by Lucas Coon
“So,youdon’tremembertheaccident?”Alexleanedforward. “Accident?”Ciara’seyeswidenedagain.“Oh!Likeacar accident.Wewereinacaraccident.Thatmakesalotofsense. That’show Ilostmyleg,isn’tit?”
“Yeah…”Alexneverunderstoodhow shecouldremainsocalm andcollectedinanysituation.From thedayCiarawasableto speak,shewasoverlyrational.Shedidn’tcrywhenshegothurt, shewouldloudlyexplainthatshehadgottenhurtandthatshe wasgoingtobeOK.ThefirsttimeAlextookhertothepark,she wentdowntheslidetooquicklyandlandedonherbackside.She stoodup,lookedatAlexandloudlyexclaimed‘Ihurtmybutt,but I’m goingtobeOK,dad’,thenkeptonplaying.Shehadalways beenlikethat;rational,straight-forwardandshenever complainedaboutthemundanethingsinlife.Shewasastraight ‘A’studentandshehadneverbeenreprimandedinschool.Ashe watchedhergrow up,Alexalmostenviedher.Hewasaterrible child,alwayscausingproblemsandfailingtheeasiestclasses.He wasgladhehadherandnotachildlikehimself.
“So,isitjustmylegthen?I’m notinjuredanywhereelse?” CiaralookedupatAlexwithinquisitiveeyes.
“Acouplebruisesandscrapes,butyou’llbealright.”He
smiledather.“Ciara…”Alexhesitated.Shewastoocalm forall this.“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Sure,dad.”
“Whyareyounotfreakingout?Whyareyousocalm withthis wholesituation?” “Youmeanwithmyleg?”Sheglanceddown.Afteramomentof thought,shecontinued.“Idon’tseeanypointinbeingtooupset aboutit.Itwouldn’thelpanyanditwouldprobablyjustmakeit harderforyouandmom.”Ciarasmiledatherfather.“Idon’twant tomakeitanyharderonyouguysthanitis.Icanonlyimagine how mom’stakingthis.”Ciarahadamomentofrealization. “Whereisshe?Wasshehurtasbadasme?”Alexwasdreading thisquestion.Heknew shewasgoingtorealizethathermother wasn’tthereeventually,buthe’dhopedthatitwouldn’tbewithin thefirsthourofhisvisit.
“Ciara…”Alextriedtocalm hisnervesashepreparedtotell hisdaughterthathermotherwasdead.“…intheaccident,your mother–”
“Knock,knock!”AlexwascutoffbyMadisonenteringthe room.“How arewedoinginhere?’
“Good.”AlexansweredbeforeCiara.Heknew thatshewasn’t askinghim,buthechosetosnagtheopportunitytogetoutofthe conversation.
“Alright!”Madisonchuckledathim.“Ciara?How areyou doing?”
“I’m doingfine.”Ciarasheepishlyresponded.“I’m sorrytoask, butdoyouknow whathappenedtomybackpack?” “Oh!”Madisonpulledtheradiofrom herwaist.“Kara,domea favor.Ineedyoutogotomyofficeandlookinoneofthechairs bymydesk.There’sabackpackthatIlabeled‘CiaraLangley’, couldyoupleasebringituptous?Thanks!”Sheclippeditback toherpocket.“Sorryaboutthat.I’vehaditinmyofficeforwhen youwokeupandtotallyforgotaboutit.”Shesteppedalittle furtherintotheroom andstoodbythebed,placingherhandson thesiderailing.“Isshereallydoingfine,dad?”
“Basedonourconversation,Ithinkshe’sgoodenoughtogo home.”Alexsmirked.“Yeah,Ithinkshe’sdoingalright.Thank you,Madison.”
“Ofcourse.”ShelookeddownatCiara.“Areyouuptohaving lunch?”
“Yes,please”Ciara’smouthcrackedintoasmile.
