‘What school?’ I inquire.
‘Riverwood Middle School,’ she replied.
Exclaiming, I said, ‘That’s where I go!’
Kaitlin grinned broadly. ‘Will you talk to me?’
A little shocked I said, ‘Of course, I will. Why wouldn’t I?’
‘I don’t know,’ she whispered, looking away.
Then, suddenly, a very sleek black car pulled up in front of us. A chauffer got out of the car and looked at Kaitlin. He nodded and said, ‘Miss. Billings, are you ready?’
She bowed her head. ‘Yes, Phillip, I am.’
He bent down and picked up her bag. Walking over, he opened up the back door for her. By this time, I was a little bit in shock. Kaitlin only smiled and said, ‘I have to go. My parents will be waiting to have dinner.’
‘Yeah,’ I slowly drew out. ‘I will call you this week.’
‘Bye Jeremy.’ She got up on her toes and lightly kissed me on the cheek. With that, Kaitlin left. I went back to my foster home and everything went back to normal. I tried to call her the next day and got a….butler. He said she was gone but as soon as she got back, he would have her call me.
So, I patiently waited. The next morning, she finally called me back. We made plans for me to come over to her house on the weekend. We talked every day for hours. I had never been able to hold a conversation with anyone, the way I did with her. So, Saturday came around and she said someone would come and pick me up.
When a limo pulled up to get me, my foster parents and I kind of stood there staring at it. The chauffer just waited patiently with the door open. Feeling rather awkward, I went and got into the car. Not to my surprise, we drove to the most wealthy neighborhood I knew of. When we pulled up to Kaitlin’s house, I looked out the window and saw a mansion. I had never really seen one before, so I was a little awestruck.
Kaitlin of course came bounding out the front door. I got out to meet her. She jumped into my arms and gave me the biggest hug ever. ‘I am so happy you are here,’ she squealed. ‘Come on, I have so much to show you. My parents are dying to meet you.’
I followed her up the stone steps and into the massive front doors. We entered a parlor almost as big as the house I was living in. Kaitlin grabbed my hand and pulled me through the house. She showed me the sitting room, the library, the ball room, their giant kitchen and finally the living room. Her parents were sitting inside of it. They were the epitome of high class. She was dressed in a fashionable, simplistic dress and he had on suit pants and a vest.
Running over to her father, Kaitlin said, ‘Papa, this is Jeremy.’
Her father smiled at me. ‘We have heard of nothing but of you for the last week. It is nice to meet you, Jeremy. My name is Richard and this is my wife Lillian.”
Nervously, I mumbled, “Hi.”
Let me tell you, they were the nicest people I had ever met. They took me in and made me feel so welcome. Kaitlin showed me her room, with her mother escorting us, of course. They were extremely old fashioned and it was not proper for a boy to be in her room unattended. I didn’t mind. Actually, I thought it was pretty cool. We spent the day talking and walking around her yard. When we walked around to the garage, I saw what would become my new fascination. There were a line of old sports cars.
‘How cool!’ I exclaimed.
‘They are father’s,’ Kaitlin replied. ‘He likes to rebuild them himself.’
Suddenly, we heard, ‘Yes, I do. Are you interested in cars?’ I spun around to see Kaitlin’s dad.
‘I have never been around anything as awesome as those,’ I responded.
‘Well then, let me show them to you,’ Richard declared, and he did. They were so beyond anything I could have experienced normally. Her father popped the hood and explained the engine to me. I ate up every word.
Finally, Kaitlin got bored, and whined, “Papa, I want to do something.’
Her father just laughed. He looked at me, and said, ‘If you are interested, I can teach you all about cars. That is, if Kaitlin will let me.’
I eagerly said I wanted to, of course, but Kaitlin dragged me away and we went and created a ruckus. After that, I spent nearly every day at their house. Her parents let us camp out in the backyard and they took me to the coolest places.
