by Lucas Coon
“Isthatreallyanoption?”Holly’svoicehadasenseof suspicion.“Doyouhavetheauthoritytodothat?”
“Maybe…”Alexsmiled.“Maybenot.Idon’treallyknow.Imean, myrankgivesmesomepull,right?Otherwise,whatwasthepoint ofthetitle…”
“Justdon’tdosomethingyoucan’tfix,Alex.”
“Iwon’t.I’llfigureitout.”HestaredatCiara,shekeptherstare withhim asshemadeasoftsound.“Itdoesn’tmatterrightnow. Theonlythingthatmattersrightnow isthatyouknow…”
“Youknow I’m alwaysgoingtobethereforyou.”Alexstaredat theroadinfrontofhisredpickup.“Iknow I’vesaiditamillion times,butIfeellikeIneedtokeepsayingit.Witheverythingyou andIhavedealtwithlately…”
“It’sOK,dad.”Ciara’svoicewasgroggy.“Iknow you’rethere forme.”Shehadaslighttoneofannoyanceaddedintohertired voice.
“Ican’thaveyouthinking,evenforasecond,thatIwon’tcome tosaveyou.Iknow theworldisharsh,andIwantedtokeepyou awayfrom theevilthatexistsoutthere.”Alexslowedthetruckto astopashepulledovertotheshoulderofthehighway.“What youdid;no,whatyouhadtodobackthereinthehospital…”
“Idon’treallywanttotalkaboutit.”Ciarashiftedandrested herheadonherhand.
“Iknow youdon’t.”Alexpulledtheleveronthesteeringwheel andshiftedthetrucktopark.“Youneedtothough.Youcan’tlet itsitinsideyouandfester.Youneedtocometotermswiththe actionsyou’vetaken,withthefactthatyoukilledaman.It’sone ofthosethingsthatyoudon’teverwanttothinkabout,ortalk aboutbut,ifyoudon’t,itwillhauntyou.It’llstartwitha nightmareofyourelivingtheevent,thenit’llmoveontoyou thinkingyousaw hisfaceorheardhisvoicesomewhere.Then, whenthat’sfinallytakenholdofyouandeatenawayatyour sanity,you’llstarttoseehim everywhere.You’llbecomean insomniac,you’llstarttobeafraidtogotosleep,you’llstarttobe afraidtoleaveyourownhouse.”HeglancedovertoCiara;she wasnolongerrestingherhead.Hereyeswerewideandfocused onAlex.“What?”
“Wow…”Shemaintainedherstare.“Isthatwhatyou’vegon–” “No.”Alexshookhishead.“No,I’vebeenseeingatherapistfor thelastdecadetomakesurethatdoesn’thappen.I’veseenit,I’ve watchedmybestfriendsinmysquadlosetheirmindsslowly.I literallywatchedaguythatIwenttohighschoolwithgettothe pointofsuicide.”
“Didhe…?”Ciara’sthoughttrailedoff. “Hetried,andfailed.”Alexturnedtofaceher.“Hewasinthe hospitalforafew weeks,theninapsychiatrichospitalforabout ayear.He’snotthesamepersonanymore.”Heglancedtoward theradio,theclocklitupindicatingthatthetimewasaround six-thirty.“Imean,he’sdefinitelybetter,buthe’snotthesame manatall.”
“Well,that’sgood,Iguess.”Ciara’sresponsewasquiet.“That he’sbetter,andall.” “Yeah,itis.”Alexleanedhisheadbackandstaredatthe ceilingofthetruck.“Theonlythingisthathehadtobedrivento theedgejusttogetbetter.Now he’spermanentlyinuredwith somethingthatwascompletelyavoidable.Ofcourse,there’sno guaranteethattherapywould’vehelpedhim throughitall,but…” HeglancedbacktoCiara.“Youknow,itmighthave.”
“Iunderstand,dad.”Ciarastaredbackathim.“Ofcourseit’s botheringme,Ididn’twanttohurthim.Iknow hewasabad person,buthedidn’tseem likehewasgoingtohurtme.”
