by Linda Ford
She forced herself to breathe in and out as she waited for him to explain.
“I can’t continue to take Polly on the trail. She lost her uncle while traveling and almost lost me. What kind of life is that for a child?”
She made noises of agreement, wondering where this conversation was going.
“She needs a home.”
“I agree.” Mary Mae’s heart thumped with anticipation. “Are you going to give her one?”
He stopped. He looked into the distance as if examining what his future would look like if he made a home for them… for Polly, she corrected quickly. He brought his gaze to hers and she forgot to breathe at the look she saw.
“I’m thinking about it. Maybe I’ll go with Luke and Donna Grace to California.” His eyes were full of promises. “Does that surprise you?”
“A little.” She waited, her gaze never leaving his, hoping there was more. But he turned away without asking if she wanted to be part of the home he considered.
She swallowed back her disappointment. What did she expect? Besides, she had to go on to Santa Fe and help Sophia.
But if he asked to make a home with her, would she say yes? Did she trust him enough to give up her plans? To take the chance that she would be disappointed?
She could almost imagine herself agreeing. For Polly’s sake, she told herself firmly.
But Polly’s future had nothing to do with the way her heart pressed against her ribs, aching to hear a word, any word that indicated Warren saw her in his plans.
It took every bit of self-control on Warren’s part not to ask Mary Mae to help him make a home for Polly. Instead, he said, “You’ll be going on to Santa Fe and your friend?”
“As soon as we can safely travel.”
He ignored the pain that gripped his heart. He’d known what her answer would be. He would volunteer to accompany her, taking Polly with them, but she’d been very clear that she had no interest in marriage. Even spending the night with him during a snowstorm didn’t persuade her to change her mind. She didn’t trust men and he couldn’t be certain he would not fail her just as he’d failed Gina. Oh, not in the same way, but in some other, perhaps worse, way.
“And then what will you do?” he asked, needing to know she would be okay.
“Sophia and I always talked about opening a feeding establishment. We both like to cook. We could support ourselves and the baby that way.”
“Your plans are well laid out.” He’d hoped for a hint of uncertainty. But her friend needed her and Mary Mae was not one to renege on her commitments. He dropped the subject and soon afterwards, they returned to the campsite.
The next day, Bent’s Fort came into sight in the late afternoon. The mood, as they made camp, was almost party-like. He did not feel like celebrating. The future would bring changes he didn’t welcome.
Polly joined him, sitting cross-legged beside him. “We’ll be there tomorrow.” She sounded as mournful as he felt.
He wished he could offer her something to cheer her up, but he wasn’t about to promise her a forever home until he sorted out some details. The thought of a forever home without Mary Mae to share it left him cold and lonely.
Mary Mae took Elena from Donna Grace and came to Warren’s side. “They’re all excited about reaching the Fort.” He knew she meant Donna Grace and Luke, Judith and Gil. “To them, it’s the beginning of their new lives.”
“Are they going to have Christmas?” Polly asked.
“I suppose so.” Mary Mae sounded cheerful though Warren noticed her eyes remained flat. “We can, too. What would you like to do?”
Polly sighed. “It won’t be the same without Uncle Sam.” Her voice broke.
Warren and Mary Mae reached for the child at the same time. Their arms crossed. He stifled an urge to pull them both into a tight embrace and settled for lifting Polly to his knees.
“Uncle Sam would want you to be happy.”
Polly nodded. “I know. Mostly I am. But—” Her lips quivered. “This Christmas was supposed to be different.”
He didn’t need to ask what she meant.
Mary Mae’s dark eyes asked a question. Why didn’t he tell Polly he thought about going west with the others.
He shook his head. He wasn’t about to offer the child something more to be disappointed about. When he reached the Fort he had to sell Sam’s goods and do something about his abandoned wagons. He had to think if he could go to California while Mary Mae went to Santa Fe. Could he persuade her to make a little room in her heart and life for him?