“Great!I’llgetthem tobringyouupsomethinglight,justto makesureyoucanholditdownandall.Youseem likeyou’llbe OK,butIdon’twanttopushittoomuch.”Madisonputherhand onCiara’s.“You’redoinggreat,bytheway,Ciara.”
“Thankyou.”Ciara’sfaceshiftedtoaredhue. “Alwaysthemodestone.”Alexmadehissarcasticcomment. “Anyway,ifthey’regoingtobringyouupsomething,IthinkI’llgo getlunch.AreyouOKwithmeleavingforabit,kiddo?”
“Yeah,that’sfine.”Ciarasmiledagain.Alexguessedthatshe’d movedonfrom herquestionandforgotten;he’dboughthimselfa littlemoretimetomentallyprepare.Madisongesturedtowardthe doorandthetwoofthem steppedawayfrom thegirl.Alex stoppedandturnedtolookbackatCiarabeforeheexitedthe room.
“Iloveyou,Ciara.” “Iloveyoutoo,dad.”Shebeamedathim.Hersmilewas enoughtotellAlexthatsheknew helovedherandthatshedid lovehim.WhateverHollyhadtoldherdidn’timpactherinthe wayitwasintended.“Couldyoubringmom withyounexttime?” Thereitwas.Hehadn’tboughthimselfasmuchtimeashe’d hoped.Alexwavedhishandupinagestureofagreement,he didn’twanttoanswerthequestion.
“Youdidn’ttellher?”MadisonchastisedAlexasheexitedthe room.
“Ididn’tgetachance.”Alexwentonthedefensive.“Besides, how thehelldoyoutellyourchildtheirmother’sdead?”
“Youhavetotellheratsomepo–”
“Layoff,Madison.”AriacutMadison’ssentenceshort.“He’ll tellherwhenhe’sreadyandwhenhethinksshe’sreadytoknow. Won’tyou,Alex?”
“Ofcourse.”Alextriedtosmile,butitfelljustshyofwhatit wassupposedtobe.“Listen,I’lltellher.Ihavetotellher, obviously.Ijustcan’tdoityet.”HestaredMadisondown.“Ifyou cantellmeaneasywaytodoit,I’m allears.”Therewasa momentofsilenceamongthethreeofthem.Madisonputher handonAlex’sshoulderandsmiledathim.
“Ihavenoideahow youshouldtellher.”Shepulledherhand backandwalkedaway.
“Well,thatwashelpful.”Alexshookhisheadandsighed.
“Shecanbelikethat,don’ttakeitpersonal.She’sbeen throughalottooandshedoesn’tknow how tohandlepeople whenthey’restruggling.It’sdefinitelyacharacterflaw.”Aria grinned.“Wanttogotothecafeteriaandseeiftheyhave anythingworthwhile?”
“Uh…”AlexlookedatthedoortoCiara’sroom,thenbackto Aria.“Whynot?I’vegotabitbeforeIhavetobebackuphere.” AlexfollowedAriatotheelevatorandthetwoofthem steppedin. “So,asidefrom yourmother’smedicalissues,whathasAriabeen doingwithherlifesincethelasttimeIsaw her?”
“I’vejustbeenlivingmydreams.Irunthebakerydowntown; Snicker-doodleBakery.”Ariasmiled.“Actually,whenwasthelast timewesaw eachother?Wasn’titaroundthetimeIopenedit?”
“Actually,thelasttimewesaw eachother…”Alexstaredtothe floorthenshiftedhiseyestotheside.“Itwaskindofa‘one-time’ thingthathappened.YouandMitchellwerefightingover somethingafew yearsagoand…”
“Dammit,Iforgotallaboutthat.”Aria’sfaceshiftedtoabright red.“OK,let’spromisetonevertalkaboutthatagain,please?” “Agreed.”Alexliftedhisheadtostareattheopeningdoors. “Well,asidefrom that,wehaven’tseeneachothersinceyoufirst moveduphere.IbelieveyouandMitchellwerehavingdinnerat Robin’sandItookCiarathereforherbirthday.Yousaw meand introducedmetoyourhusband,thenItoldyouguystojoinus.I thinkthat’stheonlyothertime.”Thetwoofthem steppedoutof theelevatorandtowardthesittingarea.
