CHAPTER FIVE: REMEMBER THE BONSAI
Silvia had told her mother that she would talk to Vince about their graduation plans when she got home. However, she arrived to a fight between Vince and Frank. Upon approaching the back door, she saw Frank running around the house closing windows, which was something that he did when he didn’t want the neighbors to hear him screaming. It was a signal, a warning, a precursor to the storm.
“I'm not helping you with your tuition either, you ingrate!” Silvia heard Frank yelling, as soon as she walked in the door.
“I don’t want your help!” Vince yelled back.
“That’s right!” Frank yelled back, like he didn’t hear Vince’s reply. “I work hard for my money!”
Frank must have sensed that Silvia was home because she was only half way through the back door when he ran into the kitchen to tell her his side of the story.
“See what that brother of yours got started this time? I don’t hear a word out of him. He sits in his room like an introvert and when he does talk, it’s only to be a pain in the ass.” Clearly, he was trying to elicit her support.
“I don't want to get involved,” she said, still somewhat tranquil from her day at the beach, her body not yet adjusted to the sharp and sudden change, like a sharp change in the weather to which she had no time to acclimate. She could have asked what Vince “got started,” but she was sure that it was either imaginary, or that Frank had forgotten exactly what it was that Vince did to instigate a fight. It turned out that he had not forgotten, nor had he yielded to Silvia’s wish for not getting involved.
“That brother of yours is giving me a lot of crap about some plastic bags I bought!” he said, with hope in his eyes that she might sway to his side. Although she knew that this sort of thing was typical Vince, she still didn’t react to Frank. Her face remained solid and serene, while his face turned to one of a sad, lost beagle at his daughter’s refusal to take his side. Silvia, seeing her father’s disappointment and being well aware of his current state of regression to that of a vulnerable, needy child, decided to take advantage of the opportunity. She agreed to talk to Vince and would use the favor as bargaining ammunition when convincing him to pay for the reunion dinner.
When she knocked on Vince’s door, he said in an annoyed voice to go away. She persisted by saying “C’mon Vince, just open the door.” She could hear him get off his bed and come to the door. His face was long and tired with frustration coming through his eyes.
“I feel like a fucking idiot,” he said, sitting down on his bed and burying his face in his hands.
“Why?” Silvia asked, confounded.
“Because I should never have believed him when he said he’d help. I should have seen that he was just trying to reel me in with his fraudulent offer. How many times has he done that to all of us? I should have known better. I should have applied to Rutgers too. It would be way cheaper than Berkeley, and then I would be less dependent on him. I don’t want to depend on him for anything. I don’t want to depend on anyone but myself.”
He managed to say all this without any sort of break, making it impossible for Silvia to interject. When finally given the opportunity, she was at a loss for words. She knew that she had to get Vince to apologize to Frank because Frank would never apologize to Vince. She knew that she couldn’t delay any longer in telling her brother about the reunion. She knew that if she could appeal to his need for Frank’s financial help, then maybe he would apologize and maybe he would be receptive to the idea of a family get-together for his graduation. And with her knowledge of what she needed to do, the words came to her.
“Hey Vince, you know he goes back and forth with all of us about helping out with money. I think he may have even threatened Angie in the past. I know he’s been especially bad lately. But, maybe, if he wasn’t so fucked up about Mom leaving him, he wouldn’t be acting this way.”
“That’s not my problem,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “And who can blame Mom for leaving him anyway?”
“No one. But that’s not the point. She was his only means of survival. He’s lost without her. It’s nobody’s fault but his own that she left, but it still sucks for him. Instead of crying about it or trying to get healthy, he does the only things he knows how to do—drink and fight.”
Vince looked at his sister like he might be able to understand and relate to what she was saying, and she took his reaction as a prompt to continue.
“It’s always like walking on egg shells with him. You never know what’s going to set him off. And he does try to provoke us. He looks for fights. But you can’t give him what he wants. He wants a fight. It’s a diversion from his pain.”
“I try to walk away, and then he gets more upset. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“Just act really nice to him. And don’t give him any shit about plastic bags! I know you like to be genuine around everyone, but I’m telling you that you can’t be that way around everyone, especially around people who are crazy like Dad. And the earlier you learn this lesson, the easier your life will be.”
Vince’s face was pointed down at the floor, and although he looked like he appreciated what she was saying, she knew that getting him to go along with her advice would not be easy. He was anything but a phony and couldn’t help but speak his mind at all times. She needed something more to persuade him to go out and apologize to Frank, and suddenly she remembered something that Grandma Tucci had taught Silvia when she was angry with Donna. She told Silvia that a good way to stop being angry was to remember something kind her mother had done for her. The first thing that came to Silvia was the bonsai tree her mother had bought for her, knowing that she had recently grown infatuated with this type of plant and that she had wanted one very badly. She also helped Silvia, who was only ten at the time, to properly care for the high maintenance plant. From that point on, whenever Silvia got mad at Donna, she would simply remember the bonsai tree. Even more than the tree itself, she remembered the kindness and thoughtfulness that prompted her mother to buy the plant. Now she needed to impart this lesson onto her younger brother.
“Hey Vince, I know that Dad has a lot of bad qualities and that he can be a real jerk, but sometimes you need to see the good in him. You need to remember that he’s not all bad. You must know that we are lucky to have a Dad who gives us any help with our college tuition. You know most kids pay their own way. They take out loans and work full time while they’re in school…”
“Well most kids don’t have parents with money either,” Vince interrupted.