Pete began to play the harmonica, this time without the customary sad song he began with. Several of the teamsters danced jigs.
Polly gave Warren a teasing grin. “Do the jig with me.” He allowed her to pull him to his feet and together they jumped and kicked. The other couples were likewise enjoying the music.
He bent over to whisper in her ear. “Do you think I should ask Mary Mae to dance with me?”
Polly’s eyes caught the reflection of the flames and her smile glowed. “Yes, you should.” She dropped his hands and stepped back.
Warren bowed before Mary Mae. “Would you join me?”
She blinked. “I have Elena.”
Mrs. Shepton took the baby. “You go enjoy yourself.”
He drew Mary Mae to her feet and led her to the open area. The music carried them along. He felt it in every inch of his body. A lightness and a joy that came not only from the happy tunes, but from the magic of the moment shared with Mary Mae.
He looked into her eyes, believed he saw his joy reflected in hers. But it could simply be wishful thinking on his part. Still, they kicked and stomped until they were both weak from laughter. He led her back to the campfire and they sat side by side. He still held her hand. Had she forgotten, or was she content to stay close and connected?
Tightness that had nothing to do with breathlessness from dancing, caught at his lungs.
Tomorrow they would arrive at the Fort and he’d have to make some firm plans. His heart ached as he wondered if there was any room for him in Mary Mae’s plans.
14
Mary Mae hugged to herself the memory of those few special moments with Warren when she felt as if she was the most important person in the world to him. The way he held her hand, the way he smiled down at her and laughed along with her. If only they could stay this way.
But tomorrow they would reach the Fort. If not for her promise to Sophia, she would agree to accompany Donna Grace and Luke west. And hope and pray that Warren would grow to share her feelings. She could no longer deny that she loved him and wanted to share his life.
However their paths did not match.
She had wondered why he didn’t tell Polly he planned to go west with the others. But perhaps he wasn’t willing to commit to the decision. She understood how hard it was for him to think of taking on family responsibilities, but now that Polly was under his care, he already had them. Didn’t he want someone to share them?
Or did he think to protect himself by not adding to them?
She unburdened her heart in prayer. God, help me accept whatever the future holds, but please, can you see that Polly and Warren find a happy home even if I’m not to be a part of it?
The words of sacrifice ached through her, but when morning came, she rose with resolve enough to carry her through. She would do what must be done and she would do it in God’s strength and with His grace.
She took her place beside Warren on the wagon seat as they made the last leg of this part of the journey. Polly talked on and on about the Christmas celebration the others had told her about.
“We’ll have a parade just like they do in Santa Fe. We’ll celebrate baby Jesus’ birth. We’ll have a piñata if there is one at the Fort or maybe Donna Grace will make one. She says she knows how. Then on January sixth we’ll have gifts just like the wise men did.” She bounced as she talked. “They brought gold, frankincense and myrrh. I suppose we might be able to find gold, but I don
’t know about the others.”
Mary Mae relaxed and smiled as she listened to Polly. It was nice to see her happy and looking forward to the season.
They approached the Fort mid-morning. Buck signaled them to circle the wagons. He called for the travellers to follow him. The teamsters stayed with the wagons. Mary Mae clutched Warren’s hand. Polly hopped along beside them. Mary Mae had only been here once before on her way to Independence, and they had only passed by. Even then she had been fascinated by the look of the place. It stood next to the river like a big square castle with walls of adobe and watchtowers at the corners.
The wide doors opened to allow them entrance. Inside, two stories of rooms circled the open patio area. In the middle of the courtyard, a stack of furs had been pressed into a bundle.
Men rushed forward to greet Gil, Buck, Warren and Luke as old friends.
One looked past. “Where’s Sam?”
“My uncle died,” Polly said.
Immediately she was patted and consoled.
There were women in the fort, too. One watched from a doorway, a baby in her arms.
