Too Close to Home

by Susan Lewis

  Or made to suffer the same thing, Jenna thought bitterly, and she’d happily be the one to do it. “So tell me more about this Julie.”

  “That’s just it—I don’t know anything. It was only ever Paige that she contacted, and the weird thing was she always seemed to know what was going on. Or she’d tip Paige off to warn her not to be somewhere, or tell her to look at a certain website…It was dead spooky if you ask me, but Paige never seemed to see it like that. She believed this person when they said they’d been bullied too, and that was why they wouldn’t let on who they were, because they didn’t want anyone coming after them again.”

  Jenna looked at Euan, who shook his head, clearly as baffled as they were.

  “Everyone in our year is being questioned,” Charlotte told her, taking another tissue to dab her eyes, “and Kelly Durham’s mother was called to the school this afternoon. I don’t know what happened, but everyone’s saying Kelly’s going to be expelled—unless her granddad pays them off again.”

  “But she wasn’t doing it alone?” Jenna pointed out.

  “No, there’s a gang of them, but Kelly’s definitely the ringleader. Like Mum said, Paige isn’t her first victim either; she’s been doing it ever since she was in primary school. It’s like she gets off on it or something.”

  Jenna looked at her mobile as it rang, but before she could answer Euan stopped her. “Is it a number you recognize?” he asked.

  She shook her head. Her heart was thudding with urgency. Maybe Paige was calling from someone else’s mobile.

  “Let me,” he advised, taking it. “It could be someone from the press and I don’t think you want to be dealing with them just now.” Clicking on, he said, “Hello, can I help you?”

  Jenna’s eyes were fixed on his face as he listened, her hands, her heart, her whole self bound so tightly with hope she couldn’t even breathe.

  “I don’t know how you got this number,” Euan said, giving her a rueful glance, “but please don’t call it again. If you want information, there are the official channels….OK, thank you,” he said, and rang off.

  Crushed that it wasn’t Paige, and having to fight down yet more panic, Jenna turned back to Charlotte.

  “I really thought it was going to be her,” Charlotte confessed weepily.

  “So did I,” Jenna sighed.

  “Everyone’s saying they’re going to join in the search if she hasn’t come home by tomorrow,” Charlotte told her. “I think they all feel really bad now that they didn’t stand up for her.”

  And so they should. Cowards, every one of them. “Tell me about her password,” she said. “Is Oliver a singer or an actor or something?”

  Charlotte colored slightly. “No, he’s a boy she really likes. He doesn’t go to our school or anything. He’s at college doing his A levels.”

  Confused, Jenna said, “But how does she know him?”

  “He’s the brother of someone in our year. We went to watch him play rugby a couple of times and she…you know…”

  “No, I don’t know.”

  “Well, she just liked him, but he had a girlfriend, so he wasn’t really interested.”

  Jenna looked at Euan, wondering if he was thinking the same thing she was. “Is there any chance,” she asked Charlotte, “that this boy, or his girlfriend, might be masquerading as Julie Morris?”

  Charlotte drew back in amazement. “I wouldn’t have thought so,” she replied. “I mean, why would they?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Euan held up her mobile as it rang again. Recognizing the name of Richard’s firm, her heart contracted as she nodded and took the phone.

  “I’m sorry, I’ve been in court all afternoon,” he told her. “I called as soon as I heard. Is there any more news?”

  “No,” Jenna replied, only just pushing the word through the tightness in her throat. “Apparently they’re going to keep the search going all night, if need be. Jack’s on his way back.” Was this really happening? It felt so surreal, so distant from where reality should be, that she could hardly get a grip on it—until it came back to hit her with all its terrible force.

  “Is there anything I can do?” he offered.

  “I don’t think so, but thanks for asking.”

  “You know I’m at the end of the phone.”

  “Thanks,” she said again.

  “Call anytime, day or night. Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  Moments after the call ended Hanna came through the door and went straight to Jenna. “I don’t know what to say,” she said in a choked voice, hugging her. “When Mum rang me I didn’t even pack, I just had to get here….Oh God, Jen, to think of what she’s been going through and none of us knew.”