“Wow,thatwas…”Ariastartedcountingonherfingers.“…six yearsago?SoitwasforCiara’ssixthbirthday?”
“Thatsoundsright.”Alexsmirked.“She’sgrownupsofast.” Hepulledachairoutandsatatoneofthetables.
“Aren’tyougoingtogetanythingtoeat?Isn’tthatwhywe camedownhere?”Ariastoppedandstaredathim confused.
“No,wecamedownheresoyoucouldgetsomethingtoeat.” Alex’scorrectivetonewassharp.“I’m notreallythathungry…” “I’llgrabsomethingforyou.”Ariashookherheadandwalked away. “No,Aria,I’m not…”Alex’swordsfellondeafearsasshe walkedintothekitchenarea.Heturnedandplacedhiselbowson thetable.Hismindwastooclutteredtobothereventhinking aboutfood,muchlesscontrolthemotionsofdigestion.Madison wasright;hehadtotellCiarathathermotherwasgone.She deservedtoknow,shehadtherighttoknow.Nooneelsewas goingtodoitforhim.
Alex’seyesfocusedonthevarioussectionsofthehospital untiltheycrossedastainedglasswindow.Thewindow was coloredwiththeimageofaman.Themanwaswearingaredrobe withgoldenlinings,hadlong,slicked-back,hairandheldwhat appearedtobeasmallwoodenship.Tothehospital,thislikely meantsomethingpositive.Itlikelystoodfortheirabilityto overcometheeverydaymedicaladversitiestheywerechallenged with.Theylikelytookittoheartthatnothingwasimpossible,and ifsomethingwasimpossible,theywouldmakeitpossiblethrough themiraclesofmodernmedicine.
Alextookitdifferently.Themaninthewindow,SaintJudas Thaddaeus,patronsaintofdesperatecasesandlostcauses,was onethatAlexcouldidentifywith.He’ddonesomuchtohurtthe onesheloved,hurttherelationshipsofthosearoundhim,and therewouldcomeadaythathewouldpayforit.Maybethat’sall Alexwasanymore,justadesperatecaseandalostcause. “Goodmorning!”AsoftvoicegentlyglidedintoAlex’sears.
“Wakeup…”
“Hmm…”Alexslowlyopenedhiseyesandtookadeepbreath in.“Oh,morning,Holly…” “Uh…”Thevoice’stonechangestoonethatwasabitless enthusiastic.“…notquite.”Ashlynpulledbackfrom Alexandsat againsttheheadboard.
“Oh,dammit…”Alexshookhisheadandturnedtositonthe edgeofthebed.“I’m sosorry,Ashlyn.”Hestoodupandwalked overtohisdresser.Hishandsgrippedthehandleandpulledthe draweropen,pullingoutapairofbluejeans.“I’m stillnotusedto wakingupinmyhousewithyoulyingnexttome.Ipromiseit won’thappenagain.”
“Yougetone.”Ashlyngrinnedandpulledtheblanketupto coverherself.“Actually,Iknow youjustwokeupandall,buthow areyouholdingup?”
“I’m doingalright.”Alexpulledthepantsupandturned, leaningagainstthedresser.“I’m stillalittletornupabout everything,butI’veacceptedthatallthisismyfault.”Hegrabbed agreyt-shirtfrom ashortstacknexttowherehewasstanding andpulleditoverhishead.“Backtothepositive;Ciaraisdoing muchbetterandIthinkwe’regoingtostartsomephysical therapytoday.Thatshouldbefun.”
