Okay, maybe less, but it felt like thousands. Jennifer has been photographed in a number of different outfits and poses.
"Oh, Derek, a couple with my daughter?" Jennifer asks. "Isn't she beautiful?"
"Judy, get her ready!" He clicks his fingers, and Judy appears.
I'm whisked away before I have time to speak, and then I'm shoved in a chair.
All right, looks like I'm really giving this a go now.
Whatever. You can't deny that you want to. You're intrigued, and after witnessing it, you know it's not seedy.
While I'm being pulled about, I can see some of Jennifer's photos on the monitor. They're all stunning. A lady, who I assume is from Vogue, as it's their shoot, is pointing to different images with Jennifer.
I'm a little nervous. I don't want her to look at mine. I'm no model.
"What's Texas wearing?" Judy asks.
Derek comes over and kneels beside me. "I've spoken to Jen-Jen, and she agrees that it would be perfect to get you in the same pose. Mother in leather trousers, daughter in leather shorts." He's animated as he talks.
I feel hysteria rushing up my throat.
He wants you to go topless.
"I'm sorry. You want me to take my top off in front of everyone?" I splutter.
"Derek, let me," Jennifer says, floating over to us. "Darling, you saw my shoot. No one will be looking at you with anything but professionalism. It's discreet. This is your decision, Texas, but make sure you're making it because it's what you want and not out of fear."
A rather large part of me wants Ted to step in. He knows exactly what Dad would say--or shout--but the side of me just starting to emerge wants full control over every decision. Jennifer is right. This is not up to anyone but me. I'm an adult, and I can make my choices.
With my heart trying to shove its way through my chest cavity, I nod. "I want it to be done like my mum's. I don't want anyone to see."
Derek's toothy smile is triumphant, but he respectfully raises his hands. "Absolutely, Texas. We'll do this however you like. If you're uncomfortable at any point, please speak up."
"I will!"
Oh my God, what are you about to do?
"Why don't you get seated the way Jen-Jen did? And we'll set up. I'll let you know when to remove your top. Clara will be there to take it once you're covered by the back of the chair. Does that sound okay?"
Swallowing sand, I nod again.
Jennifer takes me over to the chair. She looks pleased but not smug, like I assumed she would be. "If you want that top back on or everyone but Derek to leave, you say. Derek might be the one running this show, but you are in charge."
"Okay," I reply. I step over the chair so I'm facing the back, putting my legs either side, and sit down.
"Are you sure?" she asks.
"I'm sure, Mum."
With a genuine smile that makes my heart further thaw toward her, she backs away, murmuring, "I'm proud of you for taking charge, Texas." She's not talking about the shoot. She's talking about my life.
You can do this. Reach down, and take it off.
I grip the bottom of my top and bring it over my head. Clara takes it along with my bra and backs off. Sitting half-naked, the wrong way around on a chair, in a roomful of people should make me self-conscious, but it doesn't. I feel strong. The surge of self-assurance makes my heart speed up. I sit straighter, letting my spine stretch out.
You can do this.
The lights are adjusted, and my back heats. My hair is played with, and my face is powdered...and whatever else they're slapping on.
"Are you ready, Texas?" Derek asks as my hair and makeup ladies retreat.
I look over my shoulder and hold my head up. "I'm ready."
I risk a glance at Ted. Surprisingly, he looks proud and also a little awkward.
"That's it. Hold your head there and smile. Lovely. Now, tilt your head down. Okay, slightly arch your back, put your hands behind you, and twist to the left."
I know I've got side-boob action going on, but I don't care. I follow Derek's instructions and pose how he's asked.
You like this. You fucking like it!
"Beautiful! Tip your head back and to the right--there! Hold that. Perfect. Stunning, Texas."
I want to hire him to follow me around and give me compliments all day because the man is amazing for self-esteem.
He lowers his camera. "Well, that was incredible. Would you like to dress and have a couple taken with your mum?"
The lady from Vogue gasps. "That would be wonderful! Jennifer?"