  “She’s too brave for her own good,” Jenna said brokenly. “She’s always put other people ahead of herself, and now she’s done it with me and look what it’s costing her.” Her eyes went imploringly to her sister’s. “She won’t do anything stupid, will she?” she sobbed desperately. “Please tell me she won’t.”

  “Of course she won’t,” Hanna replied firmly. “Not our girl. She’s brave, like you said, and resilient, and too full of love for life and her family and everyone else to try anything like that. She just needs to have some time to herself for a while, that’s all, get away from all those ghastly bullies. I’m sure she’ll call any minute now and say she’s sorry for causing so much fuss.”

  At around eight that evening Euan took a call from DS Mariner. When he’d finished he signaled to Jenna to come into the kitchen, where they couldn’t be overheard by the little ones. Bena had brought them home, and bless them, they were trying to be good in the belief it would bring Paige home.

  “A bus driver’s been in touch,” he told her, glancing up as Hanna joined them. “He’s saying that he thinks Paige was on his bus this morning.”

  Jenna’s heart was in her mouth. “Does he remember where she got off?” she asked.

  “If it was her, he dropped her over at Rhossili. Is there anyone you know over that way she might have gone to see?”

  Jenna tried to think. “There are only a couple of my mother’s friends,” she replied, “and I’m not sure if Paige has even met them.”

  “OK, well, give it some more thought, see if anything comes to you. Meantime, they’re going to start focusing the search around that area.”

  Only able to picture cliffs, rough seas, and bleak, dark moorland, Jenna wanted to leap into the car and race over there now. If Paige heard her calling, if she realized how deeply she was loved and needed, maybe she would come out of hiding and allow herself to be brought home.

  “Leave it to the police search-and-rescue team,” Euan gently advised. “They know what they’re doing, and we don’t want you going out there and getting lost or injuring yourself.”

  “But if she knew I was there…”

  “The driver isn’t a hundred percent certain it was her. He says the girl he saw was wearing a navy school uniform and a coat of the same color, but she had the hood up, so he didn’t get a good look at her face.”

  Jenna was desperate to do something. “Can I talk to the driver?” she pressed.

  “I’m sure it’ll be possible at some point, but he’s still helping the police for now.”

  “Do you know what time he dropped her off?” Hanna asked.

  “Just after ten, apparently. There’s a bus from here to Rhossili that would get her in around then if she left home after nine, which is why he’s being seen as a credible witness.”

  “But if she got off the bus at that time, what’s she been doing since?” Jenna asked. She needed to know. “Do you think someone was waiting for her? Someone with a car, maybe?”

  “Anything’s possible. They should know more once they’ve carried out the house-to-house enquiries. Hopefully someone will remember seeing her after she left the bus.”

  After that there was no more news, though Jenna got Euan to call several times to make sure.

&nbs
p; In the end she stayed up throughout the long night, barely sleeping, agitated and worrying, sometimes driving herself into a near frenzy of fear or despair. Had someone preyed on Paige’s vulnerability, using it to lure her into a situation she’d never dreamt was waiting for her? She could be anywhere now, with anyone taking advantage of her in ways too horrifying to imagine, except Jenna couldn’t stop imagining them.

  In calmer moments she managed to convince herself that she would know if Paige was dead. Something in her would change; the bond they shared would slip, unravel, or do something else to warn her. The essence that was Paige, that she felt as constantly as if it were her own life force, would fade or disappear or perhaps become explosive at the last, and it had done none of those things. She was as strongly there as she’d always been, with no echo of a cry as she left this world for the next, no fleeting scent of her as she passed on her way to the angels.

  She had not committed suicide.

  She was still alive.

  Hanna and her mother sat up with her; so did the children, though they slept for most of the time in corners of the sofa or on Jenna’s or Hanna’s lap. Jenna could see what a toll this was taking on her mother and longed to be able to hold her, though she knew that would be more for her comfort than for Kay’s.