“Firstoff,thisisn’tyourfault,Alexander.Hollyhadproblems andheractionswereherown.”Ashlynsteppedoutofthebedand towardAlex.“Secondoff,that’sgood.Third;donotpushhertoo hard!”Shekissedhim softlyandwalkedtowardthebathroom, shuttingthedoorbehindher.Alexsmirkedandwalkedoutofthe bedroom.Hesteppedtowardthelivingroom anddroppedhis bodyontothebig,plushcouch.Itwasnicebeinghomeagain; he’dbeenhesitanttocomebacksincetheaccident.Hepulledhis phonefrom hispocketandstaredatthescreen.Threeweekshad passedsinceeverythingchanged.Hepressedafew spotsonthe screenandopenedupatextmessagehe’dreceivedfrom Ciara overnight.
“Physicalatnine.”Itwasashortandstraightsentence,butit wasenoughforhim.Hehitreply,typedoutafew words,hitsend andleanedbackagainstthecouch.Itwasonlyseven,sohehad sometimebeforehe’dneedtoleave.Thislasttwenty-onedays hadbeennothingshyofimpossible,therewasnootherwordhe couldeverusetodescribeit.Ciarahadtakenthenewsofher motherbeinggoneabouthow Alexanticipated.Sheaskedhim if shesuffered,sheaskedhim whenshedied.Hetoldher everythingthatheknew.Shenoddedandansweredwithnothing morethan“Iunderstand.”Shewastoocalm,shewasalwaystoo calm.He’daskedMadisonifshewasactinganydifferentlywhen hewasoutoftheroom,butshetoldhim shehadn’t.Theway MadisondescribedherbehaviorwasspotonwithwhatAlex knew.Wasthishisfaulttoo?He’dalwaystriedtokeephis emotionsseparatefrom everythingelse,butheneverexpectedhis daughtertobethesameway.Hadhefailedatraisingher?
“Whattimedidyouneedtoheadout?”Ashlynwalkedintothe room,rubbingherhairwithatowel.“I’llprobablyleavearound thesametime.”
“Ihavetobethereatnine.”Alexopenedhiseyesandleaned forward.“Didyoujustgetoutoftheshower?Thatwasquick…” “No,Ijustwashedmyhair.”Ashlynsatonthearm ofthe couch.“Youknow it’seight-thirty,right?Shouldn’tyoube leaving?”
“What?”Helookedathisphone;eight-twenty-seven.“DidIfall asleep?” “YouweresnoringwhenIwalkedinhere.”Shelaughedat him.“I’lllockupwhenIleavethen.”Sheleaneddownandkissed Alex.
“Youknow…”Alexstaredather,shehadahabitofnot wearingmuchwhenshewasthere,especiallyinthemornings. “…youreallyshouldconsidercoveringupsome.Theneighbors haveaclearshotintothelivingroom from nextdoor.”Alex gesturedtothelargeglassdoor.“Imean,Idon’tmind,butthey might.Theoldguyacrossthewayisabit… Well… Let’sjustsay you’rehistype.”
“Well,thenyou’dbestbecarefulthathedoesn’tstealme, huh?”Shegrinnedandwalkedbacktowardthebedroom.“See youlater.”Hewatchedherleavetheroom.Itwas,ashe’dthought before,nicehavingheraround,butitwasgoingtobenothing shortofawkwardwhenCiaracamehome.Itwasanother situationthathewoulddealwithwhenithappened.Hegotup andwalkedoutofthehouseandgotintohistruck.Heshifted thetransmissiontodriveandtraveledasfastashelegallycould tothehospital.
“Wow,busyday…”Alexpulledintotheparkinggarageonlyto findtherewerenoparkingspotsonthefirstfew levels.Helooked athisphonetocheckthetimeagain.“It’sonlyeight-fifty,why aretheresomanypeoplehere?”Hepeeredbackuptotheroad andslammedhisbrakes.Theyoungcoupleinfrontofhim stared withahorrifiedlook.Hewavedatthem inamannerthat gesturedhisapology,theyignoredhim andstartedbacktoward theentrance.Thewomanappearedlikeshewasfine,butthe manlookedlikehewasgoingthroughhell.Hisfacehadan almostgreyhuetoit,hiseyeslookedredandpuffy,hishairwas adisaster.“Poorguymusthaveonehellofabug.”Heshookhis headandkeptgoingtothefirstavailableparkingspot.