“Youknow,Ihaven’taskedyouyet;didhehurtyou?” “No.”Ciaralookedbacktotheroadinfrontofthevehicle.
“Actually,hewasalmostpolitetome.Weactuallytalked,hewas interestedinmyknowledgeofLatinrootwords.Heseemedlikehe wasactuallyaniceperson.”
“Sure.”Alexshrugged.“Anicepersonthatkidnappedyou,
thenthreatenedtokillme.”
“Ididn’tsayhewasaniceperson,justthatheseemedlikeit.”
“Iknow.”Alexsmirked.“Hedidn’thurtyouordoanythingto youthough?” “No,nothinglikethat.HegavemeabottleofwaterwhenI askedforit.”Ciarathoughtback.“Honestly,nothingwasoutof theordinary.Itwaslikebeinglockedinaroom withsomeoneyou justmet,butwerebeingforcedtotalkto.Itwasjustreally awkward…”
“Ibetitwas.”Alexlaughed.Hewasn’thappyaboutwhat happenedwithJudas,hewantedittogodifferently.Therewasno pointindwellingonhow itcould’vebeenthough.“Iam proudof youthough.Yourquickthinkingsavedmylife,andyoustopped him from hurtinganyoneelse.”
“Ididn’twanttohurthim.”Hervoicewasquiet.“Iknow he deservedit,butIdidn’twanthim tosuffer.That’swhyIaimedfor anartery,Ithoughtitwould’vebeenquicker…”
“It’salright,sweetheart.”AlexreachedoutandgrabbedCiara’s hand.“LikeIsaid;youdidwhatwasnecessary.Idon’twantyou tolookbackonthisandthinkyoudidsomethingwrong.There’s notellingwhathemayhavedoneifyouhadn’tdisarmedhim.He could’veshotme,Mitchell,Lilly…”
“Iwonderhow they’redoingrightnow.”Ciarasmiledatthe thought.“Shewasadorable.”
“I’m surethey’refine.Mitchellhasagoodheadonhis shoulders,andsheseemedlikeasmartkid.” “I’m goingtomissher.”Ciaraglancedbackoutthewindow. “Yeah,metoo.”Alexleanedhisheadbackandstaredatthe
ceiling.“Man,thishasbeenalongday,huh?”Heshuthiseyes andkepthisfocusonthedarkness,itwasanicechangeofpace from thesunglaringoffthehoodofhistruck.Ithadbeenafairly nicedayoverall,notthathe’dbeenabletoenjoythelovely weather.Theroadtheywereonseemedtostretchonforever,and Alexdidn’tmindifitdid.Allhewantedwastogetawayfrom that hospital,togetawayfrom thatcity.Basedontheirlocation,he’d definitelydoneso.“So,doyouknow whereweare?”
“Noidea.”Ciarashookherhead.“I’vebeenstrugglingtostay awakeforawhilenow.”Sheyawnedandsatup.“Wherearewe?” “Thatsignabituptheroad.”Heopenedhiseyesandstared forward.“Itsays‘WelcomeToSouthDakota’.Sowe’retechnically inNebraska,prettymuchonthenorthernborder.”
“That’sneat.”Shesmiled.“CanwegotoRushmore?” “Notthistime,Ciara.”Alexsmiledatthethought.“Actuallywe aregoingtogotoEllsworth.It’sanairforcebaseaboutsixhours west.”Hestaredattheroadbeyondthesign,therewasnothing buttheopenhighwaythroughthehorizon.“IthinkIshouldbe abletogetinformationfrom someonethere.I’m goingtoseewhat theyknow aboutwhatwasgoingonbackhome.I’m goingtosee iftheycangetmeincontactwithsomeonethatcandocument thatwemadeitoutandwhereweare.Hopefully,Icangetaccess tomybankaccounts.”
“Doyouthinkanyoneelsemadeit?”