  It was at times like this that she missed her father the most, when she needed someone to cling to, someone who could bring calm to her panic, who knew the right thing to say and the right thing to do.

  Tell me what it is, Dad, she whispered desperately. Please let me know that she isn’t with you.

  —

  Jack’s plane was due to land at ten-thirty, three hours from now. Apparently Martha and her children were continuing their holiday without him. If—when—they found Paige alive and well, Jenna imagined, Jack would fly back to join them. If they didn’t find Paige…She couldn’t allow her mind to go there. It wasn’t going to happen, so she wasn’t going to torment herself with how she’d cope if it did.

  Realizing she was only breathing into the top of her lungs, as though taking in any more air would somehow inflate the nightmare, she forced herself up from the sofa and went upstairs. She needed to shower and dress before the others were awake. She was going to join in the search today, no matter what anyone said. She couldn’t carry on sitting here doing nothing. If Paige rang she’d call Jenna’s mobile, and the police were monitoring the landline, so someone would pick up. She had to find her girl, even if it meant combing every inch of this peninsula herself. This was presuming Paige was still on the Gower, and so far the only actual evidence of that was from the bus driver who’d seen her almost twenty-four hours ago. Her heart thumped at the horror of so much time passing; Paige had been gone all night, and she could be almost anywhere by now. However, Rhossili was in the far southwestern corner of the Gower, so why head in the complete opposite direction to the mainland if she was planning to go elsewhere?

  Realizing there was no logic to any of it, much less any source of comfort, she showered and dressed before going back downstairs to find her mother pottering about the kitchen.

  “There you are,” Kay said as Jenna came in. “The others are still asleep. Euan’s outside in his car.”

  “Has he heard anything this morning?”

  “He says not. You need to eat something.”

  Accepting this was true, Jenna agreed to a bowl of cornflakes and managed part of a slice of toast. “It’s Saturday,” she told her mother as Kay started setting out the cereal boxes. “The children are allowed Coco Pops on Saturdays.”

  Kay knew this, so Jenna had no idea why she’d mentioned it. Perhaps it was a grasp for normality, the need to know that something, no matter how small, was going to be as it should be today.

  “Any news?” Hanna asked, coming to join them.

  Jenna shook her head. “I’m going to—” Her mobile rang, and she made a grab for it.

  “Is it someone you know?” Hanna cautioned.

  Jenna nodded and clicked on. “Charlotte,” she gasped, daring to hope Paige had turned up at her house during the night. “Have you heard from her?”

  “No, I’m sorry, I haven’t,” came the teary reply. “I was hoping you might have.”

  Feeling an irrational surge of anger, as though it were somehow Charlotte’s fault that Paige hadn’t been in touch, Jenna quickly stifled it. “No, nothing yet,” she said, “but a bus driver thinks he might have dropped her off in Rhossili. Does she know anyone over there?”

  “The police have already asked me, and I told them I can’t think of anyone.”

  Why couldn’t she? There had to be some reason Paige had gone to Rhossili, if it had been Paige, and Jenna wasn’t sure if she wanted it to be or not.

  “I thought you’d like to know,” Charlotte was saying, “that a whole gang of us are going to help with the search today. We’re just waiting to hear from the police where we should go.”

  Hating hearing this as much as she hated the fact it was happening, Jenna said, “That’s very kind of you all. I’m going to join in myself.”

  “Cool.”

  “I’ll see you there then.”

  “Yes, see you there.”

  Over the next hour the phone continued to ring with more and more people offering to come and help. At nine Richard called to say that he and his boys would be there.

  “Do you know where they want us?” he asked.

  “No, but as soon as I do I’ll text you,” she promised. “I’m going myself.”

  “Would you like me to drive you?”

  She was about to refuse when she realized it might be a good idea. “Thank you,” she said. “My sister will almost certainly want to come too. Will there be enough room for us both?”