“I can’t believe that’s coming out of your mouth. Since when are you so entitled, anyway?”
Vince looked down as if in shame and simply said, “You’re right.”
There was a period of silence during which Silvia hoped that something was sinking into her brother’s head. She didn’t want to break too long, for she feared that her words might then dissipate into the air. So she continued.
“Why are you always angry at him anyway?”
“Can you blame me? He’s done nothing but pit us against each other for as long as I can remember. He’s been terrible to Mom. He makes promises only to break them later. He...”
“Maybe that’s all he knows how to do. Maybe he doesn’t know how to be a better father or husband.”
“Well then maybe he shouldn’t have gotten married or had kids.”
She didn’t even reply to this last comment, as she didn’t feel that it was deserving of a response. Instead, she recalled a nice deed that Frank had done for Vince and reminded her brother of this act of kindness.
“What about the time you had that really terrible flu, and Dad drove you to the hospital at like three in the morning? It was probably the only time you were sick in your life, so I know you remember it. I remember it too, because I came with you. And I remember him staying right by your bedside until you woke up in your hospital bed.”
He looked like he might be shifting into forgiveness mode, but then his eyes turned angry
again. There was something in Vince that would not let him let go of his anger. In fact, he had a tough time letting go of anything, most of all bad memories.
“Well, so he did a good thing that once. What about the time he hit Mom? How can I forget about that?”
“Do you ever think of all the times he came home with flowers for Mom? How he always told her she was beautiful? How sorry he was for hitting her?”
His eyes softened once again, and Silvia took advantage of the shift. “Be the bigger person and apologize to him, Vince. I know that he’s much older than you, and that he’s the parent, but you are much more mature than Dad could ever be.” She knew that Vince would not be able to resist this last point. It won him over. He walked out of his room, begrudgingly yet compliant, and did exactly what his older sister told him to do.
When he came back, she gave him a big hug and told him about the dinner that she and Donna were planning for him.
“So I was waiting to tell you,” she started, being sure to be ever so careful with her wording, “because I wanted it to be a surprise, but I was never much good at planning surprises, so here it goes. We’re going to have a nice dinner out after your graduation ceremony. It won’t be anything big. Just the family.” She didn’t use words like reunion or gathering.
Vince’s face got really pale and his eyes filled with dread. “Please, don’t, Silv. I don’t want anything like that. When our family gets together, there’s always a lot of tension. I’m under enough stress.”
”Well, maybe Dad would be in a better mood if he thought that this would be an opportunity to get Mom back. And maybe if he was in a better mood, he would stop being so wishy-washy about helping you.” She was as clear as she could be, but Vince still seemed confused by her theory.
“Why does a dinner for me have anything to do with Dad and Mom getting back together?”
“Because I plan on talking Dad into paying for the whole thing so that he can look good in Mom’s eyes, and so then he’ll think that he’ll have a chance at getting her back.”
As Silvia articulated this part of her plan for the first time, she was able to hear the absurdity in it, and although absurd, so was Frank, and so this sort of scheme had a very good chance of success. She hoped that Vince had not also noticed how crazy her scheming was, but she had no such luck. He looked back at her like she had a second head growing out of her neck.
“That sounds crazy. I appreciate that you’re trying to help me out, but the whole thing just seems wrong to me. It’s sneaky. It’s not honest. And I don’t like the way you’re talking about Mom like she’s some kind of prize.”
He was right. It was sneaky and dishonest, but it was for everyone’s own good, and she wasn’t going to let Vince and his overly ethical nature get in her way. She thought that she should have been more careful in her wording, or that she might have taken the wrong approach with her brother. She had a temporary stumble in her brain, but then thought of something brilliant to say. “Well, maybe it’s not honest. But think about it in the greater scheme of things. You get to go to Berkeley, and when you get out, you’ll be ready to really do big things, to make big changes in the world. Dad might be upset when he realizes that Mom won’t be getting back with him, but he’ll move on. He always does. I’m sure he’ll have someone else as soon as their separation is finalized.”
It looked as though she was winning Vince over, and maybe she was, but he wasn’t relenting that easily. “I’d much rather just the four of us go to dinner somewhere,” he said. “Me, you, Mom and Cosmo.”
“So you want to piss Dad off by excluding him, and you want to deprive Mom of an opportunity to see her only grandchild?” This negotiating thing was starting to feel very natural for her.
“No, I’m not saying that. Dad doesn’t have to know about it. And Mom can always go up to visit Angie. Angie can always come down here. I thought this whole thing was supposed to be for me. So why should it be something that will make me uncomfortable? Something I don’t want?”
She knew that he didn’t like being the center of attention and that he would be much happier having a small, unassuming night with the family members with which he was comfortable. But this reunion wasn’t something that was entirely for Vince. It was something that was for all of them, and his graduation was merely a convenient excuse for the occasion. Yet he had a big stake in this whole thing, and Silvia needed to say whatever she could to convince him of the importance of the gathering for him.
“Well sure, that would be nice and easy and comfortable. But what is more important to you? Having a comfortable evening out or having your dream of going to Berkeley come true?”
There was a brief silence, and she knew that with these final words, she had won, and Vince looked up at her with relenting eyes and said, “Well, alright then.”
Olive Branches Don't Grow On Trees Page 22
