by K. M. Scott
“I’m just saying I’m glad you settled down with Shay. She’s just the kind of woman I’d wish for you. Stable, smart, and strong enough to deal with you and your antics. You need that to keep you in your place.”
Abbi suddenly stood from the table and cleared off her plate into the garbage. “I’m feeling a little tired now. I think I’m going to go upstairs.”
She walked out of the room and my mother shook her head sadly. “Her moods change suddenly. It’s the pregnancy, I know, but I still feel bad for her.”
“Has he bothered to call her or come out to see her yet?” I asked, not even trying to hide my disgust for Kane’s behavior.
She leaned toward me and whispered, “Oh, honey, he comes out every night. She’s sound asleep so she doesn’t know, but he’s been coming out every night since spring.”
“What’s that about? Who does that? It’s got a creepy stalker thing about it, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t do anything to stop it because I want to encourage him to come here whenever he can. I just wish he’d see he should spend some time with her when she’s awake. It would make her so happy.”
“That’s why he doesn’t do it, Mom. He’s a selfish prick and the way he’s acting toward her is wrong.”
My mother stood from the table and began to clear the dishes. “You don’t know the whole story, Stefan. I think if you did, you’d see he has his reasons.”
“He has a good reason for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend and you’re okay with this? I don’t get it. You’d be up one side of me and down the other if I treated anyone like that, but it’s okay for Dad’s bastard son to be like that?”
She stopped next to where I sat and stared down at me with a look of anger I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager and nearly totaled her car one night. “Stefan March, don’t say that about him. Kane has had a lot of things dumped on him that you and your brother never had to deal with. You were very lucky to have your father in your life. Kane didn’t have that benefit.”
“So what? Are we supposed to have a telethon for him now? He got as much money as we did when Dad died and we made a run of the club, so I’m supposed to feel bad for him and think the way he treats Abbi is okay? Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t.”
“Money isn’t all your father meant to any of you. You know that.”
I stood up from the table, my stomach sick from this bullshit talk about Kane and his problems. I’d never really told my mother about how I’d seen my father as little more than money, but if she continued to defend Kane like he’d gotten some bad deal, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
“All I know is that he didn’t do so bad considering.”
“If you knew the whole story, you might think differently, Stefan.”
“Like I might feel bad for him because he never had a real father? That’s bullshit. Cassian March III only cared about the child who was his namesake, so this spare isn’t going to be feeling bad for Kane anytime soon. The heir and the spare, right? I remember, so I’m not going to stand here and listen to some defense of poor Kane because he didn’t have a daddy around every day of his childhood. I didn’t either, and the guy lived in the same house with me.”
“You know that’s not true, Stefan. Your father loved you like he loved Cassian and Kane.”
Something inside me exploded, and I barked, “Why the hell do I get to be mentioned in the same breath as the bastard? Shouldn’t being his son like Cassian count for something more?”
My mother stepped back in shock at my outburst, and I didn’t give her a chance to answer any of my questions. I’d had enough of Kane and his fucking problems, and if I was the only one who could see whatever his excuses were meant nothing, then so be it.
I stormed out without saying another word and headed home, hoping to see Shay’s happy face to help me forget about my mother, her soft spot for my half-brother, and how bad I felt every time I saw Abbi sitting there in that house waiting for some asshole who’d never show up, except when she wouldn’t see him or give him a hard time.
If I was the only one who saw Kane for what he really was, so be it.
*
By mid-October, I’d stayed away from the Anna Maria Island house for a couple weeks and decided I likely wouldn’t go back anytime soon. Shay couldn’t talk enough about a get-together she and her colleagues had organized, and when the night of the party finally arrived, I loved seeing her so happy to show me off to her work friends who I’d never met before.
I stood behind her at the bathroom mirror and straightened my tie as I asked, “Why is it again that I’ve never met any of these people who seem so important in your life?”
She smiled and turned around to kiss me, sliding her arms around my waist. “Because they’re more boring than watching paint dry and I didn’t want you to think I was like them or you might think you should break up with me before I got boring too.”
I tightened my fist in her hair and gently tugged her head back so her mouth sat right near mine. “I could never think you’re boring, baby. But just so I know, what are we talking here? Boring old professor types or boring nerd types? I like to know what I’m walking into.”
“Think people who find The Big Bang Theory funny.”
“I think that show’s funny. I shouldn’t have a problem then.”
“Do you think it’s funny because of the characters or the science jokes?”
“The characters. I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about with the science jokes.”
Shay chuckled and straightened my tie again. “Well, these people think the science jokes are hysterical.”
“So I’m basically your male version of Penny?” I asked with a smile.
She thought about it for a moment and scrunched up her nose. “I’m not really cool thinking of myself as Leonard, but I guess in a way you’re right. Just remember that other than that weirdo Sheldon, everyone would love to get with Penny.”
“Got it. I’m your hunky non-science boyfriend.”
