by Ivy Jordan
STROKE IT
By Ivy Jordan
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2017 Ivy Jordan
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Chapter One
Caleb
“Are you even listening to me, Caleb? Because your goddamn stance alone is making me absolutely crazy!”
I looked back at my golf coach, Gabriel, with fire in his eyes. We had been working on my swing all morning, and even though I was an excellent golfer, I was falling apart all morning long, to the exasperation of my coach. He looked like he was ready to murder me, and I really couldn’t blame him. My head hurt from partying the night before, and the last thing I wanted to do at that moment was to hit a ball repeatedly with an ornery man barking behind me. It was enough to make anyone crazy.
The man was a legend, no doubt, in his forties with short dark hair and angry brown eyes that were staring me down. Gabriel had been to the majors a few times when he was in his glory days, and he never let me forget it. He was an amazing coach and had been working with me for most of my career on my swing.
I just wasn’t in the mood for it today. I had been getting a lot of pressure from my parents lately, and I just felt like I was going to blow.
“Move it, Caleb!”
I threw my driver across the driving range, to the surprise of the person next to me, and threw my hands up in the air. “Fuck it. Let’s call it a day.”
Gabriel shook his head. “Yeah, good call there, Caleb. With that kind of attitude, you will win the majors for sure.”
“Don’t start. I get enough of that from my parents.”
“Well, maybe you need to hear it just a little bit more there, guy. Today, you are doing shit, and you need to consider working on your bad days because if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed at the majors, guess what? You still have to find a way to make it a good day.”
I stared out across the driving range. We had already been there all morning, and at that point, all I wanted to do was grab a drink somewhere. Stress was mounting to the point where I could barely stand it.
I knew why Gabriel was riding me hard. I had made it to the majors a few times in my career, but I always choked when it mattered. I was a choker, and it was ruining my career. Nothing was worse than hearing all about it on the nightly news, as well. People were laughing at the fact that I couldn’t seem to get my shit together. Especially since my father was a legend in their eyes.
Why can’t I just be like my dad? I wondered. He never choked, not once; he was always so cool and collected. Never doubted himself, but he had all the doubt in the world for his son these days.
I didn’t know why I choked, but it happened every single time. I had to break the streak, or my career would be over; I knew that much. I just didn’t know how. I had the talent and skill. I certainly had all the resources to get me to the top. I just had to get over the fear, the ever-mounting fear that grasped onto my throat and threatened to kill me as soon as I got to the majors.
Maybe it was because my father was a PGA Tour multi-champion, and he had all the expectations in the world that his son would be, too. My parents had sunk a lot of money, never mind the time and energy, into my career, and in four years, I had screwed it up every single time.
It was essential to my career that I make it this time. Otherwise I could lose everything. Then I would have to listen to my father rant about what a failure I was. That was too much to bear.
I rubbed at my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but there.
“Gabriel, man, give me a break.”
He sighed. “Caleb, what the hell is going on with you today? We really need to work on that swing of yours.”
“Long night.”
“Partying? C’mon, man, at least come to practice with a straight head. I know you want this – the desire to win is practically leaking out of your pores.”
“I do want it. I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Then, what the hell are you doing partying so much? Can’t you just leave the celebrations until after you win? You need your head straight at all times. The tournament is just three months away.”
“No, I need the freedom. Blowing off steam is the only way I don’t lose my mind at this point.”
He nodded his head slowly. “Is your father giving you a hard time?”
“When is he not giving me a hard time? It’s a daily event.”
“He just wants what’s best for you.”
“No, he just doesn’t want me to embarrass him. He can’t figure out why his only son can’t make it to the top like he did.”
I turned when I heard a phone ringing. I made my way to the cart to dig around in my bag. Pulling out my phone, I saw it was a call from my father. Speak of the devil, and he appears, I thought. I clicked on the green button and said hello.
“Caleb, how are you?”
“I’m good, Dad; how’s it going?”
“Are you out with Gabriel right now?”
“You know I am.”
“Good. That’s good to hear.”
“What can I do for you, Dad?” I looked over my shoulder at Gabriel, who was watching me intensely.
“I’m just calling to let you know I would like you here tomorrow for dinner at the house.”
I groaned inwardly; I wasn’t in the mood for any of it. “I don’t know if I can make it.”
“Caleb, I insist. The majors are right around the corner, and I would like to have a game plan ready. I want to make sure that you are preparing for it properly.”
“Geez, Dad, I’m not a kid. Besides, Gabriel has it under control.”
“Oh, there is much more to it than just getting your swing ready. Be here at seven.”