Mum smiles. "A mother-daughter article?"
She looks at me for my permission, and I shrug in a yes.
"Let's do it. Where do you want us, Derek?"
Once we're finished, we look back over the photos. They're amazing. Really amazing. I love them all so much. The ones of me and mum are awesome. We did a few serious and some funny ones where we're pulling faces. The individual ones has the Vogue lady--seriously no one has said her name and too long has passed for me to ask her--squealing and calling her boss. I end up answering a few questions, so we can do a joint interview.
I'm not even thinking about Dad's reaction because I'm on a high.
We get in the car, and Jennifer tells the driver to go to a cocktail bar because we're celebrating. I finally feel like I'm becoming me, and I won't give that up. It feels too good.
KITT
TUESDAY, JULY 28
DALLAS, TEXAS
I'm so ready for a break. I've loved every second of the tour so far--almost--but every bone in my body aches, and my heart is in shreds. I need to get back to my girl. The two weeks we have off before Australia and New Zealand have never been more welcomed.
I can't wait to get back out there and show our waiting fans what we've got, but we all need some R&R first. We'd burn out otherwise.
From now on, we'll be spreading tours out because I need more time with Texas. We're like passing ships in the night. The odd text here and there is all we've managed.
She's angry with me. So am I.
You're also angry with her.
Tex has more free time than I do, but she still only manages to text me in the morning or last thing at night. It's not all her fault, but we both need and deserve more.
We've been apart for six weeks, and it doesn't work. I can't do long distance with her. She's the other half of my fucking soul. What I'm feeling, I know she is, too. I can't walk around, feeling like I'm constantly lost, any longer.
So, as soon as we hit home turf, I'm demanding she gives us another chance. Not that she's told me we're over, but I know that's what's in her heart. I feel it in every text message. I hear it in her tone the few times she's left a voice mail. There's nothing emotional about any part of us, and I don't know why.
How can a month change something so permanent?
It's fixable. I know that. We need to get back on the same page and find a way of making time for each other. Neither of us has done long distance before, so this is a learning curve and a steep one. Now, we know what not to do.
It's now Tuesday, and we're flying home on Thursday. Tomorrow is the last show here in America.
I tap Tex's number and hold my breath.
"Hello?" she says on the fifth ring.
I close my eyes, and my dick hardens. "Hey, babe. Fuck, it's good to hear your voice."
"Yours, too. How's it going?"
"Last one tomorrow, and then I'll be home to you. I've missed you so much."
"Missed you, too." Her voice is shallow and lacking anything that makes me believe her words.
"Tex, are you okay?"
"Mmhmm."
I suck in a breath. "You're done, aren't you?"
Why the fuck did you say that? There's nothing you can do until you're back, so why are you goading her to say it? Three days, and you'll be in front of her and be able to fix whatever's wrong. You didn't have to make it fucking official!
"Kitt..."
"No, fuck, come
on." I pace my room and grab the whiskey off the side table as I go. "I know things have been hard, and I've not called nearly as much as I wanted, but, Jesus, Texas, give it a bit more time. It's like you don't even want to make it work. Don't give up on us. I'll be back soon, and we'll sort this out."
I hear her breathless sobs down the other end, and it catapults me into darkness.
"Texas," I rasp, "tell me it's not over. Now."
"I-I can't. I don't know. Everything has changed. You'll see, Kitt. I can't do this."
"What does that mean? Why can't you? Fuck me. You're the one who started this. You don't just get to end it!" My chest is working overtime. I clench the phone so tight that the muscles in my hand burn. Why did I start this conversation?
"Stop! Just please finish the shows, and enjoy it. We can talk when you get back."
I laugh. "Are you joking? You expect me to leave it there?"
"You don't have a choice. Things are...crazy for me at the moment. I need to work stuff out. I can't do this right now."
The phone goes dead, and my heart follows. I drop it on the floor and launch the bottle of whiskey at the wall. "Fuck!"
What the hell is going on with her?
Something is wrong here.