“Well…”Alexsighed.“Weknow Mitchelldid.”Heturnedto
lookoveratCiara.“Ireallydon’thaveananswerforyouthough. I’m bettingyouandIareprobablyonthelistofthedeceased.It’s goingtobefunprovingthatwe’renotdead…”
“Yeah,thatsoundslikeagreattime.” “It’llbefine.We’llstayinEllsworthforafew days.They’llgetit alltakencareof.Hopefullytheycanputusupinahotelor something.Ireallydon’twanttosleeponabase.”Alexshiftedthe carbackintodrive,butkepthisfootonthebrake.“Afterafew daysinSouthDakota,we’llpressontoourrealdestination.”
“StillAlaska?”Ciarasmirkedassheasked.
“Yep,stillAlaska.”Alexsmiledbackandnodded.Thetwoof them satinsilenceforafew momentsandtookintheearlysun set.Alexhadbeendrivingthroughthedaywithoutstopping,and thisshortbreakwasabsolutelynecessary.“Areyoureadytokeep going?”
“Sure.”Sheleanedherheadbackonthewindow.“Wakeme upwhenwegetthere.” Alexchuckledandletgoofthebrake.Thetruckstartedtoroll backontothehighway,hepressedthegaspedalandreturnedto thespeedhewasatbeforestopping.Theycontinuedatadecent speed,Alexwatchedtheemptyroadinfrontofhim.Therehadn’t beenanypeople,whichwasconcerningtoAlex;buttherealso hadn’tbeenanyinfectedorabandonedvehicles.Heassumedit wasjustaslow dayinsouth-easternSouthDakota;thehighway waspassingthroughopenlandanyway.Hemaintainedhispace ashewatchedvariouslandmarkspassby;rockformations,old buildingsthatweren’tmaintained,anoilrig.Italllooked interesting;theywerethingsthathewould’velovedtoseeup close,buthehadapurposeforthisroadtrip.Hehadtogetto Ellsworth,that’sallthatwasimportantatthismoment.He squintedtoseethesignthatwascomingupontheirright.
“Hey,Ciara.”Alexshookthegirlinthepassengerseat.She groanedandignoredhim.“Ciara.”Shedidn’trespond.Heshook hisheadandturnedofftheexit,pullingthetruckinfrontof whatappearedtobeanemptytruckstop.Itwasn’tafullstop,it lookedmorelikerestroomsinapublicpark.Itwasenoughfor Alex.“Hey,Ciara!”Heincreasedhisvolumeandshookheragain.
“What?!”Sheopenedhereyesandrespondedangrily. “I…”HewastakenabackbythelevelofangerCiarahad displayedwithasingleword.“Westopped.Ineedtousethe restroom,soIthoughtthiswasagoodopportunitytodoso.”He staredather,hereeyeswerewideasifshehadseensomething thatconfusedher.“
AreyouOK?”
“Yeah,I’m fine.”Sheshookherhead.“Sorryaboutthat.”
“It’sfine.You’renotonetowakeupgracefully.”Alexlaughed. “Anyway,Ihavetogo,doyouhavetogo?”
“Iprobablyshould.”Sherubbedhereyesandshookherhead again.“Yougofirst,I’llwaitforyoutogetback,thenI’llgo.” “Alright.Ifyouseeanything,youlayonthehornashardas youcan.”Alexlookedbackbehindhisseat.“That’sstillloaded, so…”
“Gotit…”Ciaranoddedathim.Alexnoddedbackandexited thecar. “Lockthedoors!”Heshoutedatherthroughthetruck’sdoor andmadeagesturewithhishands.Shelookedoverandpressed abutton;thedoorsclickedasthelocksclosed.“Good!”Alex turnedbackandwalkedtowardthedoortotherestroom area marked‘men’.Hepushedthedooropenandwalkedintothe room.Thefloorwasamess,buteverythingelseappearedtobe somewhatmaintained.“Ihopethewomen’srestroom isnicer thanthis…”Heshookhisheadandwalkedovertotherearstall. “Man,mylegshurt.”Helamentedtohimself.“Ireallyshouldstop towalkaroundmore,thatcan’tbegoodforme.”Heleanedinand pulledthelever,thesoundofrushingwaterfilledtheotherwise silentrestroom.Alexwalkedovertothesinknearthedoorsand staredatthefaucet.Hiseyesrestedonthehandleforthewater, itwasstrangethathewasafraidtoturnitonandusethewater. Allofthishadmadeoneofthemostbasicnecessities,andthe basictaskofwashinghishands,somethingthathehadto question.Ithadfeltlikeforeversincehe’dbeenproperlyclean, andahotshowerwassomethingthathewasgoingtoenjoywhen theystoppedinEllsworth.Itwasgoingtobeapleasuretoget theirlivesback.