I hung up the phone without another word. The man aggravated me to no end, but there was no point in dragging on the conversation longer than I had to. We both knew I would be at dinner the next evening whether I wanted to be or not. There was no point in arguing with my father – he got his way, no matter what.
I could just imagine the kind of plan he had in store for me. He was adamant that I was to go to the top at all costs. Maybe then he would be proud of me.
I sighed as I started walking back towards Gabriel. I was under a ton of pressure to perform in the majors, and if it didn’t go well for the fourth time, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I needed to get over the fear of failing; I just didn’t know how.
It came up on me so quickly, and no matter how much I wanted to win, I couldn’t get past the feeling. It seized me like a vice, and even though I knew I had the skill and talent to be the best, I would stand there frozen, unable to do exactly what I had been trained to do. It was the most helpless feeling in the world. When it was all said and done, I was just left with regrets, knowing I could have made the shot if I just didn’t choke on it.
That was my Achilles heel, and I didn’t know how to get past it. I would need to if I was ever going to win, however, and get a sense of accomplishment, not to mention make my father think he hadn’t wasted his time on me.
I was no hack – hell, no. I had led all the tournaments to greatness every single time. It was just the majors that killed me. It had been three years of embarrassments; three years that I could have seriously lived without.
This year had to go right. I wanted it so badly that I could feel it in my bones. The ache of wanting literally lived beneath my skin, and I needed this year to be different. I couldn’t stand any more embarrassments. I was not the “boy who choked.” Gabriel was
right about one thing: I needed to get my head on straight and figure out why I was choking, what was stopping me from getting to the top.
I was rubbing my temples when I got back to where Gabriel stood.
“Was that your father?”
“How could you tell?” I said sarcastically.
Gabriel nodded; he knew what it was like to go to the top. The expectations involved, the stress. But he also knew how great it felt to win, to prove everyone wrong to stand there knowing that you were the best. I had no idea how that felt, despite all my accomplishments during tournaments.
Despite his barking, I was happy to have Gabriel at my side. He had been there with me from the beginning and genuinely wanted me to succeed. I wouldn’t be where I was in my career without him, and for that, I would always be grateful.
“I know your father can seem… Well, like a dick at times. But he loves you, Caleb; he just doesn’t have great ways of showing it.”
“Well, winning the majors would sure get him off my back.”
“Then that’s what we are going to do.”
I smiled. “Hey, Gabriel, why don’t you come out with me tonight? There’s a new club opening on the beach tonight, and it’s going to be one hell of a party. You would have a good time. Hey, you might even meet someone.”
He laughed. “Oh, I do pretty well for myself.”
“I bet you do. So, what do you say? Come; everyone is going to be there.”
“I’m not sure. Maybe. I’ll think about it. While we are talking about it, I should warn you to not get up to any shenanigans tonight. The closer we get to the majors, the more people will have their eye on you. If you are getting into anything nefarious, you could get yourself in some hot water – and not just with your dad.”
“C’mon, Gabriel, don’t lecture me after I invite you out.”
He chuckled. “I’m not. I just want you to protect your image, at least for the next three months. People are watching you, Caleb, whether you care or not.”
“I think you worry yourself too much.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Let’s work on that swing for another thirty minutes, and I’ll think about your beach party.”
I smiled and got back into position. I could give Gabriel another thirty minutes of swinging if it meant I could have some freedom for the rest of the day. To hell with the people watching me. Who did they think they were, anyway?
I was in control of my own destiny; I was sure of it. I would get past my issues and win the majors. I had to. But I wasn’t about to let anything get in the way of feeling free and having my fun. It was the only thing that made me feel better these days, especially when people were talking about how I was going to play this year. They were all just sitting there waiting, wondering if I was going to choke again.
Well, they could talk all they want because this year was going to be different. It had to be; it just had to be.
I was going to go out that evening and not worry about anyone. Gabriel was way too overprotective. He could probably do with going out and having a good time. Fuck it all. They could watch me. In fact, I would let them watch me.
Chapter Two
Hailey
My impatience was mounting as I sat in an auditorium waiting for a callback. Thankfully, I at least had some company, even though my company just so happened to be my acting agent. She wasn’t so bad, though; a little bossy at times, but generally good to be around. Jillian always had my back. I could always count on her to look out for my best interests, and in the acting industry, that was a good thing to have.
I looked over at Jillian talking rapidly into her phone and smiled. She was a thin woman with brown hair and pretty green eyes. She was attractive, but she always wore these horn-rimmed glasses that were too big for her face; no matter how many times I told her to take them off, she insisted they suited her just fine. I guess I had to admit that they did suit her eccentric personality. How could you not have an eccentric personality working as an acting agent? How else would you survive all the madness around you?
