So instead, I pulled through and did the single mom thing the only way I knew how—I worked my fingers to the bone and slept when I could. I did, however, try my hardest to always make time for Jimmy. Having a three-year-old boy who loved me unconditionally was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I’d always make sure he knew he was the most important thing in my life.
I was in a bad place emotionally when I’d found out I was pregnant, and I thought for sure my world was ending. I went through my pregnancy practically alone, with the exception of my mom, who was dealing with health issues and a divorce, but I’d done it and every day that I looked at that precious boy with his daddy’s eyes and dimples, I knew that I couldn’t give in to my depression. Not ever. Little Jimmy saved my life in so many ways.
I got a call from the temp agency exactly a week later. Even though I hated to do it and I needed the money, I called in at the grocery store again so I could meet with them to find out about other jobs. I dressed in my best pants and a nice top. I hadn’t worn a long skirt in four years, and I swore I never would again.
The blonde behind the front desk of the temp agency reminded me of Amanda. There were a lot of blondes in California and many of them reminded me of her. I was constantly doing a double take even though I knew it was impossible for her to be anywhere.
I missed Amanda so much. It was hard to believe it had already been over four years since she died. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about her. I remember crying the day I delivered little Jimmy because I’d done it alone. Mom was in the hospital at the same time as me. Amanda would’ve been there for the entire thing. I know she would’ve. I would’ve had a baby shower and she would’ve been there helping me push when it was time.
Instead, I screamed my head off since I’d gotten there too late for drugs, and the only people who’d been in the room were the doctor who I was positive hated me and a nurse that said I was acting like a baby. It was a good memory and a bad one all wrapped in one.
I filled out some paperwork that the blonde behind the desk gave me and then I was called back into a tiny office with an older lady sitting behind a massive desk covered in papers. She stood and smiled when I entered.
“Hi, Faith, I’m Mrs. Cooper.” She shook my hand. “Please, have a seat and let’s see what we can do for you.”
I sat there silently as she went through all of my papers and my application and tried her hardest to find a job for me. It was hard considering I had limited experience and no educational background. It stung when I told her that I hadn’t graduated or gone to college.
“It looks like I may have found something,” she said in relief.
I appreciated her trying so hard for me.
“How do you feel about cleaning? As in being a maid?”
“What are the hours?” I asked.
I had to make sure it either had hours that worked with my grocery store job or paid enough that I could work only the maid position.
“Monday through Friday, and the hours are as long as the job takes. If you go in early enough and you get the job done right, I don’t see any reason why you’d have to stay in the house. It’s not a live-in position.”
“What does it pay?” I asked.
She smiled over a piece of paper. “Well, it seems the job pays six hundred and fifty dollars a week, after taxes, of course. How does that sound?”
How did it sound? It sounded amazing! I barely brought home four hundred after taxes from my two jobs a week. That barely covered rent in our small two-bedroom apartment, the bills, groceries, and everything else that went along with living.
“It sounds perfect,” I said with a smile. “When can I start?”
I left Mrs. Cooper’s office feeling better than I had in a very long time. Things were looking up. God was starting to answer my prayers. With a job like that, I’d get to spend time with Little Jimmy and possibly go back to school.
I brought home pizza as a surprise for Mom and Jimmy. When I walked in the front door, he jumped out with his dinosaur mask on, and I pretended to be afraid. He giggled as he hugged my leg.
“It’s okay, Mommy. It’s me, it’s me!”
We all sat in the living room, ate pizza, and watched dinosaur movies. Once Jimmy fell asleep on my lap, I lifted him and took him to our bed. We shared a room and the room was big enough for two beds, but all I had was my small full-sized bed from when I lived at home. At least Dad had let me take that.
Some nights, I’d relax in bed and sift through my memories. My bed always reminded of the time when Finn had spent the night with me. It was a bittersweet memory that started out making me feel better, but then I’d get angry all over again and I’d end up in an even worse mood.
The truth was I was lonely. Other than Mom and Jimmy, I had no friends, and even though there were some men who flirted with me, I couldn’t bring myself to date. Even thinking about being sexual with another man made me feel sick to my stomach. Finn was my only, and as far as I was concerned, I got the best part of him. Every time I looked at my baby boy, I knew I could never regret being with Finn, even if he’d broken me beyond repair.
I started my new maid job three days later. Mrs. Cooper had informed me that the owners of the condo I was cleaning were almost never home, which made me even happier. The last thing I wanted was to clean someone’s toilet as they watched me.
The condo was massive with contemporary furniture like you’d see in a dental office and abstract paintings of different instruments all over. The kitchen was covered in stainless steel and granite, and the five bathrooms were all bigger than my entire apartment.
Why someone would need so many bathrooms and bedrooms was beyond me, but once I started cleaning, I realized there were quite a few people living there. Each room was well lived in and dirty as all get out. Actually, considering how rich the apartment looked, it was pretty filthy—like maybe a bunch of men lived there.