“I’lljustwaititout…”Heshutthewateroffandstaredat himselfinthemirror.“Can’thavecleanhandswiththerestofme beingthisawful.”Hesmirked.Overall,helookedbetterthan most.Hishairhadgrownsomeandwasgreasy,hisfacehad gottenaslightlythinner,hisbeardhadgrowninandhiseyes weredark.Despiteallthat,thefactthathewasstillalivemade him notcare.Heranhishandthroughhishairinordertofixit asbesthecould.“Yeah,that’snotgoingtomatter…”Helaughed, thensighedasheturnedtoexittherestroom.
Alexpushedthedooropenandsteppedontotheconcrete sidewalkthatsurroundedthesmallreststop.Thesunhadgone downandthesurroundingareawaslitonlybythecoupleof lightswithintheparkinglot.Thewindwasblowingacoldchill throughthenightsky;Alexwasenjoyingsimplybeingabletobe outsideandenjoytheweather.Hestaredupatthestarsasthey shinedtheirbrightwhitelightsthroughthetinypurpleclouds. Theroadfrom herewasgoingtobelong,butitwasgoingtobe worthit.Hesmiledandshiftedhisfocustohistruck,he’dkept Ciarawaitinglongenough.Hisfacequicklyfellfrom oneof enjoymenttooneofconfusion;thepassengerdoorofthetruck waswideopenandCiarawasn’tintheseat.Alexwalkedoverto thesideofthetruckandstaredintothecab;hisdaughterwas nowheretobeseen.Heleanedinandglancedbehindtheseat, theriflewasstillsittinginthesmallopenareabehindtheseats. Alexattemptedtopiecethesituationtogetherwithoutpanicking.
“Maybeshejustreallyhadtogoandgotfedupwithwaiting…” Hestoodandstaredattheseat,thenglancedovertothe restroom door.“Yeah,I’m surethat’sit…”Hecontinuedtolook backandforthbetweenthevehicleandthedoor.“Dammit.”Alex leanedintothetruckandgrabbedtherifle;thepastfew weeks hadmadelogicalthinkinganimpossibilityforhim.Heshovedthe truck’sdoorclosedandwalkedovertotheentranceofthe restroom.Hepushedthedooropenslightlyandspokeintothe crack.“Ciara?”Hewaitedthreeseconds,whentherewasno response,heshovedthedooropenandenteredwiththerifle readied.“Ciara?!”
Therestroom wascleanerthanthemen’sroom,butitalso seemeddarker.Alexglancedup;oneofthebulbswasmissing from theceilinglights.Hesteppedintotheroom slowlyandtook intheentiretyofhissurroundings.
“Ciara!Areyouinhere?”Alexshoutedintothesilence. “You’renotsupposedtobeinhere,dad!”Ciaraangrily shoutedbackathim.“Whatareyoudoing?!” “Itoldyoutowaitinthetruck.”Hecontinuedintothe restroom.“Youscaredthehelloutofme.”Heloweredthegunand walkedtowardthewall.Therewasonlyonestallwiththedoor closed.“Didyouhavetogothatbad?”
“No,I…”Shestartedhersentencebutitquicklyfaded.“Ifeel sick.”
“Sick?”Alexpushedhimselfawayfrom thewallandwalked overtothestalldoor.“Sickhow?”
“IfeellikeI’m goingtothrow up.”Ciara’svoicewasweak. “Youhaven’thadanythingtoeatsinceweleft.”Alexleanedin towardthedoor;hecouldhearCiaracryingsoftly.“Ciara?” “Dad…”Ciara’svoicewasnearlyawhimper.“Something’s wrong…”
“Ciara,letmein.”Alexspokethroughthedoorandwaitedfor hertorespond.“Hey!Isaid,letmein!” “No!”Ciarayelledbackathim.“Justleave!”Sheshoutedbut quicklyfellbacktoquiet.“Ithurts…”Ciara’swordsstruckAlex hard.“Ohgod,ithurts,dad….”