“Don’t worry, Stefan. These people will love you like I do because you’re completely opposite of us. It’s the reason science types love your type. We’re all serious, and you’re all carefree, like we wish we could be.”
I kissed her gently on the lips and smiled. “Okay, I’m ready. Time to show me off to your friends.”
“Colleagues. Remember that. My friends already love you more than they should. Carrie thinks you might be the hottest man I’ve ever been with, just so you know. These people are work people, which means I care even less what they think.”
I checked out my look in the mirror and couldn’t help thinking I looked good next to her. She wore a black sweater dress that hugged her gorgeous shape perfectly and made me want to skip the science get-together in favor of a night of incredibly hot sex, and I had on black dress pants with a grey button down shirt and a black and grey tie she’d picked out for me because of the metallic look of the diamond pattern she said brought out my eyes. Whatever it was, we looked good together, so those science geeks needed to be ready.
Two steps into the room decorated with 1970s dark brown paneling where the party was held and I knew her colleagues weren’t like the woman I loved. Shay had a sexy way about her that came naturally from confidence, but these people all looked like they’d had sand kicked in their faces every day of their lives and the result had made them defensive and suspicious. One woman stared at me with wide eyes full of fear like she’d never seen a man before, and the only other female besides Shay and her appeared to be holding up the wall near the restroom at the far end of the party.
The men weren’t much better. None seemed to know how to match their pants to their shirts, and every one of them had ties that showed they had no idea what the hell a Windsor knot was. Checkered shirts of all colors and an overabundance of brown dress pants made me wonder what year I’d beamed back to. Thankfully, there was alcohol or the night ahead of me would have been a complete and utter fucking dis
aster.
For Shay’s part, she flitted around the room like a social butterfly able to walk with any of us there. While her colleagues seemed confused by the simplest of social situations—I mean who the hell doesn’t know how to get together for a few drinks and some mindless chatter?—she handled it as smoothly as she had taken care of the members at the club, and I’d never been more proud of her.
Hard as I tried, none of her colleagues wanted to speak to me, no matter what conversation I attempted. I didn’t care, but I knew Shay hoped I’d do better, so I made more effort. Not that it mattered much. I approached every person in that room, but they either stared at me blankly when I spoke or made some half-hearted excuse why they had to move away from me. Finally, I tried to strike up a conversation with the lady holding up the wall outside the bathroom, and to my surprise, she didn’t run away.
That was probably because of her job securing the wall.
Plain and dowdy with mousy brown hair and a dress that seemed too big for her, she at least smiled when I introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Stefan. Do you work with Shay?”
“I do,” she said quietly, her gaze immediately settling on her black orthopedic-looking shoes.
“I’m her boyfriend. What’s your name?”
“Shelley.”
Extending my hand, I said, “It’s nice to meet you, Shelley.”
When she shook it, she looked up at me with a look of surprise, like she’d never touched a man’s hand before. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t want to scare her off and succeed in talking to no one the entire night, so I smiled my warmest and said, “I’m pretty new to this, but it’s very nice here.”
Not exactly my smoothest line, but I didn’t have to really turn it on for this woman. I just hoped not to terrify her into running into the ladies’ room.
“You probably go to much nicer places, Stefan. You don’t look like these other guys here.”
“Maybe before I met Shay, but not these days. I think this is the first time since she got back that we’ve gone out.”
Shelley made some comments about the university and how much she enjoyed working there with Shay, but someone behind me talking drew my attention away. I didn’t turn around, but the man’s voice was as clear as day when he spoke.
“He’s not exactly what I’d expect a scientist like you to be with, Shay. Where did he go to school? Who dresses like that for a science department party?”
Shay’s defense of me came immediately and in a tone I knew signaled she hated what her colleague said. “Stefan is a successful businessman and I don’t see why the way he dresses should mean anything. My being a scientist, Kevin, doesn’t mean I have to spend all my time with them.”
“It just seems like you wouldn’t be with someone who ran the kind of business he ran.”
And there it was. The not-so-subtle discrimination my brothers and I had encountered every day we ran Club X. Like owning a fantasy club was the worst thing anyone could do for a living.
I wanted to turn around and tell the pompous son of a bitch off, but I didn’t, remembering how important this night was to Shay. So I let his snide comment pass and listened as she did it for me.
“The kind of business that would never let you in because you don’t have sex or because you don’t have enough money? Jealous much, Kevin?”
The bastard didn’t say another word, and Shay took her place next to me and joined the conversation Shelley and I were having, as tepid as it may have been. The woman warmed up more once Shay began talking, and while the rest of the night went off without a hitch, no one else in the science department spoke to me and Kevin’s comments never left my mind.
By the time we got home, what he’d said gnawed at me enough that I wanted to get drunk and forget about those science fucks with their bad clothes and ignorant attitudes. Shay remained quiet as we settled in, and I sensed she knew I’d heard what Kevin had said, even though neither one of us had mentioned it.
“Want a drink?” I asked as I poured myself a whisky on the rocks.
“No,” she said quietly behind me.
