by Mairi Wilson
She looked back at Danny.
“Oh! You’re awake.” She wondered how long he’d been watching her, propped up on one elbow, his blond hair tousled and half covering his still unshaven face.
“What were you thinking about?”
“Do you have to ask?”
“Yes, Lex, I do. I’m not sure I know how to read your moods any more. Not sure I ever did.”
She nodded thoughtfully, then shrugged her shoulders, walked across to sit beside him on the bed. She took his free hand in hers.
“Danny, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fight, to say those things. It was the whisky … No, no that’s not true. It was … I needed to lash out … to hurt someone … which is awful and you were there and … but after everything you’ve done for me—”
“It’s okay. I can take it, you know. I’m not the total wimp you think I am.” He managed a half grin, looked rueful and tousled, boyish almost, and Lexy knew he meant it. He’d forgiven her, like he always did. He was like a rock. No, a big, strong tree, an oak, or a willow, buffeted by the wind but so grounded it could bend and flex then stand strong again when the storm had passed, give shade and shelter. It would be so easy to stay safe beneath the branches.
“Danny, I …”
“Don’t. Don’t say it.”
“I’ve decided I have to go back to Malawi.”
“Oh God, Lex, why?”
Danny took his hand back from hers, pushed himself up to lean against the pink padded headboard, reached for his glasses, avoiding her eyes.
“I need to … find out who I am. What it means to be Helen’s granddaughter. A Buchanan.”
“A wealthy woman.”
“No, Danny.” Lexy was stung by the unexpected bitterness in his tone. “None of this is about money. It’s about family. My family.”
“After the last few days, you really want to be a part of that family?”
“I don’t have any choice. I am part of it. I need to make my peace with that. So I’m going back. And …”
Lexy felt her voice catch on the lump in her throat, swallowed, tried again.
“And I want to … to go to Evie’s funeral. Pay my respects.”
“She … ? Oh, Lexy.”
“Robert rang. He blames me.”
“But that’s ridic—”
“No, it’s not. I can understand why. And I can understand that he needs to be angry with someone, too.” He raised an eyebrow as she smiled apologetically. “So why not with me? It doesn’t matter, Danny. One way or another, I deserve it. I’ve behaved so badly.”
“Extreme circumstances—”
“Are no excuse. I should be there. Take my punishment.”
“I’ll come with you.”
Lexy shook her head. “I want to – have to – do this alone. Make amends.”
“With Robert.” He scowled, looked distractingly rugged for a moment.
“What? No. Well, yes, partly, but not in that way. But really to a hundred and forty-odd families who lost loved ones because of my family, and who deserve compensation.”
“With Robert.” Danny was a dog with a bone.
“I told you. This has nothing to do with Robert. It’s about family, and whatever I think of him, that’s David. And Ross. I need to find a way of bringing us together, of taking care— Danny!”
Danny had thrown back the bedclothes and was grabbing at his clothes, stumbling as he caught a foot in his jeans, cursing as he fell back on the bed.
“Danny, take it easy.” Lexy had so rarely seen Danny angry that she had to fight the urge to laugh.
“Don’t lie, Lexy. Whatever else, don’t bloody lie to me. You, of all people. You’ve just been ranting about how you hate it that people have done it to you, so just don’t. I deserve better than that.”
He pulled himself up to stand again, reached for his T-shirt.
“I get it, you know. The African dream, you and Robert righting the wrongs of a colonial—”
“Danny, will you listen to me? There is no me and Robert.”
“Then why won’t you let me come with you?”
“Because you’d hate it.” She tried to smile, lighten the moment. “And you know what you’re like about foreign food and—”
“Don’t patronise me, Lexy. And don’t trivialise what I’m saying. I would do anything for you. Surely you realise that by now? I love you, dammit, Lexy.”
“I know you do, Danny.”
“Yeah right.” He shrugged on his jacket, turned up its collar.
“I know you love me, and that’s why I want to do this alone. I want to make my peace with … myself and then … I have to do this for myself. I need you …” He was looking at her warily. “I need you to stay here.” He snorted looked away, zipped up his jacket, pulled car keys from a pocket.
“Danny.” She put her hand on his arm to stop him. “Listen to me. I need you to stay here because you are my reason to come home.”
Copyright
First published 2015
by Black & White Publishing Ltd
29 Ocean Drive, Edinburgh EH6 6JL
www.blackandwhitepublishing.com
This electronic edition published in 2015
ISBN: 978 1 78530 022 6 in EPub format
ISBN: 978 1 78530 008 0 in paperback format
Copyright © Mairi Wilson 2015
The right of Mairi Wilson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
Ebook compilation by RefineCatch Ltd, Bungay