Someone knocks on my door. Milo probably since his room is the one I just threw glass at. I stalk over and wrench the door open, breathing heavily. It's him.
"Shit," Milo says. "What happened?"
I turn on my heel and walk back. Calm down. Get ahold of yourself.
"We're over. She ended it," I mutter, staring off into space.
"What? She said that?"
"Just now on the phone. Apparently, she can't. And I pushed her to it."
"Mate, I knew you were finding it hard to stay in touch, but I didn't know it was this bad."
I can see it in his eyes that he's finally sure he and Lexi did the right thing in going separate ways before the band took off.
"I'm sorry." He sits down. "What do you need?"
"I need her. Tex is it for me." I lean down and put my head in my hands. "I don't know what to do. I'm thousands of miles away, and I can't do a fucking thing for three days."
I don't want to be split up for a second.
"Do you want me to talk to her?" he offers.
"It won't do any good. But thanks. I doubt she'll answer the phone to anyone now. She's everything. I love her. And now, I've got to figure out how to make it up to her. Tex might have ended our relationship, but I was the one who let it take a backseat to my career."
"You didn't have a choice, man. She had to leave. It was getting dangerous. Tell her she's not second. Make her believe you."
I tilt my head his way and lift my eyebrow. "I will, but...tips on how?"
"Er, no, but..."
"Yeah. Exactly. I'll never make this mistake again. Making her see she's first might prove difficult since difficult is practically her middle name, but I'll do it."
Sometimes, she makes getting into MI5 look like a picnic.
You'll be fine. It's not over. You both know that.
"Think she'll talk to you again if you try calling?" He smirks because he knows what she's like, and he knows how much of a hard time I'm going to have.
I've never been scared off by a bit of hard work before though. And nothing is more worth it than her.
"She has to. I'm not willing to give up on us. We have to work it out." Being apart isn't an option. "I want everything with her.
When we get back, she's moving in with me." She said she was, and I'm not prepared to deviate from the plan.
"That's going to be hard."
"It's not hard work when you're with someone you love."
Milo laughs, like I'm a clueless fool. When it comes to Tex, that's how I feel most of the time.
"Can I be there when you tell her to pack her bags?" Milo asks, smirking.
"Fuck off." I laugh.
THURSDAY, JULY 30
HOUSTON, TEXAS
I scroll through Facebook to have something to do. Texas has not answered or replied to my messages, and it's driving me insane. I can't concentrate on anything but figuring out what's going through her head, which is impossible since she doesn't seem to know half the time.
Don't obsessively look at Tex's profile. It will drive you crazy.
But I don't have to stalk her because she's everywhere.
My jaw hits the floor, and my heart sinks. A photo of her from the side, looking over her shoulder, kicks me in the gut. She's topless. You can't see much because of the angle, but she has no top on.
I read the headline.
TEXAS KNIGHT'S SEXY NEW PHOTO SHOOT
What the fuck?
I click the link and only realise I'm not breathing as my lungs burn, and black dots dance in front of my face.
"What did you do?" I mumble.
There's an interview with Tex and Jennifer. I almost don't want to read it. I flick down and look at the photos first. She looks different and not just because they would've applied all sorts of shit to her face that she doesn't need.
Texas is older here. She's in charge, matured, stronger.
Shit, she's a fucking natural in front of the camera.
Her posture in each one is self-assured and flirty. It's like looking at Jennifer, only Texas's beauty is on another scale entirely.
But she has no top on.
I follow the soft line of the side of her breast with my finger. She is perfect. But why is she on show for everyone? I close down the Internet browser and tap her name.
What the hell has happened to her since she's been at Jennifer's? A week or two was her limit before, and then she was supposed to go home. What's Jennifer done?
TEXAS
THURSDAY, JULY 30
NOTTING HILL, ENGLAND
The article with those photos has been released today. My stomach is rolling, making it impossible to eat. I don't regret doing it because I finally feel like an adult in charge, but I am worried about what Dad and Kitt will say.
