by K. M. Scott
I picked up the phone again and read through some of her messages, needing to feel the pain to remind me how much I needed to stay away from her because if I didn’t, I’d drive out to that house and take her in my arms and never let go.
I know you read these. I know it. And I know you love me like I love you, Kane.
Running my finger over her picture on my phone, I nodded and whispered, “I do, angel.”
I’m not giving up on you even though you want me to. I’m not. And someday soon you’ll come back and we’ll be happy the three of us.
When she said things like that, my breath caught in my chest because I wanted so much to be happy again. I imagined us together with a little boy or girl and we finally had the life we wanted.
And then the reality of who I was crashed into my fantasies, wrecking them and making me accept the fact that we’d likely never have that happiness we both dreamed of.
A knock at my door roused me from my misery, and I stumbled into the living room, still drunk from the night before. Opening it, I saw Cash standing there, and by the look on his face, I wasn’t looking exactly the way he thought I’d look. He, on the other hand, looked like his usual great self, even dressed in jeans and a T-shirt instead of the business suit I was used to seeing him in.
“Kane, hey, can I come in?”
I nodded and stood back to let him pass, noticing how happy he looked. I hadn’t spoken to my brother since a few days after the botched wedding and although he’d sounded okay then, I’d thought he’d been just putting on an act. It seemed like he’d gotten over the heartbreak of Olivia. I didn’t know how, but he had.
Closing the door, I turned to see him staring at me. I couldn’t help but admit I looked like shit. I hadn’t shaved in God knows how long, and other than the jeans I wore every day, I wore nothing else. Weeks of eating less than I drank had taken their toll on me, if his look of horror for me was any indication.
“How are you, Kane?”
“I’m fine, Cash. You look good. I didn’t think you’d get over Olivia that quick, but good for you.”
He smiled that cool Cash grin. “I didn’t get over Olivia. I couldn’t get over Olivia any more than you can get over Abbi. We got married yesterday, and we’re having a celebration out at my mother’s house tomorrow. We’d like to see you there, if that’s possible.”
“The Anna Maria Island house?”
Cash shook his head and gave me a knowing look that told me he understood the meaning behind my question. “No, but I can’t promise that Abbi won’t be at the party. My mother says she’s feeling better now that she’s in her second trimester and she’s hoping to see you there.”
I brushed past him to take my place on the couch. “I don’t know, Cash. I’m happy for you and Olivia, but I don’t know if I can handle being around everyone and seeing her. There’s no point, you know?”
He stood there staring at me, silent for a long moment before he said, “No, but I accept that you think that. For me, there’s no way I could be away from Olivia like that, especially if I knew we were having a baby together, Kane.”
“It’s different for you two. You don’t bring the problems I do into a relationship. I’m happy you guys found a way to make it work, though. I always thought you could.”
“You and Abbi can too. I have to believe that.”
I hung my head and sighed. “I wish that was true, Cash. I wish lots of things could happen. You and your mother live in a world where who I am shouldn’t matter, but that’s not reality. The reality is that I’m a violent man who shouldn’t be around someone like Abbi and our baby.”
Cash walked in front of the table and looked at me like the big brother he was. “I don’t know what you are, Kane, but I know you love her and she loves you. Maybe I’m just feeling in love with love these days, but I think you need to give yourself a break. People can change. You aren’t just those two events in your life. They don’t make up all you are.”
“No, I’m every time I’ve ever wanted to hurt someone. I don’t know if I’ll show, but tell Olivia congratulations from me, okay?”
“Okay, but I know she’d rather hear it from you yourself. If you can, we’ll all be out at the house by seven o’clock tomorrow night. I hope you’ll be there.”
I nodded, but I didn’t want to go celebrate anything, especially if Abbi was going to be there. I couldn’t face her after all the months of ignoring her messages and calls. She deserved better than that.
She deserved better than me.
Chapter Nine
Shay
The hallway leading to Stefan’s condo seemed especially long as I walked with all my luggage toward his door to surprise him. I’d thought about calling him and letting him know I was coming, but I hoped that after all the fighting we’d been doing lately this surprise visit would help things between us.
I dropped my bags and took a deep breath as I knocked on his door. God, what if he wasn’t even home? What if he wasn’t alone?
Stop! You can’t keep thinking like that, Shay. He hasn’t done anything to make you think he’s back to his old ways.
I tried to calm myself with those thoughts, but somewhere in the back of my mind the tiniest voice whispered All you’ve done is fight for months. He’s not happy with you, Shay.
The door opened and there he stood staring at me with those brown eyes I could get lost in forever. The look of shock on his face made me smile, but it immediately changed to a look of complete happiness.
“Shay! What are you doing here? How? When?”
He threw open his arms and took me into them in a hug that made all my fears about him fade away. I loved the feel of him next to me after all those months apart. Pressing my cheek to his chest, I heard his heart pounding excitedly against my ear.
“Happy to see me?”
Stefan pushed me away and looked me up and down. “Oh, baby, you’re a sight for sore eyes. I’ve missed you so much. This place hasn’t been the same without you here with me. How long are you back for? How long do I have before you leave again?”
