Too Close to Home

by Susan Lewis

  “I don’t want to meet her,” Wills protested angrily. “She’s not our mummy, you are.”

  Jack was glaring at her.

  Ignoring him, she said, “Of course, and I always will be, but if she’s going to be in Daddy’s life that means she’ll be in yours too.”

  “No!” he shouted.

  “Wills,” Jack said gently, “try to understand that—”

  “I don’t want to understand,” Wills seethed, throwing his arms round Jack’s neck. “I just want you to stay.”

  Clinging on too, and starting to sob, Flora said, “You’re being horrible to us, and it’s not fair. We haven’t done anything wrong and it’s mean of you to say you’re going to live somewhere else.”

  Deciding to let him carry on alone, Jenna ran upstairs to check on Josh and Paige.

  “Is he still with you?” she asked when Paige opened her door.

  “No, he’s gone to his room.”

  “Did he say anything?”

  “Not really. He just asked if I already knew and I said I did.”

  Jenna was regarding her closely. “Are you all right?” she asked.

  Paige shrugged as she looked away.

  “He’s still downstairs if you want to speak to him.”

  “No way,” Paige snapped, and she slammed the door.

  Going to Josh’s room, Jenna knocked gently and put her head in. Her heart immediately turned over to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, feet dangling, head bowed.

  Going to him, she put an arm around his shoulders so he was leaning in to her. “Do you want to ask me anything?” she said softly.

  She felt him shake his head, and she tightened her hold.

  “Everyone’s going to think he doesn’t love us anymore,” he whispered after a while.

  “Oh no they won’t,” she assured him. “They know how much he loves you.”

  “So why does he want to live somewhere else?”

  “Because he’s decided he doesn’t want to live with me. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you.”

  “So can I go and live with him?”

  Feeling the words cutting through her, Jenna said, “Is that what you want?”

  He tilted his face to look up at her and shook his head. “I want to live here with you and Paige and the twins, but I want Daddy to live here too.”

  “I know you do, sweetheart, and if I could make it happen I would, but his mind is made up and I don’t think we’re going to change it.”

  As two large tears rolled onto his cheeks Jenna caught them with her fingers and blinked back her own. “We’ll be fine,” she promised hoarsely.

  “No we won’t. It’s not going to be the same anymore.”

  “But you heard what Daddy said—he’ll be seeing you all the time.”

  “It’s not the same,” he growled.

  Since he was right, she didn’t argue.

  After a while his stricken blue eyes came pleadingly to hers. “Can you make him stay, Mummy, please?”

  “I’ve already tried my best,” she assured him, “but that doesn’t mean we have to give up. We just have to be patient and see what happens. Can you do that, be patient with me?”

  After a while he nodded and, sliding his arms around her, buried his face in her chest.

  —

  You need to check out Kelly Durham’s FB page, Julie had messaged a few minutes ago, so Paige had, and what she’d found was so beyond terrible and humiliating that she just didn’t know what to do. It didn’t matter that the whole photograph couldn’t possibly be of her; anyone who looked at her could see that no way did she have massive boobs like the ones on the body her photo had been attached to. What mattered was that the face was hers; even worse was that it had been shared to twenty other pages already, and one of them was Oliver’s.

  My name is Paige Moore and that’s what I want, More and More and More, someone had captioned underneath.

  The other comments were so crude, so vile, that she couldn’t bring herself to read any further. All she could do was add her own, saying, This is a sick joke played by Kelly Durham and her friends.

  Within seconds a return post hit the screen.

  You’re the sicko for taking this selfie in the first place.

  I didn’t take it. You stole my camera and now you’ve Photoshopped the picture you took with it.

  A boy from year eleven posted, I’ll give you more anytime. When shall we meet?

  Another boy said, Now that’s what I call tits. Give ’em to me baby.

  Kelly wrote, It’s a selfie and everyone knows it, bitch.

