by Trina M. Lee
It had been quite some time since I’d been to the small town bar. Back when Alexa and the younger pack wolves had spent a substantial amount of time there, I too had frequented the place. Playing poker with a small group of humans had allowed me to keep an eye on her back in the days before she knew what we were to one another.
The bar had seen better days. It was rather unkempt, making no attempt to be anything other than what it was: a place to drink without any unnecessary frills.
“It feels different,” Shaz observed. “It’s all wrong without the others.”
By others I knew that he meant the young wolves who had once frequented the place along with him and Alexa. Two of those wolves were dead. There was just one wolf present now, other than Shaz, a middle-aged guy who was already shooting ugly glances our way.
“What’s that all about?” I asked, nodding to the watching wolf.
Shaz studied him, boldly meeting his gaze. “I’m not sure. I thought I left on good terms. Maybe I was wrong.”
“Fuck him.” I headed for a pool table, ignoring the watchful wolf gaze upon us. The loud, raucous calls of my former poker buddies drew me to their table where I made small talk, careful not to flash them any fang.
I made up a few excuses to explain my absence. It was easy enough. Humans love to complain about anything and everything. Once I mentioned the business and stress of daily life, they were quick to take that topic and run.
I disentangled myself, joining Shaz at the pool table where he racked the balls. As I rubbed chalk onto the end of a cue, I scanned the vicinity for signs of anything amiss. Other than one testy wolf, the place was all human.
The sense that something was missing was strong. Shaz wasn’t wrong about that. It felt strange to be in a place where I had once so looked forward to the moment Alexa would walk in the door, knowing that it would not happen tonight.
A waitress was quick to discover that Shaz hadn’t been served. In no time she’d supplied him with a beer. When she asked me if I wanted anything my gaze slid to her neck.
“No,” I lied. “Nothing for me.” It wasn’t the need for blood that made such thoughts flit through my mind. It was merely the constant want of it.
“So,” Shaz said when we were alone again. “Why did you really bring me here? I doubt it was so I could kick your ass at pool.”
I watched him break the carefully racked balls. The muscles in his arms and back moved with fine definition as he smacked the balls with the cue. He was a fine creature, well formed and built with the intensity of a wrecking ball.
“I thought we could talk. And I really mean talk. No fists and foul words.”
He eyed me with a glimmer of a grin. “Yeah, right.”
“Well, it’s worth a try.” When he lined up his next shot, I tapped the end of his cue with my own, knocking his shot off course.
“You son of a bitch,” he said with a laugh. “I knew you were going to do that.”
I took my shot, keeping him in my vision to avoid any retaliation. “Let’s try some of that male bonding stuff. Tell me about when you first met Alexa.”
His smile vanished, and he stared off across the bar, remembering. “One of my first memories of her was on a full moon pack run. I’d just been initiated into the pack here in town. I was this awkward teenager, and she was head over heels for the pack Alpha. But she was so nice. Welcoming. She made me feel less like an outsider. She was a friend from the start. Right away, I was attracted to her. The wolf, my wolf, it wanted her from day one.”
His face lit up as he talked. It fascinated me that we both knew her in such different ways. As he spoke his smile returned.
“That must have been hell,” I commented. “Having to watch her with Raoul.”
“You have no idea. It was torture to see them together. It was even worse to hear them in his bedroom.” Shaz shuddered visibly at the memory. “But the absolute worst was when he tossed her aside like yesterday’s news so he could move on to his newest conquest. I watched him break her heart, and I wanted to fucking kill him.”
With grim amusement, I noted that we shared more than our love for the same woman. We shared the desire to protect her. “I had that same fantasy, my friend. Many, many times.”
“I’ll bet.” Shaz’s gaze was pensive upon me, seeking the answer to a question he hadn’t yet asked. “Why did you wait so long? I mean, you came to town years before you and Alexa even…got together. Why not tell her everything right away?”