School started and we were still inseparable. I think it helped her. People picked on her, and I had to defend her. I actually punched a guy in the face, because he was teasing her so badly. I got suspended from school and grounded for two months. They let me talk to Kaitlin on the phone, but I wasn’t allowed to leave the house.”
I suddenly interrupt Jeremy. “So, she was who I reminded you of, because I was dorky and got picked on.”
“Yeah,” Jeremy sighs. “That is why I did what I did.” That makes me quiet. “So, we can fast forward through the years. I started to take violin lessons with Kaitlin and we both got good, exceptionally talented. Her father also explained to me about cars, how to rebuild engines. Richard taught me everything I know.
We were in high school about that point. We both started to change. I became….well…better looking and suddenly got a lot of attention from girls. Kaitlin only grew more timid. To me, she was beautiful, but she did not see herself that way. Then at the beginning of our junior year, she started to not feel well. She grew lethargic and got sick a lot. Kaitlin started to get these bruises out of nowhere.
Her parents quickly took her to the doctor. She….they found out…..Kaitlin had cancer. It was stage 3. We all were devastated. They started her on chemo and radiation. I stayed by her every step. I went to her appointments with her, her treatments. The more time that passed, the weaker she got. Her parents started to home school her.
That was hard. I was still going to our high school, but all I could think about was her. My grades started to suffer. Kaitlin found out and gave me a thorough verbal butt whooping. So, I would bring my homework to her house and we would do it together. Toward the end of our junior year, she grew very weak. She was a fighter though. Prom was coming up and I told her we were going to go together.
Kaitlin said she didn’t want to go. She lost all her hair and never really left the house, but in the end, she did go get a dress. I was excited, but the day before Prom, she got really sick. Her parents were worried about her leaving home. Kaitlin was devastated. I think she was really looking forward to going.
So, that night I talked to her parents, and the next day, we gave her her own prom. I showed up in my tux. Her mom got her ready in her dress. They had their chef make us a huge, extravagant dinner. Kaitlin really couldn’t eat, but it was the experience we wanted her to have. Later, I took her into their ballroom and we danced. It was all slow dancing because she was so weak, but we danced. It was great. She was so happy.
Afterwards, we sat outside on the veranda. We talked and she just beamed. As we were talking, Kaitlin took my hand gently. I just smiled at her. She nervously bit her lip and then looked up at me. I asked her what was wrong.
She instantly blushed and looked away. Finally, she whispered, ‘I am dying.’
I snapped and said, ‘No you are not, you are going to beat this.’
‘We know I am not,’ Kaitlin whispered quietly. ‘That isn’t what I want to talk about.’
Slightly aggravated, I said, ‘What did you want to talk about?’
‘You are my best friend and I love you,’ she sighed.
‘I feel the same way,’ I replied.
With her beautiful eyes, she just looked at me. Kaitlin whispered, ‘I want to ask you the biggest favor in the world, and you can say no. I would understand if you said no.’
‘I will do anything for you, you know that,’ I reassured her.
Kaitlin looked off towards the horizon. ‘There is something I want to do before I die.’
‘What? We can do anything,” I urged.
Taking in a deep breath, she quickly spit out, ‘I want to be with someone before I die.’ Her eyes turned to me. ‘And I want it to be you.’
I kind of stared at her for a while because I had no idea what she meant. Then it hit me. ‘Oh!’ I gasped. ‘You want us to BE together?’
‘I have already missed so much, and if I die, there is even more things I will never get to do. I want to experience that one thing.’
Obviously, I said, ‘Of course. I would gladly do that with you.’ Now, I was still a virgin at this point, too, and she knew that. We kind of awkwardly sat there for a while. She just held my hand. Gently I rubbed the back of it with my thumb. ‘When do you want to do this?’
‘Soon,’ she replied. ‘I want to do it before I get worse.’ Kaitlin started to giggle. ‘I would actually like to enjoy it, if we are going to do it.’
That made us both laugh, even though it was really sad. ‘I want it to be special,’ I finally said. ‘Not tonight.’
She giggled again. ‘Not with my parents around.’