I didn’t get the entire place cleaned the first day, so I was extra happy that the owners didn’t seem to be returning anytime soon. I’d return each day to an empty condo and continue to clean, making it further and further every day. After four days, the place was spotless.
By the fifth day, all I had to do was the laundry that was left over. It was all men’s clothes, but by then, I’d already figured out that I was cleaning for a household full of guys. Maybe a sports team or something like that? There weren’t any personal pictures lying around. Nothing letting me know what the people looked like or whether or not they had families. It was kind of spooky, but I didn’t care. As long as the check came every Friday and I could pay my bills, I was happy.
I folded all the towels in the laundry area and began to put them in the linen closets located in every bathroom. When I made it to the gray-and-black room, which is what I’d named it, I had an armful of towels and a happy smile since I knew it was payday and I’d have enough money to stop and get Jimmy the stuffed dinosaur he’d been wanting.
I could hardly wait to see his face when I came through that door with that thing. It was expensive, but my baby deserved it.
The sound of water sounded somewhere and I stopped. The agency had warned me that the owners would be returning, but I hadn’t seen anyone yet. I felt relief knowing that I was almost done and that I wouldn’t be stuck cleaning while they were there.
I raced across the room and straight into the bathroom with my arms full of towels. I wanted to hurry and get out of the condo and on my way home. I expected the room to be empty since the running water sounded as if it were coming from the kitchen.
I screamed loudly and dropped all the laundry when I ran straight into a naked man. My cheeks lit up with a red rush of fire. The embarrassment made me dizzy, so dizzy that I was afraid I might faint as my eyes took in his naked chest and lower half, but it was when my vision clashed with Finn’s shocked blue eyes and dark features, that I went crashing to the floor.
Twenty
Finn
I could hardly believe my eyes. For a brief moment, I wondered to myself if I was still high from the last shit I’d smoked. I was shocked that I almost didn’t catch her when she fainted right there on the bathroom floor. My hand kept her head from smashing into the expensive flooring.
Not that I cared much about what happened to her. Or did I?
I scooped up her small frame. She felt smaller than she had four years ago. I tried not to think about what she felt like in my arms as I crossed my bedroom and laid her on my massive king-sized bed. Her head was back and her mouth was gapped open. I appreciated the fact that she still had her long hair, even though I couldn’t see it since it was piled on top of her head in a messy bun.
It was only natural for my eyes to take in her body. They followed her graceful neckline, down past her chest and flat stomach, and landed on a set of long legs that I could remember being wrapped so tightly around me. My cock started to grow hard and I had to step away.
“Snap the fuck out of it, Finn. This bitch is the devil. Remember that,” I said to myself.
I went into my closet and pulled out a change of clothes and dressed as quickly as I could. In the bathroom, I turned off the water. By the time I was back in the bedroom, she was coming around. I sat in the chair beside my bed and watched as she opened her eyes and blinked rapidly at the ceiling above us.
The words that I longed to say to her for the past four years felt sour against my tongue. She’d burned me so badly—sucked out any bit of good that was in me and spit it in my face. When she disappeared on me, I went so far into a depression that my mom feared for my life. I drank until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and did so much drugs that any bit of money I made selling anything went straight into my habit.
I didn’t touch another girl until after I’d been with Blow Hole for a while. I remembered Jenny coming over not long after Faith had left. She’d tried so hard to get me to fuck her, and I ended up passing out on her. My boy Leroy informed me the next day that he’d found Jenny straddling me while I was passed out. Being the kickass friend that he was, he pulled her off of me and kicked her out of my garage.
I couldn’t even remember the first girl I’d slept with after Faith. I just remember being drunk and crying the next day. I’d felt as if I’d cheated on her. It took me a long time to build up so much anger toward Faith that I could be with another woman, but I always made sure to never get involved with a woman more than once, and feelings were something I never planned on having again. It worked and that was all that mattered.
I could easily say without blinking that I hated Faith, and I’d spent a good chunk of the four years contemplating the havoc I’d wreak on her if I ever saw her again. So while seeing her lying on my bed reminded me of a bad moment in my life, it also made me happy that I’d finally be able to get revenge for the heartbreak she’d delivered without a care for me.
When she finally realized what had happened, she sat up quickly and grabbed the back of her head like it hurt. Her eyes scanned my room until they landed on me. They widened as took me in.
“Finn?”
“Faith?” I responded.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I live here. I’m assuming you’re the new maid the temp agency sent over?”
She shook her head yes slowly, her eyes still relaying her shock.
“I didn’t… I didn’t know you lived here,” she stuttered.
“And here I was thinking you’d come for a second dose,” I said sarcastically.
I praised myself when she frowned.
“I assure you that is not the case,” she said as she swatted at a piece of hair in her face.
She quickly slid from my bed and went into the bathroom to gather the towels she’d dropped. She folded them and placed them into the linen cabinet without saying another word. I didn’t take my eyes off of her as she worked. I enjoyed the fact that I made her so nervous. The bitch deserved it.