I didn’t continue talking, but I had a feeling she wanted to. When I turned to face her, I saw she had something to say, so I sat down on the couch next to her.
“What’s up? Did you have a good time tonight?”
“Sure. It was okay. How about you? Shelley seemed to like chatting with you.”
I saw by the smile on her face when she mentioned poor, socially-challenged Shelley that she wasn’t angry, but something made me think there was a problem between us.
“Shelley at least bothered to talk to me. No one else seemed to think I was worthy of conversation.”
That came out a bit more defensive than I intended, but it wasn’t a lie. Nobody wanted to talk to me. Not that I cared much. I’d wanted to make a good showing, but I couldn’t be blamed for their behavior, could I?
“They’re just like that, Stefan. They meant no harm.”
And then before I could stop myself, I said, “Yeah, like good old Kevin there with his judgmental bullshit, right?”
I waited for her to defend me like she had when he spewed his nonsense, but she said nothing for a long moment. Did she actually agree with his shit? No, she couldn’t. She’d told him off. So what was with the hesitation now? As I waited, I grew angrier and more hurt than when I’d first heard him basically trash me and my character.
Finally, I asked, “You aren’t going to say anything about that?”
“Your lifestyle isn’t for everyone, Stefan. It doesn’t mean they’re right or wrong. It’s just who they are.”
I leaned back away from her, stunned by her comment. “My lifestyle? Why does it sound like you look down on that lifestyle like that fuck Kevin did? If I remember correctly, you were part of the Club X lifestyle.”
“I worked there for money to pay for school. I wasn’t a member and I didn’t take part in any of the activities there either. There’s a difference.”
“So now you’re looking down your science nose at what I did at the club?”
She stared at me for a moment and then asked, “My science nose? What does that mean?”
“It means you guys are snobs and uptight ones at that if you have a problem with a fantasy club. The people we had as members found something there they couldn’t find anywhere else. Maybe if your science dweebs ever got a little, they wouldn’t be so fucking rude to strangers. I was nothing but nice to all those people there tonight, and only poor Shelley holding up the bathroom wall decided she wanted to even respond to my efforts to make small talk.”
“Stefan, it’s not like you cured any major diseases or anything at Club X. It was a sex club. Period.”
Her tone told me all I needed to know about how she acted around her science friends. I didn’t like this Shay much, and if I didn’t get the hell out of there, we’d be back to fighting again. I stood up and walked into the bedroom, not wanting to start anything even if I thought I was right this time.
But she didn’t want to let it go and followed me. Suddenly, the woman I’d been so proud of all night and who had defended me to that jackass Kevin seemed to be against me and everything I’d ever been. Never before had I felt so under attack by our differences.
“Shay, I’m not really interested in talking about this anymore. No, we didn’t cure cancer or anything at the club, but we weren’t petty, judgmental fucks and I’m not going to let anyone make me feel bad about my way of life. Not even the woman I love.”
She looked at me and her mouth fell open. For a moment, I thought she might cry, but then she said the words I’d dreaded for months.
“I think it might be best if we thought about what we’re doing together. I’m going to go and give us some time to consider if we should even bother trying to get past our differences. From what I’m seeing now, you don’t seem to want to.”
I shook my head, sick of being reminded of how different we were. “This isn’t on me, Shay. I did nothin
g wrong. Your friend Kevin attacked me and you defended me, like I would defend you to anyone who didn’t think you were the best thing to ever happen to me, but now when we’re alone, you seem to be more like him and I don’t deserve that. You go figure out who you want to be with, but I’m not going to apologize for who I am, so don’t expect it.”
She didn’t answer and just turned on her heels to leave. I heard the front door slam a few seconds later and just like every other time we’d fought, my stomach twisted into knots at the thought that this was the time we’d finally not get back together.
Chapter Eleven
Kane
Like some kind of nocturnal monster, I felt the sun finally set and the pull of her reaching out to me as it did every night. My body ached from drinking and my demons were in full rage tonight, but I had to see her. I couldn’t go a single day without seeing Abbi, even though I never could speak to her or even touch her.
I knew it was wrong. She needed me to be there for her, and I wished I could more than anything else in the world, but that couldn’t happen. The risk my demons posed was too great, and I couldn’t take that chance that I’d hurt her more than I had already.
If I could just stop loving her and stop needing to see her, I knew she’d be better off. She could forget me and move on to someone nice who could promise her a life of security and gentleness she deserved. My heart contracted in my chest at the thought of her with anyone else, but even this monster understood it was for the best.
Now if I could just convince myself to let her go.
I parked in the same spot every night, like some nightly ritual I needed to follow exactly or something might go wrong. I walked into the house at the same pace, never fearing I’d be stopped since Alexandria had told her people to let me go. Why, I didn’t understand. She seemed to care for Abbi, so what she should have done that first night was make sure I never came back again.
But it wasn’t Alexandria’s job to stop this. I knew that. This would stop when I found the strength to stop it.