  “Plenty. What time would you like me to collect you?”

  “I’m not sure yet. Can I let you know when I’ve heard from the police?”

  “Of course. Has Jack arrived?”

  “He’s due in at ten-thirty. I haven’t checked to see if his plane is on time, but even if it is he won’t get here until two at the earliest.”

  “By which time we’ll hopefully have found her.”

  “Of course.”

  After a pause he said, “Call me when you’re ready.”

  As she rang off Jenna looked into the sitting room, where the children were watching TV and eating their second bowls of Coco Pops. They were unusually quiet this morning as their tender little hearts tried to cope with the worry over Paige and where she might be. “They’ll want to come with me,” she said softly to Kay and Hanna, “but I’m not sure they should.”

  Hanna said to her mother, “How would you feel about taking them somewhere to do their own search?”

  “If you think that’s a good idea,” Kay responded, looking at Jenna.

  Deciding it would be, Jenna nodded and went to start getting them ready. In truth she didn’t want them out of her sight for a single minute, but they’d be safe with her mother, and she wouldn’t want them nearby if the search at Rhossili didn’t end the way it simply had to.

  —

  By the time Richard and his sons turned up at ten Kay had already taken the children to search Port Eynon, and Jenna and Hanna, with their backpacks, were ready to go.

  “My sons, Oliver and Cullum,” Richard said, introducing them as Jenna left Hanna to lock up.

  As she shook their hands she thought fleetingly of Paige’s password, but it couldn’t be the same Oliver. It would be too much of a coincidence—except hadn’t Charlotte said that he was the brother of someone at school? And Cullum was in their year.

  “Do you know Paige?” Jenna asked him, thinking how handsome he was with his shock of dark wavy hair, aqua blue eyes, and trendy stubble. He was as tall as his father, though not quite as filled out, and if he was the one Paige had fallen for, Jenna could understand why.

  “Not exactly,” Oliver replied, coloring slightly. “We met a couple of times. My brother knows her.”

  Turn
ing to Cullum, Jenna said, “Did you know what was happening to her?”

  Cullum nodded miserably. “I kept wanting to make them stop, but I…” He shrugged. “I should have. I feel really bad about it now.”

  How many kids had simply stood by and let it carry on? Were they as much to blame as those who’d joined in? “Do you know who Julie Morris is?” she asked him.

  He shook his head. “No one does.” His eyes came to hers. “I’m really sorry I didn’t stick up for her. I mean, I did a couple of times, but I don’t think she knew and it didn’t have any effect anyway.”

  Not knowing what else to say, Jenna looked at Richard.

  “I’m sorry,” he said gravely. “Obviously, if I’d known—”

  “It’s not your fault,” she interrupted. “It’s mine. I wasn’t paying attention.”

  Putting an arm around her, Hanna stepped forward. “Hi, you might remember me,” she said to Richard, holding out a hand to shake. “I was with Jenna the first time she came to see you.”

  “Of course,” he responded, “Hanna. It’s good to see you again, though I could wish for better circumstances.”

  “Indeed,” she agreed. “Thank you for driving us. I’m not sure either of us would be safe behind a wheel right now.”

  “I’m glad to be of help.” He opened the rear door for her and Jenna to climb in with Cullum.

  “It’s OK, I’ll go in the back,” Oliver offered.

  “No, no, you’re far taller than us,” Jenna protested. “You stay in the front.”

  Minutes later they were driving out of the village with a dozen or more cars falling in behind them: friends and neighbors coming to join in the search, maybe some reporters amongst them. Jenna was so tense, so horrified that her family had somehow turned into the kind of story they only ever saw on the news, that she had to close her eyes and try to pretend she was somewhere else. She felt Hanna’s hand slip into hers, and she rested her head on her sister’s shoulder. How lucky she was to have her, and their mother, and everyone else who cared, though right now she’d give up every single one of them just to know her child was safe.

  She’s been out all night and no one has heard from her. That can’t be good. How could it possibly be anything but bad?