“I’m sorry about that,” I tell her when I catch up to her.
She’s looking out toward the horizon, toward the fields that hold future promise, the midday sun making this early fall day a beautiful one.
“No, it’s fine. It just didn’t sound like something you’d say is all.”
“I guess I’ve just been away too long.” I want to put my arm around her, but I just stuff my hands in my pockets.
“We both have.” She turns to me for just a second, her blue eyes sparkling in the sun. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be the same person I used to be, the one that had so many simple dreams.”
“I guess we all have to change. Nothing can really stay the same as it was.” I knew that as well as she might.
She nudges my arm, and when I pull my hands out of my pockets, she takes one and leads me over to a bale of hay set up against the barn. She hops on first, and I follow, our backs up against the weathered siding, the sun casting a warm glow over us.
When she leans into me, I finally put my arm around her, and in being so close, all the same feelings I’d had during our first kiss, both emotional and physical, rise right back up to the surface. There’s something about being so close to Kate that makes me feel at home, not the home of the small town we grew up in or the home I feel with my own family but the idea of a completely new home, one that she and I would build together.
“Some people just don’t take to it very well… change,” she says in a soft voice. “They have an idea of how things are supposed to go, and when they don’t, they freak.”
“Kind of like that Shawn guy?” Again, he’s not my favorite topic of conversation, but it’s obvious there’s a lot more to her story with him.
“I really don’t think you want to hear the details. Shouldn’t we be talking about the farm and all of the exciting ideas there could be for the house?”
“I do want to talk about that stuff… sure,” I say, pulling her a little closer. “But I want you to feel like you can tell me things. If there’s something you need to get off your chest because of that guy, then I’d like for you to be able to.”
She lets out a sigh and keeps looking ahead, out toward the fields that are fallow now but should be bursting with crops by next year.
“Is it important for you to know about him? I haven’t asked you about any of your other exes.”
Other than Paige.
“You can,” I say, even though I hope she won’t. To tell her the truth about how many women I’d gone through in the last seven years would be embarrassing and likely pull me down several pegs in her eyes. If she didn’t like cheesy pick up lines, she sure as hell wouldn’t want to know any of the rest.
“I’m not quite ready to compare myself to the women you’ve dated before me,” she says, an amused quality at the surface of her voice, but something far more serious underneath. “But if you want me to tell you about Shawn, I will.”
“I wouldn’t be asking if not for the whole scene at the hotel, Kate. I guess I’m really just more curious because I want to be sure I can protect you, that I know what’s expected of me. If that guy messed up his chances with you, then I want to make sure I don’t do the same thing.”
“You won’t,” she says. “Remember the promise you made me?”
I nod. A promise that if I fell in love with her—more of a question of when, not if, for me—that I’d keep loving her, no matter what.
“As long as you stay true to that, then you won’t be anything like Shawn.”
“I can’t see myself not staying true to it. And you’re sure you’re over him?” I feel compelled to ask. That insecurity of being with a girl who is still holding onto something with another guy hasn’t fully left me.
“God, yes! And even if I wasn’t, he’s married now, got married behind my back when we were supposed to be working on things. And I wouldn’t… I couldn’t be that girl who listens to the lies of a married man. I do have some pride.”
“He’s married? Damn, what a douche… I didn’t see a wedding ring, but I guess I wasn’t really looking for one.” I’m suddenly feeling pretty guilty about pushing her to talk about a guy who’d obviously hurt her so much.
“He wasn’t wearing it—I checked. Still doesn’t make him any less married, and you don’t have to worry—I never slept with him.” Her body almost shudders. “That’s one small favor I’m thankful for.”
I wouldn’t have asked her for that detail, but knowing it makes me happy, even though I realize it’s the cave-man part of my brain that cares. “I wouldn’t have judged you if you had.”
She furrows her brow. “I should hope not. I guess I could be judged for plenty of other things, so at least I know I can’t legitimately be slut shamed.”
“Kate… hey.” I lean my head toward hers. “Can you please look at me?”
She does, and there’s something sad in those beautiful blue eyes of hers. I don’t know if she’s still just upset about Shawn or if it’s something more.
“I don’t know how that guy treated you or how he made you feel about yourself, but I’ll do everything in my power to make you understand how beautiful you are, inside and out.”
She bunches her lips together and nods before she looks away from me again. Feeling like I might not have gotten through to her, I gently nudge her chin back toward me and bring my lips to hers, thankful when the kiss I lovingly give her is returned.
The soft weight of her hand on my stomach is enough to make me go hard again, the taste of her wet lips something like sweet berries. When she drags her other hand up and through my hair, it sends a shiver down my spine, and when she brings it down around my ear, against the line of my jaw and across my neck, that shivering sensation travels throughout all of my extremities.
She’s killing me, and if there was at least a bed in that house, I’d have half a mind to pick her up and take her to it and make love to her… actually make love to a girl and not just have sex with her. Just the idea of it feels so damn right.
She pulls her lips away from mine, breathless. “I need to get to work.”