  Deciding it would do no good to continue this, Paige closed down her laptop and grabbed her iPad to FaceTime Charlotte. “Have you seen what’s on Facebook?” she asked when a bleary-eyed Charlotte came on the screen.

  “No, haven’t been on today,” Charlotte answered, sounding so bunged up she was hardly getting the words out.

  Paige winced as screaming started downstairs. It was obviously the twins, but her parents were shouting too, and she felt as though she was in the middle of a nightmare.

  “So what does it say?” Charlotte asked.

  “You need to see it. Go to Kelly Durham’s page. The photo she took of me the other day? She’s used it.”

  “Oh crap,” Charlotte muttered. “I was hoping she’d forgotten about that.”

  “Me too, but she hasn’t. She’s even posted it on Oliver’s page.”

  “What is the matter with her? She’s such a bitch.”

  Hearing voices outside on the drive, Paige said, “Hang on.” Running to the window, she peered out to see her dad talking to Auntie Hanna. Actually, it seemed more like they were rowing, which was no surprise, but whatever they were saying she couldn’t hear, so she went back to her iPad.

  “Have you heard from Liam today?” she asked, feeling she couldn’t make everything about her all the time.

  Charlotte immediately perked up. “Only four times,” she replied, “and I think I’m seeing him on Saturday. We haven’t actually arranged it yet, but he asked if I was doing anything and I said no, so we’ll see what he says when he comes back. How about you? What’s going on with your parents?”

  Paige almost sobbed. “Don’t ask. It’s all terrible, and I swear if I could leave home I would. Except my dad’s already done that and now he’s about to do it again.”

  “You mean he’s there?”

  “He was. I’ve just heard his car pulling away. Thank God Auntie Hanna’s turned up. I don’t know how I’d cope with my mum on my own.”

  “I feel really bad for you. It totally sucks, all this crap you’re going through.”

  “I know. I wish I knew how to make it stop.”

  “I reckon you should tell your mum about Kelly Durham.”

  “I keep wanting to, but she’s dealing with so much right now, and anyway what can she do? Even if she goes to the school, which would be a total catastrophe, she won’t be able to make her stop, because no one can. I’ve been reading about it online. There are no laws against what she’s doing.”

  “Yeah, but we’ve had talks about bullying, and that’s what this is.”

  “Big-time.”

  “Exactly, so you’re supposed to tell someone about it. A parent, or a teacher. Why don’t you talk to Miss Kendrick? She’s cool and she really likes you.”

  “If I do, it’ll just get worse. Julie’s already warned me about that, and from what I’ve read on other people’s blogs who’ve experienced it, it went quiet for a while after they told, then it got worse for them too.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. I keep trying to think of something, but there isn’t anything.”

  Charlotte regarded her helplessly.

  In the end Paige simply shrugged. She wasn’t sure about running away yet, mainly because of how much it would upset her mum. So there was nothing left to say unless they wanted to talk about Liam again, and since Charlotte was de
finitely up for that, it was what they did.

  —

  It was close to midnight by now, and Josh and the twins had only just dropped off to sleep—all three in Jenna’s room—tucked up with their favorite bears and fluffy rabbits, and Waffle keeping vigil at the foot of the bed. Since Jack had gone, several hours ago, there had been so many tears and tantrums that Jenna’s exhaustion had reached a point where she’d lost track of what was being said or done. If it weren’t for Hanna and her mother, she was sure, she’d have stuffed the children in the car, driven them to Jack’s little love nest, and told him to sort them out. She was still thinking about it, though of course she never would. It would scare them half to death if she were to dump them somewhere they’d never been before, then drive off and leave them, and that was the last thing she wanted.

  What she actually wanted was to know that Jack was suffering for what he was doing; that his conscience was destroying every minute of his time with Martha; that his heart was in as many pieces as hers.

  “Of course it isn’t making me happy to do this,” he’d shouted at Hanna before he’d left, “but I’m not prepared to carry on living a lie.”