“No…”Alexsteppedbackandshookhishead.“No,no,no.” Alexsmackedthedoor.“Openthedoor,now!”Hisvoicegrew aggressive.“No,thisisn’thappening!”Hehitthedoorrepeatedly. “Openthedamndoor,Ciara!”
“Agh!Whatishappening?!”Ciara’swordswerelinedinwhat wasclearagony.“Dad!Whydoesithurt?Mythroat;Ican’t breathe… Ican’t…”Shequicklystoppedtalkingandbegan coughing.Hercoughingquicklyturnedintowhatsoundedcloser togagging.“Dad…”
“Ciara!”Alexhitthedoorharder.“Dammit,no!Thisisn’t happening!”Hesteppedbackandkickedthedoor;itdidn’tgive. “No,youcan’tbeinfected!There’snowayyoucouldbe–”
“HegavemeabottleofwaterwhenIaskedforit.” Ciara’s earlierstatementreplayedinhismind.Judashadgivenherwater anditwasbottled.Shehadn’tindicatedwhetheritwassealed, andwhentheyfoundhertherewasawatermessonthefloor,as wellasonher.Therewasanemptybottlesittingbehindher chair,andanotheronesittingonthetableinfrontofher.There weretwobottles,onewaslikelyforher,theotheronewould’ve beenforhim.Hadhetaintedthewater?Wasthistheworkof Judas?Hadhemanagedtotakehisrevengethislongafterhis death?
“Ciara,please…”Alexsteppedbackandleanedagainstthe wall.Hecouldhearhersobbingpainfully;thesobswerequickly changingintoshallow breathsandagonizinggrunts.Shewas infected;ithadbeenfesteringandwaitingfortheentiretyofthe drive.“Ican’tloseyou.Ican’tdothis…”Hestood,leanedagainst thetileandstaredatthestalldoor;thethinwoodwastheonly thingbetweenhisdaughterandhimself.Ciaracontinuedto scream inpainwithsobsinbetweeneachone.Alexplacedhis handsbackontherifle.Theyhadmadeitoutofthestatethey werein,theyhadmadeitfaraway;yetitfollowedthem.The infectionwaswiththem evennow.Alexstaredattherifle;was thissomethinghewasgoingtohavetodo?Wasthisreallywhat washappening?
Hismindswiftlytwistedintorealizingtherealityofthe situation;hisdaughter,theonlypersonhehadleft,wasinfected. ShewasturninginareststopinsouthernSouthDakota;ina statethatlikelyhadn’tbeenhitbytheinfection.Shewasaboutto becomethefirstinfectedinthearea;whathappenedafterthat wasinAlex’shands.Hecouldleave;getinthetruckandgetaway asquicklyaspossiblewithouteverlookingback… Anotheroption wastodonothing;hewouldprobablybekilledbyherifhechose this.
“Pleasedon’t…”Alexslidontothefloorwithhisback continuingtopressagainstthecoldtile;hishandscontinuedto gripthefirearm.Heknew whathehadtodo,hewouldhaveto stopthisbeforeanythingmorehappened.
“Please,Ciara…”Alexcouldfeelthetearsbeginningtostream from hiseyes.Hischeeksfelthotandhisheartwasracing. “Don’t…”
Ciara’sscreamsofagonyslowlydieddownintoquietgasping. “Open…”
Hergaspsspedupandbecameaggressive.
“The…”
ThedoorshiftedasCiaraslammedintoit,shewasgone.
“Door.”Alexgrippedtherifleandheldittowardthedoor. Therewasnowayhewasgoingtobeabletodowhatheneeded to;heknew it.Ifthedooropened,hewasn’tgoingtobeableto pullthetrigger.ThedoorshiftedwithCiara’sbodyweightafew moretimes,beforeitstopped.Hecouldhearmetalshifting;she wasgoingtogetthedooropenwithinafew moments,andhe wouldhavetopullthetrigger.