I struggle to open my eyes, still caught up in the sweet sensation of her mouth, not ready to let her go. “What time is it?” I mumble, knowing that if we stayed out here and kept doing what we’d been doing, time would cease to matter for as long as we were together.
“I think it’s around two,” she tells me softly before inching away. “I don’t want to let Ben down and be late.”
I clear my throat. “I don’t think he’d mind, but yeah, I know you want to do a good job for him.”
“I did like that, Garrett,” she says, sliding her hand down to my forearm. “I mean, the kissing? It was nice.”
“More than nice,” I agree. “I just wish we didn’t have to stop.”
“I think we do… for now. But I’m not against picking up where we left off when we see each other again.”
“And when might that be?” I ask it with an eagerness I’m no longer afraid to show her.
She shrugs. “Tomorrow?”
“Or I could pick you up after your shift at Forester’s?” I trace a finger down her neck. It’s hard to keep my hands off of her.
With a soft laugh, she says, “I better have my mom do it. I don’t want you to start feeling like you need to be my chauffer or something.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Tomorrow, Garrett,” she says with an amused shake of her head. Then she pulls away from me and hops off of the bale. “But we really should get going.”
“Fine.” I’m up and at her side, take her hand and walk her to the truck.
When I drop her off at Forester’s about ten minutes later, I’m already counting the minutes until I get to see her next.
CHAPTER TWELVE
KATE
This afternoon’s shift at Forester’s is a short one, but I’m grateful for whatever hours Ben has been able to give me. I’ve already babysat for he and Beth a few times too—they’ve r
eally bent over backwards helping me with getting work, but they both tell me it has nothing to do with charity, that they genuinely appreciate me.
And that sense of worth makes me feel good, a feeling that persists while I sit outside the grocery store and wait for Mom to pick me up. I had felt it working for HFU too. Helping to build homes for families who had waited years for the opportunity to have a place of their own had channeled so much of the anger I’d felt from my diagnosis. I understood that I was hardly the only one in the world suffering, that life could be more cruel than rewarding at times. But I’d had difficulty pulling myself out of that phase in my life where I couldn’t see beyond my own sorrow. HFU had helped me, and for a while being with Shawn had had the same effect. But him rejecting me made it all crash down again, made me feel as though I’d never be able to trust a man again.
And yet, a big part of me wants to trust Garrett and believe in his promise to me.
“Well, hey there, stranger!” I hadn’t seen Mom pull up, but she’s right in front of me now, the passenger window of her Volvo wagon down.
“Hey, Mom.” I laugh at her dorky smile, jump up and get into the car. “Thanks for picking me up.”
“It’s no problem, honey. I was grading tests at school, so you were right on the way... not that it would have been a problem even if I’d already been home of course. You didn’t forget how geographically small Basin Lake was while you were away, did you?”
I laugh. “No, Mom. I definitely didn’t.” I leave the window down. It’s chilly outside, but there’s a layer of warmth in the air, and the sun feels good on the bare part of my arm.
“I’m glad things are working out at Forester’s,” Mom says as we head toward home through the quiet streets of Basin Lake. “Ben always wanted to be an architect, or at least that’s what I’d gleaned from being one of his teachers, but he’s good at managing the store, no complaints at all from his parents.”
“Yeah, he’s totally nice. And Beth too. They’ve been pretty awesome to me.”
“They’re a good family.” For a while, Mom goes silent, before I hear a “hmm” come out of her mouth, the faintest sound of worry.
“What is it?” I ask, deciding that whatever’s on her mind will come out eventually. And if it has anything to do with me, I’d prefer it just come out now.
She stops the car at a stop sign, then turns to me with a soft smile on her lips and a wrinkling of her brow. “You’ve been spending time with Garrett Hevener,” she says before looking ahead again and putting her foot back on the gas pedal.
Inwardly, I sigh “Yeah… I have.” I know exactly where this is going to end up without even having to ask.
“Basin Lake being the small town that it is, people have a tendency to talk, not bad things per se, but—”
“Mom, I know how Basin Lake works. I grew up here, you know? So, if you have something to say about Garrett, then just say it.”
Her shoulders relax, and I’m sure she’s happy that she won’t have to continue with whatever convoluted opening she was planning on. “Okay… well, first I just want you to know that I think it was wonderful what you did in getting him to Paige and Evan’s wedding. That reunion was a long time coming, and you facilitating it made me incredibly proud.”
She sucks in her breath like she’s about to say something more, but struggles to get any words out.
“But?” I prod.
“But… well, I’m a little concerned about what might be going on between you and Garrett now.”
“We’re just friends,” I push back defensively.
She looks over at me like she knows that’s a load of crap. “A man like Garrett Hevener wouldn’t be taking interest in a gorgeous girl like you if it wasn’t about more than friendship.”
“Wow, Mom, I thought you were a little more enlightened than that. You’re saying that men and women can’t be friends?”
Turning down our dead end street, she says, “Of course they can, but you’re both single, and you look an awfully lot like your older sister, honey.”