So, we planned ahead. Her parents were going to be gone for a night and I told them I would stay in the guest room and take care of her. We were both 17 at this point. So leaving us on our own wasn’t that big of a thing. Kaitlin had been feeling better. We were all really hopeful. That night we sat on her bed and just held each other’s hand. Now, we had never kissed, never done anything, but I loved her none the less. So, carefully I put my hand on her face and gently placed my lips on hers.
I won’t get into details because that is obviously a private thing, but it was perfect. I was afraid of hurting her though. So, it was just soft and intimate. That night we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
The next day, we were just happy. It was something really special that we had…….” Jeremy pauses and takes a deep breath.
“Are you okay?” I ask. “You don’t have to tell me anymore.”
He looks up at me and shakes his head, “I am alright.”
“Kaitlin sounds wonderful,” I whisper.
“She was. She was everything to me, the only family that I had. Actually, her family was the only family that I had. We were teenagers, so that wasn’t the only time that we were together. I think her parents knew, but I don’t think they cared. She was feeling so much better.
Our senior year came around, and we thought Kaitlin was going to beat it. For my birthday that year, she and her family presented me with the GTO. Kaitlin knew I had wanted one. It needed to be fixed up, but her dad planned for us to do that together. Richard was like a father to me. Kaitlin was so happy to see me excited. We spent the next few weeks, planning for our futures.
Then one day, she just fell. I caught her in my arms and Kaitlin just laid there. She put her hand on my face and whispered, ‘I love you.’
I quickly replied, ‘I love you, too.’ She then just slipped into a coma right in my arms. We rushed her to the hospital and she was put in hospice. They said they didn’t know why she took such a hard turn. I stayed with her. I slept in hospital chairs next to her bed. That’s why the night I slept in the chair by you, I made the comment that I was used to it.
Kaitlin held on for three months. She never woke up again. I would talk to her and tell her about school. I was there every day. I diligently did my homework, because I knew that is what she would have wanted. Then one night, I kissed her hand gently, and just prayed to God. I asked him to not let her suffer anymore. That I was ready to let her go, and a few hours later, she passed.” Jeremy stops and stares at the wall.
Unbeknownst to me, I feel tears run down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away. “I am so sorry Jeremy.”
He takes in a deep breath and chokes out, “Her funeral was tough. I knew it was her time to go, but it was still hard. To my shock, a lot of kids from school showed up. Part of me was happy that they remembered her, and part of me was furious, because none of them cared enough to see her when she was sick.
A week or so went by, when her parents called me and asked if I would come to the house. So, I did. We did the usual, how are you doing conversation. Then they sat me down, and said, ‘Kaitlin asked us to do something if she ever passed away.’
Hesitantly, I asked, ‘What was it?’
Her mom reached out her hand and took mine. ‘She asked us to leave you her trust. Kaitlin wanted you to have it.’
My jaw dropped and I shook my head. ‘I can’t take that.’
‘We want you to have it,’ her father said. ‘She wanted you to go to school, to be able to do the things she wouldn’t be able to do. Kaitlin gave us one message for you, that you should live your life for both of you.’
I instantly started to cry. In the end, the trust was transferred to me. It was five and a half million dollars, but I have never really touched it. I finished my senior year and graduated. The day after I graduated, I sat there and thought about her. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that I couldn’t stay around there anymore. Everything reminded me of her. So, like I told you, I took a dart and threw it at a map of the US. It landed here.
The next day I went to her parents’ house. I told them I was leaving, that I couldn’t stay around anymore. Her mom begged me not to go, but I told her I had to. She demanded that I write her and tell her where I was, and I did when I got here.”
That makes me gasp. “Those letters that I saw, they were from her parents!”
“Yeah,” Jeremy sighs. “At first I wrote them and told them what I was doing. When her mom would write me back, it would tear me apart every time. So one day, I stopped writing and stopped reading. The letters still come every week. I have a stack of, I don’t know how many. I just can’t think about it, but I still think of her every day.”
“I am so sorry Jeremy. You shouldn’t be using that money to help me. She left that for you!”