I smiled. Shaz was more intuitive than I’d given him credit for.
I used lining up my next shot as a way to break eye contact. My answer would be truthful, but I didn’t want to look at him when I revealed it.
“I came because I needed to see her. I needed to know she was alive. That she was real.” I took the shot, sinking the eight ball early and losing the game. “I almost didn’t stay. When I saw her with you, I knew there was something there. I knew that if I stayed, that would change. And I didn’t feel that it was my right to do that to her.”
Shaz was quiet, thinking. His jaw twitched. Something like anguish trickled from him. Then it was gone.
“You did that on purpose,” he said gesturing to the game. He began to gather the balls, placing them back inside the rack. “We were just friends then. Alexa and me. How did you know? And what changed your mind about leaving?”
Ignoring his accusation, I spun the cue lightly between my fingers. “I knew the way I always know. Because she’s part of me. Even before our first night together, I knew her. As for why I didn’t leave…that’s a good question. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We had a mission together, and I had waited so long.”
Shaz took his sweet time racking the balls, moving them and then moving them again. Finally, he stopped and said, “And here we are.”
“Yes. Here we are.”
There was a tense silence as Shaz took a large drink of beer. Then he pointed at the table. “You break.”
Aware that he was wrestling with himself about something due to our discussion, I stayed quiet and lined up to take the shot. This time I sunk the eight ball right off the break.
“Now that I did not do on purpose,” I laughed, feeling some of the tension lift when he chuckled. “What can I say? Pool just isn’t my game.”
“It’s better that you stayed,” he said, surprising me with his candid claim. “Who knows what might have happened if you hadn’t? She could have gone crazy without you and never known why.”
“She’s going crazy without me now.” It was a statement probably best left unsaid. We exchanged an awkward look that made me feel pressured to share with Shaz what he had shared with me. “It’s not just about me though. You know that, right? You’re the one who keeps her from being consumed by her dark side. The balance between. It’s always been you.”
He ducked his blond head, avoiding my gaze when he muttered, “Don’t bother, Arys. If Alexa thought she needed me, she wouldn’t be pushing me away.”
His flippant tone was meant to mislead, but it didn’t work on me. Regardless of all that both Alexa and I had dealt with over the last year, it was perhaps Shaz who had suffered greatest of all. He was no victim of circumstance though. His role was vital.
“Shaz,” I paused, turning the pool cue, choosing my words. “Alexa loves you more than anything. She thinks the only way to give you a happily ever after is to push you into finding it with someone else. I, however, think that’s a mistake. She needs you. Don’t give up on her.”
His platinum head snapped up, and there was confusion written all over his face. “Are you serious right now? Wouldn’t you love a chance to get rid of me?”
I snickered and shoved him aside so I could rack the balls for another game. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do. If you want to move on, build a fairytale life with someone else, then I wish you all the best. But if you want her, and you can accept her as she is now, then I ask only that you cut her s
ome slack. Give her some time.”
“Why me?” He asked suddenly. “Why are you only willing to share her with me?”
I motioned for him to take a shot. He resisted at first, as if he might hold out until I’d answered. When I stayed quiet, he let out his breath in a huff and hit the cue ball. Then he held up his hands in a demanding gesture.
“I told you before, pup. She was meant to love you whether I lived in her lifetime or not.”
“And?”
“And I trust you to protect her.” Admitting it felt like showing him a vulnerability. It made me uncomfortable.
Shaz scoffed and signaled the waitress for one more beer. “I’m pretty sure Alexa can protect herself just fine.” He laughed until he saw my expression and then sobered immediately. “Oh. You mean if…hey, Arys, nothing is going to happen to you. I’m pretty sure you’re unkillable. Besides, I’ll die of old age long before that.”
“Well,” I mused. “You don’t have to.”
A warning flashed across his face. “Don’t even go there. I’d rather be dead than be what you are. No offense.”
“This conversation has taken a depressing turn. Hasn’t it?”