I bent down to pick up my bags and he took them out of my hold. Following him into his condo, I said quietly, “I’m here for a while.”
He spun around and lifted me into his arms. “That’s the best news I’ve had in so long. Well, except for Cash and Olivia getting married and them having a party to celebrate tonight. Do you think you’ll be up for a party at my mother’s house? I know you just got back, but everyone would love to see you.”
His brown eyes looked into mine like he was pleading for me to say yes, so how I could not? “Okay, it will be nice to see everyone. How’s your mother doing?”
“She’s fine. She’s been spending a lot of time with Abbi over the summer.”
“Why?”
A sheepish look crossed his face. “I didn’t tell you about Kane and Abbi. Things haven’t been good. Abbi’s pregnant, but Kane won’t talk to her. I don’t know what his problem is, but it’s not like he’s talking to me either.”
Kane not talking to Abbi who was carrying his child? That didn’t sound like the guy I knew. But I knew how contentious the relationship between Stefan and Kane had always been, so I didn’t comment. Better to just wait to see Kane and hear from the horse’s mouth what the problem was.
As I thought about all that had changed since I left, Stefan took me in his arms and kissed me hello like I meant the world to him. His lips pressed against mine as his hands slid down my back to cup my ass, like he couldn’t feel enough of me next to him.
All those fears I’d had about him wanting someone else faded away under the sweetness of that kiss, and as I pulled back to cradle his face, I asked, “Stefan, what do you think of me not going back to Copenhagen for a while?”
“Really? Then what do you think of leaving Tampa? We can go anywhere we like in the world. I have enough money and we can just close our eyes and pick a spot on the map and go.”
“You know I don’t like the ide
a of being some kind of kept woman, baby. I need to know I can contribute to our life together.”
“Then you pick the place and I’ll go. As long as you’re by my side, I don’t care where it is.”
“Whoa, slow down! Why do you want to leave Tampa so badly? Your whole family’s here.”
Stefan’s happy expression slid from his face and he walked over to look out the window at the bay below. “I don’t know, Shay. I just think it’s time to leave here. I’m not getting any younger, and now that Cash is happily married and the club is closed, it seems like the right time to go.”
“What about your mother and Kane?”
“My mother will be fine. We can visit her anytime we want.”
“And Kane?”
He said nothing for a long time and then turned around to face me with a twisted look of disgust that said so much more than his words. “I don’t know him anymore. I can’t respect what he’s doing to Abbi.”
“Maybe it’s something you don’t know about.”
“Maybe he’s just not manning up, Shay. She’s been pregnant for months, and instead of spending his time with her, he stays in his rooms at the club and gets fucked up drunk every day. What kind of man does that?”
I should have known better than to come to Kane’s defense against Stefan. That anger that existed between them had simmered just below the surface for as long as I’d known them, and now with Abbi’s pregnancy and Kane’s unexplained behavior, Stefan had finally decided he couldn’t be around his half-brother anymore.
I understood his opinion, to a point. I just couldn’t imagine Kane being the type of man Stefan described.
Walking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him close. “I get it, baby. You’re ready for a change. As long as it’s us together, I think we could do it. I just need you to understand that I won’t be some freeloading girlfriend, okay?”
He turned in my hold and sweetly kissed the top of my head. “Okay. Then you pick the place and we’ll go, and you can work whatever job you want and I’ll figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
That was Stefan in a nutshell. Still believing he could be whatever he wanted to be. I loved that about him, and after months away around other scientists just like me who were all so sure of what they were and what they aimed to do with their lives, his comfort with indecision and willingness to explore life felt so refreshing and freeing.
*
Alexandria’s house may not have looked as festive as it had at Christmastime, but the late summer party celebrating Cash and Olivia’s wedding gave it a festive feeling all the same. Stefan and I walked in to see Alexandria nearly fall over at the sight of me right there in her home again.
It felt good to be back.
“Shay! Oh my, it’s so wonderful to see you! I had no idea you were coming,” she squealed as she came at me with open arms.
Hugging me tightly, she scolded her son. “Stefan, this is a wonderful surprise, but you should have told me.”
“I didn’t know, Mom,” he beamed, smiling back at me. “She surprised me this afternoon by showing up on my doorstep. Best thing to find outside my door in ages.”
Stefan headed toward the kitchen as Alexandria squeezed me and whispered in my ear, “You are so welcome here, honey. I’m so glad to see you back with Stefan. Two of my sons happy at last.”
When she backed away, I asked quietly so Stefan couldn’t hear, “What’s going on with Kane? I know he’s not one of yours, but Stefan told me you’ve been spending a lot of time with Abbi. What’s happened to them?”
A frown settled into her beautiful face. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve tried to get through to him, but he’s hell bent on believing he’s no good for her and the baby. She’s here tonight, but he’s not. Cassian said he didn’t think he’d come once he heard Abbi would be here. It’s heartbreaking to see her turn toward the door with that hopeful look in her eyes every time it opens.”
“I’d like to meet her. Where is she?”
Alexandria pointed toward the kitchen. “She’s in there with Cassian and Olivia. Go say hi. She’s heard all about you.”