  “You sanctimonious bastard,” Hanna had shouted back. “You don’t want to live a lie, so your family has to carry on without you while you go have yourself some fun. It makes you feel better to do that than to man up to the responsibilities of fatherhood? To honor your marriage vows? To prove that you’re a worthwhile human being?”

  “I’m not arguing about this any more tonight,” he’d shot back. “We’re just going round in circles. The children are getting more distressed by the second, and me being here is making it worse.”

  “So that’s what you’re telling yourself, is it? That’s the out you’ve given yourself, that being here is making things worse? Jesus Christ, it’s making me sick just to look at you. You’re a liar, a cheat, a spineless bastard, and a bloody con man into the bargain. How could we have been taken in by you? What fools you’ve made of us all.”

  It was at this point that Jenna had come out to drag her sister inside. “He’s right,” she’d said, “it’s not helping to have him here, so let him go.” She’d closed the door then without a single glance in his direction. Though it had hurt her badly to do it, she’d wanted him to feel shut out, unwelcome, an outsider who’d never belong here again. She wondered if it had worked, how wretched he’d felt during his drive to his new home, if it had all melted away the instant he’d seen Martha, or if he was awake even now, tortured by guilt and fearing that he’d made the wrong decision.

  “Thanks,” she sighed as Kay brought a tray of snacks into the dining room. She really didn’t want any food, and wasn’t sure she could stomach the wine either, but she probably ought to try something. “Is Paige still awake?” she asked.

  “Her light wasn’t on when I checked just now,” Hanna answered, pouring the wine.

  Jenna looked at the cheesy biscuits her mother was offering. Taking one, she put it on the plate in front of her and sipped the wine. “She’s probably got the right idea, locking herself away,” she commented. “It’s too hard trying to deal with something like this, so probably best to pretend it isn’t happening.”

  “She’ll have a different way of dealing with it than the others,” Hanna decided, “but we should keep an eye on her, because internalizing problems is never a good thing.”

  Jenna didn’t disagree, though right now she had neither the energy nor the inclination to go and check on Paige. It would have to wait. Jack would still be gone tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…“How long are you staying?” she asked Hanna.

  “I can be here till next Wednesday,” Hanna replied, “at which point I have to be in London to prep for a presentation on Friday.”

  “But you’ll come to the lawyer’s with me?”

  “Of course.”

  Jenna’s eyes went to her mother. As usual, Kay’s expression was showing little, but Jenna knew that she was finding this as hard as the rest of them. Maybe for someone like Kay, who couldn’t let her emotions go, it was even harder. “Are you all right?” she asked softly.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” Kay responded. “You need to eat.”

  Knowing it would mean a lot to her mother if she made the effort, she picked up the biscuit and bit into it. Chewing and swallowing felt strange, like old skills she couldn’t quite remember how to use. She realized it was probably tiredness playing tricks on her mind, but everything was starting to feel strange, as though this house were no longer hers, nor the children, not even her life. For bewildering moments she felt as though she was watching herself from a distance, wondering what she might do next, if she was going to hear what was being said or be able to carry out what was expected of her.

  “…or shall I?” her mother asked.

  Jenna looked at her in confusion.

  “The phone’s ringing,” Kay told her. “Would you like me to go?”

  “I will,” Hanna declared. Getting to her feet, she went into the kitchen. As she answered she turned to look at Jenna. “Yes, Jack, we’re still awake,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

  Jenna shook her head.