“You think I’m just a replacement for Paige?” I’m grateful we’re close to home because I really just want to get the hell out of this car. Mom had spent the last five years trying to build me back up from the feeling of worthlessness that had weighed me down since I was fifteen. And now, in one quick sentence, she’s basically telling me that Garrett might only be interested in me because I look like Paige.
“I can’t know that for sure. But what I think… what I know… is that you are a beautiful, intelligent, loving girl all on your own. And what I worry about is that Garrett had such strong feelings for your sister, and that even if he’s over her, he might be attracted to you for the wrong reasons.”
I have no words. I’m sure Mom is just trying to protect me, but the way she’s going about it takes me right back to that sense of inadequacy she’d tried so hard to erase from my life.
“If that came out wrong, then I’m sorry,” Mom says with commitment, pulling the car into our driveway. “But after that Shawn character you’d been dating, I’m not willing to see your heart break again.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I tell her. “Like I said, Garrett and I are just friends.” That’s not really true, not even close. When Garrett and I kissed on Monday, it had been all fireworks for me. My interest in him may have waned from the time when I’d been that impressionable, twelve-year-old girl, but it had sparked right back to life when he’d shown up in town again. And after the wedding, those feelings grew, then multiplied several fold when he came to my rescue after Shawn’s not so little meltdown at the hotel.
“I think that might be for the best… for now.” Mom puts her hand on mine. “You deserve the very best kind of love, Kate, and you’ll get the very best kind, but I’m just not sure he’d be the one to give it to you.”
“Fine. I get it.” I don’t throw a fit or scream at her or act all dark and pathetic like I used to do when I was a teenager, so I try to hide the edge of anger directed at my mother.
I get out of the car first, walk inside with her and say hi to Grandma. She’s in one of the recliners again with Lucille II and watching something other than Dr. Phil. She must still be upset with him, and her commitment to tuning him out is commendable.
“Hey, hon,” Clark says to my mom, giving her a peck on the cheek after she hangs her keys on a hook just inside the kitchen.
“You’ve already started dinner.” Mom gives him a wide smile and investigates the pot on the stove, simmering and smelling like the fish stew he makes from time to time.
“I did… hey there, Kate.”
I’m standing in the doorway to the kitchen. I would have liked to have run upstairs to my room and be all pissy without anyone having to witness it, but I’m attempting maturity.
“Hi, Clark.” I offer him a half wave. Sometimes it’s still odd coming home to find him here, even though he is married to my mom now. It had just always been a houseful of women growing up, so a man moving in had taken some getting used to.
“How were both your days?” he asks us, stirring the pot, his eyes going from me to my mom.
“Good.” Mom wipes at her brow and turns away from me, and I think she might just feel guilty for what she’d said to me earlier.
“I’ll get the table set,” I say, not answering his question about my day. I just turn, open up the china cabinet in the dining room and work my way around the table putting down place settings.
Clark and Mom continue to talk in hushed tones in the kitchen, the fan above the stove muffling their voices. If Mom hasn’t already expressed her concerns to him about Garrett and me, then she probably is now. Maybe Clark will tell her to chill, tell her to stop worrying about me and focus on the remodel they’d started a few months back or the Alaskan cruise they’d been talking about going on with Grandma or maybe just how content she and Clark are. Content is what everyone seems to be these days, Paige and Evan, Claire and Tyler, Mom and Clark… all per
fectly paired and happy as fairytale endings. Even Grandma is happy with Lucille II in her lap and something good on TV while I’m the only one in this family still flapping in the breeze on my own. And with everyone knowing that, maybe Clark would remind Mom I’m an adult and that I can decide whether or not I want to risk my heart for a man.
When we sit down to dinner, Mom and I have a hard time looking at one another. There’s tension in the air, and Clark and Grandma seem to sense it, both doing their best to break it by throwing out their own nuggets of conversation.
“Owen Hevener stopped by the pharmacy today,” Clark says after taking a long drink of milk and setting his glass down.
“Oh? How’s he doing?” Mom asks, wiping the corner of her mouth with a cloth napkin.
“Not bad. He told me all about the farm Garrett is buying. I let him know I’d heard a few things already.” Clark chuckles. “I swear to god that half the nurses at the clinic are in love with him, even the married ones. They treat him like a celebrity with him being in the NFL and all. They sure seem to know just what he’s up to.”
Grandma purses her lips. “Don’t they have anything better to do? Like maybe take care of their patients?”
Mom laughs, and I join in… uncomfortably.
“Besides, he’s already taken.” Grandma locks her eyes on me, and my laughter dies down to nothing.
“Yes, he very well might be.” Mom actually offers me a small smile before spearing a green bean and changing the subject to a news story about a prescription drug she’d heard the manufacturer just jacked the price up something like six-hundred percent on.
Grandma nearly grunts in horror while Clark goes on to explain the story about the drug further, and so we move quickly and quietly away from discussing Garrett Hevener at the dinner table. He’s not mentioned when we clear the table or wash the dishes up either, but that doesn’t mean what Mom said earlier hasn’t been festering inside of me the entire time.
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 9
