation. So, he tried to take some time. He wanted to talk to his friend as much as possible, so that he could get him arrive to the point of having pleasant thoughts sooner or later.
«But why did you relapse? »
Sidney's voice was ecstatic. «I missed that beautiful feeling of all or nothing. I want to fly to heaven or burn in hell. I don’t know what to do in purgatory ... Oh my God. The tingle of the ticket in an all or nothing is divine. I live for that, nothing makes me feel those emotions. »
«And what about Jessica, and Roberta? »
«You know that I love them, but not even they manage to keep me alive like the game. Soon after that I lost all the money, right in the deepest moment of despair, right in the bottom of the well I find the real me. »
Giuseppe felt helpless.
«But how can you say these things? Obsessions lead to depravity, a man loses his soul. »
Sidney showed a forced smile.
«Or you can find the true essence of your soul. It depends on the perspective with which you look at it. »
«My friend, obsession is a director worth of an Oscar. In no time it creates a horror film where you can never glimpse a glimmer of light, but only monsters and zombies. Please stop, there is always the opportunity to leave behind what has been done and welcome with open arms what will be. Give yourself another chance. »
Sidney’s soul was full of anguish.
«I'm tired of failing and tired of struggling with the terrible feeling of being a failure. No we are arriving to the real reason for my call. I want you to promise me, actually swear to me that you will take care of Jessica and Roberta. »
«Why are you saying this? What are you planning to do? Don’t do anything stupid! »
«My wife and my daughter love you. I love you. You are the only person in the world that I trust. I love you and you know it. Swear it. »
«Your misery is like poison for the people you love. You have to react. Listen to me ... »
Sidney interrupted him. He seemed in a hurry to get to the end of the conversation:
No you listen: I do not want my daughter to become like me. My parents were rotten and I have become rotten. I can’t take the risk that the heart of my child, following mine, rotten. I’ll do what your father did: I’ll run into the fire to save her life. »
Giuseppe spoke in a loud voice, trying to be very convincing:
«In everybody’s life unpleasant things happens. Life sometimes is good and sometimes it isn’t. We keep the scars and move on.
Something very bad happened to you, but there are people like me and Jessica who are on your side and we will never stop supporting you, loving you, helping you. Maybe your life is not going as you would like. Your parents took away from you the joy, the hope, the spirit, and you have tried to find all this in the demon of the game. You made a mistake it is true, but there is one thing you can be sure of: you will never be alone. Never! You are overwhelmed with pain, with defeat. You're like an overinflated balloon and just the sting of an insect is enough to make you burst. I and Jessica will prevent that any insect stings you. We’ll keep away bees and mosquitoes. We'll protect you and we'll help you deflate and when you've emptied all of that pain, then we will refill the balloon only with love and joy. I beg you to let us do that. »
The heart of Sidney filled with torment.
«You know well that I won’t heal. »
«Your obsession with the game clouds your mind more than a chemical drug. It is like a slave. But I can assure you that I will free you from that monster. »
«I just want you to swear it. »
«All right, I swear, I'll take care of Jessica and Roberta. »
«Ok. Now that's better. Goodbye. »
The friend hastened to protest:
«Don’t tell me goodbye. Tell me see you later. I’ll take the first plane and I’ll go there with you. »
«Take it then. Tomorrow, Jessica and Roberta will need you. »
«Wait, do not hang up. Let’s continue talking. »
Sidney's voice was powerful and reassuring:
«Let me tell you a story:
“A wolf gets into a flock of sheep and eats up the first sheep. He is no longer hungry, but continues to kill and eat a second and a third ewe. He knows he has to stop or he will die of indigestion and he thinks: «that's enough » but bites and kills, barely tasting them, a fourth and a fifth sheep. Then, he pounces on the six... "
«But what does it have to do with you? »
A cold grin crawled on his pursed lips.
«Wait the end is coming: there is only one way to actually quit. Do you want to know it? »
«What is it? » Asked the terrified man.
«Shoot him. »
In the very moment when his friend uttered this word a thud, like the shot of a gun burst into Giuseppe’s ear.
«Sidney, Sidney ... » he screamed in panic, but it was useless, the call was still open but there was no answer from the other side of the phone.
Giuseppe threw the phone firmly against the floor and trampled on him, breaking it into pieces. Then, exhausted by the grief, he collapsed on the bed, bent his head down to his knees, and protected it with his arms folded in an arc.
And he cried.
END
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