“Mr.Langley.”Madisongreetedhim inthelobby.Hervoice soundedrushed.“You’rehereearly.”
“ItoldCiaraI’dbehereforherphysical.”Alexsmiledather. “She’ssupposedtostartwalkingtoday,right?Thislastweekwas allstretchingandpainmanagement,sotodayshe’ssupposedto goaroundthetrack?”TherewasatoneofexcitementinAlex’s voice.Hewasexcited;she’dmadegreatprogressandthiswasthe nextsteptonormalcy.
“Oh…”Madisonlookedaroundtheroom,Alexfollowedsuit; therewereanumberofpeoplesittinginthewaitingroom.Several ofthem lookednormal,butafew ofthem lookedmiserable. “Alex…”Shespoketogethisattentionagain.“We’regoingtohave toholdoffonthatforacoupleofdays.Todaylookslikeit’sgoing tobeabusydayforeveryone.”
“Yeah,Inoticed.”Hestaredatsomeofthepeoplewaiting. “What’sgoingon?” “Lookslikeafluoutbreak.Thenewsrecommendedthat anyonefeeling‘ill’shouldcomeinandgetcheckedout.”She chuckled.“IfIevergetmyhandsonthatnewscaster,they’llnever findthebody.”
“Well,alrightthen.I’lljustheadupandgositwithher.Maybe Icangetheronhercrutchesandwecanjustwalkthehallway? Thatshouldbeagoodstart,right?”Alexsmirkedagain.
“Yeah,that’sfine.Mostofthesepatientswillbecheckedin, lookedat,andsenthome.They’llprobablyneverleavethisfloor, soyouwon’tbeinthewayoranything.”Shepattedhim onthe shoulder.“I’m sorry.”
“Noproblem.Goodluck,Madison.”Alexwalkedtowardthe elevatorandwenttothethirdfloor,continuingontotheroom wherehisdaughterhadbeenforwhatfeltlikeforever.Heopened thedoorandsteppedin,hisdaughtersmiledathim ashe enteredandsatnexttoherbed.
“Hi,dad!”Hervoicehadasoundofexcitement.“Youmadeit!” “Hey,honey.”Alexputhishandonhers.“OfcourseIcame, whywouldn’tIhave?”
“Iknew youwould.”Ciarasmirkedagain.“So,theyshouldbe cominginheresoontotalkaboutmyphysical.Iheardyesterday thattheyweregoingtotakemedowntothetrackareasoIcan walkit.IthinkI’m goingtogofortwolaps.Ifigure,ifIpush myselfhardondayone,thendaytwowouldbeabreeze.”She punchedattheairinfrontofher.Itwasnicetoseeherhave someenthusiasm inheractions.“DidyouseeDoctorRafferty whenyoucameuphere?”
“Actually,yes,Idid.”Alexsighed.“Unfortunately,shesaidthat you’regoingtohavetowaitonyourphysicaluntilatleast tomorrow.Apparently,there’ssomesortofflugoingaroundand she’ssuperbusy.”Hisheartskippedabeatasher‘take-on-theworld’smilefellintoaflatexpression.Sheleanedbackontothe bedandstaredupattheceiling.“I’m sorry…”
“Iunderstand.”Ciara’stonewasasflatasherexpression. “Well,there’ssomegoodnews.”Alextriedtolightenthemood. “Shesaidwecanatleasttrytowalkupanddownthehallas muchandaslongaswewant.Thatwaywedon’tloseany progressandwe’llbereadyfortomorrow!”Ciaraturnedtohim andforcedhermouthupward.“Iknow,it’snotthesame…”
“It’ssomethingthough,right?”Shewas,onceagain,hopeful. “Canwegonow?” “Yeah,Idon’tseewhynot.”Hestoodupandpulledbackfrom thedoor.Sheshovedherbodytothesideandpulledbothofher crutchesunderherarmsandpulledherselfup.Herbalance falteredslightlyasAlexcaughther.Shetookabreathandpulled herselfbackup.“Areyouready?”Shenodded.Alexbackedup andopenedthedoor.Ciarapushedthecrutchesforward, followedbyherleftleg.Assheclosedthedistance,sheonceagain startedtoloseherbalanceandAlex,onceagain,caughther, helpingherbacktostable.Shestaredathim with
disappointment.“Don’tyoudare.”Alexshookhisheadather. “Youdon’tgettogiveupnow.”