I walked down the hallway and turned the corner to see a beautiful, petite blond woman with a tiny baby bump standing in the center of the room. Instantly, I saw why Kane would have fallen in love with this lovely soul. She had all the hallmarks of a damsel in distress, and if any of the brothers was a knight in shining armor, it was Kane.
“Shay! How did this happen? Stefan kept this a secret,” Olivia said as she welcomed me into the room.
“He didn’t know,” I admitted. “I surprised him too.”
“It’s great to see you, Shay,” Cash said with a cool smile as he offered me a drink. “I’m glad you’re here to celebrate our big day.”
“Congratulations to both of you. I’m so happy for you guys.”
Olivia and Cash beamed their happiness, but I saw out of the corner of my eye that Abbi couldn’t pretend to share it. Looking over at her, I said, “I’m Shay. I’ve heard all sorts of wonderful things about you from Stefan. It’s so nice to meet you.”
Abbi tentatively extended her hand to shake mine and said quietly, “It’s nice to meet you finally, Shay. I thought I heard you’d be back in December.”
“Yeah, plans changed. I’m back for good now, and Stefan is all about moving away and finding a new start.”
Her blue eyes lit up. “Really? That sounds like fun.”
I dropped my voice and whispered, “Congratulations are in order for you too, I hear. Stefan tells me you’re pregnant. You look fantastic!”
She cupped her hands over her belly and smiled at me. “Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.”
“I’d love to congratulate Kane too.”
Abbi shook her head and frowned. “He’s probably not going to be here.”
My heart broke for her as I saw her look past me as someone came in the front door. Alexandria had been right. She really was waiting for him. I couldn’t believe the man who’d been so nice to me every time we talked could do this to a woman he loved and who was carrying his baby. It just made no sense to me.
“Well, I’m sure I’ll get a chance to see him soon, and I’ll make sure to tell him how lucky he is.”
Abbi’s expression turned dark once again at my mention of seeing Kane, but we were quickly distracted by Stefan offering a toast to the newlyweds.
“To my brother and Olivia, who finally made it official. Here’s to the two of you and a lifetime of happiness.”
Everyone cheered for them, and they kissed like two people madly in love. It made my heart swell to know that after all the problems they’d had that the two of them had found their way back to one another.
“Let’s move this party out to the back and enjoy this beautiful August night,” Alexandria announced as she began ushering all of us to the back porch where tea candles lit up the veranda and back steps. Stefan and I followed everyone outside and took a seat as Cash and Olivia began to recount the details of their Italian trip they’d made out of their honeymoon plans.
It all sounded so perfect that I couldn’t help but wish Stefan and I would have the same wonderful stories to tell when we finally made the decision to marry. We’d never talked about it, but now that I’d returned I could see us finally making it official.
Stefan slipped his arm around my waist as we sat there on the back porch, and we all laughed as he teased Cash about finally closing the deal with the right woman. All those years of bad blood between them from Stefan and Rachel’s betrayal had finally faded away, and the two brothers could at last joke about the past.
Suddenly, the laughter abruptly stopped and a pall descended on the group as Kane appeared in the doorway like some kind of specter to bring us all back to reality. I looked up and was stunned by how he looked. God, he’d changed so much since I’d last seen him. Gone was the piercing blue gaze I remembered, replaced by a dimness in his eyes that saddened me. He looked thinn
er than when I’d said goodbye to him that winter night at the club too.
And then all eyes trained on Abbi, who stood motionless staring at him as we waited for one of them to speak. It felt like we were intruding on a private moment, but none of us moved. We just sat there until Kane or Abbi said something.
Finally, when neither of them did, Alexandria put on her best hostess face and invited Kane out to join us. He gruffly declined, instead turning to go back into the house, and that’s when Abbi moved to follow him.
The rest of us pretended like nothing had happened as Cash and Olivia returned to telling their stories about Italy, but as the screen door closed and Abbi said her first words to him, I knew something was really wrong. His voice, as raspy as it usually was, had never sounded as cold as when he spoke to her now.
As Stefan and the rest of the group returned to talking like everything was fine, I listened as Kane and Abbi spoke to one another like two people who didn’t know how to understand each other.
“Kane, I hoped you’d come tonight. Does this mean…?”
She left the rest of her sentence unspoken, but I heard the desperation in her voice. She so wanted him to say something had changed and he’d come back to her, but as I spied his icy expression, I knew that wasn’t the case.
“Abbi, nothing’s changed.”
There, in those few words, he dashed all her hopes. Her shoulders sagged and she said quietly, “How can you say that? I’m carrying your child, Kane.”
“Abbi, I don’t want to hurt you. It’s the last thing I want to do. Why won’t you understand that you’re better off without me?”
She lifted her hand to touch his face, and he sharply turned away from her. She pleaded, “I’m not better off without you. I love you and you love me. Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll never bother you again. I’ll never message you or call you or even hope something can change. Just tell me that and I swear I’ll leave your life forever.”
Kane lowered his head and I saw in his dark blue eyes that he did still love her, no matter what his words said. She knew it too. In his silence, she found some measure of happiness, even if it wasn’t the kind she’d hoped for.
