by Tim Collins
The two armies ran towards each other. But after covering just a few feet, both sides fell down to ground and screamed in agony.
My plan had worked. My garlic zone had trapped all the vampires, while Nigel’s wolfsbane zone had trapped all the wolves.
I’ll be the first to admit that my plan was a bit sneaky. Chloe found a rule in one of the law books forbidding the throwing of garlic and wolfsbane during battle, but it didn’t say you couldn’t leave them lying around.
As soon as the armies were contained within the garlic and wolfsbane zones, Nigel and I fastened their hands with the cuffs and tied their feet with the rope. I was a little worried about this part of the plan, as I thought the vampires might lash out at me when I tried to restrain them. But they were as weak as babies after their hit of garlic.
After I’d secured all the vampires, I dragged them into the middle of the battlefield, and Nigel did the same with the wolves. They all began to struggle violently as soon as they were away from the noxious substances, but the ropes and handcuffs held fast.
Then we went off to fetch our evidence.
Monday 11TH June
I’ve just realized I’m actually describing Monday morning by now. This is the kind of thing that happens when you stay up all night. I never liked doing it, even on New Year’s Eve when Mum said I was allowed to.
When we had our evidence, we returned to address the wolves and vampires. I told them all we were very sorry for using the toxic materials and restraining them, but we’d tried music, poetry and speech and they hadn’t worked. I think the wolves got the wrong idea at this point and thought we were going to perform some more music and poetry, because they started whimpering with fear.
Nigel then held up the antique pistol and silver bullets and told the werewolves that Vlad was planning to murder them all at the end of the night.
I held up the wooden stakes and told the vampires that Ryan was planning to murder them too.
The hissing and howling rose to a pitch that was too loud to shout over, so we dragged Ryan and Vlad into the middle of the crowd for their trial, and waited for the noise to die down.
I asked Vlad if he was planning to use the bullets and he said that he had every right to if werewolves were invading his island.
Nigel asked Ryan if he was planning to use the wooden stakes and he said he had every right to because Vlad had stolen the island from his ancestors.
Then the noise started up again and we had to wait ages before we could be heard.
The trial went on and on like this. I’d ask Vlad a question and he’d reply with something about how evil wolves are, then Nigel would ask Ryan a question and he’d slag off vampires in return. Then both sides would erupt into a deafening cacophony and we’d have to wait ages for them to shut up.
This continued until dawn, when all the wolves turned back into humans. Most of them didn’t know what was going on, so I had to go through it all again. But they stopped howling, which in turn made the vampires hush down too.
It also meant that Chloe turned human again, so she could take over the interrogation, which I have to admit we were getting absolutely nowhere with.
She asked Ryan what evidence he had that the island actually belonged to the Lunar Wood Pack. He said he had papers in the zip pocket of his tracksuit bottoms that proved it, so I fished them out.
Chloe didn’t have to examine them long before declaring them to be fake. She said they were written on sheets of modern A4 that had been yellowed with a candle to look old. Also, if they were written hundreds of years ago, why did they use modern abbreviations like ‘2’ and ‘B’ and modern slang like ‘vampires for the win’ and ‘wolves R lame so we’re jacking their island LOL’?
Ryan then admitted he’d forged the documents so he could wage war on Vlad. He said that Vlad had tried to shoot him with a silver bullet when they’d lived in the same town a few years ago. He’d managed to dodge the bullet, but he’d sworn revenge. He said that he’d been a peaceful wolf until that day and would have been happy to avoid the vampires for ever if it hadn’t been for this unwarranted act of aggression.
Vlad said it wasn’t unwarranted because Ryan had kept doing things to wind him up like constructing crucifixes on his lawn and getting extra large portions of garlic bread delivered to his house. But then Ryan said he’d only done this because Vlad kept throwing sticks and shouting ‘Fetch!’ whenever he passed him on the street.
This petty squabbling went on for ages as both Ryan and Vlad tried prove the other one had instigated the feud.
Eventually, Chloe shouted over the top of them to say that she didn’t care who started it. She said they’d both put their personal vendetta above the safety of their groups and proved themselves unfit to remain in charge.
Chloe then turned to the gathered vampires and wolves and asked if these were really the kinds of leaders they wanted. Both sides grumbled for a while, but eventually admitted that they weren’t.
Chloe suggested that the coven and the pack elect new leaders. She said that she could think of two young candidates with fresh energy and ideas, who’d already shown commitment to their coven and pack by saving them from death. Her speech built to a rousing climax in which she demanded that Nigel and I were sworn in as the new leaders!
I’d like to think her suggestion would have been greeted with wild applause if it weren’t for the handcuffs.
After Chloe’s speech, we released everyone except Ryan and Vlad, and the vampires and werewolves went off to discuss their situations separately.