Mary Mae stared and rushed forward. “Sophia, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Sophia grabbed her arm. “Don’t call me that. I go by Greta here.”
“Greta? Why? How did you get here?”
Sophia—or Greta—drew her into the narrow room behind her. “I ran away. Paid a teamster to take me. Told him I had to join family in Independence, but I only got this far before the teamster refused to take me anymore. Said he didn’t want the responsibility of a woman and baby.” She shifted the baby. “Meet my son, Cole. That isn’t what we named him to begin with, but I don’t want anyone knowing who he really is.” She caught Mary Mae’s arm. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”
“Donna Grace is here. She’ll recognize you.”
Greta—would she ever be comfortable calling her friend that name?—turned away for a moment then faced Mary Mae with eyes full of despair. “Please speak to her and get her to promise. I must not let anyone know who I am. I know my in-laws will be looking for me. They want to take Cole away.” Tears pooled in Greta’s eyes.
“I’ll speak to Donna Grace. I’m sure she’d understand. You have my word I won’t tell anyone.” She slipped from the room and rejoined the others who were touring the place. The men eagerly told Donna Grace and Judith all the wonders of the fort. She caught the description of the blacksmith shop. She caught her sister’s arm and pulled her aside and explained the situation. “Promise you’ll keep her secret.”
“I promise. I know what it’s like to have a secret you don’t want discovered.”
The sisters squeezed hands and followed the men as they went around the inside of the fort, talking business.
Greta stepped into the open as they reached that spot of the fort. “Mary Mae, Donna Grace, imagine meeting you here.” Her gaze sought Mary Mae’s and the latter gave a little nod.
Mary Mae went to her friend’s side. “This is Greta whom we knew back in Santa Fe.” She introduced her friends. But as she introduced Warren it hit her that she no longer had to go to Santa Fe. But how could she tell him without revealing Greta’s secret?
The question haunted her as their host invited them to join him for supper. Letty, the host’s dark-skinned cook, set before them a bountiful meal, complete with fresh bread. Mary Mae would have enjoyed the food better if her mind wasn’t so tangled with concern about her friend and the predicament it put her in.
Sleeping arrangements were soon made. The three married couples were offered rooms. Mary Mae and Polly would share Greta’s quarters and the other men would return to the wagons.
Warren looked from Mary Mae to Polly. “I suppose you’ll be okay.”
She nodded. It would seem strange not to have him nearby.
He squeezed her shoulder, hugged Polly and left. She stared after him until he left the fort.
Donna Grace turned to Polly as they prepared to part for the night. “Would you care to come with me and keep Anna company tonight?”
Polly looked from one sister to the other, her uncertainty plain.
“It’s going to be new and strange for Anna,” Donna Grace added. “I think she might need a friend.”
“Okay.” Polly took Anna’s hand and climbed the stairs to the sleeping quarters.
“This will give you a chance to find out what’s going on with Sophia,” Donna Grace whispered.
“Don’t call her that.” Mary Mae looked about to make sure no one had heard.
“I know. I’ll be careful.” The sisters parted ways and Mary Mae slipped into Greta’s small room. The baby slept on a pallet in the corner. The two women sat with their backs against the wall.
“Now tell me everything,” Mary Mae said.
Sophia shuddered and caught Mary Mae’s hand. “It was awful when Max was killed. Everyone had an opinion about what should happen to me and Maxie. The Lorenzos—” She named her husband’s family—“Said I had no means of taking care of Maxie and tried to take him. I hid with Mrs. Ryder for a time. I was afraid to go out. Afraid of every little sound for fear someone was going to snatch my baby.”
“Did you go to my grandfather?”
“I did.” Greta removed her hand. “He told me my son would be better off raised by the Lorenzos. Said he deserved to be raised Spanish, not American.”