“I’m sorry,Ciara…”Bythispoint,Alexwascryingharderthan heeverhad.Losinghisdaughterwould’vebeenonething.The factthathewasgoingtohaveshootherhimselfwasanother.“I wassupposedtoprotectyou.Iwassupposedtobetheoneto keepyousafe.”
Theroom wasstill;Ciarawasstillgasping,andAlexwasstill crying.Hecontinuedtostareatthedoorandthinkabout everythingthathadgottenthem tothispoint.Judashadgotten hisrevenge,andhehadsuccessfullykilledAlex.LosingCiarawas goingtobetheendofhim.Helistenedtoherbreathein;each gaspendedinaquietcallforhim.
“Dad…”Hecouldhearherwhisper;shewasstillpartially there.Ifnothingelse,shemighthearhim.
“Ciara,Iloveyou.”Alexspokethroughthedoor.“Iloveyou morethananything.I’m sorrythishappened.”
“Dad…”
>
“Ifailedyou.Ifailedyouineverypossibleway.”Hewipedhis eyesandfocusedonthedoor.
“Dad… please…”
“Youmeantheworldtome.”Alexwhisperedhislastwords anddroppedtherifle.“Ican’tdoit.”
“Ihave…”
“Ican’tdoit…”Alexshookhishead.“Idon’tcareifIdie,I can’thurtyou…” “…noidea…” ThevoicewasloudinAlex’searsasheshuthis eyes.“Dad?”Hefocusedonthedarkness.Ithelpedhim toescape from thesituationinfrontofhim.“Hey!Dad!”Hefelthisarm shaking.“Dad!AreyouOK?!”
Alexquicklyopenedhiseyes;thesunlightreflectedoffthe hoodofhistruckanddirectlyintohiseyes.Heblinkedafew timesbeforehefocusedonwhatwasinfrontofhim.‘WelcomeTo SouthDakota!’
“Hey…”Ciarashookhim harder.“AreyouOK?”Alexstaredat theroad,thenturnedhisfacetolookathisdaughter.Shewas staringathim withalookofterror.“Canyouhearme?”Ciara wavedherhandinfrontofhisface.“Hey,areyouthere?”
“You…”Heleanedforward.“You’renot….”Heshookhishead andstaredather.“You’rehere.”
“Yes?”Ciara’sconcerngrew.“Dad,what’swrongwithyou?”
“You’renotinfected.You’renotoneofthem…”Heleaned towardherandpulledherintoatighthug.“You’renotoneof them…”
“Nottothebestofmyknowledge.”Shepulledawayandstared athim.“Areyoufeelingalright?Youmumbledsomethingabout knowingwherewewere,thenyoujustblackedout.I’m notsureif youwerebreathing…”
“Openyourmouth.”Alex’sdemeanorturnedtoconcern. “Please.” “Uh…”Ciararaisedhereyebrow.“OK…”Sheopenedher mouthandAlexfocusedonhertongue.Hestaredandfocusedon everydetail;therewasnothingabnormal.“Thisisreally awkward…”Ciarapushedthewordsthroughheropenmouth; Alexknew whatshewassaying.Hepulledbackandplacedhis handonhershoulderbeforeturningtofacethesteeringwheel. Hehadblackedout,andallofthatwasnothingmorethanthe workingsofhisimagination.Thenextquestionwasgoingtobe whyheblackedout;buthechosetomoveonfrom that.Hewould lookintoitanothertime.
“SouthDakota.”Alexnoddedtowardthesign.“We’reinSouth Dakota.”
“Areyougoingtopretendlikeallofthatneverhappened?” Ciaraaskedherquestionwithatoneofsarcasm.“Seriously?” “Yeah.”Alexnoddedandshiftedthecarbackintodrive.“Iam. Iam goingtokeepitinthebackofmymindandneverfaceit againsolongasIlive.Iam goingtoabsolutelypretendlikeIjust explainedtheentireplantoyou,andwearegoingtomoveon from here.Just…”Alexpeeredoverather.“Tellmeifyoustart feelingsickoranything.That’sall.”