I’m happy to say that there wasn’t any opposition to the suggestion that I become the new pack leader. The werewolves agreed that Ryan had misled them and couldn’t be trusted any more, and most of the others already have full-time jobs, so they were happy to let me do it.
The vampires also agreed to let Nigel lead their coven. While debating the matter, some of them raised the objection that he’s unreliable, disorganized and obsessed with bad poetry. But then it was pointed out that the coven leader didn’t have to do much except protect the island from werewolves, and that wouldn’t be difficult now, so they might as well give him a chance.
As a symbol of our commitment to peace, I broke all the wooden stakes in half and Nigel smashed up Vlad’s pistol with a rock. He was going to smash up the silver bullets too, but I was worried that he might accidentally send one of them flying into a wolf and the war would have to start after all.
Nigel’s sister then created a peace treaty using her calligraphy set. I thought she did a good job, although it could have done without the Justin Bieber stickers and glitter.
As we were signing it, Nigel said he’d been confident all along that our plan would work. It wasn’t our plan, it was my plan! I don’t want to be petty at a time like this, but a little credit wouldn’t have gone amiss. The best idea Nigel came up with in our brainstorming session was to give free pencil cases to the wolves and vampires if they agreed to stop the battle.
After that, we drew up formal notices of exclusion for Ryan and Vlad to sign. Under the terms of our agreement, they’re free to join other packs and covens, but they must never return to ours.
We then released them and ordered them to leave the island together in a small rowing boat. I was really scared that Ryan would claw my head off my shoulders to get revenge, but there wasn’t much he could do with the whole pack against him.
He said that he regretted ever helping us and that he should have just left us to cope alone and see how we liked it when we woke up with our parents’ intestines in our mouths. Then he started muttering about how everything would have been fine if he hadn’t opened the pack up to bloody students. I was going to defend myself, but I decided to let him have his little moment. Unlike in school, there are times in real life when it’s better not to reply to insults.
After that, Ryan squeezed into the tiny boat next to Vlad and rowed away. I felt guilty about stealing his job and his home, but I had to remind myself
that he’d betrayed the trust of the pack and deserved his punishment.
Nigel then announced that we were throwing the first-ever joint vampire and werewolf party starting at the castle right away. Unfortunately, neither group was very keen. Most of the werewolves said they were in a hurry to get home, and several of the vampires pretended they had to go to bed, which was an especially lame excuse for creatures that don’t need to sleep.
Never mind. We might not be able to make wolves and vampires like each other, but at least we made them tolerate each other. And after centuries of clawing and hissing, that’s not bad going.
We are now travelling back to Northport on Richard’s trawler. I’ve said goodbye to Nigel, which is a shame as we were getting on quite well. I still find it bizarre that I managed to make friends with a bloodsucking vampire who was born before the Titanic sank. It just goes to show that we’re all just people deep down inside. Actually that’s not true at all. Neither of us are people. I keep forgetting.
I’m sitting in the cabin next to Richard as I write this. Everyone else is stretched out asleep on deck. I wish I could join them, but that’s not an option. I’ve got my maths exam at 1.45pm tomorrow and I haven’t touched my revision notes yet.
Tuesday 12TH June
Richard has just handed me the keys to Lunar Hall, which Ryan left in the boat. I’ll pop over and start sorting through everything as soon as I’ve finished my exam and caught up on my sleep.
I still can’t get over being pack leader. If I wanted I could just order someone to fetch me another can of Red Bull from the fridge and they’d have to do it.
No, I won’t abuse my power. That’s how corrupt leaders like Vlad and Ryan start. Anyway, on with the revision!
Steve just asked me if I knew why he had a scrap of pink cloth tied to his hair. I said he must have torn it from the lining of a vampire’s cape in battle, and he seemed happy. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was because he was beaten up by ten-year-old girls.
We’re just pulling into Northport now. The pack set off from here last Friday, so their cars are still in the long-stay parking. Alex has very kindly offered to give me a lift straight to the exam hall in his police car.
I’m inside the police car now. Alex has had to put his siren on to get me there on time, which is very exciting, although it’s making my revision harder.
We pulled up outside the exam hall with just three minutes to spare. Mr Landis saw me getting out of the police car and said he’d warned me this would happen if I tried to be cool.
I ran into the hall, opened my paper and scanned through the questions. It was fine. I could do them. I looked up at the clock. I had an hour. Everything was going to be all right. I just needed to rest my eyes for a second, and then I’d whizz through it.
I opened my eyes and looked up at the clock again. I now had ten minutes left. How had no one noticed that I’d been asleep for almost all the exam? I looked over at the invigilators, who were messing with their phones.
I picked up my pen and tried to race through the answers in the remaining minutes. I managed to get about halfway through before the paper was snatched away. I reckon the best mark I can get now is a ‘C’.
After my exam, I came home, told Mum I’d had a lovely youth hostelling trip and ran right upstairs to bed.