We shared a laugh, and I found myself enjoying it more than I wanted him to know. It was quite possible that over the last year I’d grown to feel more than respect for him. Hell, I suspected I might actually like him.
Before I could steer the conversation in a lighter direction, Shaz was approached by the other wolf. He sauntered up with a sneer, his intent evident in his cocky stride. He eyed me warily.
“Do you think it’s a good idea for you to be in here?” He asked Shaz, trying to draw himself up to the younger wolf’s height. “The point of Alexa leaving the pack was the safety of this town. You went with her. So what the hell are you doing in here with her vampire?”
Shaz and I shared a look. His green eyes glinted with amusement. “I’m playing pool, Mitch. What the hell does it look like?”
Mitch nodded slowly. His stance was tense, strained. He stank of liquor.
“This is a wolf town. Vampires don’t belong here. Seeing as you like ’em so much, you don’t belong here either, Shaz. Are you trying to get us killed?” Mitch garbled his drunken spiel, going so far as to poke Shaz in the chest with a fat finger.
“Go and sit down, Mitch. Before I sit you down.” The way Shaz stared at the other wolf made it pretty clear that he was open to a fight. He’d already been scrapping this week.
“Yeah? Try it.”
With his eyes bloodshot and his words slurred, Mitch was in no shape to fight. He took a swing at Shaz, his fist heavy and misguided. Shaz blocked it with ease while delivering a return blow. His fist connected with the older wolf’s jaw, and he stumbled backward into the pool table. Due to his drunkenness, Mitch didn’t appear to feel the punch he’d just taken.
I dropped my cue on the table and stepped between them. Though I’d have loved to watch Shaz beat the mouthy wolf bloody, it would serve only to prove the wolf’s claim that we didn’t belong there. With a pulse of assertive energy, I pushed Mitch away. Shaz was the difficult one. He attempted to shove me aside, eager to throw another fist.
“Enough.” I fixed my gaze on Mitch, ready to put him on his ass if needed. He wavered, unsteady on his feet. “The two of you have nothing to say to each other. Mind your own damn business, and we’ll mind ours.”
As drunk as he was, the wolf still knew better than to antagonize me. Being feared had its advantages, though at times it could be quite the opposite. It meant that I was no longer underestimated. And I did so love a chance to prove that I should not be misjudged.
Mitch muttered something that involved several curse words before hurling what was left of his beer at us. It hit the corner of the pool table before shattering against the floor. He staggered to the bar where he proceeded to argue with the bartender about being cut off.
Shaz strained against me, wanting to go after him. “Hey,” I said, a hand firmly on his shoulder. “That was not a fight worth getting into.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.” His eyes were wolf when he pushed me. When I held my ground and wouldn’t be moved, he snarled, “Get out of my way, Arys.”
“Not until you calm down. When did you become such a maniac anyway?” A thin ribbon of my power reached out to wrap around him. Subtle but effective, I calmed him with my touch.
His gaze dropped to my hand, and he glowered. “Cut that out you manipulat—”
“Careful now,” I interrupted. “You don’t want to piss off the one person in here that can actually take you.”
The small force I exuded smoldered with erotic heat, something I couldn’t help. It was in my nature. Shaz groaned, a sound that was both angry and sensual.
“I really fucking hate you sometimes,” he said, knocking my hand away.
“What happened to bonding? We were doing so good before you let yourself be so easily coerced into a bar brawl. Come on, Shaz. You’re better than that.”
He glared at Mitch who was now pleading his case to the bouncer trying to escort him out. Shaz sighed and swore. Then he nodded.
“Fine. You want to bond? Then come with me. Time for you to see things from our side.” He abandoned his beer bottle, dropped his cue on the table, and headed for the door.
I followed, not because he was being a tad dramatic but because he’d captured my interest. For all I knew he could have been leading me to the parking lot to instigate a brawl that nobody would break up.