I looked down at my nails and willed myself not to bite at them. The waiting was making me feel anxious. We were waiting to hear back from a small-time producer in LA working on a new reality show. It could be my big break, so I was willing to wait anywhere if that’s what it took. Normally, we wouldn’t be waiting around in an auditorium, we would just wait nervously by a phone somewhere, but whatever. If that’s what the producer wanted, I would do it.
Jillian got off the phone and turned to me. “Stop looking at your fingers. You realize when you bite them you look like you haven’t eaten in days? It’s like watching a pack animal find its first meal.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Jillian had a way with words, and she sure didn’t mind speaking them. “Yeah, thanks, I got it.”
“Never mind the fact that pretty nails are something an actress should have.”
I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I said I got it, Jillian. I wasn’t even biting them; I was just thinking about biting them. Can you really blame me? I’m dying here. What’s taking him so long?”
She looked around. “You know how it is. Just be patient. This is a great opportunity for you. Reality shows have made some pretty big stars. Just look at the Kardashians.”
I groaned. “I think a sex tape did that.”
I sat there thinking about what it would like to be on a reality show. They were certainly popular these days, and they seemed to get crazier by the year. It wasn’t exactly acting; I would essentially be playing myself, but I didn’t care. The exposure would be huge.
I had gone through so much just to get to this point, which wasn’t very far in the acting industry. This had to be my big break, or it would all be for nothing. I didn’t want to think that I had come so far just to fail. I was starting to get a panicky feeling about my life, especially my career. I was starting to think that maybe my dreams weren’t worth all the nonsense. What if I never made it? I didn’t even want to think about it.
But I had to be realistic at some point. I didn’t want to be a B-rated actor. I wanted to go all the way up like Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston to work alongside leading men like Ryan Reynolds and Brad Pitt. I was still young, but in Hollywood, you couldn’t wait forever to be an actor. Being as young as possible was important.
The thing that made me panic the most was the fact that I had made a huge decision that year to drop out of the theater program in college to make the big jump in my acting career. When I thought about my parents, I cringed every time. They had absolutely freaked about my decision and were sure that I was ruining my life. I was determined to prove them wrong. The process of doing that, however, was going very slowly.
I would die if I had to go back to them with my tail between my legs, admitting that they were right. The thought of that scene made me instantly want to throw up. No, this had to work; it just had to.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jillian trying to straighten out her glasses. I slowly turned to her and smiled. She was always messing with the glasses; they were much too big for her face, but she was never going to get rid of them.
“Don’t you say a damn thing,” she stated.
“I can’t help it. They are so big.”
“No, they’re perfect.”
“If you say so. I can’t believe I’m here.”
“This is a good thing, Hailey. This could be exactly what you are looking for, and we will max out the exposure, I promise you that.”
“I know, and thanks for waiting with me here.”
“Oh, of course. It’s not like I have a long list of clients waiting n my office for me.” She rolled her eyes.
I laughed. “But I’m your favorite, right?”
“Of course,” she said.
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She was so businesslike all the time that I wasn’t sure if she was cracking a joke or just being straight with me. I didn’t care. I was glad she took time out of her day to be there bec
ause I would have been far more rattled without her by my side.
“God, we should have got coffee before we got here!”
“Oh yes, that’s what you need, Hailey: more caffeine. You’re practically jumping out of your chair already.”
“But it relaxes me.”
“Just chill out. You are going to start making me nervous. This is a process – there are no overnight successes anymore. Look at George Clooney; it took him half his life before he became as big as he is now. We thought he would be stuck on Roseanne forever.”
“Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear, Jillian: that this could take me forever.”
“I didn’t say that it would take you forever, Hailey. I said that these things take time. You could find your big break tomorrow; you just never know with these things. But I believe in you; I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. You will be the one who makes it. I’m sure of it.”
Just then a door opened, and a woman came out. She had been the one that had taken the original roll call, and now she was coming back to announce who had been chosen for the reality show.
My heart was in my throat as I watched her approach the group of us waiting. I was dying to know what she had to say, but it was also terrifying to find out. I was desperate for the role, and it scared me to think that I might not get it.
The woman had a list in her hand and she started calling out names of the people that were going to be on the show. I held my breath as I listened. As she was calling out names, there were girls and guys screaming out, excited to hear they were chosen. The excitement was contagious as I waited anxiously for my own name to be called. It would be so wonderful to be part of the show, just watching the people around me jumping up and down. I wanted to be with them, to be excited about the future, as well.
The woman finished the list without calling my name. I sat there in stunned silence as she asked the people on the list to follow her and then thanked the rest of us for our time. I continued to stare straight ahead, scared to look at Jillian. It would make it real, and I didn’t want it to be real.