Wednesday 13TH June
I’ve just woken up after eighteen hours’ sleep. That’s the longest since I had my appendix out.
The more I think about my exams, the more I think I’m going to get Cs and Ds rather than As and A stars, even when you take my excellent coursework into account. But I don’t really mind. The knowledge that I helped save the world from apocalypse is reward enough for me. I wonder if you can get a Duke of Edinburgh award for that.
It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m already in a leadership role, which means more to me than any amount of A stars could have done. I’ve been placed in a position of responsibility and I don’t want to disappoint those who are counting on me.
For most of my classmates, the hard work is now over and they’ve got a couple of months off to watch TV, play their games consoles and generally faff about. For me, the real work starts, as I’m going to forge a new era for the Lunar Wood Pack.
Thursday 14TH June
I went round to Lunar Hall this morning and had a root around. The good news is that Ryan stashed all the pack’s money under the floorboards, as he didn’t trust banks. And now the defence budget has been slashed to zero, I’m sure we can do something constructive with all those grubby piles of notes.
In the afternoon Chloe came round and we had a brainstorming session about how to use the funds. We both agreed that the house should be more than just a place wolfpeople come for monthly transformations. It should be somewhere they can drop by whenever they want to discuss wolf issues.
So we’ve officially changed the name of Lunar Hall to Lunar Wood Lupine Community Centre. One of the first rules we’re going to establish is that the pack must now refer to lycanthrophy as their ‘gift’ rather than their ‘condition’ or their ‘disease’. If we’re to behave more positively as wolves, we need to start by thinking more positively about ourselves.
Friday 15TH June
Chloe brought the Ikea catalogue round this afternoon and we chose some new furniture for Lunar Wood Lupine Community Centre. We’ve decided to plaster over all the holes in the walls, give all the rooms a repaint and buy everyone a personalized bowl for their raw meat.
We’ve also decided to make a wall collage about werewolf diversity, with pictures of bears, poodles and lions as well as wolves. The message of this is that there’s no right or wrong way to transform, and all wolf forms are equally valid.
In addition, Chloe wants to replace all the light bulbs with energy-saving ones so we can do our bit for the planet. You’d think that by saving the planet from apocalypse we’ve already done quite a bit, but you can never really do enough. Especially if you’re planning to live until the middle of the next century.
This afternoon, we wrote up the ideas from yesterday’s brainstorm and sent them out to the pack:
Saturday 16TH June
I’ve already received nineteen responses to my email. Admittedly, they were all bookings for the ultra-rare BBQ. And the only suggestion for further activities was that we should get Sky so we can show Premiership matches, but it’s a start. I could always fold the chess club and the debating society into the football evening if that’s what people want. That’s the kind of flexible leader I am.
I went round to Lunar Wood Lupine Community Centre this afternoon and tried to teach myself to be more responsible when I’m in wolf form.
For all his faults, Ryan did a very good job at restraining the pack from killing humans. I remember the night he howled at us when we tried to eat the stranded motorists. That will be my responsibility next time it happens. If I can’t hold them back, there’s going to be a lot of dismembered humans around, and the finger of suspicion will eventually be pointed at those with thick eyebrows and a taste in undercooked meat.
I went out into the garden and laid out a sheep carcass with a coat on to represent a stranded motorist and a picture of Mahatma Gandhi to represent the values of tolerance and restraint. Then I transformed and tried to make myself choose the photo over the sheep.
I can’t pretend it was a great success. I instinctively went for the sheep the first five times I changed. I didn’t even touch the Gandhi photo until the sixth time, and that was only because I got confused and thought he was really there and I could bite his throat. But I’ve got to try. I was a prefect for over fourteen months. It must have taught me something about discouraging anti-social behaviour.
Sunday 17TH June
I was cleaning out one of the downstairs rooms today when I came across a stack of Ryan’s papers. It looks like he kept some sort of diary too, although the writing isn’t very clear, and most of what I can make out details his obsessive hatred for Vlad. But I did find
one very interesting entry:
‘Looks like the ginger kid is coming through 4 me. Saw him in L wood today, changing 2 weeks before full moon. Finally got an alpha. Knew he would be, was sure the day I bit him. Gave him my email, pretended 2 B casual but followed his scent so I know where 2 call if he doesn’t show. Good timing for attack on V.’
I’ve read through this a few times now, and I’m pretty sure Ryan means he’s the one who turned me into a wolf in the first place. And the odd thing is, he deliberately targeted me because his instinct told him I’d become an alpha wolf.
When I think back to what I was like a few months ago, I wonder what he could possibly have seen in me. I can’t believe anyone could have guessed I’d become the most powerful type of shape-shifter.
I suppose I owe Ryan my thanks for seeing my potential and for biting me. It’s been difficult and frightening at times, but I wouldn’t go back to being a boring human for the world.