  “Well, I’m afraid she doesn’t want to speak to you….No, I won’t try to persuade her….Yes, fortunately the children are asleep at last. It’s been a difficult evening all round, but please don’t let it bother you. We’d hate for anything to get in the way of your fun….I have no idea why Paige isn’t answering her mobile, but I’m guessing it’s because she doesn’t want to speak to you either….Actually, Jack, no one’s talked to Paige about your desertion….Oh, what would you rather I call it? I could try betrayal, adultery, duplicity…I see. Well, do let me know when you’ve come up with something honest and repeatable that we can use to describe your—” Sighing and holding the phone from her ear, she allowed him to rant for a while before saying, “Jack, if you’re not happy with the way things are, and you certainly don’t sound it to me, then it’s up to you to do something about it….No, I will not pass you to Jenna….Yes, she’s sitting right here, she can hear every word I’m saying, and she’s perfectly sure she doesn’t want to speak to you….I’ve no idea if she’ll have changed her mind by tomorrow. Where do you want to take the children?…OK, I’ll discuss it with Jenna and let you know. Goodbye, and please don’t ring again tonight.”

  Watching her sister coming back into the dining room, Jenna could feel herself shrinking from the awful truth of where she was, the nightmare that shouldn’t have been real but was, the changes already taking place in her life that she couldn’t stop.

  “He wants to take the children out for the day tomorrow,” Hanna told her. “He didn’t say where, but at least it shows he’s not trying to cut himself off.”

  “Maybe it would be easier if he did,” Jenna replied, thinking of how it would be when he brought them back.

  “He should come here if he wants to see them,” Kay stated. “They won’t want to be separated from you.”

  “But maybe she could do with some time on her own,” Hanna suggested.

  “Then I’ll take them out.”

  Hanna looked at Jenna. “Why don’t you decide in the morning?” she said gently.

  Jenna nodded and looked down at her glass. After a while she spoke quietly, almost to herself. “He’s never coming back. He can’t now, even if he wanted to.”

  “Why do you say that?” her mother asked.

  “Because what we had, what we shared, it’s just not possible for us to get it back. He’s ruined it.”

  “Things can be rebuilt, if it’s what you want to happen,” Hanna pointed out.

  Jenna shook her head and looked up. To her surprise Paige was standing in the doorway. “Are you all right?” she asked softly.

  Hanna and Kay turned around as Paige shrugged. “I wanted a drink,” she said.

  “Let me,” Hanna offered, getting up.

  Paige was still looking at her mother.

&nbs
p; “Why don’t you come and sit with us?” Jenna suggested.

  Paige shrugged dismissively.

  Not knowing what else to say, Jenna let her eyes drift away.

  “I’ll make you a fresh hot-water bottle,” Kay decided, starting into the kitchen.

  “Mum?”

  Jenna looked at Paige again.

  For a long time Paige simply stared back, looking as though she wanted to say something, until, taking the lemonade Hanna passed her, she turned around and went back upstairs.

  “What was that about?” Hanna wondered.

  “I’m not sure,” Jenna replied, “but you’re right, we do need to keep an eye on her, because she’s obviously taking this hard, and the one thing we know for certain is that it’s going to get a lot harder yet.”

  “Thanks very much for seeing us at such short notice,” Hanna was saying to the lawyer as he showed them into his office. “We realize how busy you are, so we do appreciate you squeezing us in.”

  “It’s no problem, really,” he insisted, directing her and Jenna to a plush cream leather sofa while he took one of the matching armchairs opposite. “Bena explained, when she rang, that it was urgent.”

  “She also told you what it was about?” Hanna prompted.

  As the lawyer nodded he glanced at Jenna. His name was Richard Pryce, she kept reminding herself, senior partner of Denwell Pryce and Associates. He was younger than she’d expected, mid-forties maybe, certainly not the grandfatherly figure her imagination had for some reason conjured. In fact, he was quite a good-looking man in an understated, rather elegant sort of way, with thick, graying hair and astute blue eyes. His smile, though naturally polite, seemed genuine and relaxed, his demeanor that of a man both confident and in control. Though she sensed he was someone to be trusted, she felt loath to trust anyone at the moment, least of all herself.

  “Will you have some coffee?” he offered, gesturing toward the pot on the table. “Or we can manage tea if you prefer.”