He quickly sits up and looks at me. “No, she would have wanted me to help you Isabelle. Kaitlin would have adored you. I think you would probably have become best friends and shoved me to the side. You remind me so much of her.”
My mind kind of stops at that. “Are you…..am I…replacing her? Is that why you are friends with me, because I remind you of her?”
Jeremy gets this shocked look on his face. “No, Isabelle, no! At first, yes, you reminded me of her. That’s why I wanted to help you, but that is not why I am friends with you! You are similar, but so different, too. She was timid. You are a pistol when you want to be. You have different senses of humor. But, you both are talented beyond recognition. You are my best friend, but it is not like that! I am not trying to replace her with you! Please, never think that.” He puts his hand on the side of my face. “Please, you have to understand.”
I place my hand on top of his. “No, I do. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“Thank you for hearing it. So, that is why it is important for you to love, because it is a great thing. I do not regret loving Kaitlin for a second.”
“One day, I hope I can be in love,” I sigh, just looking at him.
Shrugging, Jeremy says, “I don’t think I was in love with her. It was a different kind of love. Not something out of a steamy romance novel.”
“Yeah,” I mumble, my mind drifting to last night. What am I supposed to think of that now? What were we doing? Does it even matter? He doesn’t remember. Maybe that is a good thing.
“Want to know something else about me?” Jeremy asks.
With a smirk, I reply, “Sure.”
“One of the first things you asked me was if I sleep around and the answer is no, because I have never been with anyone, but Kaitlin.”
My jaw drops. “What!?”
“Nope, not anyone,” Jeremy states. “I never have wanted to.” He pauses, looks at me and then looks away. “I mean, the situation has never risen. You know what, I need some coffee.”
“You will probably just puke it up,” I reply. “Maybe you should lie down.”
Jeremy gets up on his knees and grimaces. “Okay, I think I agree with you, no coffee. A bed sounds good.”
“Do you really think Kaitlin would want you to get wasted on the anniversary of her
dying? Would she want that to be the way you celebrated her?” I sternly ask.
Stopping, Jeremy turns and looks at me. “I have never thought about it that way.”
“Well, maybe you should start to,” I retort.
Humming, Jeremy says, “Hmmm, yeah. See, it’s good to have you around, you make so much sense.”
“Thanks,” I reply, standing up. I grab him by the armpits and pull him to his feet. “You need to go lie down.”
“Aye, aye, captain,” Jeremy says, saluting me.
I roll my eyes. “Go to bed.”
He walks into his room and falls onto his bed. I walk over and close his door. Quietly, I walk to my room and shut my own door. Not knowing what to do, I sit down on my bed. It’s then that the tears come, the tears about last night, the tears for Jeremy and Kaitlin. I put my face in my hands and cry.
Chapter 19
After I stop crying, I sit and stare at the wall. I knew last night didn’t mean anything, but to have him forget completely. That makes it painful. I shouldn’t be upset, should I? It was fun and maybe I should just take it as that. I just can’t get rid of this nagging feeling.
Then you add on Kaitlin. It hurts me to know he is in so much pain about it, but then part of me feels uneasy. He calls me his best friend but I obviously will never live up to Kaitlin. Is it wrong of me to feel this way? Part of me feels angry or jealous about how close they were. It makes me feel inadequate. Is he only helping me because of her? How much of our friendship is a reminder of her and not about us, or me even. And the worst part is that I can’t talk to anyone about it. I would go to Cassandra, but I can’t talk about any of it. Maybe about last night, but even then, do I want to admit to that? And what if it got back to Jeremy!? I can’t, I just can’t talk about it. So, I sit and cry a little more.
A few hours later, I check my eyes once again to see if they are still red. Finally, they aren’t. I go out into the kitchen. I grab the tea kettle and put it on the stove.
Suddenly, I hear my phone go off. I walk over to the kitchen table. My eyebrows shoot up when I see that it is Eric. I quickly answer it. “Hello?”
The Art of Life Page 33