“No,I’m notgivingup,Ijustdon’tthinkIcan–”
“Youcan.”Alexcutheroff.“Youabsolutelycan,andIwillbe
hereforyoutheentiretime.”Heplacedhishandonhershoulder. “Takeitslow,butdon’tgiveup.”Thetwoofthem meteyesand shestaredwithahopefulglare.Shekeptgoingforawhile,and Alexfollowed.
“Hey,youtwo.”MadisonsteppedintothehallwhereAlexand Ciarawerestanding.“How’sitgoing?Haveyoubeengoingsince nine?”
“Morelikenine-thirty.Why,whattimeisit?”Alexlookedupat theclockbehindMadison.“Oh,wow it’salreadyeleven?It’sbeen anhourandahalf.Weshouldgetyoubacktoyourroom.”
“OK.”Sheagreed.“That’sgoodthough,right?” “Good?”Madisonlaughed.“Ciara,thatisabsolutelyamazing!” Shepattedhershoulder.“Youhavemadesomefantasticprogress here.”Thethreeofthem walkedbacktoward
herroom.Ciarasat backonthebedandgotcomfortable,Alexsatonthechairand Madisonshutthedoorbehindassheentered.Sheleanedagainst thewallandlookedoverthetwoofthem.“How areyoufeeling, Ciara?Scaleofonetoten.”
“Eightandahalf.”Hervoicehadregainedit’spositivetone. MadisonCircledbetweeneightandnineontheboard.“Before youask,yes,Iam hungry.Doyouknow what’sforlunch,Doctor Rafferty?”
“Idon’t,butI’llsendthecartuptogetyousomethingtoeat. Didyouhavebreakfast?”Madisonclosedthecapandplacedthe markerbackdown.
“No.”Ciaralookeddown.“That’swhyI’m sohungry.” “Well,that’snogood.”Shesmirkedandwalkedtowardthe door.“I’llgetthem uphererightawaythen.”Madisonpulledthe radioup.“Hey,Kara,couldyougetlunchuptoCiaraLangley. Theymissedherforbreakfast,somakesureit’sagoodone and…”ShelookedbackatCiara’ssmilingface.“…getsomeofthe reallygoodstuff.TellRacheltochargemeforit.I’llpayforit whenIgetbackdownthere.”Shepusheditbackdowntoher belt.HereyesmetAlex’s,hisbrow liftedinconfusionand concern.“Don'tworry,it’snotthatkindof‘goodstuff’.She’s gettingsomechocolate-cremepie.”
“Ha!Iwashopingyouhadn’tmeantwhatIthoughtyou meant.Don’tknow whymymindwentstraighttoit.”Alex chuckled.
“I’m notthatirresponsible,despitewhatAria’stoldyou.” Madisonlaughedaswell.“Well,youtwo,Ihavetogetbackdown stairs.Mylunchbreakisjustaboutover,soI’vegottogetbackto helpingalltheparanoidpeopledownstairs.”
“Youcameuphereforyourlunchbreak?” “Well,yeah,Alex.”Madisonsmirkedagain.“Ciaraisoneofmy topprioritiesrightnow.I’m notgoingtogetmuchtimetocheck onherlater,soIwantedtouseasmuchtimeasIcouldtogetup here.”