His stride was purposeful, his jaw set with determination. Curious, I sauntered along behind him, noting how he trusted me enough to turn his back to me. That small act revealed much.
Hiding my smile, I called after him, “Where are we going?”
Without a glance back, he said, “To Alexa’s house.”
Epilogue
Standing in Alexa’s backyard, I was painfully aware of her absence. The house stood dark and silent. Everything about it was wrong.
Shaz pointed beyond the property line to the trees in the distance. “Out there is a place that’s very special to Alexa. I’m going to show it to you.”
He pulled his t-shirt off and laid it on the stone wall of the fire pit. His hands went to his pants, and he shot a glance my way, one brow raised in an unspoken question.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Though I had seen through the eyes of Alexa’s wolf, I had never accompanied her into the forest. Shaz’s willingness to take me to a place they had been together caused a swell of emotion to rise within me.
When he stood there in his boxers, oblivious to the autumn chill in the air, I felt the stirrings of the ghostly beast that dwelled within. His gaze narrowed as he seemed to sense it.
“Arys? Are you ok? You smell like wolf.”
“As do you, pup,” I said, avoiding his question. “Lead the way. I’m right behind you.”
There was some hesitation on his part. Then he slipped out of the boxers and stretched. His limbs were long and pale in the dark of the night. Without another word he became wolf, a change so fast and fluid it was near impossible to see in its entirety.
He was one of the most beautiful creatures I’d ever seen, second only to Alexa. Fur the same white blond as his hair, the green of his eyes seemed to glow in contrast. He loped out of the yard without checking to ensure that I followed.
I most certainly did. We cut a path across the small expanse of field to the waiting forest. It was nice to walk beneath a blanket of stars with the white wolf. The city suddenly felt so far away.
The echo of wolf was alive with excitement inside me. The scent of the earth at my feet and the wolf beside me brought memories swimming up from the depths of my subconscious, all of them Alexa’s. Being wolf meant so much to her. I would never have forgiven myself if she had lost it.
Entering the closely packed trees meant leaving the rest of the world behind. It ceased to exist as we went deeper. Shaz paused here and there to sniff at everything
from a small animal carcass to a pile of dry leaves.
I stepped with care, feeling very much aware that I did not belong here. The forest seemed to watch us, to know why we’d come. It was a strange sensation. The forest almost breathed as the wind played in the treetops. The occasional call of an owl was met with the yip of coyotes in the distance. It was peaceful, a world unto its own. A pang of envy struck me. I would never know this place the way Alexa and Shaz did. Together they had something that excluded me. It was beautiful and precious.
I yearned to speak but felt that my voice was unwelcome here. It merely didn’t belong. Shaz bumped against my side and knowing I risked a vicious wolf bite, I reached for a handful of his fur. It slid through my fingers, wiry and tough but soft as well.
Smiling apologetically when he turned a wary stare my way, I let go and reached to touch the bark of a large spruce tree instead. The old tree hummed with the natural vibrations of the earth. Closing my eyes, I could feel the way its energy was linked to everything around it. Connected. All of us. In one way or another.
For just a moment, I thought perhaps the wolf essence inside me would manifest itself after all. The tips of my fingers stung with the prick of claws. The insistent pressure inside me grew until I was sure it could be contained no longer.
I opened my eyes to find Shaz staring at me, concern etched on his furry face. Motioning for him to continue, I followed, wondering if it was possible that it was not Alexa’s wolf that reigned within me but my own instead.
A vampire could not become a shifter. We were beyond human life and death. Of course no vampire was bound to a shifter the way I was. It was a curious thing. The essence of a wolf dwelled in me, lacking only a body. Otherwise, it was very real.
I thought about Alexa, likely with Sinclair at that moment, when she should have been here. Things would get better. She would recover from the startling initiation to the vampire world and reclaim her role as one of the last Hounds. She simply had to. Anything less would be a failure. My failure.