When she came out of the bathroom, she started across the room as if she were going to leave. Something told me she wouldn’t be returning to the condo to clean, and I had to take my chance to get my digs in before she left.
“My, my, how the mighty have fallen.” I shook my head. She stopped with her back to me, and I continued. “When exactly did you start cleaning toilets for a living?”
She swung around like she was going to say something rude. Her eyes blazed and her cheeks turned fire red. I longed for her to say something fucked up so I could fire back and burn her, but instead, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and walked away.
I couldn’t help myself. I followed behind her. Thankfully, no one was in living room or kitchen when we got in there. She went to the kitchen counter and grabbed her purse. She turned toward the door and I decided to give one more slap in the face before she left.
“Bye, Faith. Beware of Daddy’s belt when you get home.” I chuckled to myself.
It was fucked up, but so was her walking out on me like I was nothing. If she could treat me that way, then I could treat her the same way.
Again, she paused with her back to me. I waited anxiously for her to turn on me and give me a reason to verbally cut her, but again, she walked away. The front door shut quietly behind her. She didn’t even have the backbone to slam the fucking door in anger. What I’d ever seen in such a weak woman I didn’t know.
That weekend we threw a big-ass party and instead of getting pissed at the fuckers who trashed our place, I smiled to myself, knowing that if Faith had enough balls to come back to clean, she’d have her hands full.
I drank so much that Tiny had to help me to my room. I knew in the back of my mind that I was trying to drown the old hurtful memories that kept popping up. I’d never admit that to anyone else, but the only thing that seemed to make those thoughts and feelings that I loathed so much go away was liquor and drugs.
“Leave it. Let the maid get it,” I said to Zeke’s girlfriend, Patience, the following Monday when I walked into the kitchen.
She was stacking the dishwasher and collecting the trash. I didn’t mind her being at our place. I actually enjoyed her company. It was nice having a girl around that I could be friends with.
“It’s not a problem.” She smiled over at me. “There’s some Tylenol in the cabinet there for that hangover I’m sure you have.”
I reached out and stopped her from cleaning. “Patience, get your cute little butt back in that bedroom with Zeke and spend some time with him. I got this.”
After I’d gotten rid of Patience, I downed another beer to bite the dog and swallowed enough Tylenol to knock out my headache.
I stood in the shower for an extra long time, letting the hot water clear my brain. Once I got out and got dressed, everyone was ready to head out and do some fun stuff for the day. Zeke and Patience were obviously going to do their own thing, so Tiny and Chet tried to talk me into getting into some trouble with them.
“Nah, I think I’m going to hang out around here today. I feel like shit.”
It was a lie. Really, I wanted to stay just in case Faith came back. I didn’t want to miss the chance to talk shit while she cleaned up after me and my boys.
Once the place was empty, I chilled on the couch and watched TV. I couldn’t believe my luck when I heard the front door open and then close. When I turned around, Faith was standing there looking back at me. She said nothing as she set her purse on the kitchen counter and went to work. I was already thinking of everything I wanted to say to her. When I was done with her, she’d never come back in my home again.
Twenty-One
Faith
His words cut me deep. So deep, in fact, that I cried the entire drive back to my apartment. I cursed myself for letting him lure more tears from me. I’d sworn I’d never cry over Finn again, yet I had, but the things he said to me were so cold, so hurtful.
As soon as I got home, I called the grocery store and tried to get my old job back, but the position had already been filled. I t
ook Jimmy with me to the temp agency to pick up my check.
“Mrs. Cooper, is there any chance you might have another position for me?” I asked.
Her brows pulled down in confusion.
“But I thought you were enjoying it. Is it because the owners came home? Did something happen?” she asked.
Something had definitely happened, but I couldn’t tell her, especially in front of Jimmy.
“No, nothing like that. I was just asking.”
“Unfortunately, Faith, with your lack of education, it’d be hard to find you something else, but I’ll keep an eye out.”
I wanted to cry when I left her office. I was stuck. If Finn didn’t fire me, I’d have to work for him. I’d have to see him over and over again, and that made me feel sick. Not to mention, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. What if he found out about Jimmy? I could not under any circumstances let that happen. He’d take him, and then I’d really die inside.
I took Jimmy to the toy store and bought him his dinosaur. On the way back to the apartment, I kept looking at him in the rearview mirror. He loved his new toy and it was nice to give him something and make him smile. It made me sad that I couldn’t do that whenever I wanted. He was a great kid and deserved so much more, but I could give him all the love in the world. Hopefully, that would be enough.
The fact of the matter was I’d continue to look for something else and hopefully Mrs. Cooper would continue to search, but until then, and as long as Finn didn’t fire me, I was stuck cleaning up after him. I didn’t like it, but I’d swallow my pride if it meant taking care of my son.
The worst thing about it was that I was working for something that Finn should’ve been giving me anyway. Jimmy was his son. There was no denying that one. Not only had Finn been the only guy I’d ever had sex with, but Jimmy looked just like Finn—same eyes and dimples, the works.
Finding Faith Page 16