Mary Mae found Greta’s hand and held it tight. “I’m sorry. That’s what Donna Grace predicted would happen, but I truly thought he would help, if only because I asked him.” Why did she continue to put so much faith in the men in her life?
Sophia continued. “I only have one place to go… my aunt in Independence. I’ve not been in contact with her, but I’m hoping she’ll allow me to stay with her until I sort out my options. Of course, I’m not even sure she’s still there or even still alive.” She shook her head. “This isn’t how I expected things to turn out. But enough about me. Tell me about your journey.”
Mary Mae told how her father had promised to take them back to Santa Fe, but then decided at the last minute not to go. “The wagon master wouldn’t let us go without a male escort.” She chuckled. “That’s when Luke offered to marry Donna Grace who was obviously expecting a baby.” Mary Mae explained how her sister had been duped into marrying a man who already had a wife, and how he left after getting her pregnant. Seems all the men Mary Mae encountered proved to be less than trustworthy.
Was Warren an exception? She liked to think so. He’d never given her any reason to doubt him. She told her friend of the adventures of the trail.
“Who is this Warren that you mention so often? Is he the man I saw hovering over you in the yard?”
“Warren? He asked me to marry him.” Now why had she said that?
Sophia sat up and stared at her. “You’re getting married and you didn’t think that was the most important thing you should tell me?”
Mary Mae shook her head. “I said no.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to depend on a man. They’re generally undependable. Besides, I was going to find you and help you, and he’s thinking of joining his brother and sister in moving west. Guess he’ll make a home out there with Polly.” No doubt he would find someone to be Polly’s mother. She pressed a hand to her solar plexus to still the pain brought on by that thought.
If not for her promise to keep Sophia’s identity a secret, she would tell Warren she planned to join the party going west.
Sophia sat back with a sigh. “I’m so glad I got out of Santa Fe. Now if I can get out of here.”
“Donna Grace and Luke, Judith and Gil are planning to go to California as soon as it’s safe to travel over the mountains. You could go with them.”
“Sounds nice.”
But Mary Mae heard doubt and fear in her friend’s voice. “I’ll talk to the others about it.” They’d welcome Sophia and encourage her.
It would leave Mary Mae free to do what she wanted
.
Did she even know what that was?
Warren returned to camp with the other men. He and Buck sat across from each other and stared into the campfire.
“It’s awfully quiet,” Warren said.
Buck laughed. “You mean apart from them.” He tipped his head toward the teamsters’ camp where they partied, dancing to Pete’s lively music.
Warren chuckled, realizing he had revealed far more than he intended to.
Buck stretched his legs out. “Why don’t you and that gal get married?”
“You heard me ask her. Heard her refuse.”
“Can’t say as I blame her for turning down that offer of marriage. I’m thinking a gal wants to be asked because of how a fella feels, not because he’s been bullied into it.”
“Could be.” He knew how he felt, but he didn’t know her feelings. If he did, if they were what he wanted them to be, he would go to Santa Fe with her. He would make a home with her wherever they needed to be.
He tumbled that thought about in his head. Perhaps it was time to take steps to prove he was willing. If she saw that he meant to stand by her, she would be more agreeable to any offer he brought forth.
By morning, he knew what he must do. First, he spoke to his usual teamsters and got their agreement to take enough yoke of oxen back to the abandoned wagons. “Bring whatever is left.” He’d sell everything and use the money to start over.
After that, he went in search of Luke. “I’m thinking I’ll go west with you.”
Luke slapped him on the back. “Good news. What about Mary Mae?”
“She needs to get to Santa Fe. I thought you might wait for me to take her there and come back.”
Luke shook his head. “Sure would like to, but don’t know how long we can delay. You might have to follow later.”
“I could do that.” It would be so much better if they traveled together. “I’ve sent some men back to see about my wagons.”
“I wonder if there will be anything left of them.”
He well knew the possibility that someone would have come upon them and stolen what they could and even burned what was left out of sheer malice. “I have to find out.”