Kitt. Damn.
I've tried so hard to forget about him. I won't let my mind drift there because, when it does, there is only paralysing fear and pain. One minute, I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life, and the next, I think it's for the best.
All I really know is, I miss him so much that I feel...wrong. Everything is dull. Everything that used to make me excited does nothing. Life has lost its colour, and all I want to do is lounge in bed or on the sofa. It's all too much effort.
Peyton is in town for a few days, doing some promo shit for the series since the second season is being aired in the UK soon. She's sitting opposite me in the eye-watering expensive restaurant. We've come for afternoon tea, but so far, I've only managed a couple of bites of the tiny, tiny cakes. She scans the magazine article with her mouth open wide. It's not the best sign.
"I don't know what to say, Tex."
"Try. My dad is going to flip, and I need to know what to say to him."
"Your dad doesn't get to make your decisions, Tex."
"I know that. Fuck, I proved that when I took my top off, but he's going to be disappointed in me. Again." The first time was bad enough, but he took that surprisingly well. This is different. This is me baring skin for the whole world to see.
"Maybe, but you can't live your life based around what your dad will or will not like. Tex, he might not like it, but it's not his decision, and you're going to have to deal with the fallout, if there is one. He won't stop loving you, so don't stress."
"See? I know you're right. Logic and all that, but you can see my side boob, Pey."
She laughs and wiggles her eyebrows. "Oh, I can see that! Don't worry. You have nice side boob."
"Not really what I meant."
"Drink your coffee. It'll calm you down. You and Mark will be fine. You always are."
Yeah, things do make more sense when I've had caffeine. Perhaps not naked things, but it's done now. Dad will have his tantrum, if he needs to, a
nd we'll move on. I'm not looking forward to that conversation though.
It can't be worse than when he showed you the tampon.
No, nothing can ever be as bad as that.
"So...modelling?" She picks up a miniscule slab of coffee cake and takes a bite.
"Yeah. That one crept up on me. Mum asked if I wanted to try, so I figured, Why not?"
"Will you do it again?"
I shrug. "She's been asked if I have an agent, so she's been all over that. I have her as a guide, so I think I will. I felt different when I was doing it. I like that."
"Wow. Never thought I'd hear you call Jennifer Star your guide."
"Neither did I. This is what she's good at though."
"She's awesome at it. Are you ready for a modelling career? Didn't you come home to get away from the crazy?"
I top off my coffee mug and stare at her. "No. I don't care about that. People have always been super interested in me and Dad. I'm used to the attention. I'll admit, it's extra insane since..." Kitt. His name is Kitt. A name attached to about a hundred missed calls and dozens of unanswered texts. "But I left because he couldn't enjoy it."
"Right. And you ended it because you're scared that he's had enough, and you wanted to get there first."
"Bitch," I mutter. "He doesn't have time for me, Pey."
"Bullshit. You didn't talk about not having time. You didn't try to figure out a way to keep in touch that would work for you both. You ran, Tex. I'm not judging, and I'm always on your side. But what kind of friend would I be if I didn't call you up on your idiocy?"
"A better one."
She rolls her icy-blue eyes. "You don't believe that."
"Moving on...please?" Because I can't talk about this anymore. The ache in my heart grows daily, and it's sucking the life out of me.
"Fine. I know when you're done with a conversation. Let's get out of here and spend some time with Mummy Dearest."
I cut her a look. "She's trying, and so am I."
"Didn't say it was bad. Plus, the woman always has champagne on ice!"
I honestly think Jennifer lives on it. She chugs it down like it's water.
FRIDAY, JULY 31
NOTTING HILL, ENGLAND
I wake up to my phone blowing up. And I wish that was literal. I decided that the mature, rational adult thing to do about this topless, side-boob incident was to ignore it. So, I've been screening Kitt's and Dad's calls. Even Will, Jimmy, and Milo have tried to get in touch. Cooper just sent me a picture of himself with my photo. He looked so happy.
With the Band Page 30
